Loosing hope about having children

[Lemonademouth]

I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me.

DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January. I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.

 

[elric186]

don't give up! dear friends of mine after almost 13yrs of trying everything with some losses now have a 7mo. old girl. they are in their 40's now but better late then never. good luck hope it works out soon.

 

[cubfans]

If it doesn't work out, consider adoption. We have 18 year old twins that are our own and a 1 year old boy that we adopted. We tried for about 5 years to get pregnant when the twins entered junior high and it just didn't happen. I am sitting right now snuggling our beautiful baby boy that we adopted and we could not love him more!!! I know the expense deters many people, but keep in mind that you are eligible for a $14,000 adoption tax credit that takes much of the financial burden off of loving families. Good luck and God bless!

 

[mommasita]

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

There is a wonderful thread on the Community Board regarding this topic. I have browsed through it, and they seem like wonderful people.
Not that you are not welcome here, because you most certainly are.

For the life of me I can't find it now, but if I do, I will post a link.

ETA: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2477083&page=197

If ever you would like to even start by just reading.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

If your thyroid was off the whole time, that could explain you difficulty. My mom and aunt both had miscarriages due to low thyroid, and the caught my moms low thyroid when she was pregnant with me. She almost list me. Good luck!

 

[Lemonademouth]

Thanks for the thread. I looked and searched, I guess I just am bad at navigating this board.

Thank you all for the encouragement as well.

 

[mommasita]

I added the think up there with the ETA:

 

[stasijane]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that having a child means alot to some people and dealing with this can be rough. Have you thought about Adoption? You could Adopt and still continue to try and maybe having a bundle of joy in the house will take some stress off till the time comes that you have your own child? Then you will have a two bundles of joy!!

 

[SaratogaShan]

You may not want unsolicited medical advice, but have you been screened for clotting factor disorders? Sometimes a clotting factor problem can be the cause of repeated early pregnancy loss.

Hugs, and good luck to you.

 

[Lemonademouth]

You may not want unsolicited medical advice, but have you been screened for clotting factor disorders? Sometimes a clotting factor problem can be the cause of repeated early pregnancy loss.

Hugs, and good luck to you.

I actually have, my ob found an anomaly and sent me to a hematologist who checked and double checked me. Said he could find nothing.

 

[BelleMaria]

Hi,
Unfortunately I don't have much experience with this but don't give up hope just yet. My aunt tried for about the same amount of time you tried. She eventually adopted a daughter, but wouldn't ya know a year after she did she finally got pregnant. But as others have said adoption may be a choice for you, or maybe a surrogate or IVF ( though I know those are very expensive). Maybe it's my age but I can understand your sadness. It seems more and more of my friends (late 20's to 30's) are having a harder time getting pregnant. I don't know if it's that people are just more open about it now or if people are just having more problems. But I'm putting hope out there for you

 

[cubfans]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that having a child means alot to some people and dealing with this can be rough. Have you thought about Adoption? You could Adopt and still continue to try and maybe having a bundle of joy in the house will take some stress off till the time comes that you have your own child? Then you will have a two bundles of joy!!

Good point....I have 2 close friends that tried for a long time with no luck. Within a year both couples had one of their own! Prayers are with you!

 

[Disflyer]

I just want to offer my support for you during this difficult time.

I hope by sharing my story you can find comfort. My wife and I tried for 5 years to get pregnant, we had 3 MC and 12 IUIs. We did IVF 2 times. Our doctors were at a loss on what was going on, they gave us a 2% chance of ever having or mantaining a healthy pregnancy.

After the second IVF we had 1 egg out of 14 that was graded a 4 out 5. only 2 other eggs were graded at 3 out of 5. Everything else did not develop. Fast forward 4 years and we have a wonderful healthy little 3 year old girl.

Never give up hope. Hope and faith are the two things you can control. At times you want to crawl into a dark place and just shut everything out. It also seems at times like this those around you are clueless to your pain. But faith in the future is what kept us going.

If IVF is not covered by insurance look at local universities. Our local university was able to cover most costs for the proceedure, since it was a research facility they were receiving significant amounts of money from research grants and passed all savings onto us. There are many options out there. Some private clinics offer a guarantee, the costs can be significant (close to 20k) but with the guarentee if after 3 IVF tries they will refund the money.

PM me if you want to talk or learn more.

Good luck to you. And keep the faith!

 

[BeckyEsq]

It took us 8 years to finally have a child and she joined our family through adoption. We had unexplained infertility and never did get any answers. If this is something you really want, I would say don't give up. We thought about giving up many times but I am so glad we didn't, because our daughter is worth everything we went through and more.

