School violence

[dez1978]

Hopefully I'm allowed to post this here as I cannot post this question on FB. This is related to a threat of school violence. I don't see any rules that this would violate but I could be wrong.


So this happened yesterday at my son's school. He is in 5th grade so all the students involved are 10-11. He told me yesterday that a kid in his class who he sits with on the bus brought a pocket knife to school. She Kid 1) gave it to another boy (kid 2), who was supposed to pass it to another girl (kid 3). Kid 2 noped right on out of the situation and gave the knive to a teacher and told on kid 1 for bringing it to school. I'm not sure what was done and it's not really my business. But on the bus ride home Kid 1 who shares a bus seat with my kid, told him that she brought the knife to give to kid 3 so kid 3 could hurt someone. So obviously nothing was done that day other than them taking the knife. I don't know anything about the tye of knife bc my kid never saw it. In my head I feel like it's probably just some kid running her mouth trying to sound "cool". However, thats not my call to make nor a chance I'm willing to take these days. I picked my kids up from daycare at 430 and he immediately tells me about it. No one is at the school at that point and there is no school today. So I messaged a frind of mine who is a 6th grade teacher about it bc I thought at least she could get the info to who needed it, and she did. I just got a call from the principal letting me know he'd gotten the info and that they were looking into it and asked if my kid had said anything else, etc.
This all just makes me so sad. They are 10/11 years old for crying out loud. The fact that they hear enough about this or that they think talking about doing something makes them sound cool makes me sad for our kids. I'm very proud that my kid and kid 2 spoke up and told an adult, but sad that now this is something my kid will worry about.

So how to you talk to your elementary aged kids about stuff like this? They've had active shooter drills which also makes me sad, but when we've talked about those they always assume the threat is an adult. Its different to think the threat might be your friend.

 

[Southernmiss]

Hopefully I'm allowed to post this here as I cannot post this question on FB. This is related to a threat of school violence. I don't see any rules that this would violate but I could be wrong.


So this happened yesterday at my son's school. He is in 5th grade so all the students involved are 10-11. He told me yesterday that a kid in his class who he sits with on the bus brought a pocket knife to school. She Kid 1) gave it to another boy (kid 2), who was supposed to pass it to another girl (kid 3). Kid 2 noped right on out of the situation and gave the knive to a teacher and told on kid 1 for bringing it to school. I'm not sure what was done and it's not really my business. But on the bus ride home Kid 1 who shares a bus seat with my kid, told him that she brought the knife to give to kid 3 so kid 3 could hurt someone. So obviously nothing was done that day other than them taking the knife. I don't know anything about the tye of knife bc my kid never saw it. In my head I feel like it's probably just some kid running her mouth trying to sound "cool". However, thats not my call to make nor a chance I'm willing to take these days. I picked my kids up from daycare at 430 and he immediately tells me about it. No one is at the school at that point and there is no school today. So I messaged a frind of mine who is a 6th grade teacher about it bc I thought at least she could get the info to who needed it, and she did. I just got a call from the principal letting me know he'd gotten the info and that they were looking into it and asked if my kid had said anything else, etc.
This all just makes me so sad. They are 10/11 years old for crying out loud. The fact that they hear enough about this or that they think talking about doing something makes them sound cool makes me sad for our kids. I'm very proud that my kid and kid 2 spoke up and told an adult, but sad that now this is something my kid will worry about.

So how to you talk to your elementary aged kids about stuff like this? They've had active shooter drills which also makes me sad, but when we've talked about those they always assume the threat is an adult. Its different to think the threat might be your friend.

It sounds like the messages are already getting through to your kid and kid2. Big huge kudos to them for doing the right thing.

Just keep having open and honest discussions with them

Make home a comfortable place for them to come to you with problems.

Talk about peer pressure both bad and good. Help them decide what are qualities make up a good friend.

 

[JimMIA]

Hopefully I'm allowed to post this here as I cannot post this question on FB. This is related to a threat of school violence. I don't see any rules that this would violate but I could be wrong.


