Thoughts on Office Gift Exchange

[kerry1379]

White Elephant gifts are supposed to be weird/funny/ridiculous. The more so the better! Usually like $10 maximum. $50 minimum-yikes! I can't even think what you are supposed to buy? $50 is a very nice gift not a white elephant gift (and in my mind more for family!).

 

[Living42Day]

Thank you all for the continued replies. I am so glad to know I'm not crazy!

I was worried about posting on here, thinking most would say "that is a totally normal amount to exchange with coworkers!" and feel obligated to do it every year.

I like the idea of finding a new job by Christmas - haha! I do very much love my job, but my coworkers can be an interesting bunch to work with.

 

[ronandannette]

Thank you all for the continued replies. I am so glad to know I'm not crazy!

I was worried about posting on here, thinking most would say "that is a totally normal amount to exchange with coworkers!" and feel obligated to do it every year.

I like the idea of finding a new job by Christmas - haha! I do very much love my job, but my coworkers can be an interesting bunch to work with.

I find it weird that it sounds kind of "mandatory" at your work. Are there no employees there that (for whatever reason) don't celebrate Christmas? We've got quite a few and neither they nor anybody else would ever not have the choice to opt out.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I've been working in the same office for 22 years. We have a lunch and then those who want to participate in a gift exchange bring a gift and draw a number. When I started in 2000 the max amount we could spend on the gift was $10. For next month's gift exchange it's still $10. The idea is to make it accessible for everybody who wants to participate.

 

[MrsPete]

I started at my job this year. Being right out of college, I make slightly less than everyone else who has been there for 5+ years. I am also in a different role that doesn't pay as much as their role.

I was just told about an office Christmas party and white elephant gift exchange that they do every year. I was informed that the gift exchange will be $50 minimum, because last year someone bought a "crappy and cheap" gift that one of the boss's got stuck with in white elephant exchange. The gift exchange will occur during normal business hours in the morning in the office.

What are your thoughts if you were presented with this information? What are the norms of gift exchanges at your job?

Bosses, not boss's.

Ways to opt out:
- Can you ask a co-worker who's been around a white -- quietly -- how this has worked out in reality in the past? You know, I'm sure, there's the rule, and then there's what's actually done.
- Speak to your boss privately and explain you don't want to participate. I'm sure you're not the only one.
- You don't owe anyone a reason, but -- if you feel better explaining -- say that you try to keep your Christmas small /buy for immediate family only. Minimalism. Simplicity. Focusing on the celebration rather that commercialism. If you feel it's necessary, you can make a good case.
- If you're not a minimalism-type person and think you can't pull that off, say it's about the money: you're young, you're saving for a house, etc.

I've just retired (and don't miss things like this at all), but at the school where I taught we didn't exchange gifts. Instead, we all brought food to share for lunch the week before Christmas break. We always looked forward to it, and food is less stressful than gifts.

 

[Living42Day]

I find it weird that it sounds kind of "mandatory" at your work. Are there no employees there that (for whatever reason) don't celebrate Christmas? We've got quite a few and neither they nor anybody else would ever not have the choice to opt out.

No, everyone celebrates Christmas in the secular sense of the holiday.

If I don't participate, there would definitely be an awkwardness. Our office has a very "men's locker room" type of atmosphere and a couple of them won't hesitate to call you out or make things awkward if you go against the grain.

 

[Living42Day]

Bosses, not boss's.

Thanks...I should have got my master's in English rather than law I guess.

 

[AMW86]

I'm glad I am not the only one that was taken aback by the $50 minimum. I live in the Pacific Northwest, so was questioning whether it was area specific.

I agreed and was excited to participate, but didn't find out until later that there was a minimum from the coworker arranging it. We all make decent money (like I said, I make about $20,000+ less than all of them but my salary is still very much above the average for household income in our area). I would just rather my money go to my own family.

I work in a small government agency office. If I decline, I would be the only one. The office culture is very homogenous, I'll say that much. It's just a really difficult situation and position to be in.

What would I even buy in the $50-55 price range? And if I buy something for $50, will that be seen as too cheap because someone else spent $100? All around uncomfortable.

I am surprised that a $50 minimum is allowable under government ethics rule. We cap our white elephant at $20 due to ethics rules (federal government)

 

[Living42Day]

I am surprised that a $50 minimum is allowable under government ethics rule. We cap our white elephant at $20 due to ethics rules (federal government)

We're federal too. That is a good point.

 

[AMW86]

We're federal too. That is a good point.

The annual email reminder about the limits will probably be coming the next couple of weeks, but I don't know you could raise it in a way that isn't super awkward or uncomfortable. Maybe something like a "I am new here, can you explain to me whether this is allowable" to your ethics officer (who is hopefully in your HQ office)

 

[CynBeth]

Being a new employee I would suggest you participate and not make any waves. You can get one of those Visa, American Express, etc gift cards in the amount of $50 that way whoever is the one to receive it can use it anywhere.

 

[disneychrista]

No, everyone celebrates Christmas in the secular sense of the holiday.

If I don't participate, there would definitely be an awkwardness. Our office has a very "men's locker room" type of atmosphere and a couple of them won't hesitate to call you out or make things awkward if you go against the grain.

That really sucks and is very immature of your coworkers. Thank goodness that isn’t the case where I work.

 

[Kestryl]

I am surprised that a $50 minimum is allowable under government ethics rule. We cap our white elephant at $20 due to ethics rules (federal government)

That’s why we don’t do this at all- we don’t want scrutiny that we may be going past the limit.

