Let's hear from college commuters

[Jennasis]

While I agree that community colleges and/or commuting are perfect options for some, could the Dis please drop this thought that going "away" to college is all about partying?

The partying at my dd's high school, as well as most in our general area was WAY more intense than college. Sure, those kids likely did continue at college (one of many reasons dd wanted to stay away from our state schools), and likely partied even harder there.

But it's a lot easier to not party and not feel excluded in college than it is in high school, at least in our area. Don't get me wrong, her first freshman dorm floor was pretty bad with drugs. But figuring that out, dealing with it, and finding her own way was a great life lesson.

I don't mean to pick on you, Jennasis. You were just the most recent one that mentioned this, but it's been a recurrent theme on the commuting to college/not helping your kids posts.

Your experience, and feelings about college life, is yours. Mine is mine.

 

[E&Cmom]

I commuted as did most of my friends at the time. I lived in the suburbs and went to University in the city. I took public transit and lived at home.

 

[slpeters]

I have no idea if this is still the case but when I attended college my alma mater had a residency requirement. Living onsite was considered part of the experience and you couldn't get a degree without living in university housing (for 3 years I believe). I had a friend whose parents lived closer to the Yard than his dorm. He petitioned to live at home and it was declined. My family lived clear across the country so it wasn't an issue for me. My parents visited my university for the first time when they came for Commencement.

 

[design_mom]

I have no idea if this is still the case but when I attended college my alma mater had a residency requirement.

My son is a high school senior and just made his college choice. Most universities he looked at required new students to live on campus for 2 years HOWEVER, there are usually exceptions if you are 1) living with an acceptable-to-the-school family member and 2) within a certain distance of the university.

For the "local" one that my son was considering, you could get an exemption if you were living with your parent/legal guardian and were within 25 miles of campus. (Others had a different radius, or allowed you to live with other family members like an aunt/uncle/grandparent.) At the one he ultimately chose, there was no distance limit but the exemption was only available if you meet one of the following conditions: Were 21 years of age or older, had already completed 4 semesters at another college, or were living with your parent, legal guardian, or spouse.

 

[tvguy]

It wasn't an option. While I lived only 50 miles away, my University required Freshman and Sophomores to live on campus.
My wife commuted from home, about 9 miles each way.
We had entirely different College experiences. She says College was just like a continuation of High School to her.
It was much more a life and growing experience for me. And for our kids. DS was away from home for 5 years. DD, went to a 4 colleges, she lived away 2 years and home 2 years.

 

[E&Cmom]

I have no idea if this is still the case but when I attended college my alma mater had a residency requirement. Living onsite was considered part of the experience and you couldn't get a degree without living in university housing (for 3 years I believe). I had a friend whose parents lived closer to the Yard than his dorm. He petitioned to live at home and it was declined. My family lived clear across the country so it wasn't an issue for me. My parents visited my university for the first time when they came for Commencement.

Ironically I just had this conversation with a friend in the US today. One of the schools her daughter was accepted to has a 2 year requirement to live on residence. I am in Canada and have never heard of this before. Here living on campus is optional and some Universities have limited dorms.

 

[Southernmiss]

Dh and I commuted to Community College where we met. 10 minute drive for me. 25 minutes for dh.

He went on to the University an hour away for the last 2 years. Lived in a small efficiency apartment.

Me, I stayed at home, worked full time and finished year 3 of college at night school. Life got in the way and I never finished year 4.

Neither of us had the college experience as we worked our way through.

Our kids have been required to live on campus for at least first year at University. They have not had to work jobs to support themselves as DH snd I did.

And for that I'm glad. They have had so many more opportunities than DH or I ever did, because we jumped straight from community college into the tough parts of being an adult.

I wish I would have had the college experience my kids have had. Would have made such a difference in my life.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I commuted to community college, then to a major state university, then finished up on-line with a smaller "sister-school" to the major university, over the course of almost 15 years.

I wasn't the type that would have embraced the "college experience", or so I told myself since I really didn't have the means or the support to go away to college. I had the grades, but needed to live at home and work as much as possible to pay for community college. My parents wouldn't even help me figure out my FAFSA forrms at the time, so I paid cash for however many credits I could afford each semester until I had oldest DS and was eligible for the PELL Grant/subsidized loans when was able to take more classes for a year or so. I took time off to raise my kids after DD and younger DS was born, then went back when they were about 4 and 6 and was able to finish my degree online. By that time, the company I worked for provided tuition reimbursement.

I finally finished at age 34. I can't believe that was almost 10 years ago now. It seemed like, at the time, I would never be done.

 

[cabanafrau]

I commuted because I had a full ride to a local university. When it came time for my daughters to plan for college I really encouraged them to go away and experience their college years that way. Ironically both of them could have qualified for the same scholarship I won. First daughter would not have been able to pursue her chosen major at my alma mater, and they are not particularly strong in related disciplines she might have pivoted to. Second daughter insisted she was going to attend community college for two years, then transferring to university to complete her degree. She's known what she wanted to do since freshman/sophomore year of HS and that one university in our state is considered the gold standard when you are looking for that first job after graduation.

