Chapter 2: For The First Time In Forever
You’re welcome for that earworm.
When you visit Walt Disney World, you’re actually visiting three Disney Worlds in one. The first is Timeless Classic Nostalgia Disney. This is the Disney World that is almost exactly as you remember it from your childhood. It never changes—Peter Pan’s Flight, It’s A Small World, Jungle Cruise, Pirates of th—whoops. Sorry, it almost never changes. This part of Disney draws us back to re-live the great memories of our youth.
The second is Cutting-Edge Breathtaking Technological Advancement Disney. This is the Disney that blows you away with every new attraction they build. It’s the new experience, the exciting, creative How-Did-They-Do-That? sense of wonder that is utterly addictive, and makes you crave more. It draws you back again and again to fee that same sense of astonishment. It sparks the imagination like nothing else.
The third is the one we unfortunately can’t avoid, which is Brazenly Greedy Corporate Disney. This is the Disney that is hell-bent on squeezing every last nickel out of your pockets, whether it be charging for parking at the resorts (despite already high room rates and an ocean of pavement available), closing the parks to regular guests so those who bought extra tickets can party at night, reserving the best fireworks viewing areas for those willing to pay for the dessert party, etc., etc. I understand that Disney is in business to turn a profit, but some of the heavy-handed tactics can really rub you the wrong way. The only way to fight against such practices is to refuse to go, but most of us obviously haven’t reached that tipping point yet.
Over the course of our trip, we would encounter all three versions. After all, they’re all tied together. I’m happy to report that we’d scored a victory over Evil Capitalist Disney. In March, they’d announced that they would begin charging for parking at all of the resorts for all trips booked after a certain date. And wouldn’t you know it—the summer discounts were not offered until just after that date. But we managed to beat the system—we booked a trip on the deadline, and then were able to modify it without cancelling in order to take advantage of the discount. I never got charged for parking. Take that, Evil Corporate Bean-Counters!
Incidentally, the justification given for the parking fee was that “it would bring them in line with industry standards.” In English, that means, “everybody else is doing it.” Funny—I thought you wanted to be above industry standards.
Ahem. Let’s get to the fun stuff. Today would be spent visiting Timeless Classic Nostalgia Disney.
I normally try to avoid the Magic Kingdom on weekends, since it typically draws locals visiting for the day as well as those guests who (like me) have just arrived and figure they need to take little Skeeter and Mary Sue to see the castle right away. The best way to avoid crowds at Disney World is to do the opposite of what most people do. But this was Drew’s first time in the parks. I think it’s a law (or at least Pirate Code) that your very first trip must start with the Magic Kingdom. So we gave in to tradition (and maybe some sentimentality).
We got up early and ate a quick snack for breakfast in the room. The plan was to try and make it to the Magic Kingdom in time for Rope Drop. We had our van with us, but decided to take the bus. I figured I’d drive to every park in order to save time, but in the case of the Magic Kingdom, I wasn’t convinced it would help. By the time we parked, unfolded the stroller, walked to the tram, folded up the stroller, took the tram, unfolded the stroller, walked to the ferry or monorail, folded up the stroller, transferred to the ferry or monorail, rode the ferry or monorail, unfolded the stroller and then made it to the gates, the bus probably would have caught up.
The kids were excited. The adults would be, too, once the coffee kicked in. Someone already had his autograph book at the ready.
One advancement I love at Disney is the TV’s displaying the approximate arrival times of the next bus for each park. One thing I don’t love is the way the times keep fluctuating. We watched in despair as the expected arrival time for the Magic Kingdom bus kept moving backwards: 8:38….8:39…8:46(!)…brief hope as it moved up to 8:43…8:45…etc.
Eventually, the bus showed up and we got on the road. We arrived at the Magic Kingdom just after 9:00. I wasn’t too worried about missing the opening show at the castle. Ever since they moved it and took the train out of the show, I haven’t been as excited. There was something about seeing all of the characters arriving on the train first thing in the morning.
Pro Tip for Dads: do the Dad thing and wear the cargo shorts. I stuffed everything I could into my pockets in order to avoid the bag check line. Totally worth it. I learned this on the first day, when I did not wear cargo shorts.
Of course, Julie had to go through the bag check every day anyway so it didn’t save us any time, but I was still happy to skip it every time I could.
Finally, we were inside the gates! What was the very first thing we did?
Take photos, of course.
We did not in any way plan our outfits for this trip, but I really thought everyone’s t-shirts looked great together in our photos. They really popped with color.
Obligatory family keepsakes done. Time to go to the rides!
When we turned the corner on Main Street, we all turned to Drew. “Hey, Drew. What do you see?”
“Um…Mommy?”
“What about up there?”
“Oh. The castle.”
It’s always a treasured family moment when you build up something for months and get a completely underwhelmed reaction.
Anyway, I know for sure that no matter his outward reaction, Drew was excited to go on some rides. And I can present documented proof. We reached the castle hub and decided it was a good spot for yet another family photo. And when you’re 4 years old and have been looking forward to Disney World for months and your family ALREADY TOOK STUPID PHOTOS JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO, you really don’t want to take photos again. This reaction is totally legitimate. The idea of taking photos again put him in a very foul mood.
On any of our vacations, I usually present a handful for consideration for the family Christmas card, which is kind of pointless because we can never decide on the best one and end up doing one of those collages of all of them where they’re so tiny you can’t really make out what’s in each photo anyway. But this year, it’s no contest. We have a winner. I present the Official 2018 Oblivious Family Christmas Card.
