Parents of College kids

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The pandemic wouldn't have been a consideration before starting freshman year. They wouldn't have even considered that an option. There was no reason to anticipate that they couldn't do an internship after freshman or sophomore year like normal.

But the pandemic was a very real issue for students once it happened. Many administrative staff were working from home, and getting return communication was challenging. You couldn't just stop by on your way home from class to get help with your issues. Students were doing good to get enrolled in the right classes.

Yeah that's what I was meaning when I was saying the pandemic wasn't there. It was basically under normal way of thinking. You're right once you get into college it is usually easier but I was pondering if it had even been looked at for that summer before college in terms of was there a job or a possible internship there even in something somewhat related to computer engineering. OP said son had had fast food joint jobs and a bank job.

As far as the second part correct. In relation to what my husband experienced at the career fair it was largely social ineptness going on and their interviews skills were horrible. The pandemic has had an impact there sure. I would hazard a guess that majority of colleges have been relatively normal discussing covid-related restrictions for quite a while now that may have prevented accessibility so if there's issues related to setting up students for jobs it's likely short staff or students not seeking out these resources.

At this point he might really need to seek advice on how his resume looks and his interview skills. That will be needed for any job not just one potentially in computer engineering and probably would be better than continuing to job seek and interview if you're not getting a single offer after applying for 100 positions and interviewing at places. I wonder if he sought help before even if it wasn't through the college.

Hindsight is 20/20 and only the OP knows their son but if he really was in such regret switching majors might have been the better option back at the end of his sophomore year. It would have lengthened their college career but I've known a few aerospace engineers who in their end of their junior/beginning of their senior year switched. Yeah that meant they wasted money and time but it was better for them in the end.

 

[Southernmiss]

You have received lots of great advice so far.

Our 24 year old had a very difficult final semester of senior year. It was during Covid, social networks had shut down, a particular lab professor (biology major, pre med) was extremely difficult and he was burnt out.

He graduated and has had 2 gap years trying to figure it out and get in medical school.

He has worked in our local ER and there has been a lot of personal growth for him. It's not been easy and has been tough on all of us.

But we are almost to the other side.

What I would tell myself, if i could go back is hang in there, be supportive, it will be difficult having a young man back in your home, but find that unconditional love parents have, give him some time, but not too much time and encourage and support him.

 

[Colleen27]

I've got a kid graduating this year too who is still very much up in the air as far as next steps. I think, unfortunately, their cohort is going to have a rough time of their first few years in their careers, between the lack of experience as a consequence of covid disruptions (my DD is a bio major and a lot of internships in her intended field didn't run in 2020 or 2021, and then in 2022 they had all that pent up application demand and ended up being way more competitive than normal) and employers now tightening their hiring as they brace for a predicted recession. I'm glad DD21 is as flexible and as resilient as she is, because I think she's going to need to lean into rolling with the punches and letting enthusiasm carry her for a while longer until she can get her feet under her.

I think others have offered good job hunting advice - cast a wider net, take advantage of career services or networking opportunities at his uni, look at USAJobs and other govt programs like Americorps for young professional opportunities, etc.. The only thing I'd add is that I'd encourage my child to try to step back from the anxiety as much as possible. Get involved in senior celebrations, see that thing in the college town that you've never quite made time for, and let what happens in May come in its own time. Which is not to suggest burying his head in the sand and giving up the search, but sometimes things fall into place only when we step back and let go a bit. I'd also encourage him to look for a different therapist if his current arrangement isn't meeting his needs. Sometimes there's a bit of trial and error in finding someone who "clicks", and with the burnout and stress your son is coping with, having the right professional in his corner could be a huge help.

 

[Southernmiss]

Other thoughts for your son's job prospects

Has he looked outside your local or regional area for jobs?

Maybe there are more opportunities in a different area of the country.

Our 24 year old looked into Teach for America also as a way to serve in his gap year.

 

[rigs32]

It sounds like he needs to start looking for jobs that interest him, not just high paying computer engineer jobs. Or maybe a job in a company that does hire what he's looking for and he can work to transition roles once he's in the door.

