Chapter 9: The Legend of Uncle Eric
The 4:00 p.m. Florida rain shower was about 2.5 hours early that day. We dodged a few raindrops as we left Toy Story Land, and then decided to take cover when it started to rain harder. We decided to duck into Walt Disney Presents: One Man’s Dream since the kids had never been in there before.
I’m glad that this little attraction was kept even through the recent refurb of the area, since it’s a fascinating collection and look back at the history of Disney and Disney Parks, and it seems like more of that legacy is being shoved aside as the parks are constantly re-built. And yes, some of that re-building is faithful to Walt’s vision of the parks “never being finished”. Sometimes, it’s more of a crass money grab. And sometimes it’s both.
The last time Julie and I had visited, our favorite exhibits were the various models of attractions from Disney parks around the world. They were so big and intricate, and I spent a lot of time wandering around them and drinking in all of the details. We were a little disappointed to see that many of them had been removed.
But on the plus side, they had a model of the new Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge on display, so I still had something to gawk at. I’m sure this will be an amazing place to walk around when it’s finally open.
Another display highlighted a forthcoming attraction that I’m also excited about, if in a more low-key way than I am for the Star Wars rides. Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway is slated to open later in 2019, replacing the Great Movie Ride in the Chinese Theater building. I’m excited for this change not because I know anything about the ride, but more on the idea that anything has to be better than the Great Movie Ride.
My apologies to those of you who liked it (there’s one in every crowd), but I always thought that one stunk. You started with a tour guide promising a ride through great movies past, then you stop in an old-fashioned shootout and your ride vehicle gets hijacked by either a desperado or a gangster, depending on the shootout scene. I always thought the idea of a bad guy hijacking the ride had great promise, but then…they didn’t do anything with it. You just rode around looking at animatronic re-creations of movie scenes, then the bad guy tried to get some treasure, got killed, and your tour guide re-appeared because…movies, or something. It never made a lick of sense. I always walked out debating whether it had been worth riding so I could sit in air-conditioning or not.
So in my opinion, anything they put in there almost has to be an improvement.
Once the rain shower had passed, it was time to use up our last FP for the day. The big kids and I were going to be riding the Rock ‘n Roller Coaster. Julie had no interest in “that bleeping deathtrap”, so she and Drew were off to experience the Frozen Sing-a-long. My father had made it clear that he would rather wear underwear made of broken
Lego pieces than listen to Frozen music, so he and my mom were off on their own, trying to find my brother and SIL.
On our way to RNRC, we passed the Tower of Terror.
My kids had never tried this one, and were interested in giving it a shot. But the wait time never dropped below 60 minutes, and we didn’t have a FP, so it never happened. I think they were a little bummed, but I can’t blame them for not wanting to stand in that line. As for me, well, I have always hated drops. HATE them.
I rode Tower of Terror once, and I’m glad I did. But that was enough for me.
True confession time: this was not just my kids’ first time riding the Rock ‘n Roller Coaster. I’d never been on it, either. In the past, my kids were always too short to ride it and Julie had zero interest, so I’d never bothered because I didn’t want to waste everybody’s time while they waited for me. And if I’m truly honest, I was a little intimidated as well. I’d never experienced a launch like this one. I’d never been on a coaster with a loop, either. And I occasionally have motion-sickness issues. No, really—I once got seasick on a paddleboat. True story.
Anyway, now I was walking to possibly the most intense ride at Walt Disney World with two teens and a pre-teen who were incredibly hyped to ride it. It wouldn’t do to show any weakness, so I worked hard to project an outwardly calm demeanor—almost bored, as though I was on the Great Movie Ride.
“Dad?” asked Sarah.
“What?”
“Are you constipated or something?”
Harsh, Sarah. Very harsh. We hopped in the FP line, moved up the stairs, and…hit a wall of people. Apparently this ride is popular or something.
It probably took us about 15-20 minutes to get through the FP line and into the pre-show. Everything went smoothly from there.