So this happened yesterday at my son's school. He is in 5th grade so all the students involved are 10-11. He told me yesterday that a kid in his class who he sits with on the bus brought a pocket knife to school. She Kid 1) gave it to another boy (kid 2), who was supposed to pass it to another girl (kid 3). Kid 2 noped right on out of the situation and gave the knive to a teacher and told on kid 1 for bringing it to school. I'm not sure what was done and it's not really my business. But on the bus ride home Kid 1 who shares a bus seat with my kid, told him that she brought the knife to give to kid 3 so kid 3 could hurt someone. So obviously nothing was done that day other than them taking the knife. I don't know anything about the tye of knife bc my kid never saw it. In my head I feel like it's probably just some kid running her mouth trying to sound "cool". However, thats not my call to make nor a chance I'm willing to take these days. I picked my kids up from daycare at 430 and he immediately tells me about it. No one is at the school at that point and there is no school today. So I messaged a frind of mine who is a 6th grade teacher about it bc I thought at least she could get the info to who needed it, and she did. I just got a call from the principal letting me know he'd gotten the info and that they were looking into it and asked if my kid had said anything else, etc.
This all just makes me so sad. They are 10/11 years old for crying out loud. The fact that they hear enough about this or that they think talking about doing something makes them sound cool makes me sad for our kids. I'm very proud that my kid and kid 2 spoke up and told an adult, but sad that now this is something my kid will worry about.

So how to you talk to your elementary aged kids about stuff like this? They've had active shooter drills which also makes me sad, but when we've talked about those they always assume the threat is an adult. Its different to think the threat might be your friend.

I agree with @Southernmiss. Sit your son down and tell him how proud you are of him for doing the right thing by telling you.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Your son did the right thing and told you. What a tremendous accomplishment for him to confide in you. Keep up the good work!!

AND keep on the principal. This can not be kept from any parents/guardians of children in the school building. In my district, these kids are probably expelled temporarily if not permanently!

 

[sam_gordon]

AND keep on the principal. This can not be kept from any parents/guardians of children in the school building. In my district, these kids are probably expelled temporarily if not permanently!

IMO, the only thing that should be told other parents is "A child brought a knife to school" *IF* even that. And I disagree with expulsion for bringing a pocket knife. I get it's probably the policy and probably some kind of "no exception policy". I still disagree with it.

That being said, I can support the school investigating to see if Kid 3 *DID* want the knife to hurt someone. But I don't think I'm (as an uninvolved parent) entitled to find out the results of their investigation.

 

[dez1978]

I agree with @Southernmiss. Sit your son down and tell him how proud you are of him for doing the right thing by telling you.

I did last night. We talked about how its hard to tell on friends and when you HAVE to tell vs not and that I was super proud of him for telling and knowing that that waas something he needed to tell on.

Your son did the right thing and told you. What a tremendous accomplishment for him to confide in you. Keep up the good work!!

AND keep on the principal. This can not be kept from any parents/guardians of children in the school building. In my district, these kids are probably expelled temporarily if not permanently!

Idk how it will turn out. I mean the kid that brought the knife rode the bus home so.... And the school knew about the knife during school hours just not the why. Idk if the why will change anything.

 

[dez1978]

IMO, the only thing that should be told other parents is "A child brought a knife to school" *IF* even that. And I disagree with expulsion for bringing a pocket knife. I get it's probably the policy and probably some kind of "no exception policy". I still disagree with it.

That being said, I can support the school investigating to see if Kid 3 *DID* want the knife to hurt someone. But I don't think I'm (as an uninvolved parent) entitled to find out the results of their investigation.

I agree with this. I have no business knowing the result of the investigation or any of it, nor do I really want to. I want to know that they were told and that they are looking into it. I'd guess at most she'l probably get a couple days suspension if that. Its a very small district, like there are 60-some kids in 5th grade. So I doubt they will make any sort of announcement or send out anything about it at all. Parents will only find out if their kids tell them. And honestly I sort of get that, bc it wouldn't take much to figure out which kid it was and everyone will know the parents and either they'll say "oh they are good ppl" and brush it off or harass them about it and I wouldn't want that either. As long as the school knows and the parents of the kids involved know, those are who I'm most concerned about knowing at this point. This is the type of area where 75% of the kids here, their parents and grandparents went to this same school and they all know each other. We are not one of those families so it's more obvious to me lol.

