My Child invited on a Family trip , who pays for what?

[roliepolieoliefan]

I know there have been threads about this in the past but I havent been on here in a while and for some reason my search isnt working
So my 16 yo DD was asked to go on vacation with a friend
Mom said airfare and spend money when she first mentioned it
I told her it would depend on cost because we have a pretty big family vacation planned ourselves and DS 's college tuition is due soon.
So today i find out the total would be about $600-700 minimum for DD to go, which is way more than airfare and spend money
Shes asking for airfare, admission to parks and money for meals.
I havent told the mom yet but no way we can do that, plus Im a little surprised. If i asked a friend to go , I may expect something but not all that
DD is disappointed but she completely understands
Thoughts?

 

[disneychrista]

Unless it was a close family friend there wouldn't be any way in heck I would let my 16yo go, regardless of who paid for what.

If it was a close family friend I would expect to pay for her food, tickets, airfare (if applicable) and spending money. The only thing I wouldn't expect to pay for is the hotel room, on the assumption my child and her friend would be sharing a bed/room and it wouldn't cost the other parents anything additional.

 

[Bjkandma]

I'm sorry that your daughter won't be able to make the trip. I know what your are saying. Disney is very expensive!!! Our flights to Disney were $350 per person. When your daughter was first asked to go, might have been before all of the outrageous price increases Disney has put into effect. Her friends family might have thought the trip would be cheaper.

Who pays for what? If my child was invited to go along, I would offer to pay for her meals, tickets, air fare and some "spend"money. But again, I couldn't justify giving one child that much. So I'd also have to kindly decline the invite.

If the trip isn't scheduled for awhile, perhaps your daughter could earn the money or at least some of it with a part time job. Just a thought.

 

[ronandannette]

I know there have been threads about this in the past but I havent been on here in a while and for some reason my search isnt working
So my 16 yo DD was asked to go on vacation with a friend
Mom said airfare and spend money when she first mentioned it
I told her it would depend on cost because we have a pretty big family vacation planned ourselves and DS 's college tuition is due soon.
So today i find out the total would be about $600-700 minimum for DD to go, which is way more than airfare and spend money
Shes asking for airfare, admission to parks and money for meals.
I havent told the mom yet but no way we can do that, plus Im a little surprised. If i asked a friend to go , I may expect something but not all that
DD is disappointed but she completely understands
Thoughts?

There's been enough of these type of threads over the years that we know everybody sees this a little differently. There is no right-or-wrong really and the key to success is making sure everybody involved is clear about all expectations - financial or otherwise.

I don't think you can fault the other family for what they aren't paying for (which seems like pretty much everything). You also can't be faulted for not being willing or able to fund this extra trip for your DD right now. It was a fun idea that just didn't work out - let the other family know asap and get on with enjoying your own summer.

 

[Floridaman999]

If you can't afford to spend what the other family is asking for, just decline and move on. I guess you could counter offer or something but that seems like it would get weird pretty quick.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm sorry that your daughter won't be able to make the trip. I know what your are saying. Disney is very expensive!!! Our flights to Disney were $350 per person. When your daughter was first asked to go, might have been before all of the outrageous price increases Disney has put into effect. Her friends family might have thought the trip would be cheaper.

Who pays for what? If my child was invited to go along, I would offer to pay for her meals, tickets, air fare and some "spend"money. But again, I couldn't justify giving one child that much. So I'd also have to kindly decline the invite.

If the trip isn't scheduled for awhile, perhaps your daughter could earn the money or at least some of it with a part time job. Just a thought.

They arent going to Disney
Not even close

 

[Bjkandma]

Sorry, I just assumed!

 

[mombrontrent]

I do think that that is a lot to ask especially if they were not upfront from the beginning.

We are taking our daughters boyfriend on vacation with us next month. They are both 17 and have been dating 3.5 years. We asked his parents to pay for his passport but we will be covering the rest of the expenses. We are the ones that want him to come along on our vacation with us so I want to pay for him. He just had a birthday and I told him I wasn’t buying him a gift and that his gift was theme park tickets ect.

I just feel that if I invite someone to come somewhere with me whether it be dinner, vacation, the movies ect. That I want to/should pay for you.

