Other guests who ruin the Magic...

[angwill]

I have a nephew with Aspergers and I teach 3 Autistic children...... and I have raging ADHD (FULLY), yet I survive!

I am sick OF THE excuses. I have a Masters degree in Education. All I can say is........ stop making excuses!!!

Teach coping skills...........

Wow, sorry to have pushed your button. Yeah coping skills those are important. In the school I taught at we taught coping skills, social skills, you name it. If the kids were going to have a melt down all the coping and social skills in the world couldn't stop it. In time their meltdowns would get better but they never stopped completely especially with too much stimulation like at WDW. Even knowing the consequences of their actions couldn't stop it or the fact that we stuck by the consequence instead of making excuses. I am sure you were refering to my post and I didn't realize I was making excuses in your opinion. I was trying to open the relm of different people having different needs and excepting people for who they are no matter how different they seem or how they act as long as it isn't effecting a person directly. Coping skills do include accepting other peoples opinions as just that their opinion and not flaming them for them, right? I do accept you for your post and thanks for sharing your opinion on the matter sorry if I upset you in any way.

Ang

 

[Finny]

I've actually been known to turn to children/teens in these situations and say, "You will NOT speak to an adult like that." It usually shocks the bejeezers out of *everyone*, generally emboldens the adult, and shuts the kid down. Many times, it seems that they aren't even aware that other people are watching and they are SO embarassed when they realize. And, no, I've never been threatened or punched, I just put on my English Teacher Eyes, give them "The Look" and have at it. Most of the time, you can tell a brat from a child with a disability if you look carefully and observantly enough. Part of the problem is that no one feels like they can speak up anymore, not even the parents. God forbid that little Johnny get his ego bruised.

*Bold Mine*

Can I ask why an adult shouldn't be spoken to like that?

I hear this phrase all the time, and never understand it. My kids are respectful to anyone who is deserving of respect. Age shouldn't matter. My sister is not always nice, and loves to push their buttons with "teasing". She is family, so we have to deal with her. My kids have yelled, in a very scene inducing manner, at her when she is pushing their buttons.

I understand in the OP situation, it does indeed sound like an out of control teen. But consider the other options.. Maybe they were trying to make go on a ride she wasn't comfortable with? Maybe she didn't feel well, but the vacation is too much money to stay at the hotel. Maybe one of the other siblings was teasing her. Heck, maybe she just was PMS-ey.

My kids debate lively, and loudly, with both, my husband and I, and we are glad they are comfortable with expressing their thoughts. If someone said something to us, I would tell them to but out.

 

[DawnMarie]

*Bold Mine*

Can I ask why an adult shouldn't be spoken to like that?

I hear this phrase all the time, and never understand it. My kids are respectful to anyone who is deserving of respect. Age shouldn't matter. My sister is not always nice, and loves to push their buttons with "teasing". She is family, so we have to deal with her. My kids have yelled, in a very scene inducing manner, at her when she is pushing their buttons.

I understand in the OP situation, it does indeed sound like an out of control teen. But consider the other options.. Maybe they were trying to make go on a ride she wasn't comfortable with? Maybe she didn't feel well, but the vacation is too much money to stay at the hotel. Maybe one of the other siblings was teasing her. Heck, maybe she just was PMS-ey.

My kids debate lively, and loudly, with both, my husband and I, and we are glad they are comfortable with expressing their thoughts. If someone said something to us, I would tell them to but out.

I have two children 13 & 12 I would never let them speak disrescpectfully to anyone adult or child. You can your express your fellings in a healthy way. I am a big believe in speaking to someone as you would have them to speak to you.

And I would not allow anyone to fustrate my children not aunts, uncles or grandparents. I think you should have a talk with your sister and explain the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.

 

[Finny]

Oh, believe me, I have tried with my sister. She is 40, unmarried, no children, and still treated like the queen of the family by my Mom and Dad. Everyone was always worried about upsetting her growing up, and they still do. My kids don't get like the child the OP saw, but they do firmly, and sometimes loudly, stand their ground with her. It could be perceived as disrespectful to an adult if someone noticed it.

And, my main question was why is it wrong to speak to an adult that way? I actually agree with you, as you said you don't allow your children to speak to adults or children.

We too, teach our children to treat others as they want to be treated. They are bright and articulate people. I love hearing their opinions, but often in our extended family, they are told their views are wrong by other non-immediate family members. If they speak up, they are told they shouldn't, as they are just kids. It makes them feel their opinions are not valid. We are the hippie like outcasts of the family, our children are homeschooled, and taught to learn about the world, and form their own opinions on things.

There are some very old-fashioned people who believe children should be seen, but not heard. And I have had people say that children shouldn't be entitled to argue their viewpoints, as they are children and the adult deserves respect. It always boggles my mind when people are not willing to listen to someone due to their age. It happens to the elderly in our society, and the young, I don't think it is fair.

