SIL (62) planning to go on SS with no savings(Update #77)

[NewRVLady]

Just wanted to add something here
My SIL DID have a 401k at her Insurance job
first husband left her-she could NOT pay bills....so her solution was to cash out the 401k-pay off house quickly and buy a car
so 9 months later its tax time and *SURPRISE* she owes a bunch of money
she waits until April 14th ( I kid you not) and frantically calls DH and his brother begging for a loan
we could not help her
she then went and borrowed the $$ somewhere

then a couple years later, when her divorce was final she had to pay the EX some of the value of the house-that she had paid off! so she then does the 2nd mortgage-but it also consolidated lots of credit card debt


so in essence-she probably had paid for this house 2 times over.....and might now lose it

 

[eliza61]

Just wanted to add something here
My SIL DID have a 401k at her Insurance job
first husband left her-she could NOT pay bills....so her solution was to cash out the 401k-pay off house quickly and buy a car
so 9 months later its tax time and *SURPRISE* she owes a bunch of money
she waits until April 14th ( I kid you not) and frantically calls DH and his brother begging for a loan
we could not help her
she then went and borrowed the $$ somewhere

then a couple years later, when her divorce was final she had to pay the EX some of the value of the house-that she had paid off! so she then does the 2nd mortgage-but it also consolidated lots of credit card debt


so in essence-she probably had paid for this house 2 times over.....and might now lose it

See to me RV, this isn't so much as being bad with money as she's been in some serious emotional upheaval and simply not able to clearly see all the options.

Why do you think they tell people who have suffered a serious loss (such as spouse or kid) NOT to make big decisions. When my mom died many years ago, my dad started giving away alot of valuable stuff (china, silverware etc) luckily for him he had his big sister (my aunt) who stepped in and said "Ed, don't pull your house apart. wait."

Her first husband left and it sounds like she panic and did what many people do and thought cashing out the 401K was the best solution to a temporary problem.
people who lost their jobs in the 2008 crash, many were forced to spend their 401K's to stay afloat.
Did anyone reach out to her after her first husband left to help her find her "land legs" again?

that's why we have to be careful vilifying people, and labeling them.
Many, many women come up the losers financially after a divorce. A lot of women end up with a lot less money yet they want to cling to the old lifestyle (house, cars etc)

Sorry but the dis always makes me drop to my knees and thank God I have the family I have. If it wasn't for my sister I would be in a horrible predicament after my husband died. My mortgage would have defaulted. not because I didn't have the money but because I literally didn't get out of bed for 4 months. My sister, god bless her paid everything including my son's out of state tuition. My two older brothers stepped in with other assistance (paid off car, made sure house was taken care of and a lot of other stuff).

 

[Marionnette]

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[NewRVLady]

See to me RV, this isn't so much as being bad with money as she's been in some serious emotional upheaval and simply not able to clearly see all the options.

Why do you think they tell people who have suffered a serious loss (such as spouse or kid) NOT to make big decisions. When my mom died many years ago, my dad started giving away alot of valuable stuff (china, silverware etc) luckily for him he had his big sister (my aunt) who stepped in and said "Ed, don't pull your house apart. wait."

Her first husband left and it sounds like she panic and did what many people do and thought cashing out the 401K was the best solution to a temporary problem.
people who lost their jobs in the 2008 crash, many were forced to spend their 401K's to stay afloat.

that's why we have to be careful vilifying people, and labeling them.
Many, many women come up the losers financially after a divorce. A lot of women end up with a lot less money yet they want to cling to the old lifestyle (house, cars etc)

Sorry but the dis always makes me drop to my knees and thank God I have the family I have. If it wasn't for my sister I would be in a horrible predicament after my husband died. My mortgage would have defaulted. not because I didn't have the money but because I literally didn't get out of bed for 4 months. My sister, god bless her paid everything including my son's out of state tuition. My two older brothers stepped in with other assistance (paid off car, made sure house was taken care of and a lot of other stuff).

Honestly- none of us knew anything until well after she took bought the car and told us why she closed the 401k ( I dint worry because it seemed all taxes and penalties were taken care of) she was an able bodied working woman, and happy - and even now we don't know her finances( she is very private)

 

[eliza61]

Honestly- none of us knew anything until well after she took bought the car and told us why she closed the 401k ( I dint worry because it seemed all taxes and penalties were taken care of) she was an able bodied working woman, and happy - and even now we don't know her finances( she is very private)

That's so sad.
like I said, "money" is a really strange bird. so many bad decisions come from simple emotions. Many old folks get in over their heads because they don't want to "burden" or "worry" their kids, seemingly smart folks make dumb moves because they don't want to get help because of stigmas.
I remember quite a number of retirees pulling their money out of their 401K's when the stock market tanked in 2008 only to miss the huge gains that followed (gains of 20 and 30% the following years).

So going back to your original question, knowing the rocky emotional road she's been on. I would take money out of the equation and simply ask her.

"Hey how are you and Joe doing?". or if she's trying to get back into insurance, "how's the job search going, want me to take a look at your resume??"

some times if you're in panic mode it helps to just have an outside person bounce some ideas of off.

