Parents of the High School Class of 2017/College 2021

[Sabeking]

Meanwhile, she regaled me with the roommate stories from her friends. Every single one is having some sort of roomie drama. One has an unknown boy that has moved into the suite and all the remaining roomies (3) are now sharing the space designed for 2. Another has a roomie that accuses the other 3 suite mates of theft on a daily basis. The latest accusation has to do with a $500 pen (is there really such a thing?) Funny, a dorm room with thousands of dollars in electronics (Phones, ipads, tablets and MacBooks) but the pen is the missing object. Another one of her friends had her entire suite up and leave for either other schools or parts unknown leaving her as the only occupant of a suite designed for 4, she is lonely, I feel bad for her.
I really hope all the roomie drama for everyone settles down soon and these kids can relax and be students[/QUOTE]

I figured it out, thanks!!!

So , I had to share a story my dd told me last night. I mentioned up thread about the neighbor boys who got in trouble for pot. So I asked her if things had quieted down and she said yes, they have a court date in October and it has been quiet over there. She said the one boy has been gone since Wednesday afternoon. His parents flew to Puerto Rico to help with the clean up. The kid then told his professors that he had family in Puerto Rico and was going to help with clean up. His professors said that was awesome and he could be excused from class the next three days. So, he got on a plane and flew down to Florida to stay with his girlfriend. Really, you can't make this stuff up! When she asked about the plane ticket, he said..ahh it's not a big deal ,they won't know till the end of the month. Huh?!

Ok I didn't figure it out. It did not highlight it in blue.

 

[Sabeking]

You can edit the quoted post by just deleting the text you want to eliminate, just make sure the opening quote and closing quote remain in their brackets. Note I removed your second paragraph regarding sharing space - as long as the bracketed items remain in the beginning and the end, the message will quote

My kids do not have curfews, they actually had very few "rules" they were never grounded, I just didn't need to. We were open with them, discussed everything and they knew there was nothing they could not share with us. We had a no questions asked/no repercussions policy for when/if they were ever out and about, were drinking and needed a ride. My kids never had to use this clause but my DS called me more than once to come get friends who were intoxicated and afraid to call their parents.

I tried to quote an earlier post of yours but it did not work. I'm terrible at this!

 

[bjscheel]

Ok I didn't figure it out. It did not highlight it in blue.

What happened was you must have deleted the [ ] at the beginning of the quote. See how it is in brackets at the end of what you tried to quote? Just make sure you only delete words the previous poster typed, and not the stuff in [] at the beginning and end.

 

[mamacatnv]

What happened was you must have deleted the [ ] at the beginning of the quote. See how it is in brackets at the end of what you tried to quote? Just make sure you only delete words the previous poster typed, and not the stuff in [] at the beginning and end.

you said this so much better than I did - I was afraid to type the [ ] not sure what it would do

 

[bjscheel]

you said this so much better than I did - I was afraid to type the [ ] not sure what it would do

Actually the first time I did it I put "quote" inside the brackets and it created a blue box for the rest of my post so I had to edit

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

DH and I got back today around noon from Blacksburg. We went up to visit DD and watch the Virginia Tech vs Clemson game. The tailgating was super fun; the atmosphere at the game was electric; DD was so excited to see us! Everything was perfect except for the final score. When we got home, DS20 was already at the house for his Fall Break. I got to hug both my babies . Can you say: BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!

 

[LilTinkFan]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

 

[J'aime Paris]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

So sorry to hear it!!
Has she talked to a counselor or advisor at school?
How far away is she?

I wish I had some advise, this cannot be easy!!

 

[LilTinkFan]

So sorry to hear it!!
Has she talked to a counselor or advisor at school?
How far away is she?

I wish I had some advise, this cannot be easy!!

She's almost five hours. Zero people known before arriving. Her academic adviser either got married or left because there is no one by that name on school directory. Her RA can't even remember her roommate name, she said they just don't click. Doesn't remember who the resident director was from first meeting in August but knows they don't live in her half of the twin buildings.
She had to advocate hard in high school for herself but it was small and her dad and I could pick up the phone if needed. Not so now.

 

[mamacatnv]

I had a co-worker who went through something similar - Their DD had a meltdown and was quite a distance away. Plugged her into the school counselor along with a promise she could come home at the winter break. The counselor was able to talk her off the ledge and helped get her thru the semester, the parents then retrieved her and she changed schools to the University close to home where she could commute from home.

I'm so sorry, hope y'all can sort something out for your DD - sounds like a perfect storm at the moment.

 

[sksjasams]

@LilTinkFan I am so sorry to hear what a tough time your DD is having. Getting sick on top of all the other stress prob pushed her over the edge.

Is she still going to her classes? That might help you gauge her level of functioning.

