Tweens and hair color

[Mrs.AMC]

It's the cost that would be the issue for me. I let DD (who is naturally blonde) get her ends dyed blue when she finished middle school. It was just under $100 to have it done, and it looked great, for the 4 *days* that it lasted. Our tap water has rather a lot of chlorine in it, and the dye did not stand up to it at all. (It was permanent dye, but had not been lifted.) She was heartbroken when it was gone within a week, but I drew the line at repeating that spend, not to mention the 2 hours that it took to process.

Good news. Potentially, unless one wants to use the washing out as a good excuse to skip the fashion colors.
There are now fashion colors that use developer and will not wash out from unlifted hair. They won't show up if it's not light enough but will show up in blonde hair, even cover grey hair. Last as long as any dye that you mix with developer. 4-6 weeks. Some fading but not significant. I've been using one for about 4 years now.

 

[elgerber]

I would yes.

 

[kerry1379]

Like a PP said, I would have her check her school's dress code but most schools around here at least tend to be pretty lenient. Then I would also suggest (if Mom approves) something temporary and see how she likes it and if she is willing to take the extra care that color treated hair requires. Then lastly, if she is truly wanting this, what about a baylage? (Not sure I am spelling that right.) Granted, I would recommend that be done professionally and it will cost a very pretty penny. But the nice thing about them is that you don't have to do any upkeep if you don't want too. They generally last me two years where I don't do anything extra at all-just my regular trims. I have had very subtle and more dramatic baylages done. Benefit of color but they grow out more blended with the real hair color.

 

[Mrs.AMC]

Like a PP said, I would have her check her school's dress code but most schools around here at least tend to be pretty lenient. Then I would also suggest (if Mom approves) something temporary and see how she likes it and if she is willing to take the extra care that color treated hair requires. Then lastly, if she is truly wanting this, what about a baylage? (Not sure I am spelling that right.) Granted, I would recommend that be done professionally and it will cost a very pretty penny. But the nice thing about them is that you don't have to do any upkeep if you don't want too. They generally last me two years where I don't do anything extra at all-just my regular trims. I have had very subtle and more dramatic baylages done. Benefit of color but they grow out more blended with the real hair color.

And check for extra curricular activity rules. We can only do the colors in summer. Marching band won’t allow fashion color. School doesn’t care

 

[CO2CA]

Absolutely not. I would not allow my child to color their hair until they are 18, same with piercings other than ears but for ears they need to be 12.

Too many chemicals and I want my child to know they are beautiful the way God made them. Self expression comes through creating art and choosing clothing, not through body modification. It is fine for others to have differing opinions, but as for my family this is not something we do.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Absolutely not. I would not allow my child to color their hair until they are 18, same with piercings other than ears but for ears they need to be 12.

Too many chemicals and I want my child to know they are beautiful the way God made them. Self expression comes through creating art and choosing clothing, not through body modification. It is fine for others to have differing opinions, but as for my family this is not something we do.

ear piercings are body modification..

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it's fine, I do agree about going from dark to blond as that can be tricky. Is there someone at a salon you could consult with first just to know?

Personally I haven't dyed my hair I like it the way it is at the moment although I have no problem with dying in the future.

I've known a lot of people who have dyed them from teal to blue to pink to going from brown to more black to going from lighter brown to a very dark brown.

 

[CO2CA]

ear piercings are body modification..

Thanks, though I'm not dense.

Single ear piercings are the only modification that I will allow at 12 years old.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm not sure hair color would be a battle I'd fight but I have a boy that's 5 so time will tell.
What I wouldn't do it try to talk my sibling into allowing a nice or nephew to die theirs. That is between the 2 of them.

This is what's been on my mind since I first read the OP. Whether or not hair colour is a big deal at 12 isn't really for us to decide; it has to be up to the niece's parents. I do hope the aunt understands 12 is the age when a lot of girls start to butt heads with their mothers. It's normal, but can be very difficult for all involved, for years. DON'T contribute to that by egging the niece on, or vilifying her parents, in an effort to be the "cool aunt". Please just don't.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Thanks, though I'm not dense.

Single ear piercings are the only modification that I will allow at 12 years old.

Didn't say you were dense. Doesn't make sense to use the body modification rationale nor how god may you but then be okay with piercings because that is altering a body however minor you may find it.

Dying hair which grows out being a no but allowing a hole to be forever on someone would make me think your issue lies elsewhere. Tis all.

 

[Lisa_lvspplmvr]

12 is too young for me . Once you start you never stop . Your hair is never the same . I would wait a couple of years.

 

[DodgerGirl]

I had always wanted to color my hair when I was a kid because I would see all the celebrities have colored hair and I wanted my hair to be colored like that but my mom wouldn't let me and so she started buying me hair extensions which I truly liked even better and I had hair extensions in blonde and red and I even had a hair extension of cornrow braids like Bob Marley had and I just loved experimenting with my hair. Later on I got washable hair mascara and I would wear it sometimes to add highlights to my bangs and it was great and then after seeing Venus and Serena Williams make their tennis debut together I wanted to wear beads in my hair just like them. If your daughter is serious about hair color try getting her hair extensions at first as a starter thing then move on to washable hair mascara later. By the way if my hair was colored I would choose pink and add gray highlights to the tips of my hair so it would represent Vision from Marvel Comics

 

[PollyannaMom]

I would be OK with it as long she was willing to pay for it herself.

