Tweens/Teens and Phones

[CaptainAmerica]

how old are your kids? I hope you will reconsider. It’s a whole different world than how we grew up. My son is expected to use his phone to Google things in class etc. local Theme parks encourage ticketless etc. now don’t get me started on the economic disparity of all this but truly it’s almost a necessity for this generation.

I say this as someone who didn’t get her first smartphone until 2010 and thought the fad would end. . Now that doesn’t mean my son had social media etc. but it really is a different world these days.

Have you seen the statistics on pornography addiction among teenage boys? No thank you.

 

[mjkacmom]

Have you seen the statistics on pornography addiction among teenage boys? No thank you.

Can’t they watch porn anywhere? What if they want to go to a concert? Sporting event? Need a GPS? Have a social life? I’m pretty sure video game addiction is a much bigger issue than porn.

 

[Turn the Page]

Have you seen the statistics on pornography addiction among teenage boys? No thank you.

This and depression/anxiety in teen girls. We finally caved and got DD15 smart phone a year and a half ago and she has struggled with anxiety and depression ever since. I'm not saying the smart phone caused it entirely but certainly made it much worse. I really wish we hadn't gotten her one.

 

[piglet1979]

I really don't want to start a debate at all, but I am curious - for those of you with teens/tweens, at what age did they get (or do you plan to get) a phone? There are many factors we are considering at our house - responsibility, maturity, the fact that we don't have a home phone, grades, going to friends houses, etc.

I will go on to say that my daughter is 11, fifth grade, and we are debating this Christmas, the end of the school year, or the beginning of next school year. Fourth grade was TOUGH at our house with two working parents and her trying to tackle virtual learning. She ended the year very frustrated and low confidence - we told her if she made Straight A's in fifth grade, she would get a phone at the end of the year.

in the meantime, I thought about this Christmas as a complete surprise (she truly would not expect it) but it would be my old iPhone 8 and she wouldn't take it to school. (for the record, she does, indeed, have Straight A's thus far). Come May, we will hold up our end of the bargain if she has the grades. In August it will be necessary because she is riding the bus home to an empty house for a couple of hours till we get off work, and we do not have a home phone..

Again, this is just some thoughts, nothing in stone, I am just curious as to what others have done.

My kids had a prepaid flip phone when they were in 4th and 5th grade. They shared it and it was used when they went on bike rides or if we didn't stay at their practices. When they both went to DC with the school (6th and 7th grade) we got a second on so they each had one.

We got both kids a smart phone in August of 2020. It was only because we got a good deal. We are now paying less or the same with 4 lines then we did with 2. We have talked about it this fall and if we didn't get it for them last year we would have this year. They are a freshman and sophomore and bath are playing JV soccer and marching band. They are also going out more with friends. Both soccer teams used apps on the phone for communication so they really needed to have a smart phone. We were glad that we already had them.

 

[stsomewhere]

Phones are pretty much a requirement at our high school. They use a lot of apps in class for various things.

Ours started using apps in class in junior high.

 

[Turn the Page]

It's interesting to me the number of people reporting their kids started using apps in middle school classes when our local districts claimed they couldn't do remote learning in spring 2020 because not enough kids had devices.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

It's interesting to me the number of people reporting their kids started using apps in middle school classes when our local districts claimed they couldn't do remote learning in spring 2020 because not enough kids had devices.

This is a community of people who visit Walt Disney World frequently. The districts that don't have devices (or funding for devices) are either poor-rural or poor-urban. Different demographics.

 

[MamaMermaid]

For the record, I'm 30 so things were very different. I got my first cell phone (no internet on phones then!) at 11 because I started riding the train to school.

I have no idea what we will do with our son (he's only almost 4). I assume 5th/6th grade is the right choice. Such a tough decision!

 

[tvguy]

Official vs unofficial. I think you’d be surprised what actually happens on campuses.

And that’s the whole point. Districts do control what is put on school issued devices, which IS their limitation and why phones are necessary. Often what happens at an admin level doesn’t reflect the necessity in the classroom.

That said, our high school does allow students to bring their own devices instead of using the school issued ones.

No, I know. I was on the Little League Board with a woman who was a substitute teacher who was always telling us what banned items she used to find in teacher's desks, or ON teacher desks.

 

[HopperFan]

Mine each got a phone in middle school WHEN they began working. They were soccer referees, there were no phones at the fields so it was important. I stayed aware of how much they were on them and they knew if too much they might have to get put on the counter. They didn't go to school and at night they charged in the kitchen, not their rooms.

They had full access to them in high school. They both did afterschool sports year round, so absolutely needed them at school. At that point school was strict with use so they were very careful.

My sister and brother's kids bugged them - younger than ours - so in elementary school they had iPods. You could get on the internet in the house with them. By time they got cell phones in middle school, I know my sister limited their time on them, they parked / charged them in the kitchen for years.

