Tantrums

[J'aime Paris]

I'd love to just watch as DS screams and runs away, but that's generally frowned upon.

I don't mean to say all of this will happen every day, but he does have at least one crazyman tantrum a day, or in today's case, three, so far.

He doesn't really follow a schedule, doing that seems to be tougher on him and lead to more meltdowns. We eat when hungry, nap when tired/over stimulated, and plan to do so on our trip as well.

I don't know how to put multiple quotes in one post, but you also mention in another post that DS tells you where to sit, and directs you, DH and others around by the hand.

Without knowing your DS, I'm not sure how to help control the tantrums at WDW, but going forward, I'd take a "I'm the parent, I'm in charge approach". ( It would seem as if the 2.5 year old runs the show right now.)

You indicate that a routine doesn't really work, but I'd give that a try again. It will get worse before it get better, plan on that.

Being a parent and an educator, I can tell you that a schedule/routine is the very basic building block of childhood.

 

[Lolsmum]

There are certainly authoritarian mothers and permissive fathers. I don't see how bringing gender stereotypes in actually helps anything.

My husband works long hours, often not seeing the kids on weekdays. The idea that I need him as back up has numerous issues, but that is yet another reason it wouldn't work.

Children are not all the same and there is no one size fits all solution to tantrums. There really isn't. What works brilliantly on one child can just frustrate and increase the tantrum level of another.

 

[ilovebassets]

Ignoring a tantrum and ignoring a child is different. You can't communicate with my dd at all if she throws a tantrum. It just makes it worse. She is unreasonable and anything you say or do makes it worse. I can say everything you have suggested(and have tried it) and she just gets more upset. As I stated before all kids are different and what works for one might not work for another.

Totally agree. The is no other option with my enormous and strong and strong-willed child other than to ignore him. The idea that I can crouch down and get him to,listen to anything or anyone is hilarious. The fastest way for all of us as a family to get through the tantrum is to ignore him.

My four year old was not like that at all. You can't possibly generalize that there is one right way to handle tantrums when all children are different. My guess is that poster only has one child or happens to have two with fairly similar temperaments.

 

[ladyjubilee]

Me, I can't raise my daughter that way because it seems to me that for it to work she would have to fear me...kind of goes hand-in-glove with authoritarian. And instead I want to be the one she turns to when she is afraid. I've slain the monsters under the bed, and the hurt feelings of middle-school crushes gone wrong.

I take a more authoritative style of parenting, again though the children I've came with pretty intense needs. To me a child that tantrums is a child struggling to control their environment. I have found that when I establish the boundaries, establish order in their chaos, children are more relaxed. Gradually, they learn how to establish that order internally and can assume more responsibility. And from that place of safety and balance real affection and reciprocity.

So for me as a mom being authoritative is about the child, and not my need to be a dragon slayer. I prefer that the child develop the skills to slay their own dragons.

Again neither style is wrong, both can work depending on the child. Normally I would even belabor the point, it just seemed like the assumption was that authoritative parenting didn't result in attachment.

 

[aprilgamer]

A. handful of goldfish can be a real game changer. I usually don't like to bribe, but to keep the pace I may.

Snacks are a great distraction in lines. Before we go on trips we take DS to the store to let him pick his snacks. Helps give him a little more control. And he always picks something I would never think of.

Does your DS like Cheerios? Those are a great in line snack but you can't get them on Disney property.

 

[Airship Ariadne]

I don't really deal with the crushes and boyfriend problems, my wife deals with that kind of stuff and I do a lot of the rest. Show them how to fix things, do stuff on the computer, hunting, camping, swimming. I go and play with them and their friends when they're over. I help them with their sports (wife does the band stuff), coach their teams, bring cool stuff home for them to play with or look at.

With the boys, I think I was very useful in giving her the "male" mindset of a middle schooler, that helped her realize teen boys are "dumb" when it comes to emotions. And of course, since she isn't allowed to "date" until she is 16, it shouldn't matter to her, she needs to let the boys grow up.

