I had intended to use the limo ride to the Wedding Pavilion as the time to tell my parents about our gift to them: their replacement ketubah. But somehow, in the midst of all the craziness, with tons of people everywhere I turned, I didn’t have a chance to say anything.
We got to the WP, and were directed into the bridal vestibule to get a few more pictures and sign the ketubah. My memory of this half hour is a little fuzzy. So many people were running around, saying hi, congratulating us. I do remember standing in the right half of the bridal vestibule (the ketubot were in the left half), and my mom wandering to the other side only to discover her ketubah. That’s when she started crying. My dad was just incredulous that we’d think of them on our special day. Unfortunately, the calligrapher (Angela’s mom) had made a few mistakes—including the year of my parents’ wedding—but my parents either didn’t notice or didn’t say anything to me. I teared up a little too (#4, for those who are keeping score).
I have no earthly idea what we’re laughing about:
We got to see all of Angela’s mother’s beautiful handiwork (Please be advised: contents may have shifted while in motion. I took these pictures today, after the objects depicted below have suffered the indignity of being stuffed into suitcases and transported several thousand miles. They don’t look as good as they did day of, but the colors are just as perky as ever).
Bucket o’ yarmulkes:
Program basket:
Front of program:
Back of program:
(I tried to keep the program pretty staid, but we did have one in-joke. The first time Angela and I met, we walked down to Wharton Reprographics to pick up our bulk packs for the class we were in. We wouldn’t be foolish enough to pay exorbitant Penn prices to copy our programs, but we did import the logo. We thought it was funny).
A good number of pictures later (seriously, Misty, hurry up! I am craving wedding photos), and it was ketubah signing time.
Way back when we had gone small-gift shopping the day before, I showed Angela a really cool ballpoint pen that matched all the colors of our wedding. We had already bought a pen to sign the ketubah with, though (remember Day 0’s mad dash to Staples), so we figured it wasn’t worth $20 for a pen, albeit a really, really cool one. However, one of our people of honor, Michal, overheard the deliberations, and he bought us the pen as a little gift:
Super-cool pen, although my photography skills don’t do it justice:
I love gifts like that! Using said pen, we signed the ketubah:
Us signing ketubah, with Misty looming overhead:
And in case you’ve forgotten how cool the ketubah is:
Now we were sort of officially married (halfway there, anyway). It was at this point (9:50-something) that we realized we were missing my (maternal) grandmother, both of my mothers’ siblings and their massive brood. Which included… the flower girl! Grammy showed up with my mother’s sister, Elise, and her kids at 9:55, but my mother’s brother, Michael, aka the father of the flower girl, still was a no-show. My mother was livid. Angela was pretty pissed. I was determined not to be angry about anything on my wedding day, so I thought it was kind of funny.
The cameraman decided that this was a good time to record messages to each other. Apparently, Angela’s involves her saying in a hurried voice, “I’m not nearly as nervous as Sunny.” Mine, you ask? I sobbed, “I just love Angela so much.” And by sobbed, I mean sobbed. Cried. A lot. I can’t wait for the video!
Back to the flower girl drama. Quick on our feet, we decided to hunt for a substitute flower girl. First, we asked Angela’s adorable nephew, but his mom put the kibosh on that (she didn’t want him to participate in a lesbian wedding in the first place, which is why we didn’t have a ring bearer, and I guess being the flower child was even worse). Next, we thought of my cousin, Jessica, who is 10 and happened to be wearing the perfect color. Just as we had corralled her into being a substitute flower girl, the real flower girl showed up, wearing… not the perfect color.
I don’t remember if I posted about it in my PJ before, but my aunt Elise had bought the flower girl a pale green dress on the assumption that when my mom said the wedding colors were blue and green, she meant pastels. Not so much. I had talked to the flower girl’s mother, my other aunt, Donna, and asked her to buy a cheap white dress, and I figured we’d just tie pretty ribbons around her waist. I told her she didn’t have to buy anything expensive or fancy, just something that matched the wedding colors or that we could at least make the wedding colors. She had assured me she would. Instead, our flower girl showed up ten minutes late to the wedding, wearing the original pastel green dress. At 10:10 on my wedding day, there was nothing we could do about it, so I thought it was kind of funny.
It’s kind of sad, because Emma was really excited about being our flower girl, and it wasn’t her fault, but Angela and I were not too thrilled. We’d bought her a $25 gift certificate to the
Disney Store as a thank you, and we didn’t end up giving to her.
Jess and Emma walked down together, and it ended up pretty cute, I think. I just wish our flower girl had worn one of those cute, flower girl dresses, and I’d gotten tons of pictures with me in my giant dress playing with her in her cute flower girly dress. I love those pictures.
Guess which one is which:
Alright, major crisis averted—it was time to get hitched! The rabbi walked down, and then the music started.
First, my brother escorted my grandmother:
Then, my sister and Sam:
Jess and Michal, with their heads chopped off:
Our best people, Eileen and Cliff, also headless and squinty (I promise, they are much more attractive in real life):
The flower girls, and then… Angela!
(I don’t know why the rabbi’s wife isn’t standing. Weird….)
And then Angela waited for me.