 

[Colleen27]

My older two got their phones when they started middle school, because that's when youth activities around here shift from parent drivers and evening practices to after school practices and buses to games. So that's when they started needing to be able to send a text if the bus was early or late, let me know if they were going home with a friend after practice, etc. The youngest got hers at the same age just because the precedent had been set, though she has fewer activities with that sort of time-related uncertainty and I'm a parent volunteer for quite a few of them.

 

[mom2rtk]

There is a HUGE difference between a phone and a smartphone as far as I'm concerned. My kids will not have smartphones until they're grown and out of the house. They'll get a plain old dumb phone with talk and text when they start after school activities in middle school.

I hope you'll report back in when your kids are in high school. Reality is never quite the same as you expect.

 

[bushdianee]

One of my nieces got one at 10 because she had a long bus ride to and from school. After her bus was late a few times and no contact she was given a phone with no internet. I think that lasted about a year before she got a smart phone. My nephew was 12, again he was riding a bus and his bus had been in an accident and my sister had no idea where or how he was for about 2 hours. He had been taken to a hospital to be checked out and she had to find out which one on her own. His sister was 10 when she got hers just because she wanted one. Just a few weeks ago the two siblings had a bad bus driver and they were able to call their parents who called the bus company and the police. So in my family at least riding a school bush is a good reason for kids to have a phone.

 

[mmbrad02]

I'm not really big on making things contingent on grades especially if you're dealing with someone who has confidence issues. Schooling and how well you do isn't just about "are you taking it seriously or not" which is more about maturity. Getting a specific grade in school is as much about how the grading is as it is about how a person learns and intakes information. That's coming from someone who grew up where only As and Bs were really considered acceptable but I tell you what in high school I really struggled with physics something about that just didn't click in my brain, I think I ended up with a B barely but it wasn't easy. Then again I wasn't paid for chores they were just expected to be done. The only exception to that was detailing the cars for which I did get money from.

I have to confess this was a bad decision on our part. I think all we did was increase anxiety. And now I'm trying to figure out how to back peddle without giving in and her thinking she has a free ticket this year. At our school, a 90-100 is an A. Today she got a 89% on a social studies test and was freaking out.

 

[mmbrad02]

December of 5th grade. It was a necessity for mine starting in 6th grade, but I did it at the end of elementary because it was easier for me to monitor and establish rules while they were still in elementary. I monitored their texts (even intervening on group chats when I thought things were going off the rails). I could do that with my 5th graders at their small elementary school without causing social problems for them. If I had waited until middle school it could have had negative consequences for them socially. So I wanted to be able to teach them what I thought was appropriate before the peer pressure of middle school took over.

You read my mind here. This was one reason I considered Christmas this year, so we could establish some good firm rules before she is in a position to need a phone.

 

[mmbrad02]

This has been an enlightening discussion! For the record my daughter currently has zero social media outside of Youtube. We will hold out on social media for as long as possible; I agree with those of you that said that's worse than the phone. Most days I feel like I should walk away from my own!

We have a lot of limits already set on our home network. She has used an ipad for years already knows we will pick it up and check it at any time, and also take it away at any time.

 

[Boopuff]

Our girls got no-frills phones in middle school. Once they were really in sports/activities. I think they got their first iPhone in late high school and they had jobs so they contributed to the cost. They had to relinquish the phones at bedtime (we saw that glimmer under the sheets and pulled the plug). if phone abuse occurred, DH was quick to change the WiFi password (no data on their lines). I’m really glad social media wasn’t a huge thing for them. I know my oldest had a “my space” account (remember that!)

 

[unrequited23]

We established the no phone until you are 15 or 16 depending on how responsible you are rule starting in kindergarten (a much older cousin had a phone.) I'm contemplating caving because now 8th grade has been moved to the High School.

Every school district is different, but I was surprised to see phones as a necessity for class in some areas. That would not fly in my area. The district has always provided devices needed for class from TI-95 calculators back in the '90s to hotspots for families without internet in 2020.

 

[MickeyMouse3!]

We must be the meanest parents around. We didn't get our kids a cell phone until they started driving. We felt that if they were driving, there are no pay phones around for them to use if needed. We also felt a cellphone would be a bad influence with all the social media apps available to them and the drama that goes along with it. We do have a landline still, so there is a phone available for them to use. We know...texting...it seems is the only way teens communicate. To each their own as the saying goes.

 

[ljcrochet]

My girls got their phones for Chanukah during 5th grade. Originally we were going to wait till the end of the school year.
First day with phone school bus broke down and was smoking. My girls were able to call and let me know what was going on.
6th grade teachers told them take pictures of the homework on the board.

My girls are in 11th grade. No way could they not have a phone. Teachers, clubs and athletics all use app that you can’t use on a computer like WhatsApp ( need a cell phone to set it up before you us eon the computer), band and a few others. Plus all the study groups .