Need parenting advice- laundry mess

[tvguy]

If you can figure out how to work TV station equipment, you can figure out how to work a washer & dryer.

Retired, so I don't do that anymore. But most equipment these days is....ON and OFF as far as controls.

 

[tvguy]

You seem like a pretty clever guy. Is there any reason to be worried that you'd put softener in the soap tray or use the wrong settings?

Like I said, never had a problem, but my wife still keeps me away from the washer and dryer without written directions. She does let me run the dishwasher.....reluctantly. She disagrees with the loading instructions in the owners manual.

 

[indimom]

My kids helped with the laundry in their teens. I had multiple hampers for sorting, and each one had the directions for that type of load: lights, brights, darks, towels/sheets, work clothes, so no one had any excuse about not knowing how to wash laundry. But they weren't so good at containing things in the bathrooms.

My approach was a little more playful than most of these ideas.

After asking my kids not to leave their laundry on the floor NEXT TO the hamper, I used a post-it note to write "WHY?" With a sad face and tears, on the wall above the pile of laundry on the floor DS didn't really respond. DD asked "why the passive aggressive?" (Uh, maybe because you ignore direct requests?)
So, then, trying not to get myself worked up, and keep it low key, I used a larger piece of paper to create a face for the hamper. Then I added an "I feel so empty inside" thought bubble above it.
That note lived there for a while, and helped more than I would have thought. lol

 

[cmarsh31]

My kids are 13 & 16. They share a bathroom and the laundry room is across the hall. Rule is simple. Mom does laundry on weekends only (unless there's a big spill, stain, etc) and only what's physically in the laundry hamper. You don't put your dirty laundry in the hamper? You know how to do laundry. DH gets the same rules, hamper is in our closet. I don't mind doing laundry, but I'm not a maid who picks up dirty clothes. Mostly they do their own laundry.

 

[evilmommie]

They do their own period

Easy as that.

Soon enough they'll be adults out of the house and you'll wish they were home.

THIS! I have four adult kids, all out of the house...chasing their dreams & saving the world.

They all had varying abilities when it came to doing laundry when they lived at home....and at times, it was frustrating as their momma...BUT NOW, when my local kids come home and they bring their laundry, I'm happy to do it for them...throw it in, fold it...whatever. Gosh, how I miss them being home. Amazing kids...I'm so blessed.

Have them do their own...and help them out...throw your clothes in with their stuff...it's all good. Don't stress. This will look like the small stuff in the rearview mirror.

 

[Judique]

You seem like a pretty clever guy. Is there any reason to be worried that you'd put softener in the soap tray or use the wrong settings?

I read it as him bragging that first his mommy and then his wife did all his laundry?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I did the laundry for my family. I never expected them to do it. Their top priority was school. They, also, had a job through HS and college.

 

[billlaurie]

Another vote to have them do their own laundry. They might be more careful with keeping clean laundry out of dirty laundry if it's their labor. The front loaders are efficient and adjust for the size of the load.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I really don’t mind doing laundry. That said, DD did my laundry this week, and DS did his own at his girlfriend’s house. If I’m doing it (or if any of us are doing it) we ask if anyone has anything to go in, in order to conserve water and energy.

I don’t appreciate washing clean clothes. It costs me in time and money - water costs a lot where we live - and it also fades clothes. I don’t believe that clothes NEED to be washed after every wearing, but it just depends on whether they actually got dirty or smelly, or not (usually not). So piles of clean clothes around the laundry areas (we have two) make me crazy. I think I’ve ranted enough so that if the kids are going to drop clean clothes on the floor, they do it in their own rooms and not my neat areas. I’m not above sending out shaming pics to my family group (good humoredly) or hanging notes on the wall, lol. My feeling is that if it was their own house, they wouldn’t do it (though admittedly some might), so they should have respect for my house if they’re living here as adults. (And it has to start somewhere, so teens or earlier are a perfect time to start good habits.)