Once we exited the pre-show room, we were into the loading area and there was no turning back. The Imagineers, of course, knew exactly what they were doing by forcing everyone to walk past while the coasters were launching. That anticipation builds right in the pit of your stomach.
I wasn’t feeling too crazy, though. Sure, a little nervous, and hoping that it wouldn’t make me sick. I don’t know if I’ve gotten a little wiser or more serene as I’ve aged (certainly not smarter), but there was a large part of me just happy to go with the flow and see what happened. I figured at worst, the ride was 90 seconds or so. I can take 90 seconds of just about anything. I mean, It’s a Small World is 10 minutes, for heaven’s sake, and I survived that.
The seat restraints were lowered into place with a loud click. No turning back. The coaster moved around the bend to the launch position. And then we waited.
And waited.
Messages flashed on the board above the track. Faint screams could be heard from somewhere up ahead.
You know, I don’t think the previous groups had to sit at the start position this long. Did they? I’m pretty sure they didn’t have to wait—wait, what’s KRNR and this guy speaking in my ears and rock music and these lights flashing in my face and why am I feeling like I’m being blasted into space and HOLY CRAP THIS THING IS REALLY MOVING!!!!!!!
It.
Was.
Awesome.
I absolutely loved the pure speed of this ride. No issues with the loops or inversions whatsoever—you’re just moving so fast that your brain doesn’t have time to register which way gravity is going. I think the four of us may very well have a new favorite ride at WDW. It was an absolute blast to conquer it together.
Meanwhile, I have this photo from Julie and it appears the Frozen show was indeed very Frozen-y.
Drew seemed to enjoy it, especially when they made it snow from the ceiling in the theater. I think everyone was happy with their particular choice of attraction.
With no more Fastpasses to burn, and no availability on the fun rides, we wandered into the Star Wars Launch Bay. The line to see BB-8 wasn’t too long, so we jumped in there. The guy waiting ahead of me tried to strike up a conversation, but he seemed really socially awkward. He really wanted me to be impressed with the irony of his wearing a t-shirt featuring a Star Trek character to a Star Wars character greeting. All I could think of was that kid from A Christmas Story.
We moved into the greeting room, and as it turns out, the idea of meeting BB-8 might be one of those things that sounds better than it actually is. It just sits there on a table, its head moves and it beeps. There’s not really any interaction. So you turn around, take a photo, and leave. Yay?
Chewbacca and Kylo Ren were also available for meets, and the big kids all wanted to meet the bad guy. Drew wanted no part of that, so I took him to the gift shop to mess around while Julie went with the big kids to face the Dark Side.
They reported back to me later that Kylo Ren is not one to be trifled with. At one point Julie started laughing and he barked, "Silence!" He also accused David of being a spy for the Resistance. And he tried to recruit the rest of them to the Dark Side, but they had to prove they were serious.
Then again, my kids don’t scare easily. Even after all of that, once the photos were done Sarah walked up to this Dark Lord of the Sith, stared him straight in the eye, and asked, “Hey, can I take a selfie with you?”
Kylo Ren stared back at her, his soulless eyes an endless black pool of evil.
…
…
…
“You may.”
With evil finally vanquished by the needs of social media, we moved on to the Disney Jr. Show. We did this purely for the sake of 1) doing something Drew would enjoy, and 2) taking the opportunity to sit down in air-conditioning. The show was cute, I think. I don’t really remember. I had settled into my usual daydream of scoring the winning goal for Team USA’s ice hockey team in the Olympics and then jetting off to Europe to fight Hydra, save my best pal Bucky and win the heart of Agent Carter.
Huh? Oh, I guess the show is over. Drew seemed to have a great time.
It was time for dinner, at one of our favorite Disney restaurants: the 50’s Prime Time Café.
We waited a bit to be seated—the place was crowded even though we’d deliberately tried to get an early dinner time (around 4:30 p.m. or so). By the time we were led to our table, Drew had fallen asleep from heat and exhaustion. He laid down with his head on my lap through most of our meal. We ended up having to get his food to go.
