School Pick Up Car Mishap. How Would You React?

[sam_gordon]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

Because we spoil our kids. AND, it could avoid a 60 minute bus ride.

Our HS starts at 8am and gets out at 3p. The bus pickup is just before 7am at our house and drop off would be a little after 4p.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm thinking the laugh was a split second reaction to doing something you know is wrong. I wouldn't fault them for that though understandable why it would chafe you. Honestly though I doubt you yelling corrected her behavior, not saying "don't yell next time" just that it's unlikely to have any impact on her long-term whatsoever.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say while I get you're most upset at the laugh and lack of apology in these cases while I would have apologized I wouldn't have necessarily expected the offender (by which I mean anything to do with a vehicle) to actually apologize. At least in cases of an accident it's not uncommon for insurance companies to advice their clients to not admit guilt and by apologizing that's what you are..taking the blame. Usually they advise just to stick to a play by play of facts leaving out the other stuff so in this case it would be "I opened the door, it made contact with this vehicle" or something to that effect. Depending on the car a dent on a car can be very pricey and yes can be turned into insurance especially if you're talking about bumpers and specialty doors or cars that have high dollar parts including doors or bumpers.

As for the parent she probably took the stance "not my kid, not my liability". TBH I don't actually know how that would play out if that went through insurance. It may depend on how the person's insurance is written with acts done by passengers.

In public it's always a hot-bed thing to correct children that are not yours (this would be both from you correcting the teen and the parent correcting the teen passenger) and I assume that's also where the parent was coming from, is she really able to admonish and force an apology out of her when she's not her kid? (rhetorical question).

In any case I think we all side with understanding how crappy of a situation you had.

 

[DisneyDillyDally]

Too bad about the dent!

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

She's 15/16, not 5/6. I don't think you were rude. I also think her parents should pay for the damage. She can pay them back.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

Well for me when it happened it was because my dad lived nowhere near the high school (it would have taken just under 2 hours to walk there, just under 2 hours to walk back to my dad's house), divorced parents and all.

So while I took the bus to and from school when at my mom's house until I got my own vehicle my dad always dropped me off in the mornings when it was his days and often though not always (just depended on if I was working with him at his office afterwards or what other plans) was picked up by him after school.

This was the same for elementary school and middle school. Elementary school I lived within walking distance from my mom's, but did not for middle nor high school and took the bus. And obviously was way too far from my dad's house with all schools.

Shocking though it may be this was not entirely an uncommon situation for kids of divorced parents.

 

[fly girl]

Definitely stinks, but I wouldn't have said anything, especially to the teen. - Maybe the adult, but it would have been polite.

As far as the laugh, unfortunately a lot of ppl., especially teens laugh when they're uncomfortable so it certainly could have been that.

I will say a few ago I was working at an elementary school and had a similar situation; a 5th grader opened his door and hit another 5th graders dads car - not really hard, but did hit it due to how close they were and not paying attention I'm sure. We ended up having to call the police on the dad due to his actions in the middle of our parking lot (wasn't that surprising he had a history of some extreme behavior.) Both boys came in crying...certainly not a fun way to start the day.

So you wouldn’t have gone out to see the damage? Fair enough. Everyone’s different.

Personally, I don’t think I was rude, no flying off the handle. But no doubt I spoke up in a stern tone. The sound of that door whacking my car was loud! I’m surprised (and lucky) the damage was minimal.

Again, I get the nervous laugh. I have done that before myself. I don’t know this child, but in that moment with her whole demeanor of smiling and laughing it looked like a too bad so sad, I don’t give a rip. That’s what grated on me. Yes, it very well could have been a nervous laugh, but her appearance of the flippant attitude rubbed me the wrong way. And the fact that she was basically coerced into an apology makes me believe my thoughts were accurate. YMMV

Similar situation? No one was in tears, no police called, no extreme behavior. It was a 2 minute interaction that ended us going our separate ways. I don’t think it’s fair to categorize me with the dad you had to call the cops on.

 

[fly girl]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

OT but, it always amazes me how working parents get time off work to pick up their kids at school every day. I know many things have changed in the world and schools since I was a kid, but the only time I remember my dad picking me up at school a kid on the playground called it to the attention of the teacher who was monitoring the playground thinking someone was kidnapping me!. Kid walked, rode their bikes or took the school bus in those days, seeing a parent there was not common.

Because we spoil our kids. AND, it could avoid a 60 minute bus ride.

Our HS starts at 8am and gets out at 3p. The bus pickup is just before 7am at our house and drop off would be a little after 4p.