Oldest has completed both degrees and is working in her field. She made a great group of lifelong friends in college and had opportunities that were simply not possible staying home and commuting locally. Her wildest partying experiences in college consist of waking up in the middle of the night to a very drunk roommate(and friend) coming home in really scary shape and falling asleep vomiting in the shower while their dorm room began to flood. Very informative experience on so many levels. Once they left the dorms behind her friends began a tradition of celebrating Friendsgiving the weekend before Thanksgiving -- complete with turkey carving via broadsword. They will dine on those memories for a lifetime.

Youngest is in her first year at the university after the two years of community college. She's still working hard to establish a good social network, which is made harder because she didn't go through the shared experience of living in the dorms and is living in her own off campus apartment. She loves her studies, is more and more convinced this is the very best place to obtain her degree -- but she does find it lonely and boring sometimes without a larger social group.

We would never have backed either one going away anywhere if we didn't know they knew themselves and they were driven to achieve a goal, their goal. By that age it's too late for them to be motivated solely or in large part by mom's or dad's ideas. If they haven't grasped the concept they are driving their own car fueled by their own ambitions to reach the destination of where they want to go in their life, college at home or away may well be a waste of money at that point.

 

[crjack]

DH and I both commuted to college and so did all of our friends but that was back in the mid-80's and the schools in Boston did not have nearly the dorm space that they do now. If you lived anywhere close to Boston it was really hard to get campus housing. (Huntington and Comm Ave were much different than they are now). We all commuted and worked in Boston.

By the time DH did his grad school programs we were married and he was working full time and again commuting for p/t classes. Somehow we did just fine

DD graduated from college last May. She lived on campus in Boston the first 2.5 years but decided to move home for second half of her junior year. She had an internship and it was more convenient to get to it from our house than her dorm. She decided to commute for her senior year. There were some things she missed about not being on campus, especially if she had a class or project that kept her there late, but there were also things that she didn't miss and she had friends who let her stay over when needed.

For students today living on campus can be a very expensive experience. I consider it to be part of the overall discussion when determining whether or not a school is the right fit for any student. For some it is but for some it isn't.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

My college didn't require freshmen to live on campus, but they guaranteed housing to freshmen, like me, whose parents lived more than about 30 miles away. Sophomore year I wanted to remain on campus but didn't win the housing lottery so I commuted. It was a hassle. Parking on or near campus was a nightmare. So I mostly drove to the local train station, took the train to the city, then transferred to the subway to reach campus.

I was fortunate and obtained campus housing for "pre-junior" and junior years (a five year program.) Senior year I lived in an off campus house about five blocks away with three other students.

 

[ronandannette]

Are we considering it commuting if your parents lived in the same city as the university you attended? If so, I commuted.

Our city has three 4-year universities, two seminaries and a nationally acclaimed tech school. Practically all of DH’s peers stayed local and lived at home, at least for the first couple of years when moving out into shared apartments is common.

Canadian universities in general don’t have near the residential infrastructure US ones seem to have nor is going away to university in other parts of the country for under-grad work near as common if you don’t have to. Of course the country being so large and far-flung means a good portion of the population has no choice but to move for school and priority for campus housing goes to them as well as to international students (who pay astronomical tuitions which include their housing).

It's the same with the thought that commuters can't make friends or enmesh in the school, etc.

I guess a lot of these are based on real experiences, but they often discount that things can be different for many.

Definitely there is no one-size-fits-all scenario nor is there any right-or-wrong way to “do” University. My DS will be entering as a first-year student this fall at the age of 22. I don’t think he has any expectation of making school the centre of his social life or getting super-involved with campus life as he has a lot going on elsewhere but I guess time will tell.

 

[Shelley Chiarats]

I commuted to a local private university from home (less than 30m each way). But it was just an extension of High School for me. I went in for an 8am class and had class or work study all the way up until 2pm every day when I went back to High School and helped coach youth sports.

At the time I thought it was great. I did exactly what I wanted and enjoyed it. But I was not involved in campus activities at all and did not feel a part of the college community at all. Looking back now I wish I had taken the opportunity to go to a state school about 4hrs away and lived on campus in the dorms.

 

[RangerPooh]

I was a commuter for almost every school that I attended.

Community College

• School 1: I relocated to the area as it was 3 hours away. They had th emajor that I was pursuing.
• School 2: Briefly relocated back home and commuted 45 minutes+ each way to the school that had a program as close to my major as possible. [Temporary life adjustment]

4 year University

• Commuted 60 minutes+ each way. Length of time depended on if I drove or took light rail. It was the closest university to home, and the cost of living in the SF Bay area was too high to live closer.