I took a job after undergrad that paid less than some of my peers, but it was a specialized position that looks great on my resume. I ended up going to law school 5 years after graduating and took a job where my science background isn't needed, but it's helpful and has led me to a high level government job that I love the majority of time.

Most government jobs still come with good benefits (generous PTO) and a pension. Unlike most people my age, I will be receiving a guaranteed income in retirement that will be more than enough to live on. I'm still saving at a moderate rate to ensure I can pay for good care in my old age and travel.

Like others have said, he may also want to work on his interviewing skills. It can be a lot easier to get a job at a restaurant or a bank than the sorts of professional jobs he's looking for.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My nephew graduated recently with the same degree from a college down the street from BU (Wentworth). He struggled, as well, getting an internship (they were responsible for arranging them themselves), and finding a job after graduation, but he finally did (took a year). He moved out to the suburbs with some friends and found a job there.

I also worked with a nurse who was previously an engineer. I liked working with her because she could always fix things! She went on to get a graduate degree in nursing (besides bachelors in both engineering and nursing), and worked happily for years in her second career. I have heard similar stories many times in talking to patients. So it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t like engineering - but I would strongly encourage him to finish. He can move forward with something else afterward if he wants to, but at least he’ll have his degree in hand. And ultimately that might help his self-esteem, knowing he’s finished. I used to tell my kids the same thing - just finish!

I wonder if, besides things that have already been mentioned, something like a Life Coach might be helpful, if he’s amenable. Could there be things about his appearance that people are reacting negatively to?

https://www.betterup.com/blog/life-coaching

I also second having someone skilled look at his resume and practicing interviewing skills.

Good luck with this. It is hard to watch and worry when our kids are deep in the muck. He’s in one of the most difficult programs an it’s a tough place to be. But nothing comes without effort, right? My DD is at the tail end of her graduate program and it’s kicking her butt, also. To the point where she’s been sick a lot and irritable, etc. I’ll be glad when she’s done.

 

[cmlnkb]

Thank you everyone for such great advice and encouragement. I am hopeful for him and still encouraging him. Fingers crossed something good happens for him soon!

 

[Pink Partridge]

We have a family friend whose son CRAWLED over the finish line for his engineering degree. This was 5 years ago, and like your son, he could not get a job. All of his engineering friends had jobs well before graduation. His was a GPA issue.

He eventually applied to the Department of Defense. VERY low pay for a starting engineer. But he did get the job. He is doing quite well now and just bought a house. May be worth a try.

 

[LuvOrlando]

So sad, right now things are tough but good people are always desirable. Best guess would be to start out creating a good Linkedin set to Greater Boston Area, list all the keywords he'd want to pop up into. Second step would be to google search for tech startups in the Boston Area then take those names and research Linkedin for who is the businesses' HR person and/or hiring manager and reach out to them. Startups like go-getters so it would be seen as a plus. Startups are not formal so he might get offered a job as a SDR in sales or he might want to aim at a sales engineer, they do very well and are in very high demand to demo the product for sales & once you make contacts you can move around. There are tons of businesses a bit further North so open up to those areas as well. He'll also find lots of hospitals and schools who need people schoolspring.com is useful for a school related jobs & schools need tech too.

Good luck

 

[tcufrog]

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. I was on track to go to seminary after college and even visited some. The summer before my senior year though I had a second summer church internship and realized that it wasn't the right fit for me. I graduated adrift and worked a variety of temp jobs until I met a library sciences graduate student at a friend's holiday party. While I was talking to her a lightbulb went off and I realized that it was the career for me. My parents were on a very long road trip right after Christmas and were difficult to get ahold of. By the time they returned, I had applied to and been accepted to a graduate program nearby and had my financial aid worked out. I had applied for a secretary job on campus and was about to move into an apartment that was closer to the university. Needless to say, they were stunned but after talking to me they supported my decisions. It helped that I wasn't asking for any money.

Once I knew I just knew. It was difficult at times to go to grad school part-time and work full-time to pay for college and living expenses but I loved what I was doing so it was worth it.