I don't know how flexible your work/life schedule is, but is there anyway you can get off and go see her for a couple days? Having you there to help her work thru some of this might be enough to get her back on track. Or seeing her in person will at least allow you to have a better idea if she can make it or not.

If there is a chance she needs to come home, you might want to check with the school to see how much/if any of her tuition/housing fees might be refundable.

Hugs to you both!

 

[SmallWorld71]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

I am so sorry.
If there are counseling services available at her school, definitely have her go.
Focus on fixing the easier problems first and on what is in her control. Remind her to take it one day at a time. If that's too much, then it's one hour at a time. If that's too much, then it's one minute at a time.

Give her something to look forward to: visiting a friend, a visit from you, whatever.

Remind her that if she does all she can and it doesn't get better, that it doesn't have to be permanent. She can transfer to another school that's a better fit, go to community college and then transfer, or some other option. College is not right for everyone right away and that's okay.

 

[mamamary]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

No advice - just

 

[debster812]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

Awww-I'm so sorry. It's a lot of adjustments all at once. Our DS started school at a VERY large, flagship university in a neighboring state. It was NOT a good fit. He had lecture hall classes larger than his HS graduating class, it was a much bigger party atmosphere than he thought it would be, he roomed with a friend from home, so never really reached out to make other friends, then when his roomie got a girlfriend, DS was kind of swinging in the wind. Plus he was not able to play the sport he'd been involved in at a pretty high level since he was 10.

He started talking about transferring about this far into his 1st semester. We told him he could come home at winter break, but he chose to stick it out, and finish off the year. He then transferred to one of our smaller satellite state universities, and it is a MUCH better fit. Smaller school, smaller classes, great group of friends, and he's playing his sport again.

It's super hard, and so heartbreaking when our kids are that unhappy. And I think it's so hard, because they think they know what they want from a college standpoint, but it's so hard to really know. I hope she is able to rally a little bit, and maybe hang in there until semester break. She's only got 6 weeks until Thanksgiving, and then only a few weeks after that til the end of the semester.

Good luck to you both!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

Does the school have a counseling center (not academic counseling but mental health counseling)? We learned about the counseling center at DS's school during parent orientation. The therapists told us about the types of issues they address all the time. They said they see a good number of freshman every year who are having a hard time transitioning to college. Many who come to them are ready to leave but seek out a therapist to talk it through. It might be helpful for your DD to talk to an on-campus therapist who can help her sort through the difficulties she's having and talk over her options.

 

[Sabeking]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

Oh goodness; I'm so sorry you all are going through this! My neighbor's daughter went through this and ended up transferring after the first year. I know that sounds like a long time but the breaks are fairly long which can make it more doable. I know one thing that has been helpful for my kids is if I break things down into time frames. Then it doesn't seem so overwhelming. For example you could say to your daughter, " I know you are unhappy and I'm asking you to hang in here till Thanksgiving break." Then we can talk about how to handle this. At Thanksgiving break I would then decide if it's time to seek out other universities or community college. Then if she is adamant, she can start the application process for elsewhere. Again, break it down to, " I know you can make till the end of the semester. " Maybe if you present it like that, I think it is easier to grasp and she has a semester under her belt. Truly it's 3 months. I always tell my girls, "I can do (fill in the blank) for 3 months! Good luck!!!

 

[LilTinkFan]

Does the school have a counseling center (not academic counseling but mental health counseling)? We learned about the counseling center at DS's school during parent orientation.

Not that I know of, but I'm going to go dig up that handbook from orientation and look.

 

[bethbuchall]

white flag waving

Anyone has/had a kid ready to pack up and come home? Need advice (other than telling her to suck it up) for our dd. It's just all too much. One issue at a time would be doable. Her class work, roomie sit, homesick, been health sick for two weeks, no job, bad food, etc etc all crashed down last wed night. Talked her through the weekend but don't think it is going to work out.

I'm so sorry that you and she are both going through this! I told all of mine before leaving that their initial college decision wasn't a life sentence and that deciding that they were in the wrong environment for them wasn't a failure. I only spent my freshman year at my "dream school" and then transferred to another excellent school closer to home and completely switched majors. Thankfully, my parents completely supported the decision. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have been different had I stayed with my original plans, but I know that I'm happier having made the switch.

My son said that one of his friend's roommates has already applied to transfer and is hoping to be gone after this semester. I don't think he's as unhappy as your daughter, but knowing that he'll most likely be accepted to the new school is helping him make it through the semester.

She's going to need to some help figuring out what she really wants and then how to move forward to get what she wants. I'm sure she's feeling very overwhelmed right now. Is there some sort of advising office that can help her sort through her thoughts?

 

[aprilgail]

Just a friendly reminder- FAFSA opened yesterday along with the CSS Profile- I got them both done and out of the way!

 

[mamacatnv]

I was surprised at how many of DD's friends came home mid year their first year or stuck it out and switched schools for their sophomore year.