Good luck

 

[sarah4770]

A couple years ago...myself and longterm partner of over 20 years, were talking about splitting. My first instinct was to look at cashing out mt 401 to pay off the house. A roof over my head and that security is important to me. As a matter of fact, a few friends, who I consider pretty smart encouraged me to do so. One of them said "math doesn.t lie". I did not do it. I reasoned I had enough to get me through a year and I could sell my DVC if I needed to. Then I would look at it and make some sort of decision. I have had to switch careers and accept low pay ( where you are starting at the bottom) and cut to part time due to health, and when I reach 62 will prolly work part time and collect ss.
We did reconcile. I don't feel bad about only working part time, because I always kept the roof over all our head, and supported my children as well, while he was just starting. Now he is doing well,working long hours 6 days a week, and I take responsibility for everything from oil changes to home maintenance, to what we are having for dinner. I still have plans B and C in my head.
It sucks that my glory days of earnings are no longer. Employers are not inclined to hire a 50 something, and that is a fact.
My point is, you never know what is in someone's head, how they are looking at things. As Eliza said, Priorities do change. At some point. you begin looking at what you have left, and try to make the best decisions based on that knowledge and the wants you have

 

[DanInMN]

We had tough times during the great recession... both my wife and I lost our jobs. I eventually found a miserable job 700 miles away. Had to take it. My wife found a part-time job. I am "over 50" and although I never thought age discrimination was real, I know better now. We struggled for several years to not dip into our retirement savings or lose our house. Finally, three years ago I found a good job near home. Just in time. We could easily have had to blow our retirement savings to survive. We were lucky, sort of.

My ex brother-in-law thinks he is a computer security expert. But he has been a car salesman off-and-on for many years. He insists on searching for a six figure income computer job (that he is not qualified for), so has remained unemployed for several years - blaming it on age discrimination. He has no house, no savings, no retirement, and no prospects... at age 58. A zero net worth at that age can't be good.

 

[sarah4770]

700 miles takes guts.

 

[NewRVLady]

700 miles takes guts.

When the big oil field depression came here in the 80's many lost their homes in our neighborhood
People went to other states- it was bad

 

[China Expat]

The ov

We had tough times during the great recession... both my wife and I lost our jobs. I eventually found a miserable job 700 miles away. Had to take it. My wife found a part-time job. I am "over 50" and although I never thought age discrimination was real, I know better now. We struggled for several years to not dip into our retirement savings or lose our house. Finally, three years ago I found a good job near home. Just in time. We could easily have had to blow our retirement savings to survive. We were lucky, sort of.

My ex brother-in-law thinks he is a computer security expert. But he has been a car salesman off-and-on for many years. He insists on searching for a six figure income computer job (that he is not qualified for), so has remained unemployed for several years - blaming it on age discrimination. He has no house, no savings, no retirement, and no prospects... at age 58. A zero net worth at that age can't be good.

The age discrimination for over 55 is scary. My husband was out of work for a year, and finally found a one year contract job. Depleted his savings. Why do you think I moved to China? Double the pay I was making at home. Do I want to be here alone? No. But when older Americans can't find jobs in their own country, you have to do what many of us do-look abroad. My husband's contract ends in May, and then the nightmare begins anew. College degree and 30 years experience in management means nothing. No wonder so many start taking social security early? What else are you supposed to do to survive?

 

[NewRVLady]

China Expat you are lucky for DH'education and willingness to travel
SIL is only HS education has had only clerical work and refuses to drive far( she can't go to my small city 30 miles away driving herself) so looking at another town is out of question for her. Her small town has very limited job opportunities

 

[LinderInWonderland]

For the OP's SIL, I agree with others that at age 62, it can be extremely difficult to get hired nowadays. Like a PP mentioned, if she can apply for unemployment before she applies for social security, she can get 18 -30 weeks of unemployment depending on the state she lives in (there are no more federal extensions, 26 weeks are the max in the majority of states). There could be worker retraining programs that would help extend those benefits, but one has to make sure they apply within the time limits.

When I was working for my state's unemployment division, I took calls from so many people over 60 who were so frustrated that they had all this experience and no one would hire them. One classmate in my hiring group was in her mid-50s and had almost exhausted her 99 weeks of unemployment that you could get back then before she was hired with us.
When the economy started to improve, we were the first group of folks laid off (as the newest hires), then the 100s of people hired during the recession were laid off shortly after us. I was fortunate to be hired at a new job quickly. Some of my older teammates never found work and had to take early retirement.

 

[scrapquitler]

Unless she specifically asks you for advice, you should keep your mouth closed. And even if she does offer advice, you will want to think very carefully about what you say to her (maybe suggest an appointment with a financial planner instead of giving her advice).

 

[NewRVLady]

well actually THE OTHER posters here have made me realize my DH is right-and keep away fro this subject with her.

 

[NewRVLady]

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[Pea-n-Me]

I'm in the camp that there are things more important in life than money.

I try to live by the notion that when you give, you get. So giving enriches my life, and my family's life. That's what I've tried to teach my children.

Naturally we do the best we can to save for what we need to, and I'm not going to indiscriminately run around giving away money. But none of us know what our futures hold. And there but by the grace of God go I. We can have boatloads of money yet our futures aren't necessarily secure, or happy. And vice versa

Money is important, but I wouldn't hold onto it for dear life if someone else was in need and I was capable of helping. I believe that, in helping that person, good comes to me, so I'm not going to be stingy with what I do have. If that makes sense. But that's just me. And of course it's not one size fits all, either.

 

[NewRVLady]

Update-
SIL has been working for her company part time for a couple weeks now
still doing the same amount of work for like 1/3 the pay in shorter time
she was stressed-she said it gave her chest pains

so today she left the job and is applying for Unemploment
When I told Dh (it was a text) the first thing he asked was "can you get Unemployment if you left a job?'
I researched it and if you had drastic hours cut and same work duties you probably can.....

 

[kymom99]

She could get unemployment under these circumstances. If they change her responsibilities, she will likely be awarded benefits. However she needs to be prepared for them to contest it. This happened to my husband and it was quite an ordeal.

 

[arminnie]

It is CRITICALLY important to maintain skills that employers want. No matter what your age - but especially when you are older.

I am almost 70, but am very employable because of my skill set.

I lost my job in the oil industry crash in the 80s. I learned my lesson - make sure you have some skills that employers want.