My advice is that, depending on what he really wants to do, it's not to late to pursue something else. Even though I didn't go into what I planned to do, the skills I gained during undergrad were very useful during grad school.

I would focus on his grades and mental health first and once he's hopefully graduated, fall back and regroup.

 

[FQLover]

Hugs to you and to your son! Lots of wonderful advice here. I agree with someone else who posted up thread about possibly withdrawing from one or more of his classes.

If the classes he is taking currently start to spiral down, remind him that he can withdraw from one with a WP (Withdraw Pass) and that will not hurt his GPA. If he waits until he is failing and can't turn it around, he will get a WF and that *will* negatively impact his GPA.

Doing this would mean that he would not graduate on time in May, but he wouldn't have hurt his GPA further by trying to manage all 5 or 6 classes and failing them. He could make up a missing class or two in the summer or next year. I agree that his mental health is what is most important.

Sometimes a college will let a student withdraw from the whole semester with a "W" for health reasons (mental health included). You won't get tuition back but the whole GPA worry is removed. His transcript shows up with a "W" for each of the classes he was taking. I am a professor and a department adviser, and at my college, a student who has withdrawn from a whole semester on a health leave has to petition to get back in, once they have recovered (and if they choose to). Some definitely do that, and others go on to make other plans or choices for their future.

I am just writing this in case it turns out that he needs to get out now, or pretty soon, for his safety and well being. Perhaps it is not that dire, though.

 

[cvjw]

My son had a similar experience. Most of his time at university was during covid. No internships. No career fairs. He graduated with a degree in MIS, with no job. He had applied with several companies that he had interacted with in his MIS classes. He ended up taking a position with one that he really wasn’t interested in, but it was a job.

He was very unhappy for several months. Just moping around - so defeated. He hated the job he had taken. We ended up telling him that he was in charge of his life now. He could be proactive and find another job, or go back to school for another degree or a graduate degree. Or he could be miserable in his current position and nothing would change. It took a while, but He got on the ball and found another job doing what he went to school for - with another of the companies he had interacted with in a MIS class.

It really is tough for these kids who went to school during the pandemic. They missed out on so much. It is easy for them to only think of the negative. We tried to tell our son that it would get better - this was only a temporary bump in the road.

I would tell your son to focus on his GPA and try and finish strong - the end is in sight. Then get a job, any job - to give him time to get a different perspective. It is much easier to find the job you want if you are employed. Then, if he is still truly miserable in several months, it may be time to think of a different degree or a masters degree.

Hugs to you. It did get better for us and I hope it gets better for you and your son.

 

[lifesavacation]

I'm sorry your son is going through this. It's not easy to be a parent and watch while they struggle.

My 26 year old stopped by our house last night. He's a firefighter/EMT and living his best life right now. His senior year of college he panicked! He had interviewed with several fire departments and had gotten rejections. He had an interview with the department that eventually hired him and he almost cancelled the interview. My husband actually had to pick him up and drive him to it because he wasn't going to go. Anyways, we were talking last night and I tried getting some insight into what he was thinking at the time. He said the interview rejections and the thought of having to leave college, which he described as a fun and "safe" place, sent him into a spiral. Even after he got a job offer, he was thinking of staying for a 5th college year because he didn't feel ready. Transitions can be stressful. College to working life even more, IMHO. Interviewing and not getting a job can really wear you down.

Good luck with this. Your son has worked so hard in college that he'll land on his feet somewhere, eventually. My advice is to continue to encourage and support him.

 

[cmlnkb]

I'm sorry your son is going through this. It's not easy to be a parent and watch while they struggle.

My 26 year old stopped by our house last night. He's a firefighter/EMT and living his best life right now. His senior year of college he panicked! He had interviewed with several fire departments and had gotten rejections. He had an interview with the department that eventually hired him and he almost cancelled the interview. My husband actually had to pick him up and drive him to it because he wasn't going to go. Anyways, we were talking last night and I tried getting some insight into what he was thinking at the time. He said the interview rejections and the thought of having to leave college, which he described as a fun and "safe" place, sent him into a spiral. Even after he got a job offer, he was thinking of staying for a 5th college year because he didn't feel ready. Transitions can be stressful. College to working life even more, IMHO. Interviewing and not getting a job can really wear you down.

