Parenting dilemma - WAY too soon for this!!!

[SillyMe]

Invite the girl over to your house & rent the movie "Thirteen". Seriously. I watched this movie with my daughter. Every teenager should watch it - with their parents. It's eye opening and graphic (as in details). I have a 13 yo daughter, too. Her dad didn't think I should allow her to watch it, but I did, and I watched it with her. He prefers to live in the dark and pretend she doesn't know anything about these topics. I keep telling him that attitude is what would get her into trouble. I'd rather be aware of exactly what she knows so I can make sure she knows the FACTS, not what other kids THINK they know as a fact. If you don't feel comfortable watching the movie with your daughter's friend, at least watch it with your own daughter.

 

[always quiet]

My DD and I are fairly open and relaxed when it comes to these kind of discussions....sometimes, maybe TOO relaxed! The other night at the dinner table, in front of the entire family (including her dad!) she starts talking about what they are learning in health class (************)!! I think he almost choked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow, 13 that's really young to even know or think about those kinds of things.

Disagree there. My 13yodd knows all. We talk about it openly.

 

[becka]

Disagree there. My 13yodd knows all. We talk about it openly.

That just scares the you-know-what out of me!!!!

I dont' recall even knowing about some of these particular "acts" that are "not sex" until I was older and I am only 29 so this wasn't eons ago. I may have been a prude but I just can't imagine a girl wanting to do these things at that age. Heck, I was disgusted by the thought of certain acts until I was probably 18 or so.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I still think you are placing your focus on her 'friend' and should be placing it on the concern that your DD may be involved in more than you think. Friends are an indicator of your childs life. Not necessarily that she is doing the exact same things at all, but definitely something that would be a cause for concern. JMHO

ITA. I'd be concerned that the boy felt comfortable telling your DD this kind of thing.

 

[lyeag]

I would call the mother of the girl. This is just my two cents, but I taught 6/7th grade, and these things happen more than most parents would imagine. Sometimes it is just talk-trying to be popular, and sometimes it is actually doing it to be cool.

The girls at my school (this was Iowa) would carry around notebooks and write notes to their friends in them and pass the notebooks between classes. They thought it would look like they were taking school notes if they were writing in them. Usually 2 or 3 girls used the same notebook to write back and forth to each other in. Once in a while they would get caught writing in them, or would leave them behind. Sometimes is was typical jr high girl talk, but more often it was about who had done what with who, and where and how. We would simply give the notebook to the guidance office and they would call the parents and tell them there was something they needed to come to school and pick up.

The girls would always say it was just talk, and most of the parents believed it. Funny, some would turn up pregnant.

I have a dd 7th so I understand your fear. The biggest thing you can do is know where dd is -especially after school. Too many of the things I read happened after school before parents came home from work. Most kids that age with working parents come home to any empty house.

Good Luck!!

 

[IloveDMB]

I'm just confused as to why you didn't identify yourself to the boy that was IMing you. He obviously did not mean to IM you, but your daughter. Why wouldn't you say "Hi, this is so and so's mom. I'm using the computer right now"?

 

[3gr8kids]

Scary stuff. Was wondering if anyone else saw the special with Katie Couric about teens and sex? It was pretty informative. Apparently, the latest "in thing" is called "friends with benefits". It is sooo scary to think that these kids are involved in this sort of thing thinking it is no big deal.

 

[always quiet]

The only reason I did not identify myself in this conversation was because I didn't intend to continue with it. His "guess what I was planning after school" comment came in the second line!

 

[Papa Deuce]

From a male perspective... BE VERY CONCERNED... you'll have to trust me on this. I remember things I was involved it at a young age. I'm positive, even now, that my mother had no idea of what I was doing ( and what I should not have been doing ).

 

[Traveliz]

I always identify myself if an IM comes through that isn't for me. I do have an older child - but really its only correct to be true about who you are from the beginning. Sort of like if the phone rang and the person thought you sounded like the daughter...you wouldn't continue on with them assuming you were the daughter.

