Just shaking my head

[minkydog]

We are visiting DHs sister in Florida. DH mentioned that we recently saw "The Butler" , how intense it was and how much we liked the message. His sister squirmed uncomfortably and said, "They shouldn't show stuff like that", referring to the depicitions of the terrible abuse the black people endured. "It only riles them up and makes them crazy."

To say I was stunned is an understatement. DH and I countered that we believe our young people NEED to see this. So many, black and white, do not know the truth of the civil rights struggle because they are so far removed from it.
His sister went on to say that she doesn't like to see interracial couples "because of the children." Seriously? Are you trapped in the 1950s??

I'm not going to have a throwdown here as guests in their home, so I let it drop. But I was really floored and offended by what she said. We have several close friends who are black and who had up close & personal experiences in Selma and Washington, DC. Our kids have friends and boy/girlfriends of many cultures. Our son Christian lives in a home with his lovely, wonderful African-American family.

I'm just shaking my head. It's really been a slap in the face to realize just how bigoted DHs family is. Now I remember why we live 400 miles away.

 

[hereyago]

We are visiting DHs sister in Florida. DH mentioned that we recently saw "The Butler" , how intense it was and how much we liked the message. His sister squirmed uncomfortably and said, "They shouldn't show stuff like that", referring to the depicitions of the terrible abuse the black people endured. "It only riles them up and makes them crazy."

To say I was stunned is an understatement. DH and I countered that we believe our young people NEED to see this. So many, black and white, do not know the truth of the civil rights struggle because they are so far removed from it.
His sister went on to say that she doesn't like to see interracial couples "because of the children." Seriously? Are you trapped in the 1950s??

I'm not going to have a throwdown here as guests in their home, so I let it drop. But I was really floored and offended by what she said. We have several close friends who are black and who had up close & personal experiences in Selma and Washington, DC. Our kids have friends and boy/girlfriends of many cultures. Our son Christian lives in a home with his lovely, wonderful African-American family.

I'm just shaking my head. It's really been a slap in the face to realize just how bigoted DHs family is. Now I remember why we live 400 miles away.

You reacted better than I would. With the it will get them riled up, I would have suggested that she hide in the house more like not exposeanyone to her vile views.

 

[Poohforyou]

You were smart to just let it go. Some people just can't be reasoned with. Should my dh and I swing by with our Asian child? She might just implode.

 

[jdb in AZ]

It doesn't do any good to confront the bigots. My grandfather was outspoken about black people. He has long since passed away but I wonder how he would react toward a great-grandson who adopted a black daughter. She gets along fine with the rest of the family.

My grandfather was so ethnocentric he hated the movie the "Sound of Music" because it made nuns look like good people.

 

[hereyago]

I don't necessarily agree not to argue, I have no problem calling people out. My dd has a bi racial bf and with the exception of my exh, I exclusively date guys who are half Asian. So I have had people enough to say something, so yes they got an earful.

One of my dd's friends mom actually felt compelled to tell my dd that she can do better then the half black bf. So, I gave her both barrels, how dare anyone have a talk with my dd change her beliefs. Soon after she and the friend stopped being friends, because the friend held the same beliefs.

I know I can't change someone's mind, but sometimes silence can mean to the nasty person that you agree.

 

[CPT Tripss]

I would prefer that bigots clearly know that I don't agree with their prejudices. I don't expect to change them but no way do I want them to have any reason to think for a nanosecond that I agree with them.

It has cost me a few "friends" but that's life.

 

[minkydog]

I don't necessarily agree not to argue, I have no problem calling people out. My dd has a bi racial bf and with the exception of my exh, I exclusively date guys who are half Asian. So I have had people enough to say something, so yes they got an earful.

One of my dd's friends mom actually felt compelled to tell my dd that she can do better then the half black bf. So, I gave her both barrels, how dare anyone have a talk with my dd change her beliefs. Soon after she and the friend stopped being friends, because the friend held the same beliefs.

I know I can't change someone's mind, but sometimes silence can mean to the nasty person that you agree.

Oh, believe me, we were not silent! I chose not to engage in an argument, since we are guests--that would be equally bad form. They have the right to believe what they want. And I know that at their age they aren't going to suddenly see the light. But we left them no doubt as to our feelings about their brand of prejudice.

We're all gonna watch "42" after dinner.

 

[Planogirl]

I would have told her that I didn't agree and let it go at that. Family dynamics make it difficult to let her really have it. Tempting as it is.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

As someone who bawled my way through The Butler (and wasn't it a fantastic movie? Even DH cried.), I was eagerly anticipating a discussion about the movie with my neighbor when she mentioned she'd be seeing it over the weekend. Yesterday I asked her what she thought of it. She shrugged her shoulders and replied, "It was long."

ETA: Enjoy 42! Another wonderful movie.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I have not seen the movie. But I do not have a problem with interracial marriages. My DH is native american indian.

 

[mamacatnv]

As someone who bawled my way through The Butler (and wasn't it a fantastic movie? Even DH cried.), I was eagerly anticipating a discussion about the movie with my neighbor when she mentioned she'd be seeing it over the weekend. Yesterday I asked her what she thought of it. She shrugged her shoulders and replied, "It was long."

ETA: Enjoy 42! Another wonderful movie.

My aunt said "it was slow" but good.

OP, my FIL makes occasional inappropriate comments. My FIL is not a racist, he is old and not necessarily up to speed on what are acceptable comments. When I have heard said comments, I say nothing to him. I have noted my childrens reactions and I always discuss with them but its not worth a confrontation with FIL.

I know he does not mean harm, he just does not really know better. I know that there are many that will say he should know better but honestly, I am not sure that is true. My FIL has been retired for 30 years and the kids have all been out of the house about that long. He is not very social, tends to stay at home and putter. He attends church and only recently got involved with the Mason's. He is not part of the generation that has been educated on political correctness through his employer or just by being around large groups of younger people.