 

[JimMIA]

I think what should happen is for the school to conduct a thorough investigation, and go from there.

If the girl who brought the knife to school and the intended end-user were, in fact, cooperating to harm someone -- that's one scenario, and a very serious one. If the only person doing anything wrong was the girl who brought the knife in, that is a less serious scenario, but still something that needs to be addressed.

Exactly how the school proceeds will depend on school district policies and many other factors.

I would not be surprised to see the involved parties put on some kind of probation, suspended, or even expelled. I would also not be surprised to see a "make-no-waves" principal take the "Knife? What knife? Nothing to see here, Johnny -- move along" approach.

 

[dez1978]

I would also not be surprised to see a "make-no-waves" principal take the "Knife? What knife? Nothing to see here, Johnny -- move along" approach.

This is what I expect. Whatever happens, if anything will be done quietly and privately, which is what I think any one would want if it was their kid. I try to think of it from that prespective as well. I want my kid to be safe. But if my kid did something stupid like that, I wouldn't want it spread around the county to everyone. I'd want to know and i'd expect punishment, but I'd hope not to be shamed for it.

 

[neverlandsky]

To make you feel better pocket knives have been in elementary school practically every generation. Heck it was ok to have a swiss army knife when I went to elementary school cause of Girl Scouts on campus after school. After pocket knives were banned, in elementary it was RCP and detention. This was before Campus Police. Campus police are most likely investigating. If it's major threat or safety issue the Principal issues a communcation letter for all.

Bravo, on your child telling you things. In our household we've done what's your favorite/least part of the day at dinner. Great conversation for look for the helpers, be kind, and your district should have an anonymous student help line/online report form where students can call & report anything they see or hear as a possible threat or safety issue.

 

[JimMIA]

This is what I expect. Whatever happens, if anything will be done quietly and privately, which is what I think any one would want if it was their kid. I try to think of it from that prespective as well. I want my kid to be safe. But if my kid did something stupid like that, I wouldn't want it spread around the county to everyone. I'd want to know and i'd expect punishment, but I'd hope not to be shamed for it.

I agree, and your son can help prevent any shaming by not talking about it to other kids. It may already have been widely talked about, but attention spans are short if nobody keeps it going.

 

[Princessclab]

Are the police notified of this? Even if it turns out to be nothing it should still be reported as a possibility. I would make sure, not just the campus police.
This seems to be an issue these days that often these behaviors are dismissed then they escalate.

'If you see something, say something.'
Better to have a false alarm than harmed or dead people.
If the principal is hiding these things, they should be told too.
Wow.

 

[dez1978]

To make you feel better pocket knives have been in elementary school practically every generation. Heck it was ok to have a swiss army knife when I went to elementary school cause of Girl Scouts on campus after school. After pocket knives were banned, in elementary it was RCP and detention. This was before Campus Police. Campus police are most likely investigating. If it's major threat or safety issue the Principal issues a communcation letter for all.

Bravo, on your child telling you things. In our household we've done what's your favorite/least part of the day at dinner. Great conversation for look for the helpers, be kind, and your district should have an anonymous student help line/online report form where students can call & report anything they see or hear as a possible threat or safety issue.

We def do not have campus police... or a phone line.. I think we have1 SRO who is there a few hours a week split between the EC. middle and HS buildings (all on one campus). Heck the only way I could find to get the info to someone was to fb message a friend who works at that school as a teacher and she didn't know anything about it until that point. I wasn't concerned when he told me abou the knife at all. Its rural Mo, everyone has pocket knives. It was the threat that concerned me.

 

[dez1978]

I agree, and your son can help prevent any shaming by not talking about it to other kids. It may already have been widely talked about, but attention spans are short if nobody keeps it going.

He won't say anything. He's too worried the kids involved would find out he told and be mad at him. Its usually like pulling teeth to get him to tell me when a kid is picking on him or something like that bc he doesn't want the kid to get in trouble. Thats how I knew he was worried about this, bc he told me instantly when he got in the car.

 

[DisTXMom]

As far as talking to elementary-aged kids about the situation, I think it’s ok to say one of the principal’s jobs is keeping all students safe and so they take things like that very seriously.