I do think the child in question in the original post did sound out of control, but without knowing the whole situation I would never take it upon myself to say something to a stranger. And, I would never say adults shouldn't be spoken to in that matter, as if they shoud get preferential treatment because they are adults.

 

[DVC-Don]

The people that post on this board sure do gripe about children a lot. I don't post much on this site as I do passporter. .......................

Oh Lord! This is a big site with thousands more members. Over there is like a little Stepford Wifes town.

 

[Albort]

LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of times.

the most i remember is when a guest just started cussing for no reason. I was like okay, please calm down sir. but he just kept cussing. I guess he was pissed off or something. Then his wife whacked him in the back of the head and told him to shut up.

 

[darlak]

I work at Family Court and just let me repeat...spanking is not illegal. You just can't leave marks. I have 4 kids and they have all been spanked at least a couple of times. The more important thing is that whatever disclipline I threaten them with, they know that I mean it. Just be careful what you threaten...never threaten to ground them for 6 months...unless you're prepared to follow through. It's very difficult to teach a 10 y/o respect; it has to begin when they're knee high. Remember what you may find cute behavior in a 3 y/o won't be so cute when they're 7 or 8.

My older children, now 28, 22 and 20, laughingly say whenever they hear a child talking back to a parent, "My mom would have knocked me to the ground if I talked to her like that." Let me say, I have never knocked anyone (especially my kids) to the ground. It's all a question of respect. I respect them too much to talk to them that way and I respect myself too much to let them talk to me that way.

One of the most disturbing things I've ever heard said at WDW was a parent telling a crying child about 4 or 5 years old, "Mickey Mouse told me that he wishes you would just go away! He doesn't want you to ever come back!"

 

[papabear4]

One of the most disturbing things I've ever heard said at WDW was a parent telling a crying child about 4 or 5 years old, "Mickey Mouse told me that he wishes you would just go away! He doesn't want you to ever come back!"

Yikes. This is why I think one of the most important things we can do as parents, humans, whatever, is to manage our expectations. The parents who said that to their child probably weren't any worse than the rest of us, but they probably had built the whole Disney experience up into such a big huge deal that nothing could live up to it. And then of course they snapped.

At least most of you don't have to live with the fear of scaring people away from adoption. We have three birth kids and adopted a fourth from China. She's doing beautifully overall, but once she gets upset, forget it. Let's just say we are working hard on developing coping skills (she's) 2 1/2. If you see us at WDW during one of her meltdowns, remember this thread and smile kindly at us.

 

[SueM in MN]

Oh - anyone know of the people who get wheelchairs on purpose, with no one in need of it, just to get priority seating? I actually seen this as a "tip" on another Disney board.

The laugh is on them then because the seating for people using wheelchairs and ECVs is usually in the back row of the theaters.
And, since most of the lines are wheelchair and ECV accessible, in most cases they will be waiting in the same lines with everyone else.

 

[DawnMarie]

Oh, believe me, I have tried with my sister. She is 40, unmarried, no children, and still treated like the queen of the family by my Mom and Dad. Everyone was always worried about upsetting her growing up, and they still do. My kids don't get like the child the OP saw, but they do firmly, and sometimes loudly, stand their ground with her. It could be perceived as disrespectful to an adult if someone noticed it.

And, my main question was why is it wrong to speak to an adult that way? I actually agree with you, as you said you don't allow your children to speak to adults or children.

We too, teach our children to treat others as they want to be treated. They are bright and articulate people. I love hearing their opinions, but often in our extended family, they are told their views are wrong by other non-immediate family members. If they speak up, they are told they shouldn't, as they are just kids. It makes them feel their opinions are not valid. We are the hippie like outcasts of the family, our children are homeschooled, and taught to learn about the world, and form their own opinions on things.

There are some very old-fashioned people who believe children should be seen, but not heard. And I have had people say that children shouldn't be entitled to argue their viewpoints, as they are children and the adult deserves respect. It always boggles my mind when people are not willing to listen to someone due to their age. It happens to the elderly in our society, and the young, I don't think it is fair.

I do think the child in question in the original post did sound out of control, but without knowing the whole situation I would never take it upon myself to say something to a stranger. And, I would never say adults shouldn't be spoken to in that matter, as if they shoud get preferential treatment because they are adults.

I agree that children do have the right to express themselves but it should be respectful. If I misunderstood your post I'm sorry .

When I say that I don't allow my kids to speak to adults or children in a rude way, I mean they have been taught to speak and express themselves in a civil manner. I don't believe you allow the the person you are conversing with to change how you conduct yourself. I know that are times when everyone is pushed to the brink but for the most part I think we can remain civil and firm in what we say.

