S/O: adult children, college expenses

[scrapquitler]

Just curious what you all do/think/have done.

Our kids are just getting to college age. I don't know what they will choose for college or what the costs will be and it will depend on their majors, etc....

But I am just wondering how you make it equitable money wise.

The below is just an example:

Let's say you have $60K available for each kid ($15K per year to contribute).

What do you do if one kid chooses to use all of it, even maybe takes out loans to cover the rest. And the other kid only needs $20K of the $60K. Do you give him the difference in another way, maybe give him a down payment for a house or get a car or something?

Please don't argue, I know everyone does things differently, I genuinely wonder what is equitable.

No. I contribute what I can for college, if one child chooses not to go or to go somewhere less expensive, that's their choice. I've got one in college now, she's going to finish with no loans, mostly because she earned a great scholarship that made it much easier for us. If the other child chooses not to go to college (I anticipate he will not), I'm not going to hand him over the equivalent of what I paid toward the other's degree. I might help him finance something different, but it's definitely not a given.

 

[King Schultz]

Just curious what you all do/think/have done.

Our kids are just getting to college age. I don't know what they will choose for college or what the costs will be and it will depend on their majors, etc....

But I am just wondering how you make it equitable money wise.

The below is just an example:

Let's say you have $60K available for each kid ($15K per year to contribute).

What do you do if one kid chooses to use all of it, even maybe takes out loans to cover the rest. And the other kid only needs $20K of the $60K. Do you give him the difference in another way, maybe give him a down payment for a house or get a car or something?

Please don't argue, I know everyone does things differently, I genuinely wonder what is equitable.

You really only have one sensible option Dawn.


Send the 120K to me. I'll go to Vegas and triple it playing video poker and blackjack and send you back 360K.


Then everybody happy!!

 

[DawnM]

You really only have one sensible option Dawn.


Send the 120K to me. I'll go to Vegas and triple it playing video poker and blackjack and send you back 360K.


Then everybody happy!!

The check is in the mail!

 

[King Schultz]

Good!

It'll take a lot of work on my end with no personal reward other than knowing I helped someone, and that's enough for me.

 

[CPanther95]

We assumed the responsibility to provide for their college education. There was no dollar amount associated with that - and certainly no "leftovers" to distribute.

 

[DawnM]

Good!

It'll take a lot of work on my end with no personal reward other than knowing I helped someone, and that's enough for me.

I appreciate your altruism.

 

[King Schultz]

I appreciate your altruism.

I'm just that kind of guy.

 

[stitchfan75]

In our district they start the kids early in thinking about college plans and we have been very open with the girls regarding the ability to pay for college. They both have accounts their grandfather setup when they were born and seeded it with $15K at that time (early '00s). Both are aware and also know that the money is theirs regardless, so my rising freshman has decided she will go for National Merit Finalist. She is already in the Duke TIP program and has taken both the SAT as a 7th grader and the PSAT in 8th grade. Duke then sends her information on how to increase her score even more. As a NMF most schools will give a full ride scholarship in their Honors program, she wants to go to Baylor University. My youngest struggles a little more in school but has such determination. She is in Sea Cadets with the hope of getting an Navy ROTC scholarship at UT Austin, she would love to go to the Academy but we don't think her portfolio will be competitive compared to other candidates.
Other than the same money, we have let them determine their path. DD14 for the longest time has said she wants to be a neonatologist but after seeing Hamilton all of a sudden has dreams of being on Broadway or writing like Lin Manuel. Any road they take our biggest goal is to get them through with as little college debt as possible. I will be paying off my loans until the day I die and that is the last thing I want for them.

 

[dennis99ss]

I am very much like others here. We have always told our two ds that they pick the school, degree, etc., and we will take care of it. We put no limitations on the school or degree, but, would steer them to a viable degree for employment if such came up. DS1 chose a couple schools at 50-55k per year, and some that would cost about 5k after scholarships. He also had opportunities for two service academies, and ended up accepting one of the appointments to an academy. However, if the Academy route did not pan out, we would have ponied up to the table for the 55k school. DS2, has no desire for an Academy. We have no idea where he wants to go, but, he will have the same deal as No.1. We promised the education, not the money. What is not spent is not "theirs". We want them to choose what they want in a school, not so they get a check if they go a cheaper route.