We don’t do nearly as much laundry as some of you do! DD and I combine our uniforms, we do towels, shower curtains and bath mats in the big machine, DH can get a couple of wearings out of jeans as he changes at work into different clothes (and they have a laundry service), shirts and underclothes get washed frequently but don’t take up much room. (I do mine by hand.) Our water bill is crazy high as it is, I wouldn’t want to see what it was if we doubled our tripled our laundry loads.

 

[FigmentSpark]

My rule is if it's in the laundry basket or laundry room when I decide to do laundry, it gets done. Otherwise, suck it up and wear it again.

I do all the laundry because I don't want to waste water on each person having a "whites" load, a "darks" load, etc. Yes, I sometimes have multiple loads of "darks" or "sports wear" or "work/school uniform", but it's better than everyone fighting for the machines and doing a lot of small loads.

If you want your kids to be sharing the laundry, you could spread the duty around from week to week. Maybe you keep doing the "special items" like delicates and underwear. No boy wants to have to wash his sister's bras. No girl wants her brother touching her underwear, either.

 

[maslex]

Sorry I’m replying too much to my own thread but I’m just thinking a lot about it right now in the main issue is not them not doing their own laundry but the fact that so much of their clothing ends up in the laundry that is not actual “laundry”. Another words clean clothes. Hence my idea of OK maybe they should do their own laundry just so they see how much is being wasted

I haven't read through all of the replies so sorry if this is a repeat. Have them do their own laundry. DO NOT touch ANY of their clothes whether it's thrown on the floor clean or thrown in the tub dirty. It will be chaos for a while until they realize that THEY'RE in charge of their own wardrobe. It'll get to the point where they'll run out of clothes and then realize......Hey, I either need to pick up my clean clothes and wear them or do some laundry. It might take a while for them to understand that they need to be more effiecient on whether they change their shirt 5 times a day and then just throw it on the floor expecting you to pick it up and either hang it up or wash it. Or just letting their laundry basket fill up without you washing it. They'll get it after a while. They're grown now. And yeah, you might have to sit back and bite your tongue that they're not doing laundry the way you've done it for years, but they'll figure it out and then there won't be so much chaos in the house (atleast with the laundry LOL)

 

[wenrob]

I’m kind of surprised at 8+ loads a week being considered average for a family of four. Kids have two loads a week, one dark, one light. They just got new jeans so recently it’s been three until they’ve been washed a few times. I do one for myself, just toss it all in together. Color Catchers are my friend. Sheets get changed every week but they (and towels) are washed every other week when we have full loads. DH has a laundry marathon every couple of weeks. He changes into a uniform at work and has plenty of clothes. So four loads a week? Six every other.

Everyone does their own here. Kids do theirs together and they’ve devised their own system- who loads/runs the washer, who loads/runs the dryer and then they divvy them up fold/put them away. Their laundry day is Sunday. If they’ve forgotten something like PE uniforms in their backpack they’ll ask if I’ve got something going in so we’re not running a near empty load.

As far as the mess in the bathroom I disagree with those saying pick it up and do A, B or C with it. If I’m picking up their laundry then I’m taking care of the problem for them and making it my responsibility, not theirs. Go pick up your clothes, that simple and if I have to tell you more than once you start losing some of life’s little conveniences.

I’m curious, how are they showering if their laundry is in the tub?

If you want your kids to be sharing the laundry, you could spread the duty around from week to week. Maybe you keep doing the "special items" like delicates and underwear. No boy wants to have to wash his sister's bras. No girl wants her brother touching her underwear, either.

I have 15 (going on 16) year old boy/girl twins and this has never been an issue. It’s just underwear.

 

[brockash]

So I have a 15-year-old DD and DS 16. I am attaching a picture of what our typical bathroom/laundry situation is. DH is starting to throw a fit because he just can’t understand how a family of four has almost 8 loads of laundry a week. That is a lot. Especially, see below, how the kids treat their clothes. There’s no way to tell what his actual laundry and what can be worn again. There’s really no overview on what’s really dirty and what is not. Yes we are a family that does try to wear outside pieces of clothing more than once. Attached is our downstairs bathroom and the one upstairs is the same. The kids will take off a piece of clothing and just throw it in the bathtub or on the floor and as you can see the laundry basket is right there. Or when they actually do use the laundry basket they’ll throw in something that doesn’t need to be washed yet. So I’m trying to think of some strategy here. Get them to realize how much stress their mess is causing me. I’ve done enough yelling and threatening. So what would you do?