 

[TONNIE]

The people that post on this board sure do gripe about children a lot. I don't post much on this site as I do passporter. I think I know why as of today. But today alone the hot topic is about parents and their children. I'm shocked. I have children, and it is very hard to be a good parent. I don't judge. I have a hard enough time potty training a 3 year old. My husband gave him a little swat on the bottom at McDonald's, for talking back to us, and shouting NO, and this couple came over and told us if they seen us do that again they would call the police. Now, how in the world are you suppose to control your kids again? This question is for all the moms and dads, or the ones that don't have any children and think it is suppose to be easy, out there that could do that once upon a time. Time out is a joke.

I agree Kids are not the same. All my parents had to do is look at me and I behaved. I have to tell my kids over and over again to do things. I believe in a good swat and if you don't like it don't look. Where would you be when my kids get older and have no respect and discipline. I will raise my children to the best of my ability and make well rounded functional individuals who can cope in the REAL world. Lets face TIME OUT is a JOKE... I agree with this post, every once in a while someone makes a comment on big kids in strollers, out too late, too young to go to Disney, or parents who take kids out of school to go to Disney. You have to remember these are opinions and don't mean much....oh by the way when my kids act up and I need to take control a nice little pinch seems to work wonders on bad behavior. IMHO

 

[graygables]

My husband gave him a little swat on the bottom at Mcdonalds, for talking back to us, and shouting NO, and this couple came over and told us if they seen us do that again they would call the police. Now, how in the world are you suppose to control your kids again? This question is for all the moms and dads, or the ones that don't have any children and think it is suppose to be easy, out there that could do that once upon a time. Time out is a joke.

I missed this one...I had that happen to me once. I offered them my cell phone. It's important that your children see you respond to these kinds of things in a firm, appropriate manner. I have the right to the "care, custody, and control" of my children in any legal way I see fit. I've seen the village and I don't *WANT* their help, thank you. If you approach all of your discipline from that point of view, your attitudes/demeanor will make it clear to your children that you aren't going to take any guff, from them or anyone else.

The other big thing that I see as a huge parenting failure is lack of follow-through. If you tell Junior you are going to take away his DSLite for a month, you'd better be good and ready to take it away. If you, in a fit of anger (never a good way to discipline), yell that Junior is going to be grounded for 6 months, you'd better be ready to follow through or you just lost credibility. How many times have I heard at WDW, "If you don't stop that, we're just going to go home!". Yeah, right. You've invested $4000 in this vacation, it's day one, and you're going to hop a flight this afternoon? However, "If you don't stop that, we're going to go back to the hotel and you can spend [insert your time frame here] sitting on the bed." is realistic (and I've BTDT, after 2 hours of sitting on the bed, DD decided she really didn't feel like whining anymore for the rest of the trip).

 

[TheMorgans]

One of the techniques that I used with my children - esp. when they were younger - was when they saw someone (more often it was the adult having the meltdown rather then the child) having the out of control meltdown was have them focus on what the people around the out of control person was doing. (Such as how the people looked at the meltdown person and what the comments were.) The would note the reactions and not what to have that negative attention on themselves. We also used this to time to teach tolerance. We expained to our kiddos that this child my have a problem that is not visable on the outside (autism, ADHD, ...) and that it may be hard for that person to behave appropriatly. Just a thought - it seemed to work well for us.

 

[GrumpyOne]

Whenever I see that type of temper tantrum from a child, I don't get embarrassed for the parents, I stare right at them, mentally saying "You know what you should be doing, get up and do it." Occasionally, this causes the father to get up and do something, more often they turn their head and look out the window.

I don't have a problem with people losing their cool, everyone does. At least my daughter is thinking twice about doing it in a public fashion. She's not fond of standing with her nose up against the side of whatever is nearby.

I have a nephew with Aspergers and I teach 3 Autistic children...... and I have raging ADHD (FULLY), yet I survive!

I am sick OF THE excuses. I have a Masters degree in Education. All I can say is........ stop making excuses!!!

Teach coping skills...........

Too many people find it easier to medicate.

 

[emerymt]

Here is my golden rule of parenting:

Pick your battles wisely and make sure you win.

 

[teacher100]

Here is my golden rule of parenting:

Pick your battles wisely and make sure you win.

Words to live by. How nice it is that most of these people have the perfect children and the perfect solutions to everyone else's problem. I will never forget the lady giving me the nasty look on the Universe of energy during the last boring movie. My three year old was whining that he wanted to get off. That movie was so boring everyone would have probably liked to get off. I would have even without a fussy child, but there were no exits. I apologized to her, but she continued to give me nasty looks. I guess she wanted me to gag him. I guess I could have scolded, beaten him, or had one of those long Cosby discussions with him that he couldn't comprehend, but somehow I didn't think that would work. Ironically this is his favorite ride now! Thank goodness they changed the boring movies. We went back when he was in the third grade and he practically had Ellen's script memorized.