A cousin recently had a miscarriage and found out she had a clotting disorder. You may want to ask about that as well. I hope now that the thyroid condition is diagnosed you will get some answers. I know you will find your path to parenthood if you persevere. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[Jasonkat]

We got married in 1999, never used birth control. We actively tried to get pregnant from 2003-2011. In 2008 we started the process to adopt from Korea but we still kept trying to get pregnant.

In May 2011 we went to Korea to pick up our daughter. Then the week after we got home we got pregnant and had a baby in February 2012.

The doctors have no explanation for why we couldn't get pregnant for 12 years and all of a sudden it happened with no drugs or other artificial means.

I know what you're going through. I'd recommend adoption but only International Adoption. I'd avoid US adoptions. My brother and sister in law tried US adoption and had 3 different mothers give birth and then decide to keep the baby before my in-laws wised up and went international. US adoptions are a scam. You pay for all of these fees to the adoption agency, you pay for all of the medical care for the woman, and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby and you are out all of the money. There are no refunds, it's just "too bad, let's try to find you another woman to adopt from, btw that'll be another 10k processing fee to get you started". And that doesn't even count the emotional damage this does to you when your dream of becoming a family is snatched away from you at the very last moment. (Yes, I'm sure there are people who have had successful US adoptions, but do you really want to take this risk?)

In the US the process starts with a pregnant woman. In most other countries the child has been born, the woman has surrendered her rights to the State, and then they start the adoption process. In Korea they spend the first five months trying to find a Korean (nationality, not race) family to adopt the child. After five months the Korean adoption agency will begin the process of finding a US/Australian/UK/etc family to adopt the child. The point is, if you go with international adoption you know there is a child waiting for you at the end of the process. You won't get ripped off if you go International.

 

[WDW Obsessed]

Sorry to hear about your difficulty. Don't give up!!

I don't want to ask too much or go into great detail, but are you currently seeing a reproductive doc and not just a basic OB?? Have you done any IVF treatments? Look into those things if you have not yet.

Personally my wife and I tried for 1-2 years on our own before coming pregnant. I work/ed in the IVF industry and can point you in the right direction if you need suggestions or help.

-Derek

 

[Jedana]

stay strong!

DH and I had trouble conceiving DS (kid #3). It took us almost 7 years of trying.

My favorite niece was told she could never have kids, due to a birth defect. Her DD turns one this year.

My 2nd favorite niece had a raging pelvic infection that severely damaged her uterus as a teenager--again, told she would never conceive--she has a boy (7) and a girl (3).

Another niece (what..I have 7 of them) was fine with her first baby, but the delivery ripped her uterus. Docs told her no more babies, as it could kill her. She has 2 boys now, ages 5 and 2.

 

[Lemonademouth]

Sorry to hear about your difficulty. Don't give up!!

I don't want to ask too much or go into great detail, but are you currently seeing a reproductive doc and not just a basic OB?? Have you done any IVF treatments? Look into those things if you have not yet.

Personally my wife and I tried for 1-2 years on our own before coming pregnant. I work/ed in the IVF industry and can point you in the right direction if you need suggestions or help.

-Derek

We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!

 

[Lemonademouth]

stay strong!

DH and I had trouble conceiving DS (kid #3). It took us almost 7 years of trying.

My favorite niece was told she could never have kids, due to a birth defect. Her DD turns one this year.

My 2nd favorite niece had a raging pelvic infection that severely damaged her uterus as a teenager--again, told she would never conceive--she has a boy (7) and a girl (3).

Another niece (what..I have 7 of them) was fine with her first baby, but the delivery ripped her uterus. Docs told her no more babies, as it could kill her. She has 2 boys now, ages 5 and 2.

We do our best to stay positive. I won't say there aren't days of complete breakdown where all I want to do is sit up in my room with the blinds shut and a tub of cookies and cream and bad tv. Luckily I have Celiacs so it makes it hard to eat a lot of junk food, but those days are very rare now that I have lost my weight. It makes it easier to do things to occupy my thoughts, like going out and trying on clothes in the non plus sizes.

I am praying for our miracle!!

 

[riley2008]

We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!

Oh, good luck to you!

As an IVFer with unexplained infertility - well they "think" it may have been due to endometriosis covering the outside of the fallopian tubes, but not sure.

Have twin boys that are because of the wonders of IVF. I think the progesterone shots for 3 months after helped them *stick*, but for some doctors, there is not hard fast evidence on this. My infertility doc felt that if the evidence was mixed, no reason not to do them. (Still, ouch! - but I'd do it again.)

Good luck to you and prayng for a "sticky bean"! (That's what we called the boys - beans this early on.)