As most of you know, the food here is very good (especially the fried chicken). But the real appeal is the servers, who are in character and treating you like their family members and teasing you with all sorts of hijinks. Naturally, your experience here will depend on the enthusiasm of your particular cast member—will they put some energy into it, or just go through the motions?
Our particular server was a little bit of a disappointment. She was a middle-aged woman with no real discernible sense of humor. Additionally, most of her tables were in the adjacent room, so she was concentrating on them and didn’t pay too much attention to us. We didn’t see much of her.
But that didn’t matter. For one thing, we had good food. I went with the fried chicken, which is the best thing on the menu here.
Julie went with the sampler—meatloaf, roast beast, and chicken. And she got the PB&J milkshake, which is her favorite item on the menu (and really, it’s a peanut butter milkshake).
The other item in our favor was that the other tables in our room were being waited on by “Uncle Eric”. And Uncle Eric was in rare form that evening.
Or maybe not. Maybe he’s always like that. I dunno. In any case, for a little over an hour, we were simply pawns in the room of Uncle Eric. Other than quick trips to get drinks for his tables, he rarely left the room. Instead, he was holding court. It was one of the greatest performances I’ve ever witnessed from a cast member.
He got on me early. After making our orders, I had my phone out and was texting my brother, who was having some confusion with my parents over their itinerary that evening. Uncle Eric saw me with my phone out and sidled up to Sarah. He nudged her and said, “Hey, next time he gets his phone out, I want you to look at him and say:
Dad…I miss you. I miss the times when you were a part of my life, and taught me about things like being present, and making eye contact.”
He interrogated guests whenever they left and then returned to their tables:
“Hey, where were you?”
“In the bathroom.”
“Oh, really? What color was the soap?”
One guest tapped his shoulder to get his attention, and that set him off on a rant about people constantly rubbing their nasty chicken-grease hands all over him.
In another room, a guest was being serenaded with “Happy Birthday”. This set off Uncle Eric as well, with a long rant on how no one there was actually celebrating a birthday. Instead, they were obviously just cheap cries for attention. Maybe their parents didn’t love them enough as a child, to the point where they were so desperate that they would walk into a restaurant and claim it was their birthday, just to get a group of strangers to sing to them…
Ten minutes later, another chorus of “Happy Birthday” rang out. Uncle Eric rolled his eyes and said, “Another one! You gotta be kidding me. Ok, everyone: as soon as the song’s over, I want you all to shout, It’s not real!”
Did we do it? You bet we did. We were all cracking up.
Then he started on another story. He looked at Dave. “When I was young, do you know what my parents said to me?”
I was so proud of David. He didn’t miss a beat, and came up with the line of the week: “Happy birthday?”
We all lost it. Even Uncle Eric broke character on that one. He gave Dave a nod and said, “That was really good.”
The jokes were non-stop. He had an entire elaborate story of his struggles to learn to ride a horse and how other school kids made fun of him, but one day he finally was able to ride the 25-cent motorized horse at the K-Mart without falling off. He even produced a photo of himself being dragged by said motorized horse—and you know if there’s one thing I really appreciate, it’s commitment to a gag.
At one point, Uncle Eric left the room to go get drinks or the check or something for a guest. The guests at a table all started to get up to leave. Suddenly, Uncle Eric’s head poked through the curtains in one of the tiny windows set into the wall. “Where do you all think you’re going?”
The guests froze, too surprised to respond. Uncle Eric went with it: “We got a dine and dash situation here! And you thought you could put one over on me!”
This was a tour de force comic performance. I don’t think we stopped laughing through the whole meal. Given the great food and superlative entertainment, I am proud to award the 50’s Prime Time Café a Drooling Homer Award for Excellence in Unpretentious Dining. And Disney, please give Uncle Eric a raise. One of the best cast members ever.