FYI, she goes to a private school with no bus service. We live 8 miles away and have to take the highway to get there. It is not feasible for her to walk. We knew this going in.

 

[Magical2017]

OT but, it always amazes me how working parents get time off work to pick up their kids at school every day. I know many things have changed in the world and schools since I was a kid, but the only time I remember my dad picking me up at school a kid on the playground called it to the attention of the teacher who was monitoring the playground thinking someone was kidnapping me!. Kid walked, rode their bikes or took the school bus in those days, seeing a parent there was not common.

Yeah, I have always seen very busy carpools in K-12 schools my kids have attended. It's about 60 percent walkers and bus riders, and 40 percent car riders. I am not sure about others, but DH works from home and I work at a university so our schedules are flexible and we can do drop off and pick up for ODS. The high school is too far for him to walk. Otherwise he rides the bus. YDS walks to middle school.

 

[tvguy]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

As I posted, I know some things have changed. Here for example, in about 2000 they went to open enrollment. Kids no longer go to their neighborhood/assigned school, their parents camp out to get their kids in the school with the emphasis they feel fits their child best. A lot of kids go to the school closest to their parents work, not their home. And because of open enrollment, school buses were eliminated at that time except for special needs students which Federal law requires bus service be provided for. I live on a street with 44 houses and have lived here 40 years. To the best of my knowledge, no child on my street has attended our assigned school. Which is amusing since the Principal of our assigned school lives on our street.

 

[tvguy]

Yeah, I have always seen very busy carpools in K-12 schools my kids have attended. It's about 60 percent walkers and bus riders, and 40 percent car riders. I am not sure about others, but DH works from home and I work at a university so our schedules are flexible and we can do drop off and pick up for ODS. The high school is too far for him to walk. Otherwise he rides the bus. YDS walks to middle school.

I elected to stay on graveyard shift (11 pm to 7 am) as long as I could so I could be available for my kids. About half way through my youngest's Freshman year of High School I switched jobs and work hours to 11 am to 8 pm. My lunch break was at 3 pm which is when my daughter's school day ended. Her school was 5 miles from my work, and 14 miles from my house. I would pick her up and she would do homework at my work until her mom picked her up at about 5 pm

 

[Magical2017]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

It's pretty simple for me. I like picking my oldest son up when I can. We have a nice chat and drive around the reservoir. I talk to him about school while he is strapped in the car and held as my captive audience. I know I am going to miss our little drives when high school ends and he seems to enjoy the time. I don't spend time worrying about what other families do.

 

[KrazeeK120]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

A lot of private schools don’t have bussing. My son is in 1st grade at a private school with no bus and the high school he will attend doesn’t bus either.

I am fortunate to not work outside the home except for some occasional substitute teaching, but I know a lot of people who work part time, flexible hours, or from home and can sneak away to get their kids from school.

 

[Christine]

A lot of private schools don’t have bussing. My son is in 1st grade at a private school with no bus and the high school he will attend doesn’t bus either.

I am fortunate to not work outside the home except for some occasional substitute teaching, but I know a lot of people who work part time, flexible hours, or from home and can sneak away to get their kids from school.

With so many people teleworking, just going past schools during open/close is a nightmare anymore where I live. The pickups cannot be quick. I live about 2 miles from an elementary school and get stuck in the afternoon pickup everyday on my way home from work because there are so many parents there they spill out onto the road and block the lane. Even the busses can't hardly make it into the school. The busses then are leaving with with like 2 kids in them because they apparently still have to run the busses. It's insane. My kids went to private elementary school and we didn't have bus service and I had to endure pickups on many occasions, and I would never willingly do that, lol!!

As to the OP, I'd be furious. And this whole lack of accountability that has done a complete about-face since my high school years is the cause of some of the societal problems playing out.

 

[emily nicole]

OP, you did better than me because I would've called the police for a report, found out who her parents were, filed with insurance etc.

 

[slo]

@fly girl - I’m sorry this happened and I would have been aggravated too. My poor mini van endured so many dings, dents, scrapes, scratches and so on from the many years at softball tournaments. I didn’t get a new car until DD19 went to college.

This thread can easily turn into a debate by some things I’m already seeing posted (I didn’t read every single post). My feelings about this are following….
*You had every right to be mad - your property was just damaged
*You had every right to say something - kids can handle it - my parents didn’t go to the old guy down the block (when I was a kid) and be mad at him for yelling at the kids that walked on his lawn. Everyone’s parents told their kid - stay off his lawn!!!
*You have every right to pick up your child from school instead of using the buses. I’m a little surprised to see this even brought up. Someone mentioned taxes - everyone pays taxes for public school and some prefer private school. If you want to pick your kid up, you have every right to pick your kid up. I drove my DDs to HS school every morning before they had a license, and if a student ran in to me, I certainly would never feel that if my DD took to the bus this would never happen, what should never happen is me getting ran into.