I had expected to be more anxious as I waited for Jennifer to open the doors. Everything was happening so fast, though, that it didn’t feel like I was really about to get married. I thought we were doing another practice drill. I also thought that I would feel more embarrassed, out of place, wearing a giant dress walking down a center aisle. But I didn’t care that my dress was so big; it just looked so beautiful as I sashayed (of course, nearly tripping over myself). I sort of noticed the music I had picked, but in an offhand, there’s-music-playing sort of way. I kept looking at Angela and smiling.
The weather was perfect; sunlight streamed in from every angle, with the castle dead center in the front window (thank you Disney Imagineers!).
As much as we partied like rock stars at the reception, the ceremony was my favorite part of the day. Everything we said, everything the rabbi said, reflected us perfectly.
The rabbi welcomed everybody, and then we did the first blessing over the wine.
We were commenting on how yummy the kosher Moscato was:
Then we exchanged vows. The tradition Jewish vows didn’t exactly work for us (Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel), given that the laws of Moses didn’t include any provisions about same-sex nuptials. So instead, we went with a passage from Hosea: “I betroth you to me forever. I betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in loving-kindness and in compassion. I betroth you to me in faithfulness.”
The rabbi had informed us that 99.9% of people forget their vows during the heat of the moment, and need to be prompted. Since I didn’t want to be interrupted every two seconds (I think it ruins the flow), we had discussed that any prompting would be unintelligible to the audience. However, I was also committed to being one of the .1% of people who can recite their vows from memory. So, in Hebrew and in English, I looked straight at Angela and said my lines. Angela definitely needed to be prompted, but it went pretty smoothly. We exchanged our beautiful Tiffany rings (Cliff held mine, and Eileen held Angela’s).
Then the rabbi read our ketubah, which was the only point during the ceremony at which I nearly cried. Tearing up, part six. I don’t know why, but it just sounded so beautiful, and I wasn’t trying to hold it together like I was during the other parts.
Then came the rabbi’s remarks. It was perfect. He read a poem by Rabbi Lawrence Kushner:
Each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
For some there are more pieces.
For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble.
Some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle.
And so it goes.
Souls going this way and that.
Trying to assemble the myriad parts.
But know this. No one has within themselves
All the pieces to their puzzle.
Like before the days when they used to seal
jigsaw puzzles in cellophane. Insuring that
All the pieces were there.
Everyone carries with them at least one and probably
Many pieces to someone else's puzzle.
Sometimes they know it.
Sometimes they don't.
And when you present your piece
Which is worthless to you,
To another, whether you know it or not,
Whether they know it or not,
You are a messenger from the Most High.
And he talked about how Angela and I were like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fit together perfectly. “Sunny cooks, Angela eats (big laugh line); Angela likes to make messes, Sunny likes to clean,” and so on. He obviously didn’t know this, but Angela and I have a certain jigsaw puzzle fetish, so his speech was so appropriate on multiple levels. It also expressed exactly how we feel about each other and why we make such a perfect couple. And it was pretty funny. I was so glad we had gone through the hassle and expense of flying him in; it was just so much more special and meaningful to have someone who knew us so well perform the ceremony.
Then came the Seven Blessings. According to the program I wrote, “The theme of the seven blessings traditionally recited at a Jewish wedding is a mixture of the particular and the universal, the practical and the ideal, the physical and spiritual dimensions of the marriage. They speak of God’s creation and this couple’s place within God’s world.”
(For sake of space, I’m not going to include the full text of the program. If you’re really curious about what goes on at a Jewish wedding and why, or you’re such a Sungela devotee that you must see every aspect of our wedding, down to the tiniest detail, just PM me).
Have you ever pondered the origins of the Spock hands on Star Trek? They come from a Jewish blessing traditionally performed by priests during the days of the Temple in Jerusalem. Although it doesn’t mean much anymore, my father and grandfather are descended from the priestly class, called Cohenim. Since the Cohenim blessing, replete with Spock hands, is traditionally recited at weddings, I had asked my dad and grandfather to say it, rather than the rabbi (a lowly Israelite, as he called himself, not a member of the priestly class). They did their part, which was a nice way of personalizing the service even more.
The rabbi said a few words, blessing us with good health, etc. My mom interjected, “And lots of babies,” which everyone found pretty funny (and boy, did it set up one of the themes of the day). We smashed our lightbulbs, and voila! We were married!
(Because “Why do you break the glass?” is one of those FAQs about Jewish weddings, I figured I’d include that part of our program as well:
There’s an old Jewish joke: ask two Jews, get three opinions. Accordingly, there are many explanations for what is perhaps the most famous Jewish wedding tradition, breaking the glass at the end of the ceremony.
For us, breaking the glass is a reminder that our marriage vows are irrevocable, just as permanent and final as the breaking of this glass. This act also reminds us that a marriage, like glass, is fragile and needs constant attention, commitment, and protection. We also see the breaking of the glass as recognition of the fact that imperfection happens: glass will break, milk will spill, and yet, we face life’s challenges stronger because of our love for each other.)
Our first married kiss:
Up next: Wedding Day, Part Thrice: What do you mean, we have to take more pictures?!?