i have 2 daughters, not w/downs but who are mentally retarded... (terrible name for it, but...) anyway, when my oldest was in 6th grade, i got called into school, seems my daughter had written in her journal that she didn't think her dad knew she was mentally retarded(i tend to do all the conferences etc, and the TLC for problems at school)she wasn't upset, just worried he didn't know. well, in the long run, she learned that her abilities were different, that she learned a bit differently, or that it was much harder for her to earn an A in the same class than it was for some of the regular ed classes she'd been mainstreamed into. I think the important thing they need to know, is that they aren't alone, and that we(parents) don't expect miracles, but we do expect them to be the best they can be. As a result, I had a kid who joined special olympics, but who was also on the high school track team. Who took special ed classes, but who was the first kid to take computer classes in special ed. She pulled a lot of firsts... and made it easier for kids who followed her. She never let it get overwhelming for her. My 2nd daughter is interested in tv/movies/theater. We signed her up for a summer program that one of the local univ. has for theater for h.school kids. Now that she's too old for that program, she helps do lights for shows at a residential facility for kids who have greater handicaps than she does. I guess my point is find something that makes them feel ABLE, not disabled. It helps in the long run. And never avoid talking about it w/them. We've had a lot of very heavy conversations, but they've always had a positive note. GL.