My one thought this morning is that I no longer do laundry for them. I will give them each two laundry tabs - that’s the contingent for how many loads they can do. I have a feeling if I don’t do that they’ll just make piles in their bedrooms and not sort them out and just throw everything in the machines and in the end have actually more loads of laundry per week. They just need to learn how much additional workload this is causing all of us with their disorganization, laziness and how they handle their clothes. My DD is a complete other challenge because she’s the type that likes to change her tops three times a day and just throws the ones she already had on before wherever she happens to be. I could also go the route of collecting whatever is lying about the house and charging money to get pieces back. I don’t know any ideas?

Yes, you no longer do their laundry...they need to learn how to do it anyways and in my opinion they could have been doing it for at least 5-6 yrs now. I think all of mine started doing their own around 10. They can also keep all of their laundry in their room...just grab a small little pop up hamper for everyone.

 

[wenrob]

My kids helped with the laundry in their teens. I had multiple hampers for sorting, and each one had the directions for that type of load: lights, brights, darks, towels/sheets, work clothes, so no one had any excuse about not knowing how to wash laundry. But they weren't so good at containing things in the bathrooms.

My approach was a little more playful than most of these ideas.

After asking my kids not to leave their laundry on the floor NEXT TO the hamper, I used a post-it note to write "WHY?" With a sad face and tears, on the wall above the pile of laundry on the floor DS didn't really respond. DD asked "why the passive aggressive?" (Uh, maybe because you ignore direct requests?)
So, then, trying not to get myself worked up, and keep it low key, I used a larger piece of paper to create a face for the hamper. Then I added an "I feel so empty inside" thought bubble above it.
That note lived there for a while, and helped more than I would have thought. lol

This is awesome.

THIS! I have four adult kids, all out of the house...chasing their dreams & saving the world.

They all had varying abilities when it came to doing laundry when they lived at home....and at times, it was frustrating as their momma...BUT NOW, when my local kids come home and they bring their laundry, I'm happy to do it for them...throw it in, fold it...whatever. Gosh, how I miss them being home. Amazing kids...I'm so blessed.

Have them do their own...and help them out...throw your clothes in with their stuff...it's all good. Don't stress. This will look like the small stuff in the rearview mirror.

I have to admit the last time older DD came home for a visit I was like “Let me toss your clothes in the wash so you don’t have to do them when you get home.”

 

[tzolkin]

The number of people saying everyone in their household does their own laundry is a bit unexpected to me. In our home we only make about two full loads of clothing laundry per week (one hot water, one cold) and sometimes we will even go 10+ days before doing laundry. So if everyone did their own that would be 8-10 times the machines were running instead of two.

My children (and my husband) have been taught how to do the laundry and will assist with portions of it or even do it all themselves. But the clothes are mixed together, not separated by person.

We do have things that are "every individual is responsible for their own" like their bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen items you use/cook for yourself but then there are things that are more communal like cleaning up after family dinner and laundry where everyone pitches in as necessary.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I had my kids doing their own laundry at 13 years old. Since I knew what their schedules were I assigned each an evening to do their laundry.
Then the rest of the week, I could do the rest of the laundry.

It worked out pretty well for us.

Some weeks my son skipped because he said he had plenty of clean clothes (because he didn't feel like it was the real reason). Sometimes I had to talk to him about his smell and let him know it's the unwashed clothes that he was wearing and I'd tell him he needed to do his laundry that evening since I couldn't stand the smell. After that happened a few times, he quit skipping his laundry day/evening.

My daughter was OCD about her laundry - doing it all including sheets/comforter and her towels even though I would do those for everyone. It was nice for me since I stopped doing hers. Every family member had their own color towels which was helpful.