But the rest, teaching camping and stuff, that's the best, when you can share your favorite things with them and they love it just as much...she will deny it when we get to Disney I'm sure, but one camping trip to the Davis Mountains she claimed she had more fun than at Disney... I am also the troop leader of her girl scouts, and I tell you that troop will survive the zombie apocalyse no problem, been able to build and start a fire since they were in first grade...other troops want to learn camping skills, they call on our girls to teach them.

I suppose DD is also smart enough to know she can't hide anything...we were very clear her cell phone text messages and emails or not private from us...we will spot check them...and have all passwords. She doesn't like it, she can do without the cell phone and computer. And her room door, has no lock, and we knock twice and enter. Setting the expectations right off prevent any argument.

 

[Jessica813]

Tantrums happen, especially at Disney with the heat, being tired, overstimulation. Other parents aren't judging you, they understand you.

 

[ponyboy]

With the boys, I think I was very useful in giving her the "male" mindset of a middle schooler, that helped her realize teen boys are "dumb" when it comes to emotions. And of course, since she isn't allowed to "date" until she is 16, it shouldn't matter to her, she needs to let the boys grow up.

But the rest, teaching camping and stuff, that's the best, when you can share your favorite things with them and they love it just as much...she will deny it when we get to Disney I'm sure, but one camping trip to the Davis Mountains she claimed she had more fun than at Disney... I am also the troop leader of her girl scouts, and I tell you that troop will survive the zombie apocalyse no problem, been able to build and start a fire since they were in first grade...other troops want to learn camping skills, they call on our girls to teach them.

I suppose DD is also smart enough to know she can't hide anything...we were very clear her cell phone text messages and emails or not private from us...we will spot check them...and have all passwords. She doesn't like it, she can do without the cell phone and computer. And her room door, has no lock, and we knock twice and enter. Setting the expectations right off prevent any argument.

All my kids know that they can't hide much but it's not me they have to worry about, it's their mother She's way nosier than I am which is fine with me because it means I don't have to be that way with them, she'll take care of it.

Our house is pretty boring though, there's not much drama. The oldest girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone too late at night or the younger ones playing games in their rooms when they should be asleep but that's about it.

 

[ponyboy]

All I'm going to say is the bolded may be how things are in your relationship, but I would be very hesitant to make such bold statements about all mothers.

It's a general statement which is true in most cases.

 

[ktlm]

OP, don't let all the squabbling of other posters get to you or make you feel bad that your child has tantrums. I believe that the parents of those kids who have "never" had a tantrum, or whose tantrums have been nipped in the bud from birth, are just lucky enough to not have had a truly strong willed "spirited" child. Kids, like adults, have different personalities. One of my best friends is a grade school principal and before that was a counselor, and before that a teacher. She is probably the best Mom I've ever seen. She has one perfect angel child and one totally spirited makes her want to pull her hair out child who threw tantrums like you would not believe when he was young. She knew all the tricks and methods, he was just a totally strong-willed child (look up gifted overexcitability on the internet). It was inherent in his personality- it had absolutely nothing to do with her parenting skills.

My BIL's child is an extremely docile quiet child. She is a follower type. As a result, he has no comprehension of my crazy child. It is inherent in DD's personality (again "gifted overexcitability"--it is intrinsic and something that you have to learn what works to calm them and stop tantrums with trial and error). Mine tends to be a leader, not a follower. At age 3, her pre-school teacher told us she predicted she would either be a CEO or a star when she grew up. BIL thought that he could do a better job of "disciplining" her and controlling her behavior than us. We sat back and watched. Can you guess who won? I will give you a clue-it wasn't BIL. (She totally outsmarted him, chewed him up, and spit him out.) The same methods will not work on all children- because all children are not the same.

