The Ungrateful Wed

[jdb in AZ]

Have thank-you notes gone out of style? A verbal thank you for Christmas/birthday presents from the grand kids is fine, but when is the last time you received a thank you note for a wedding gift or for a baby shower gift?

A new bride who was watching t.v. at her parents' home said she didn't have time for thank you notes. I pointed out that if she did just a few per day she could get them taken care of in a couple of months. Yeah, that didn't happen.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Have thank-you notes gone out of style? A verbal thank you for Christmas/birthday presents from the grand kids is fine, but when is the last time you received a thank you note for a wedding gift or for a baby shower gift?

A new bride who was watching t.v. at her parents' home said she didn't have time for thank you notes. I pointed out that if she did just a few per day she could get them taken care of in a couple of months. Yeah, that didn't happen.

I would say it's been at least 10 years, probably longer, since I've received a Thank You note for anything. That's fine with me. I don't need a card to throw away, when that money could be spent elsewhere.

 

[mumto3girls]

I get them often. We had 4 graduation parties last summer and received timely thank yous from all 4. My cousin’s daughter got married about a year and a half ago. She lives about 6 hours away so we didn’t go, but I sent both a shower gift and a check for the wedding and received thank yous for both and then a Christmas card a few months after the wedding. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I didn’t get a thank you for something like that.

 

[Floridaman999]

I don't think I've ever received a thank you card in my life.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I got one in January. We sent a Christmas gift to the person our oldest is dating . They mailed a handwritten thank you card. I thought that was super sweet.

 

[mjkacmom]

I still get them, weddings, graduations, funerals... My kids send them for gifts where that are sent. When my parents passed, I sent them for every flower arrangement, Mass card, charitable donation, meal.

 

[Southernmiss]

I still get them for all occassions, too.

You need my friends and relatives!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Have thank-you notes gone out of style? A verbal thank you for Christmas/birthday presents from the grand kids is fine, but when is the last time you received a thank you note for a wedding gift or for a baby shower gift?

A new bride who was watching t.v. at her parents' home said she didn't have time for thank you notes. I pointed out that if she did just a few per day she could get them taken care of in a couple of months. Yeah, that didn't happen.

no reason it couldn't have been a joint effort, or even the groom do them all.

 

[tzolkin]

I give thank you cards often and receive them often from certain people and never from others. It really just depends.

I remember once I handed my sister-in-law an envelope and she asked “what’s this?” When I replied that it was a thank you card she said, “Oh, I thought those had gone out of style”

no reason it couldn't have been a joint effort, or even the groom do them all.

Yeah, I never understand why writing thank you notes for a wedding is always the woman’s job.

I suppose I could understand it being the norm in another era where women (of certain socioeconomic status) did not work and didn’t have any children yet so likely they would have more time than their husband in the weeks following the wedding. But it seems to still be the wife’s responsibility regardless of who is busier. I have NEVER heard a snarky comment about a man not getting the thank you cards out in a timely fashion.

 

[LSUmiss]

Have thank-you notes gone out of style? A verbal thank you for Christmas/birthday presents from the grand kids is fine, but when is the last time you received a thank you note for a wedding gift or for a baby shower gift?

A new bride who was watching t.v. at her parents' home said she didn't have time for thank you notes. I pointed out that if she did just a few per day she could get them taken care of in a couple of months. Yeah, that didn't happen.

I still get them & send them for any formal occasion.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

Haven't received one for the last few weddings. It's affected how much we spend on wedding gifts and whether we send a gift when we decline. Now we spend about half as much as we used to on a wedding or shower gift, and don't bother to send a gift when declining.

 

[indimom]

I've gotten thank you cards for at least 75% of events. It's a nice thought, but I don't care if couples do not send one.

 

[mamamary]

My nephews have had their wedding/births of children over the last few years. Happy to say I got thank you's for the showers/weddings/baptisms/and birthdays for the kids. Nephew on husbands side of the family didn't send thank you's for his wedding which really surprised me. I guess it could have gotten lost in the mail??

 

[antmaril]

I went to a wedding in August. I received a well-written thank you note about three months after the wedding. I received a thank you note from my 11-year old niece for all the Christmas gifts I gave her. She thanked me in person, of course, but I also received a written thank you. I took a friend to lunch for her birthday in January and received a written thank you a few days later.

 

[McKelly]

I "encourage" my kids to write them for all gifts they receive that are not given in person. They are teens and I have to hound them, but they get them done. If one sneaks through the cracks, I make them at least e-mail the person.

I probably receive them 50/50 from people.

 

[SC Minnie]

I sent a niece a gift for their new baby in Dec and received a thank you note in the mail a couple of weeks later.

 

[smiths02]

I still agree with actual thank you cards for events like baby showers and weddings.
For smaller occasions when the gift giver is not thanked in person, I think there should be some acknowledgement. While others may disagree, I think a text can be okay to say thank you for a birthday or Christmas present.
Not even acknowledging it is extremely rude, IMHO.

 

[disneychrista]

The first Christmas I was with my now ex, I sent Thank You’s to his family. They were almost offended by it.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Yeah, I never understand why writing thank you notes for a wedding is always the woman’s job.

Sexism. Really. For a baby shower, the gift is for the child, therefore the father is equally responsible. For a wedding, it's a couple's gift, so the husband is equally responsible. But it's always the woman would is "too lazy" or "too ungrateful" to send them.

I have NEVER heard a snarky comment about a man not getting the thank you cards out in a timely fashion.

Exactly. I've never seen a "I went to my father in law's birthday party and got him a nice gift and he couldn't even be bothered to send a thank you!" post.

Personally, I think thank you cards are outdated. There are other ways to express gratitude. I never have stamps anymore. You can just as easily thank in person, call, text or email a thoughtful thank you. I know it isn't "proper" but I think snail mail thank yous should be a thing of the past for several reasons.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Does it matter? When is formality truly a show of appreciation instead of just something you have to do?