Just giving short responses doesn't indicate a lack of interest in chatting as you said you were hoping to convey in your first post. I see lots of IMs that are filled with oh, yeah, sure, no, yes and no real sentences.

Liz

 

[the kabuki]

I always identify myself if an IM comes through that isn't for me. I do have an older child - but really its only correct to be true about who you are from the beginning. Sort of like if the phone rang and the person thought you sounded like the daughter...you wouldn't continue on with them assuming you were the daughter.

Just giving short responses doesn't indicate a lack of interest in chatting as you said you were hoping to convey in your first post. I see lots of IMs that are filled with oh, yeah, sure, no, yes and no real sentences.

Liz

My daughter, my home, my computer, I'll answer one of her IM's anyday!!
It is my business to know what my children are up to. And yes, I would appreciate it if another mother called to let me know what's going on.
Much of what's wrong with this country is that no one wants to get involved.
To quote "It takes a village to raise a child"

 

[Microcell]

If my daughter were pretending to be a tramp to a boy and promised him sexual favors, even though she didn't follow through, I would want to know.

She could also be getting pressured and now is the time for mom to help guide her, offer support and help her stay strong.

 

[Kallison]

Wow, 13 that's really young to even know or think about those kinds of things.

Guess what parents WAKE UP this is going on in the middle schools. This the generations spin the bottle. It's very casual and happening at parties. If you haven't had the "talk" or an ongoing dialogue with your kids, you better GET ON IT, and quit sticking your heads in the sand - ie "not my kids" or "not in our schools"!!

 

[robinb]

She could also be getting pressured and now is the time for mom to help guide her, offer support and help her stay strong.

Exactly. I think the parents of the other girl need to know. Even if the boy is just "talking trash". They should at least know that some little snot is saying that about their daughter. I'm sure that trash talking can sometimes lead to the real thing.

ETA: always quiet ... you need to put yourself in the shoes of the other parent for a second. You are not your child's friend and you are not your child's friend's friend. You are a parent who need to help these kids get through adolescence in one piece. Wouldn't you want to know if it were the friend's mom who intercepted the IM?

 

[Traveliz]

>>My daughter, my home, my computer, I'll answer one of her IM's anyday!!
It is my business to know what my children are up to. And yes, I would appreciate it if another mother called to let me know what's going on.
Much of what's wrong with this country is that no one wants to get involved.
To quote "It takes a village to raise a child"<<

Sure my phone too but I wouldn't pretend to be someone I wasn't on the phone...believe me I check out what my daughter is up to but I am not going to pretend I am someone I am not in a conversation. That is just not right.

Liz

 

[zurgswife]

I have a 13dd and I'd want to know and if I found out the info...I would be sure to tell the other parent...

 

[Maleficent2]

How did this boy get her email to be added to her buddy list? That is what would concern me? Not saying your daughter is telling an untruth but that sounded like a pretty chummy conversation to be having with someone, short as it was.

Mal

 

[skiwee1]

I still think you are placing your focus on her 'friend' and should be placing it on the concern that your DD may be involved in more than you think. Friends are an indicator of your childs life. Not necessarily that she is doing the exact same things at all, but definitely something that would be a cause for concern. JMHO

Just what I was going to say. I want to add that I think your DD giving the friend a piece of her mind was all a front. You really can't believe that your DD was surprised about this do you? I am sure your DD knows what's happening too but put on a good show as if she didn't.

 

[shortbun]

It's all been said here. Who's the boy? Why did he feel comfortable talking to your DD like that right off? Pass the info on to the girl's parent as info NOT as an accusation, it' very probably trash talk. Read and use the IM ability on your PC ANY way you choose as a parent, by ALL means! I'd definitely postpone or rescind any freedoms my DD had if this type of conversation were communicated to her in passing. These kids are very scary aren't they? Good luck.