I think you were wise to keep the peace while a guest in someone elses home. Just my 2cents

 

[usd2bmd]

I would prefer that bigots clearly know that I don't agree with their prejudices. I don't expect to change them but no way do I want them to have any reason to think for a nanosecond that I agree with them.

It has cost me a few "friends" but that's life.

I would agree with this. I don't want them to think that I agree or think what they're saying is alright to say in my presence. My daughter is 17 and never really knew or understood that there was a difference between people based on race...She knew they looked different but that was pretty much it an I like it that way.

 

[skater]

Oh, believe me, we were not silent! I chose not to engage in an argument, since we are guests--that would be equally bad form. They have the right to believe what they want. And I know that at their age they aren't going to suddenly see the light. But we left them no doubt as to our feelings about their brand of prejudice.

We're all gonna watch "42" after dinner.

Just watched 42 the other night with the kids. Loved it!

 

[minkydog]

Well, blow me down with a feather! They loved "42"! And now Sil,Bil, and DH are involved in a rousing discussion about the importance of breaking down racial barriers. I sure didn't see that coming! Go, Jackie Robinson!

 

[RNMOM]

OP, I agree it is difficult to hear hurtful things expressed. I am nearly 60 and do remember many of the things which were portrayed in the movie. That said, I live in Ohio. Our small town had only one black family but I did play with the children at times when I was young . My parents never used offensive words or attitudes. I found when I moved to a large city that things were very different.

People make all kinds of assumptions about all kinds of people. When a group of people have to struggle so hard just to have the same things the rest of us have it's just wrong. I have had the honor of working with and getting to know many African American people of all socioeconomic levels. I am fortunate to count several as friends.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

We are visiting DHs sister in Florida. DH mentioned that we recently saw "The Butler" , how intense it was and how much we liked the message. His sister squirmed uncomfortably and said, "They shouldn't show stuff like that", referring to the depicitions of the terrible abuse the black people endured. "It only riles them up and makes them crazy."

To say I was stunned is an understatement. DH and I countered that we believe our young people NEED to see this. So many, black and white, do not know the truth of the civil rights struggle because they are so far removed from it.
His sister went on to say that she doesn't like to see interracial couples "because of the children." Seriously? Are you trapped in the 1950s??

I'm not going to have a throwdown here as guests in their home, so I let it drop. But I was really floored and offended by what she said. We have several close friends who are black and who had up close & personal experiences in Selma and Washington, DC. Our kids have friends and boy/girlfriends of many cultures. Our son Christian lives in a home with his lovely, wonderful African-American family.

I'm just shaking my head. It's really been a slap in the face to realize just how bigoted DHs family is. Now I remember why we live 400 miles away.

While I agree with you, the bolded needs to be made mention of.
There was quite a lot of this movie that is fiction. A LOT of this movie is for dramatic effect. The real butler had one son, not two. And the one was NOT a member of the Black Panthers, nor did he run for office. He in fact worked as an investigator for the State Department. As much as I agree that race relations should be discussed with our children, this movie is far from the "truth of the civil rights struggle". I say this being married to an American Indian, having a Grandmother who worked at our Greensboro Woolworths, and being very good friends with one of the 4 men who sat in at Woolworths on day 2. This movie is sensationalized, and there are many stories that could've been made into movies that did not need sensationalism.

 

[ironpig70]

The sister has a very valid point in regards to interracial couples and there children.

First and foremost is what do you call them? I mean our President is half white and half black yet he is the first black President. Really? Who gets to choose that? So if you do good you get to claim 1 and if you fail you claim the other.

Secondly with so many out there who do not like/understand/bigots you are creating a life and tossing them to the wolves. Is it really fair to a child to be half white/half black and send them to be ridiculed/taunted at school because of their race?

 

[Granny square]

The sister has a very valid point in regards to interracial couples and there children.

First and foremost is what do you call them? I mean our President is half white and half black yet he is the first black President. Really? Who gets to choose that? So if you do good you get to claim 1 and if you fail you claim the other.

Secondly with so many out there who do not like/understand/bigots you are creating a life and tossing them to the wolves. Is it really fair to a child to be half white/half black and send them to be ridiculed/taunted at school because of their race?

Seriously? You are being sarcastic right?

Omg. I just went back reading your posts. I live In pretty much nowhere Appalachia and see more openmindedness.

 

[GlendaO]

The sister has a very valid point in regards to interracial couples and there children.

First and foremost is what do you call them? I mean our President is half white and half black yet he is the first black President. Really? Who gets to choose that? So if you do good you get to claim 1 and if you fail you claim the other.

Secondly with so many out there who do not like/understand/bigots you are creating a life and tossing them to the wolves. Is it really fair to a child to be half white/half black and send them to be ridiculed/taunted at school because of their race?

First and foremost, you call them children. To answer your question of who gets to "choose" their race, they do. You don't actually get a say. Since you don't need to identify them, it probably shouldn't concern you. Hopefully, that makes you happy; it's one less thing for your tiny little brain to worry about

Oh, and for the record, multiracial people are the fastest growing racial demographic in the US.

 

[LisaR]

The sister has a very valid point in regards to interracial couples and there children.

First and foremost is what do you call them? I mean our President is half white and half black yet he is the first black President. Really? Who gets to choose that? So if you do good you get to claim 1 and if you fail you claim the other.

Secondly with so many out there who do not like/understand/bigots you are creating a life and tossing them to the wolves. Is it really fair to a child to be half white/half black and send them to be ridiculed/taunted at school because of their race?

I can't....I just...Wow! Are you serious?? You're just bored tonight and want to throw this out there and see where it lands, right?