 

[minkydog]

We agreed to pay tuition, room & board and all expenses for their undergrad. We didn't have a set amount per child and didn't track to make it equitable. Their preferred college, within reason of course, is what we paid for.

Our family, life is not fair. It is the degree that was paid for, not how much the degree cost.

^^^This. We did not have college funds in place for the kids, but here in GA they could qualify for the HOPE scholarship, which pays 90% if you have a 3.0GPA in HS. Unfortunately, neither of them accomplished that. DD went away to college for one year and was able to qualify for a bunch of grants and one music scholarship, but she still had to take a small loan ($5500.) She decided after that to come home and go to a tech school to get a culinary degree. Grants covered almost all of that. She transferred to another tech school about a year into her program, so she could take advantage of their Baking program (she's primarily a pastry chef now.) While she was at the tech school 75 miles away, I paid for her share of the apt and utilities, and a little gas money. Otherwise, she was on her own. I probably came out of pocket for about $5000, all told.

DS really messed up. He went to the local tech school straight out of HS and received a couple grants which covered everything. Still, he blew it off and finally quit with a 0.9 GPA. He worked at various retail and food services jobs until he finally had to quit due to suicidal depression. We took him back in and gave him time to heal. After a few months he decided to go to the tech school and do the welding program. He qualified for a couple grants, which covered everything. The school was about 45 miles away, so rather than giving him gas money we allowed him to drive the Prius, which cost us about $5 a day, twice a week. DS has been here almost 2 years, working as a welder's helper and going to school full-time. He is set to graduate in August and we are ALL looking forward to him moving on.

I know I spent a lot more on DDs education than DSs. My rule was simple: Go to every class and don't fail anything. Period. No warnings, no do-overs. You flunk out, the money goes away, you go to work and move out. Both kids honored that. DS brought his horrible 0.9GPA up to a 3.0 in the last 18 months, which I think is pretty impressive. He is like a man on fire to learn and do well in school. I've told him that since he qualifies for free money, he'd be wise to take as many other core classes as he possibly can.

I'm really proud that my kids chose technical educations. Both of them graduated or will graduate with a skill that will provide them with a living straight out of the gate. DD is doing her dream job as head pastry chef at a popular restaurant; she plans to take extra training in the near future. DH is a little regretful that he didn't go to university, but it's still on the table. Welding pays well, so he will be able to support himself and go to college, if he wants to, especially if he can keep his GPA at 3.0.

And we can't wait for the day when we are truly empty nesters! 3 months and counting...

 

[Gumbo4x4]

If there were any leftover, we'd more than likely give it to the one that didn't use their share, rather than increase the allotment to the one who went "over budget" so to speak.

 

[sk!mom]

Both of our kids were given the same parameters and they made their choices within that. Beyond that, there was no effort to make it "even." Even came with what we offered, not what we spent.

Same here! We offered them the same thing. A fully paid, debt free bachelors degree. There was no dollar amount attached.

Our children are separated by 11 years. The current cost for DD20 is much more than the cost 11 years ago. DD is a very committed hard worker, though, who got much more in scholarships. But then she chose a school 4 hours away so there are high room and board costs.

If we have anything left two years from now, DH and I are headed straight to Italy. Watch for the posts- Summer 2018 (fingers crossed!)

 

[roseaster]

In the OP situation, if we had a set amount dedicated to each child's college expenses I would probably keep anything that was left over. If they chose a college path that cost more than the $60k they would have to supplement it with loans.

In our case we have 2 going to college in the fall. One chose to stay home and commute to the state school, one chose to go away. We have agreed to pay for undergrad within reason. Obviously, if a kid chose Princeton and actually got in we would have set a dollar amount and we would, probably base that on what we paid for other children.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, this wasn't the case.