There was more confusion with my parents and my brother, and somehow Julie got roped into trying to go find them while I hung back and paid the bill. My parents were re-arranging their dinner reservations and trying to get to my brother so they could watch his kids while they rode Slinky Dog Dash. Meanwhile, my brother didn’t want them there because they were purposely using the child swap so the big kids could ride twice. My parents then had to go to dinner, so Julie volunteered to go watch the kids. She got about ¾ of the way there before my brother got through to her to say they didn’t need her. And of course, that’s when the heavens opened up and the rain started pouring.
Our Hollywood Studios day was probably the most fun day we had all week. It was also the day when we spent the most time on our own, just the 6 of us. Coincidence?
The kids and I hung out in the Indiana Jones shop to wait out the storm. Julie had taken cover in One Man’s Dream, so we decided to go meet her there once the rain stopped. They had a character meet for Star-Lord and Baby Groot from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies.
In case you didn’t know about it, there’s a reference to Who Framed Roger Rabbit above the Prime Time Café. I got a shot of it as we walked.
We met up with a mostly-dry Julie and got in line for Star-Lord.
The best part of this meet was that Star-Lord started telling Baby Groot that the Mickey Ears Scotty was wearing weren’t his real ears, but just a hat. Scotty demonstrated this by pulling his hat off.
Baby Groot immediately started shaking in fear, and Star-Lord had to comfort him by reassuring him that no, Scotty had not just pulled his own head apart.
The big kids debated getting in line for Tower of Terror, but instead Sarah and Scotty decided to jump in the single-rider line for RnRC. I don’t remember what the rest of us were doing, but I know eventually we met up in the gift shop for some Stupid Hat Photos.®
They had a t-shirt I liked and wanted to buy in celebration of conquering the roller coaster, but it was only available in a men’s small. I found this to be a common problem throughout the week. Oh, well—I probably have too many overpriced t-shirts as it is.
My kids had never seen Fantasmic! before, so we made our way to the theater. It had taken Sarah and Scotty a while to get through the single-rider line, so we were only about ten minutes early for the show and had to sit at the far end of the auditorium. They’re not the best seats, but you can still see everything.
For me, Fantasmic! is a meh. Some of the effects are cool, and the fire-breathing dragon is a plus (remember, pyrotechnics make everything better!). I think my problem is that if it’s a 20 minute show, 16 of those minutes are spent showing movie clips on a water screen. I feel like there’s not enough actually done by performers on the stage to warrant any special effort to see the show.
I don’t mean to sound like a grump (that comes naturally!). I’m just trying to call it as I see it. I think Fantasmic! is ok to watch once, but it’s not one that I feel like I have to see every time I visit WDW.
At that point, we could have gone back to the resort, but they were having some kind of Star Wars night show, so we figured: it’s already late, why not?
There was a Disney at the Movies projection show that came first, shown on the walls of the Chinese Theater. It was fine, I guess—just more random Disney clips. After that was the Star Wars projection show. I guess I should fully acknowledge my hypocrisy right at the start here, because this was basically just a clip show as well. But it was a clip show of projections along with some fireworks and laser lights projected out over our heads (made to simulate laser blasts from the space fighters). Most importantly, it included pillars of fire on top of the buildings at random intervals to simulate explosions. Even at a couple hundred feet removed, you could feel the intense heat from the flame bursts, which was impressive. I honestly don’t know how they keep from setting any buildings on fire with those things. But I enjoyed this at least ten times more than Fantasmic! It was probably the combination of John Williams music and the pillars of fire. Those hit me in my sweet spot.
All in all, our Hollywood Studios day was a great day. Toy Story Land helped to put more family rides into the park, which was sorely needed. Our dinner was one of the most fun and memorable we’ve had on property. And we’d been able to just do what we wanted through most of the day without having to coordinate schedules with anybody else. We were glad to have our Disney mojo back.
Coming Up Next: Our first visit to Pandora.