 

[Christine]

To the OP: Maybe it's because you are new and you don't have the vibe of the office yet, but, I've been in *many* offices in my career and all seem to do some form of the Secret Santa exchange. No one has ever cared about someone opting out of it for whateve reason. I'm also in a federal office and, especially, there, no one really seems to care. We have many people that don't participate. Just don't do it. Are you sure that they really care or are you just assuming it's a big deal because you don't really know the work climate yet?

 

[sk!mom]

My work does Secret Santa in December and a gift exchange at the Christmas party. Both are optional. I do Secret Santa some years and others skip it. This year I’ll likely skip it. Not to sound like an ungrateful snob, but I’m a teacher and already get lots of gifts, that while appreciated, I can’t really use. One person only needs so many holiday mugs. The Secret Santa can be particularly frustrating since we also fill out a “likes” list which includes an “I don’t need more…” and then I’ll still get things that make me feel so ungrateful and wasteful when I know that they will go straight in the donation pile. I live in a smallish house (1700 sf) with a tiny kitchen, I hate clutter, and honestly don’t have room for “stuff.” Every few years I circle back to just skip it. I don’t need more stuff.

The party gift exchange is a Dirty Santa and has evolved into usually alcohol. We keep a stocked home bar so I normally participate since we’ll most likely end up with a bottle of something that we or a guest in our home will enjoy.

In your situation, I’d decline if it felt like too much. I can also remember being early in my career though and feeling like I couldn’t. In that case, I’d haunt the Black Friday sales and try to get something with a $50+ value for a discounted price. If you work is like mine at all, I’d find a bargain on some nice bar or wine glasses and then include a good bottle of something with them. Last year, I snapped up some snow globe wineglasses on a GMA Deal and put them with a really good bottle of wine. It was popular.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I already bought my SS gift a few weeks ago. I actually picked up a nice hydroflask like the ones I posted earlier (and I think I added some candy, I forget exactly but I know there was something else). Where I am, everyone uses them. And, like I said, someone wanted DD’s bad enough to steal it at her gym!

 

[pookybean]

Do you normally like to do these kind of things? If so, I would opt in and budget for the $50. If not, I would opt out. Opting out will set the tone for things you want to do in the office. For far too long I participated (contributed money) to so many office things that I ended up hating. Luncheons that I didn't like the food for, secret santas that people didn't even think of my likes/dislikes and listening to people complain about luncheons that my group planned and facilitated. I finally started declining the year before covid and had to listen to people whine about why I wasn't doing it. I wish I had been the person that didn't participate from the beginning

One of the best things to come from covid and wfh is no more office parties!

 

[GreatLakes]

Every office has it's own culture so you will need to judge based on the culture of the office but if everyone participates I would also participate since I wouldn't want to be the only one that doesn't. It doesn't send a very good message in my opinion but if the place is pretty chill and no one will care if you don't participate then skip it.

 

[LovesTimone]

I started at my job this year. Being right out of college, I make slightly less than everyone else who has been there for 5+ years. I am also in a different role that doesn't pay as much as their role.

I was just told about an office Christmas party and white elephant gift exchange that they do every year. I was informed that the gift exchange will be $50 minimum, because last year someone bought a "crappy and cheap" gift that one of the boss's got stuck with in white elephant exchange. The gift exchange will occur during normal business hours in the morning in the office.

What are your thoughts if you were presented with this information? What are the norms of gift exchanges at your job?

Umm... just a thought... your new and if you opt out or don't participate how is this going to reflect on you going forward... lots and lots of politics in office work ... While it should not make a difference, most likely it will... lots of cattiness and gossip's not everyone is like this yet there are always a few .... just putting this out there.

For me I feel 50 dollars is alot for an office Christmas party... You can get a nice gift, and do it under 50, and make it seem like its worth 50 bucks... For instants and this is just a suggestion... Places like TJ Maxx, Marshall, Home Goods, Hobby Lobby have lots and lots of good stuff, that is nice and for a great price... You can get a Christmas throw or blanket for around 20.00, add in nice small box of chocolates or a ornament, hit the dollar store for a Christmas bag and tissue, maybe a big bow, presentation is everything... and get out for around 30 to 35 dollars.. another thought is a nice mug with difference kinds of coffee or tea, throw in some candy, again presentation is everything.. I picked up a Santa Cookie plate and milk glass set one year, and some fancy cookies and treats, and it was a big hit...

 

[HopperFan]

I started at my job this year. Being right out of college, I make slightly less than everyone else who has been there for 5+ years. I am also in a different role that doesn't pay as much as their role.

I was just told about an office Christmas party and white elephant gift exchange that they do every year. I was informed that the gift exchange will be $50 minimum, because last year someone bought a "crappy and cheap" gift that one of the boss's got stuck with in white elephant exchange. The gift exchange will occur during normal business hours in the morning in the office.

What are your thoughts if you were presented with this information? What are the norms of gift exchanges at your job?

$50 minimum on a co-worker? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

If they want to do a Secret Santa for $15 or less that is fine, but I would not be participating on anything more. This is what we did where I worked and there were a few people who still did not participate and that is fine too. Give no gift and take no gift.

I would just say "I'm sorry but that is not in my budget so I won't be participating. But if we are bringing in a food item for the party I'd love to do that." No discussion needed.

In our department we all end up buying gifts for each other. We all spend probably $20-30. Of course we all have to chip in for a boss gift too...yea it gets pretty darn expensive at work.

Wait, are you buying a gift for each person in your department for $20-30 each or do you pull names or something?