I agree that today's kids have so little control over their time, that they need control over something.

 

[MamaMermaid]

I'd let her get a partial hightlight.

 

[isabellea]

My DD is 12yo and we did micro highlights in June. Her blond hair is getting darker and she wanted her old colour back.

She goes to private school and they have strict rules regarding hair colour. Blond highlights are okay but red or blue wouldn’t be allowed.

 

[disney212]

I allowed my daughter to dye hers in middle school, she is blonde and wanted Carmel highlights, it's just hair. I had strict parents, no hair dye until 18, no dating until 16 (I mean I was not allowed to go a dance with a boy even though each set of parents were dropping us off and picking us up separate), etc. I rebelled big time (got married when I turned 18 and bleached my hair)/ I was very lax with my kids, as long as I know where and who your with no curfew, never laid a rule down until asked. I told my kids I know there is nothing you can do at 2am that you can't do at 2 pm. Mine grew up fine, both have masters degrees, never been in trouble, have good jobs and are upstanding citizens. I also chose to allow them to decide if they wanted anything pierced. My DD wanted to at 8 and she was responsible for caring for them, with my over sight and she did great. DS has never had anything pierced. I remember the hideous blue eyeshadow we would put on in the girls bathroom before school in Jr high, wasn't allowed to wear makeup until I was 16. When my DD started expressing an interest in make up I booked her an appointment with a makeup artist who taught her the right way to wear it. Kids are going to figure out a way, so I rather mine be taught correctly.

 

[Mrs.AMC]

I allowed my daughter to dye hers in middle school, she is blonde and wanted Carmel highlights, it's just hair. I had strict parents, no hair dye until 18, no dating until 16 (I mean I was not allowed to go a dance with a boy even though each set of parents were dropping us off and picking us up separate), etc. I rebelled big time (got married when I turned 18 and bleached my hair)/ I was very lax with my kids, as long as I know where and who your with no curfew, never laid a rule down until asked. I told my kids I know there is nothing you can do at 2am that you can't do at 2 pm. Mine grew up fine, both have masters degrees, never been in trouble, have good jobs and are upstanding citizens. I also chose to allow them to decide if they wanted anything pierced. My DD wanted to at 8 and she was responsible for caring for them, with my over sight and she did great. DS has never had anything pierced. I remember the hideous blue eyeshadow we would put on in the girls bathroom before school in Jr high, wasn't allowed to wear makeup until I was 16. When my DD started expressing an interest in make up I booked her an appointment with a makeup artist who taught her the right way to wear it. Kids are going to figure out a way, so I rather mine be taught correctly.

Exact way I went with mine. Though I wasn't brought up strict.
I just didn't see the point in the arbitrary age related rules for make up and such.
Funny thing is, mine had no interest in it till she was much older. Not for day to day live. She was a competitive dancer starting at 7 so wore makeup for that. There was no novelty about it for her. She had enough of it on stage and didn't want to bother with it going to school too. It was a relief to not wear it. I did take her to a make up counter for a artist to show her a more natural way to apply it vs. the over done stage look. For when she did want to wear it.
It is often funny that when they are given permission for something, they loose their interest in exploring that same thing
Making it forbidden is what make it tempting so often.

 

[disney212]

Exact way I went with mine. Though I wasn't brought up strict.
I just didn't see the point in the arbitrary age related rules for make up and such.
Funny thing is, mine had no interest in it till she was much older. Not for day to day live. She was a competitive dancer starting at 7 so wore makeup for that. There was no novelty about it for her. She had enough of it on stage and didn't want to bother with it going to school too. It was a relief to not wear it. I did take her to a make up counter for a artist to show her a more natural way to apply it vs. the over done stage look. For when she did want to wear it.
It is often funny that when they are given permission for something, they loose their interest in exploring that same thing
Making it forbidden is what make it tempting so often.

Completely agree! Forbidden fruit is the sweetest, lol. Once my daughter tried make up (she was in theater so had worn stage makeup) on a daily basis she decided the extra 10 minutes of sleep was better than putting on makeup. I hated rules with the "because I said so" being the reason. Still do and I'm in my 50s!

 

[tink89]

DD is now in high school but when she was about 8 she had asked to die her hair blue. Like all her hair. I told her when she was 12 or in middle school, we would talk about it. Of course, I had forgotten but she had not. When she was 12 she asked and I compromised to only do her ends. She was thrilled. This was during the pandemic so we had a bit more time on our hands. She ended up dying two more colors after that and now in high school, she says she is done with that and just wants her dark hair to grow out more so she can cut off all the bleached ends.

it is only hair and it will grow out. I would not let my daughter do a whole head of color even now in high school. Maybe highlights/lowlights to give her a more blonde look would be a good compromise. I would also make sure to have a talk with her about the reason behind it. Either reason is fine but I do think it's good have a talk.

I do like to remind her at times that I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom is what I always tell her (fyi this is a joke from mean girls)
To which she replies "mom, that is soo cringe".

 

[Colleen27]

It's just hair, it grows back. My kids started experimenting with color around that age and are still doing it - my 20yo currently has red (like Crayola red, not natural redhead red) hair with blue tips. Middle child bounces between her natural ginger and dyed black, though she's debating pink as a back-to-school look. She's only been able to play with unnatural colors over summers so far because of a strict private school dress code, so the shift to public school where they don't forbid wild colors is a temptation to do something really different.