Good luck with this. Your son has worked so hard in college that he'll land on his feet somewhere, eventually. My advice is to continue to encourage and support him.

I agree that leaving college is scary for him. He does NOT want to come home and the thought of maybe coming home is also stressful to him. Thank you for this insight. I agree, it is also fear of change.

 

[clori]

Is he a computer software engineer or a computer hardware engineer? Is he looking to work in the Greater Boston area?

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I wish I could have changed my daughter's college path.
Graduated almost 10 yrs ago with a marketing degree. She works retail. She's a lead in the department and has 8 yrs seniority but she is absolutely underemployed.
Nothing hurt more than running into an old teacher of hers who said to me ( and this was already years ago) with the time passing since her graduation, her degree becomes worthless. Wow! I never relayed that to my daughter though.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

and prayers for your daughter, Forevermarypoppins.

 

[cmlnkb]

Is he a computer software engineer or a computer hardware engineer? Is he looking to work in the Greater Boston area?

His degree is Computer/Electrical Engineer because he has taken some courses in EE. He prefers hardware over software but has knowledge in both. He would LOVE to stay in the Boston area but I am sure he would be willing to relocate.

 

[cmlnkb]

His degree is Computer/Electrical Engineer BU calls it ECE because he has taken some courses in EE. He prefers hardware over software but has knowledge in both. He would LOVE to stay in the Boston area but I am sure he would be willing to relocate.

 

[monsterkitty]

I agree that leaving college is scary for him. He does NOT want to come home and the thought of maybe coming home is also stressful to him. Thank you for this insight. I agree, it is also fear of change.

His degree is Computer/Electrical Engineer because he has taken some courses in EE. He prefers hardware over software but has knowledge in both. He would LOVE to stay in the Boston area but I am sure he would be willing to relocate.

This is way out of the box but please hang with me.

My older sister was a Chemical Engineer major. Halfway through her sophomore year, she came home and told my parents she was leaving CU and transferring to a small college in Durango. She never went to class at CU because skiing was more fun. Yet she was still getting straight-As. She had never had to struggle in school and decided wasting money on an expensive school was stupid.

The school she transferred to was the complete opposite of CU as all engineering classes were no than 10-15 students so each assignment was geared towards the individual student but there were also group projects. She was at this school for a few weeks when she called and asked me how to study.

Her senior year, especially the second semester, sounds like what your son is going through now. My sister was terrified to leave college yet at the same time, afraid to come. It was at this point she realized that she didn't want to be a Chemical Engineer but had no direction.

While she failed badminton as her PE credit, they signed off on her PE credit because she was on the ski patrol at the town ski area and she was allowed to graduate. Seriously, who fails badminton? She now says it was a subconscious attempt to not graduate because she had no focus, only fear of the unknown.

One of her professors saw what she was going through and handed her a brochure on the Peace Corps. She applied, interviewed, and spent the next 4 years in the Philippines in the PC helping villagers build fishponds and other structures. After her PC commitment, she stayed in the Philippines for two more years with her husband and a bit later, their daughter.

When her and her DH and DD moved from the Philippines, she had no desire to go into Engineering. Instead, she went back to school and got her teaching degree and became a math and science teacher. Later she became a principal.

My sister and I both talk about the depression we both felt in college but our mom didn't believe in depression or any other mental illness. My sister credits her professor for saving her life by handing her that brochure.

While the Peace Corps may and probably not what your son wants, there maybe something else not related to engineering that help him figure out what he wants to do.

Can he use any of his classes to help him get an emergency teaching license in math or science? Someone mentioned Teach for America. My friend's son did TfA and loved it.

As other have said, look at government positions.

Public school districts also need computer engineers. While the pay may be lower than public sector, there are many benefits to working for a school district.

The unknown is terrifying, even for those of us who are way older than a college senior (retiring was terrifying for me because of the unknown). Encouraging him, like we can see that you are, will help him with the baby steps. Looking beyond the typical Computer Engineering position may be what he needs to get started. He just needs a door to open to those out of the box ideas.