I think the situation in Michigan raises questions about schools that have red flags and don’t act on them and so we may see more schools taking a maximum penalty approach to these situations as an outcome from that. We recently had a situation with a high schooler typing in his Social media account about bombing the school- he indicates he was joking around and didn’t mean it and didn’t mean to send it, however he did send it.. another student saw his post and the boy was arrested and probably going to be expelled. My DD knows the student and said he is an emotionally stable student & was joking around and believes he would never do anything like that. As a parent, I’m sorry if that’s the case, however am pleased it’s not “this is your first warning”… unfortunately, the presence of violence in our schools means we need to be less tolerant of people that flirt with it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

To me a pocket knife is still not something that should be brought to school (especially elementary school aged) but aside from that the clear difference between "shrug NBD" and "it's a dang big deal" is that the purpose of the pocket knife was to hurt someone else. Nobody should be trying to excuse that and that alone (an intent to harm) should escalate what the end result is.

I think the best you can do is to talk about right from wrong. People's viewpoint on pocketknives differ but it sounds like the OP's son is already aware of right/wrong, he told his parent right away. I think all that you can do is to let them know it's good they told you and keeping the open line of communication is good. I think peer pressure talk is good but it wasn't clear if kid 1 brought the knife for kid 3 to use because of peer pressure or because they didn't like the intended target. That might open up the conversation of what to do if you're confronted with someone you don't like..aka..don't plot to hurt them. Also a talking point is discussing how kid 2 went to an authority figure to tell them whose knife it was, that likely took some guts to do that but was the right thing to do as well so talking about how speaking up and alerting someone can be good. Everyone knew but did nothing about it is how some bad things have happened.

Good for your son

 

[DLgal]

So sorry this happened, but way to go for raising such an honest and upfront kid.

Sadly, now is probably the time to discuss the fact that it is statistically much more likely that a fellow student will be responsible for violence committed on campus, moreso than a random adult. You son, and all kids, need to be aware of that reality and pay attention to the things they hear.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Does your school district participate in SADD? There may be other programs but this is the one I know about, my district used it, from what I understand it helps sort out interventions and direct attention of guidance counselors and staff. If not maybe pop into a few PTA meetings and see if there is any effort in this direction, the voice of concerned parents can be thunderous and get a lot more done than most realize. One person can be ignored but a collection who form a voice on the sidelines of sports etc can be really tough to ignore. A few hands to push a fundraiser and you're halfway there.

 

[Colleen27]

We had a similar situation at DD's elem this year - a student made a knife and was showing it off in class. One of the students who saw it notified a teacher and the principal. There was some question of what the boy meant to do with it; one student said he made threats but he denied that and no one else heard, so ultimately he was "only" punished for having a weapon on school property (which is an expulsion offense in our schools). And it was handled very quietly, which I think is entirely appropriate given the age of the kids in question and the size of our community - doing something stupid that harmed no one at 12yo isn't something that should follow a student for life, IMO. I only know the details that I do because my youngest is friends with pretty much all of the kids involved, the one who made the knife as well as the one who told and the one who said they heard a threat.

As far as how to talk with the kids, the sad fact is that they're often far less anxious about these things than we are. Between the fact that school violence is the only world they've known and the childhood sense of bad things happening elsewhere, not at home, my kids have rolled with active shooter drills and lockdowns and threat-closures far better than I have. We had an incident in the neighborhood around my daughter's school one day and the texts she sent me at the time still haunt me, but by the time I picked her up, she was over it. I and a couple other parents were able to reassure our kids in real time that what was going on didn't involve the school and it was all "just in case" and once they knew that, they seemed to put it aside like it was just another drill.

 

[wenrob]

Your son did the right thing and told you. What a tremendous accomplishment for him to confide in you. Keep up the good work!!

AND keep on the principal. This can not be kept from any parents/guardians of children in the school building. In my district, these kids are probably expelled temporarily if not permanently!

No one will be told anything, not even the OP. There will be a general “there was a situation and we’re handling it” type of announcement. Kid 1 and Kid 3’s parents will be called in and the parents of the child that was threatened but most likely won’t be told by who if they don’t find the threat credible. They don’t “out” kids.

OP, good for your son! You have clear evidence you’re doing something right, you should be proud.