What I used to do at softball tournaments, when I was sitting in the car, is have my window open to show people - I’m in here. That helped a lot - people would be a lot more careful when they see someone sitting there. Obviously if weather didn’t allow this, then I would just hope for the best - LOL!

I hope the damage can be concealed a little so it’s not so obvious when looking at it. My DH is great at this, but my van was black and there was some damage that he just couldn’t help with. I finally had to say….this is why I can’t have nice things - LOL!

 

[BrianL]

OT but, it always amazes me how working parents get time off work to pick up their kids at school every day. I know many things have changed in the world and schools since I was a kid, but the only time I remember my dad picking me up at school a kid on the playground called it to the attention of the teacher who was monitoring the playground thinking someone was kidnapping me!. Kid walked, rode their bikes or took the school bus in those days, seeing a parent there was not common.

RIght? It amazes me how complex pick-up procedures have become for kids. Back in my day we were just free to go. A lot of kids walked home as part of their normal routine. Pick up was just wherever, easiest on the street. Sometimes my mom would drop me off a little ways out just to avoid the traffic - not that there was much, but it saved time. My high school ahd a more crowded and difficult parking lot, so my mom never brought me up there. Or course, as soon as I could drive myself, I did so.

 

[mjkacmom]

RIght? It amazes me how complex pick-up procedures have become for kids. Back in my day we were just free to go. A lot of kids walked home as part of their normal routine. Pick up was just wherever, easiest on the street. Sometimes my mom would drop me off a little ways out just to avoid the traffic - not that there was much, but it saved time. My high school ahd a more crowded and difficult parking lot, so my mom never brought me up there. Or course, as soon as I could drive myself, I did so.

And that is how it is at our schools even now. No buses, everyone is under a mile from their elementary school, everyone is under 2 miles from the middle and high school, the parking lots are employees only, no entering by students or parents, the middle and high school are in the middle of town across the street from each other, it is absolute chaos and gridlock with police officers trying to get the kids across streets after school. The elementary schools are in residential neighborhoods, most over 100 years old, the pickup lanes are pretty loosy goosy, just curbs. My kids mostly walked to elementary (much much faster than driving), I rarely drove or picked up in middle/high school, if I did it was blocks away from the madness.

 

[mrodgers]

Because we spoil our kids. AND, it could avoid a 60 minute bus ride.

Our HS starts at 8am and gets out at 3p. The bus pickup is just before 7am at our house and drop off would be a little after 4p.

Then, one should not complain about the "cesspool of the school parking lot" when they insist on being the very problem they complain about.

My kids in 1st grade were out in the dark getting picked up at 7. High school they were in the dark at 6:35. High school got home at 4:10 and elementary I think was 4:20. In the country and the bus drove several miles down many dirt roads to pick one kid up and turn around. They had over an hour ride for 8 miles to the school.

 

[fly girl]

Then, one should not complain about the "cesspool of the school parking lot" when they insist on being the very problem they complain about.

My kids in 1st grade were out in the dark getting picked up at 7. High school they were in the dark at 6:35. High school got home at 4:10 and elementary I think was 4:20. In the country and the bus drove several miles down many dirt roads to pick one kid up and turn around. They had over an hour ride for 8 miles to the school.

To be fair, it was not @sam_gordon who called the parking lot a cesspool.

And again, for the record, my daughters school does not have bus service! We live 8 miles away and take the highway to get to school. There is absolutely no way she can walk.

Her private elementary school did have bus service and we utilized it. For 4 of those years she had to transfer busses. We still had her take the bus. So not everyone is “coddling” their kids with limo service.

And as @Magical2017 said earlier, that time is great time to catch up and talk with my child. Will I miss that parking lot in 2 years when she drives herself? Absolutely not. But I will miss our chats.

 

[mrodgers]

To be fair, it was not @sam_gordon who called the parking lot a cesspool.

And again, for the record, my daughters school does not have bus service! We live 8 miles away and take the highway to get to school. There is absolutely no way she can walk.

Yes, hence saying "one" and not "you."

And I did see after I posted you said private school. However, it is the same way with public schools with people complaining while being the very problem they complain about. Like if one would complain the car behind them is tailgaiting while they themselves are tailgaiting the car in front of you.