For DD, an authoritative style like some have promoted was absolutely the worst method for her. A kid with her issue acts out a lot when very young because of frustration due to a lack of control over things- the authoritative style only escalates tantrums and makes them more frequent and worse. We tried it and it was a disaster. A kid like that needs to know they are being heard and understand the "no"- you have to explain the WHY of everything. I understand you want that, but You can't have that BECAUSE.... I understand you are angry that we are not letting you do that, but you can't do what you want because.... There are also little tricks you learn to deal with that type of personality. For example, even at age 2, if I picked an outfit out of the closet and said "you are wearing this today", I might frequently get met with huge resistance. I learned that if I brought 3 outfits out and said pick one every day- no issues. She felt like she had some control. You just have to figure out what methods work for your child. Kids are different. Some are tantrum throwers, some are not. Some the "authoritative method" might work, others it absolutely won't and can make things worse. Some taking things away works (ours it didn't because she would just sit there and create her own imaginary play if we took toys away). Some ignoring works. Some using explanations work. Some just holding them until they stop works. Some seating them in a quiet area, sitting with them and telling them nobody is moving until they stop works. With some, different methods are best on different days depending on their moods. What worked terrific yesterday, may not work at all tomorrow- so you have to try something else.

And again, don't worry about WDW. We just got back and we saw and heard lots of fits from littles. No one even blinked an eye around them. I would say the vast majority of the people around you at WDW will understand and will not be judging you. It is a common WDW occurrence.

For the previous poster that talked about the horrors of picking the pink instead of the blue- that had me laughing out loud. I can totally relate. DD is 8 now, and to this day- if blue is a choice that is the one I'm going to pick. I'm pretty sure she is old enough now that it wouldn't be an issue- but I'm not taking chances!!!

Oh and FYI- at our house, I'm considered the stricter one. DD is far more scared of me than she is of DH!

 

[spayne12]

This. Exactly. In fact, the few times I've done it with my 2 year old twins, one of them - usually my son who is very strong-willed - will look at me and say "You no hit me mommy". Makes sense considering I'm often telling him and/or his twin sister not to hit. To the OP, I don't have any good advice because I have the same fears - we leave in 2 weeks and I'm already bracing myself for a daily meltdown from one of my three kids. I'm not too concerned about getting my 5 yr old son or 2 yr old daughter under control, but my 2 yr old son is a different story. I'm going to do my best to stay on top of things so he's not over tired, hungry, hyped up on sugar....and I'm going to attempt to let him walk some, since I know he'll get tired of being in the stroller. I'm hoping for the best but am preparing for the worst.

I love this board! My son just turned 2 and he's a character. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way. we try everything redirection usually wins. (going to try the glitter, but fear it will be -projectile!) Comapred to my 8 year old daughter who until recently was go with the flow on everything! Her meltdown would be a pout or crying while hiding so no one would see her. all rare. now she's going through the mouthy stage. We have taken him on a long day at a fair and he shocked us at how well he did. the only freak out was wanting to run to the band and dance! I really want to get him a wrist leash. mainly because he will run away and have zero care if you are following him. I think he will get bored in the stroller. i just hate leashes lol mainly encase I always get tangled or feel like I'm in the way. granted it was with my pups before my grind has already said your gonna leash your kid. so if she opens her mouth she will be in charge of him walking for one hour. lol

 

[slzer0]

I love this board! My son just turned 2 and he's a character. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way. we try everything redirection usually wins. (going to try the glitter, but fear it will be -projectile!) Comapred to my 8 year old daughter who until recently was go with the flow on everything! Her meltdown would be a pout or crying while hiding so no one would see her. all rare. now she's going through the mouthy stage. We have taken him on a long day at a fair and he shocked us at how well he did. the only freak out was wanting to run to the band and dance! I really want to get him a wrist leash. mainly because he will run away and have zero care if you are following him. I think he will get bored in the stroller. i just hate leashes lol mainly encase I always get tangled or feel like I'm in the way. granted it was with my pups before my grind has already said your gonna leash your kid. so if she opens her mouth she will be in charge of him walking for one hour. lol

Lol I'm pretty sure the glitter might end up a projectile so I'm going to use a mini bottle and hot glue it then duct tape that.