 

[QueenIsabella]

One thing that occurs to me, which might make a difference in how people answer this question: is the money set aside in an account, specifically with the child's name? If so, I would consider it theirs. That's what I assumed when I read the OP. OTOH, if parents budget, say $100,000 to put both their kids through college, and wind up with $10,000 leftover when all is said and done, I could see the parents looking at that $10k as a windfall for them, rather than something to give to their kids. Does that make sense?

 

[Colleen27]

There's an illustration that goes around Facebook every now and then that sums up our approach fairly well. In one side of the panel, three kids of varying heights get the same sized box to help them see over a fence. The tall kid doesn't need the box, the middle child gets the boost he needs, and the smallest kid still can't see. In the other panel, they each get a boost according to their need - nothing for the tall kid, a small box for the middle child, and a bigger box for the little one. That's how we plan to distribute our college savings and financial resources: according to what the kids need to achieve their chosen career goals, not evenly by dollar amount regardless of the cost of their education.

DS plans on trade school. Right now, it looks like it'll probably be two years commuting to community college in the next county over - about $10,000 all together for the two-year program he's interested in, even with the higher non-resident tuition. DD is looking at selective 4-year universities that aren't within commuting distance; her college costs will easily be 10x what her brother needs. It would be ridiculous to try to keep the spending equal between the two kids when any attempt to do so would mean a big windfall for DS and unnecessary student loans for DD. And it would be even more ridiculous to try to spend equally on our youngest, who is 10/7 years younger than her siblings and will have many years of tuition hikes between her siblings' college experiences and her own.

 

[tvguy]

I would remind all parents that what comes around, goes around. Long after these children have completed their college educations and have kids of their own, all of us parents will be old and gray and may be in need of their time and maybe some financial assistance. DW and I think was have all the bases covered financially for our old age, but I can see we may need some of our kids time in our final years. I want them to remember we paid for all their college when they are picking a nursing home for us.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

No set amount, we just pay what it costs. My parents put absolutely no restrictions on my college and told me not to worry about it, they would figure it out. My husband and I will do the same, but with some restrictions. We will require good grades in order for our money to keep flowing.

 

[DawnM]

I would remind all parents that what comes around, goes around. Long after these children have completed their college educations and have kids of their own, all of us parents will be old and gray and may be in need of their time and maybe some financial assistance. DW and I think was have all the bases covered financially for our old age, but I can see we may need some of our kids time in our final years. I want them to remember we paid for all their college when they are picking a nursing home for us.

This isn't really how it works. Your kids may have jobs 1000 miles away and may be scattered. My parents retired 2000 miles from me. I can't be there to help. They are now at the age where traveling is difficult (mid 80s). I am not sure what we can do on a regular basis, between work and school for the kids, it isn't easy to get to them. Meanwhile, DH's parents are 1000 miles away in a DIFFERENT direction. They are early 80s.

We will not compromise our retirement to pay for college, which is why we have a set about and even that is dependent. We can pay X if I can't find a job. We can pay X plus Y additionally if I CAN get a job.

 

[tvguy]

This isn't really how it works. Your kids may have jobs 1000 miles away and may be scattered. My parents retired 2000 miles from me. I can't be there to help. They are now at the age where traveling is difficult (mid 80s). I am not sure what we can do on a regular basis, between work and school for the kids, it isn't easy to get to them. Meanwhile, DH's parents are 1000 miles away in a DIFFERENT direction. They are early 80s.

We will not compromise our retirement to pay for college, which is why we have a set about and even that is dependent. We can pay X if I can't find a job. We can pay X plus Y additionally if I CAN get a job.

Guess it depends on your family. In our group of friends a lot of money and vacation time is spent flying to where the parents are if they are not local.

 

[DawnM]

Guess it depends on your family. In our group of friends a lot of money and vacation time is spent flying to where the parents are if they are not local.

Are you talking your family of 5 goes 3 times per year to each parent, for a total of 10x6 flights per year? We simply can't do that time or money wise.