The photographer saw Drew’s reaction and gave us a “what do you want me to do?” look. We just said, “Go ahead! Take the picture!”
Everyone’s smiles look so good because we’re laughing at Drew.
I mean, it just doesn’t get old, does it? Let’s add some extra magic!
Eventually, we got one where you can almost see his face.
Finally, it was time for Drew’s first ride. Our plan for the day was actually to avoid most of the headliners—the idea was to try and warm Drew up slowly, getting him used to the rides, and then gradually move up to the bigger, faster ones. So, even though we had a FP later in the day, we went first to a classic: Peter Pan’s Flight.
We figured that line first thing in the morning was the best it would be all day, and we were right. Drew enjoyed seeing the various rooms along the queue. The he climbed in between Julie and me for a trip in a flying boat…and I’m happy to report that he loved it. You always forget how dark and loud Disney rides can be for little kids (even the tame rides), so that was a relief.
Peter Pan definitely hits the nostalgia spot for me. It's very short, but it feels timeless. I've always had a soft spot for watching the cars move through the streets of London at night--ever since I learned the "headlights" were drops of fluorescent paint on bicycle chains.
Speaking of relief, our next stop was the Tangled Tinkle Spot. Which isn’t all that exciting, but I have to admit that this poster made me laugh:
We continued to play it safe and headed for another classic that we didn’t want to wait long for: Dumbo.
Two rides, two successes. Even if Julie was dumb enough to let Drew have the controls.
We wandered back towards Fantasyland and decided to go for another easy one: the Little Mermaid. But while we were there, we noticed a rather disturbing sight. Beast’s Castle was under siege from GIANT MUTANT CROWS!
We ducked inside the ride in order to avoid being attacked ourselves. And once again, Drew did great. Even the parts of the ride with Ursula in full maniacal laugh didn’t faze him. For the rest of us, the ride is...fine. I don't think any of us go nuts for animatronic dark rides, but it's air-conditioned and the music is good.
At that point, thing were going so well that we decided to test ourselves. We checked the app and saw that the wait time for the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train was posted at only 25 minutes. When do you ever see a wait time like that, for that ride? And Drew was doing so well…
We decided to go for it. After all, this wasn't only Drew's first time on the Mine Train, but also the big kids'. And after catering to their little brother, they were ready to try something a little more up their alley.
We jumped in the standby line. And we immediately came to a standstill. We crawled along the line. Periodically, there would be an announcement that the “dwarves had encountered some poisoned apples, and there would be a delay”. Ugh. The kids were getting bored. We started having the “should we bail?” conversation. But we stuck it out. All in all, we waited about 40 minutes.
As we got close to the end of the line, Drew started having second thoughts. He saw the mine cars leaving the station quickly, and started to get worried. “I don’t want to do this,” he said. Julie and I started reassuring him, telling him it was a fun ride, not scary, he’d watched it a thousand times on YouTube already—all the usual stuff. This only served to make him start to dig in his heels more.
He’s a stubborn kid. Takes after his mom.
But after much cajoling, we got him into the mine car. We pulled down the lap bars, watched the cast members go through their final safety checks, and then we were off!
Drew held on for dear life, but when we reached the end, he looked at Julie...and smiled. He loved it! On his first day, Drew conquered the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train.
The big kids had the same opinion as Julie and me. The Mine Train is cute, and a nice little warmup ride. We all wish it was longer.
Fresh off our successful first roller coaster, we headed to Adventureland. There was no stopping us now! We hopped in line for Pirates of the Caribbean.
Sure, it's dark and spooky and there are skeletons and thunder and lightning and a drop in total darkness, but Drew had already ridden the Mine Train. Surely he could handle this!
Well, he handled it perfectly. And stop calling me Shirley.
Really, Pirates was no problem. I wish I had a more exciting story to tell you, but he did great.
By the way, the new redhead scene...exists. It didn't ruin the ride for me, but I'm not sure it was necessary, either. I get that you don't want to promote treating women as objects, but I'm also sure you don't want to promote burning and looting cities, and that's shown in the ride, too. Portraying something doesn't mean you're endorsing it.
We intended to grab lunch after Pirates, but Drew spotted the Magic Carpets and wanted to get in line right away. He was a machine! We obliged and waited through maybe one or two spins before it was our turn.
I got to ride with Drew, so I had to instruct him on the controls for the carpet, which of course is a completely different ride than Dumbo. I mean, one is an elephant and the other is a carpet. It's night and day.
Satisfied with a full half day of rides, we moved to a seating area nearby to celebrate Drew's fearlessness on the rides. Let there be peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for everyone!
And there was much rejoicing.
Sigh. Apparently that isn't a proper celebration for some people. You can tell by the expressions on their faces. If only there were someplace nearby that would make everyone happy.
(cue Hallelujah Chorus)
Now THIS is a proper celebration.
The temperature outside was now approximately equal to the surface of the sun, so we needed to eat our Dole Whips (floats for the adults) fast. Mine barely lasted long enough for a glamour shot.
Mmmm...Dole Whip...
If that doesn't get a Drooling Homer Award for Excellence in Unpretentious Dining, I don't know what does.
I'm going to leave you guys here. Well, not literally. Sorry, I can't afford these for everyone. But have a virtual Dole Whip on me.
Coming up Next: A 12-year streak is finally broken. And will our luck on the rides continue?