 

[fly girl]

Well, it is a bummer. I'm sorry for your DD. Glad she is taking it in stride.

But it sounds like nothing was certain when it was discussed earlier. Just a light talk,nothing definitive. Once it became clear the cost, it just didn't pan out. I wouldn't have any hard feelings, even if I expected less because I really wouldn't know their finances.

 

[low-key]

invitee pays for it all, but the inventor parents ought to insist on handing over some cash to the parents and make sure their kids has money

 

[DisLiss]

I was brought up to believe that if you invite someone someplace, you pay their way, or at least the vast majority of it. So I would not invite someone to come on a trip with us unless I could cover all but their personal spending money.

Now, planning a trip where several adults are all chipping in is a completely different matter, as I don't think of that as anyone inviting anyone.

But in this case it was an invitation, with specified items noted as needing to be covered at the get-go, and I personally wouldn't have issued that invitation if I couldn't/wouldn't stick to what I said in the beginning. I'm sorry your daughter wound up disappointed. It's too bad that things turned out this way.

 

[disneychrista]

invitee pays for it all, but the inventor parents ought to insist on handing over some cash to the parents and make sure their kids has money

That's the way it is "suppose to be" but honestly once it becomes hundreds of dollars I think the rules change. There is a huge difference between inviting & paying for a friend to the local water park or the movies vs a vacation that includes airfare.

 

[low-key]

That's the way it is "suppose to be" but honestly once it becomes hundreds of dollars I think the rules change. There is a huge difference between inviting & paying for a friend to the local water park or the movies vs a vacation that includes airfare.

I paid for many BFF of my daughter to go to WDW thru the years . never expected money but I loved it when the family made sure they helped a little

 

[Calee]

I dont actually think for something so large the invitee has to pay for everything, BUT if I was extending or having such an invite extended to my child, i would talk to the other parent first (without involving kid) and saying exactly what we would be paying for and exactly what we needed from them. No changies later if I change my mind or get sticker shock. I would cover as much as I could.

 

[mnrose]

I've never invited my kids' friends to "vacation" with us without paying a substantial portion of the cost. Airfare I have asked for, but I cover entertainment, meals and housing (we tend to rent a home/apartment, so they just bunk in with the kid....it's not like it "costs" me more). I'd just politely decline this invitation and move on.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

I recently posted a thread about this topic.
We have invited my daughter’s friend along on our next Disney trip in November.
We are paying her way for all expenses, airfare, hotel, Disney passes, food & anything else that may come up.
For me, I could not extend an invitation with a price tag attached. It just makes no sense to me & I feel it puts the other family in a weird/awkward position. I would never want someone to have to explain or defend why they can’t “do it”. I respect anyone that feels otherwise, this is just me.
My daughter & her friend are both high school seniors with jobs. I told them both to have a little spending money of their own & that they could get me a dole whip or 2.

 

[cinnaminny]

They should have worded it differently to your daughter. They should have said, if you can pay for your trip you're more than welcome to come with. lol

 

[;-)]

If I didn’t have the money to cover ALL expenses for my daughter to go I wouldn’t allow her to go. I would absolutely give the other parents money to cover everything—from flights to park tickets to food to spending money and even a little more to put toward lodging. If I didn’t have it to offer I’d be embarrassed, I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay her way, especially in Disney, where everything is so expensive. Now after I offered them the money if they insisted it’s taken care of that’s a different story, but also in that case I would absolutely buy them something nice as a thank you. That’s just my feelings towards it, and I’m sure your daughter will understand!

 

[aprilgail]

I always covered all of my daughters friends expenses when I invited them on vacation with us anywhere. My daughter is now 19 and her boyfriends family just invited her on their 2 week family vacation this year and asked that she just pay airfare- so she is going to France, Portugal and Belgium with them. I told her to be sure to at least spring for dinners a few nights for everyone! When she was 14 she went to Disney with her friends family and they covered everything including airfare. Growing up when I was a young teen my family would take whatever boyfriend I had at the time or a friend on all our vacations and they would pay for them.

 

[brockash]

Sorry, I just assumed!

So did I lol. I guess it really depends on where they're going and for how long.