 

[Sireney]

With three teenagers of my own, I know that at some point during a vacation, one of them is going to have a meltdown. Usually, it's my middle guy - he's a hot headed Italian, just like his dad. My kids are also quick to comment, loudly, that if they were acting that way we'd be heading back to the hotel, or going home, depending on where we are.

At 41, I tend to get really cranky, too. The last trip to WDW in February, I went with my XH, left the kids at home, and each day we always came back to the room so I could nap for a while . He happily watched some sports or SoapNet .

Even though it's a bit annoying to see people of all ages acting out, it's forgotten quickly with all the other great things to see and do at WDW.

 

[pickles]

spanking is legal in many states, but not all. There are descriptions for what is allowable. Our state allows spanking, but you can't leave a bruise or red mark(I think that lasts more than 15 minutes) I go with the you can't leave a mark just to be safe with the politically correct folks..however, the kind mandated reporters who see some bruise(which may be totally unrelated to a spanking or abuse) may report it as abuse which can turn anyone's ;ife upside down.
There is a difference between abuse and spanking for discipline, but sadly the difference is different in everyone's eyes and you never know who will be judging you with their opinion and eyes.

 

[jojoandhb]

Remember that situation could of happened to anyone- even us. I am very fair with my 2 teenage boys but to this day if they get out of line I will smack them, lol. Yes I did say smack- too many parents are so worried about what is right and what is the wrong way to raise your children. I have disciplined my two boys with a belt and never worried twice about having the police called on me. Their is a difference between discipline and abusing your children and I think parents are scared of that fine line- duh, who is control here, you or the kids? Once your children knows that mommy or daddy aren't going to do anything to them once they act up they will keep doing stupid stuff and even get away with it. I know one thing- my sons respect me for all of the whippings that they have received within these years of growing up. My younger son is only 13, stand 6'2" and weighs about 225 pounds so I have to take a baseball bat to him. My husband's mother used to beat them with an extension cord. When I was growing up my older brothers used to fight so bad, my mother broke a shovel over one of their backs, aaaahhhhhhhhhh the good old days.

I'm hoping this is a joke. Breaking a shovel on a child is ABUSE. Look it up. Also, children do not respect people for hitting them. I had my fingers burned on the stove, I was burned with cigarettes, I had my hair pulled out, I was bitten, my grandmother would dig her nails into my face and leave huge gouges, and I do not respect her one bit. I have had serious issues overcoming the abuse I endured. I have 2 college degrees, and am about to graduate with my third. I have a great daughter and a fantastic fiance, but I still have underlying problems from my childhood. My brother and sister both had drug problems. My brother almost died from drugs and alcohol, and he was this close to being thrown in jail. My sister is an abusive mother because abuse is cyclical. Children learn it from their abusive parents and pass it on. It is not okay. Children are human beings just like evryone else. Imagine how you felt when you were a child, your children feel the same way. They look to parents foro love, guidance, nuturing and support. They do not understand why they are being hit. Often they internalize it and think there is something wrong with them. Children who were abused often go on to have all sorts of problems including drugs, drinking, sex, and the inability to keep a job. They often grow up and become abusive to their children. I just took a class on family violence in college. I studied some horrific cases of abuse. One thing I learned is that many abusers to do realize they are abusive. They think they are discipling or controlling, but they are harming their children psychologically. Child abuse is defined as causing or permitting any harmful or offensive contact on a child's body; and, any communication or transaction of any kind which humiliates, shames, or frightens the child. Some child development experts go a bit further, and define child abuse as any act or omission, which fails to nurture or in the upbringing of the children. This includes hitting and, as someone else mentioned, pinching. Child abuse is a serious issue in this country, and I personally know how it feels.

 

[Rustysmom]

My DS has PDD, a form of autism, and I hope this trip will be better than our last. He was 2 then and not diagnosed, and spent the whole trip running away from us, having meltdowns, you name it. When he threw the 20th French fry at us in the Burger King at the Orlando Airport on the way home, I grabbed his arm and yelled at him to stop, since just telling him "stop" didn't work. We were tired and had enough.

An old lady came running over and told me that if I didn't take my hand off him, she was calling security. We told her to go ahead, and a couple of not so nice names. She just left.

He's 11 now and even though his behavior is much better now, he can have meltdowns over something so simple as the fact that I walked in front of him. He has OCD too, and HAS to cross over in front of me. So yes, he might seem like a brat, but sometimes he can't help it. After he gets over it, he'll be fine again until the next time. What I really hate is when people make comments or look and shake their heads, or say something, because it will make it worse. Just MYOB because you don't know why he's doing it. I do and I know it will pass if he's just left alone to gain control of himself.