And then when I got breast cancer and had a double mastectomy and then reconstruction, I finally got my husband to do his own laundry. During that time he and the kids realized I didn't sit around and eat bon bons every day. It was a great learning experience for them all.

 

[Lilsia]

I’m kind of surprised at 8+ loads a week being considered average for a family of four. Kids have two loads a week, one dark, one light. They just got new jeans so recently it’s been three until they’ve been washed a few times. I do one for myself, just toss it all in together. Color Catchers are my friend. Sheets get changed every week but they (and towels) are washed every other week when we have full loads. DH has a laundry marathon every couple of weeks. He changes into a uniform at work and has plenty of clothes. So four loads a week? Six every other.

Everyone does their own here. Kids do theirs together and they’ve devised their own system- who loads/runs the washer, who loads/runs the dryer and then they divvy them up fold/put them away. Their laundry day is Sunday. If they’ve forgotten something like PE uniforms in their backpack they’ll ask if I’ve got something going in so we’re not running a near empty load.

As far as the mess in the bathroom I disagree with those saying pick it up and do A, B or C with it. If I’m picking up their laundry then I’m taking care of the problem for them and making it my responsibility, not theirs. Go pick up your clothes, that simple and if I have to tell you more than once you start losing some of life’s little conveniences.

I’m curious, how are they showering if their laundry is in the tub?

I have 15 (going on 16) year old boy/girl twins and this has never been an issue. It’s just underwear.

So we don't overload our machines since we find that they wash better that way. For hubby and me, we do our dark clothes a couple of times a week since I need to wash my work uniform and do whites once a week. The kids each have a load of white and dark and we don't wash their clothes together because it is easier and the same reason of not overloading the machine. Then a few of my daughter's clothes are washed on the hand wash setting. So that is up to 7 loads a week already. Then we have all 3 bed sheets, that go in on their own, plus blankets. The towels get washed in 2 loads also. So that is about 14 loads a week.

 

[Lilsia]

The number of people saying everyone in their household does their own laundry is a bit unexpected to me. In our home we only make about two full loads of clothing laundry per week (one hot water, one cold) and sometimes we will even go 10+ days before doing laundry. So if everyone did their own that would be 8-10 times the machines were running instead of two.

My children (and my husband) have been taught how to do the laundry and will assist with portions of it or even do it all themselves. But the clothes are mixed together, not separated by person.

We do have things that are "every individual is responsible for their own" like their bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen items you use/cook for yourself but then there are things that are more communal like cleaning up after family dinner and laundry where everyone pitches in as necessary.

What kind of industrial sized machine do you have that you can fit all of that clothes into 1 load? LOL We have a front loader and we have found that it does not wash as well if it is over 1/2 full.

 

[RamblingMad]

Let them do their own laundry.

 

[summerlyangel]

They need to do their own. When my oldest dd went to college, she had to teach her room mate how to do laundry, lol. They really do need to know! And once they are responsible for the work that goes into it, they take better care of their things and they only wash what is dirty once they realize the work that goes into it. It's a learning process, though, and it can take a while to get. I have 4 daughters, including 2 with autism, and they all helped with laundry as far back as toddlers(gathering, teaching colors to sort, easy stuff). I gradually added more responsibility as they got older and they were all competent by age 10 and completely responsible for their own by 12. I don't micromanage and anyone's laundry anymore, but I do need to remind the 13 yo to do her school uniforms occasionally. They don't leave stuff laying in common areas, but their rooms are occasionally messy, especially the 2 w/ autism. They still need my help there.

I would gather the dirty things up laying around and throw them on their bed first. Then just absolutely refuse to do their laundry ever again. They will figure it out. I also don't allow tiny loads of 1 item. If they need something specific, they better plan ahead or ask the rest of the family for things to fill the load. I make it clear when I'm going to do my laundry and that the washer/dryer better be empty when I go to do so. Don't really have a problem with that, but yes, I would call them to take care of it immediately if I did, and if they didn't get the hint soon, I'd throw it on the floor or outside with a warning. I'm a hard@$$, though and I be danged if I'm gonna clean up after 4 practically grown kids, lol.