Just curious - do you make sure to spend the same for each one of your children?

[Piglet]

I have a friend that makes sure she does exactly the same for each of her kids. She spends exactly the same amount on each for birthday's, Christmas etc., extended family birthday parties stop at the same age etc, they get to do things (date, summer job) at the same age.

I just found it a little obsessive and exhausting, I never really worry about it too much. I kind of have a budget for stuff like that but sometimes one gets more than the others. I just figure it all evens out in the end anyways and my kids don't care at all.

Is that a thing that is common?

 

[CdnCarrie]

I do spend about the same on both kids for Christmas and birthdays. I don't obsess over the rest.

 

[aprilchem]

No. We have 3 kids and don't worry too much about that - sometimes one of them will have needs/wants that are greater than the others, but as long as it's not consistent and evens out in the long run we don't stress about it.

My mom was really concerned about it when I was younger, though, to the point that she would often hand one of my sister and I an envelope at Christmas with a random amount of money in it (76 cents, for example) because she couldn't get the amount she spent exactly even. I always thought that was weird.

 

[DLgal]

We try to keep things as even as possible.

I grew up with 2 sisters. TO THIS DAY, my younger sister complains that she never got as much help (financially) as me and my older sister. She is bitter about it to this day, and my parents feel guilty about it. So, I suggest keeping things pretty even or you might hear about it for the rest of your life.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No. My kids are different people with different wants, desires and needs.
For gifts I try to keep it sort of more or less similar (one bigger gift each for birthdays, etc) but there is a lot of wiggle room---I figure it all pretty well balances out over the years---and it is more important to treat them as the individuals that they are anyway

 

[msjprincess]

I spend about the same on birthdays and birthdays but that's it

 

[Klayfish]

Exactly the same? No.

In the same ballpark, yes.

 

[Wendy31]

Yes, we try to treat our kids the same for birthdays & Christmas. Both my mother & my mother-in-law were the same w/ us & our siblings growing up & are now like that w/ their grandkids, so we come by it honestly.

However, we don't spend the exact same dollar amount down to the penny - but we do try to spend in the same ballpark & make sure the gifts are the same in value.

At Christmas, they each get one "big" or "wow!" gift from "Santa" & then have the same amount of presents to open from us & the same amount of other things from "Santa" - however, we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old son, & a 8 year old son; the gifts are not going to be the same & the dollar amounts aren't going to be the same. For example, this past Christmas, our DD wanted decorative pillows for her bedroom - she got the pillows, older DS got a bed lounger pillow, & younger DS got stuffed animals (he LOVES stuffed animals!). I do try to get some gifts alike - they may each get a new pair of shoes or a new board game or movie or some similar item at Christmas. And I often end up spending more than I had originally intended trying to get their gifts equal in number & value. LOL!

I've tried to have the same sort of birthday parties for them as they've grown up as well. We do themed birthday parties through age 9, do some kind of "experience" for the 10th birthday, & then have a 13th birthday party & a 16th birthday party. (For the 11th, 12th, 14th, 15th, 17th & after birthdays, we just have dinner & cake & presents w/ our immediate family & sometimes the grandparents.)

For other holidays like Valentine's Day & Easter, they get the same number of things & similar things as well.

Birthdays, Christmas, & other holidays aside, at other times of the year, if I buy for one child at one particular time for some reason, I don't always buy for the other 2 children at the same time - it just varies depending on each child's particular needs at different times. But, over the course of their lives, it all equals out. Overall, I don't think we've ended up spending more on one child & less on another.

In relation to dating & jobs, I think it's going to vary a little w/ each child & his/her personality & maturity/readiness. We don't have any hard & fast rules, but, single-dating doesn't start until around age 15 or 16. Older DD & DS didn't get any form of social media until they each turned 13. I can't remember how old they were when they got their first phone.

 

[MamaBelle4]

No, as PP said, I try to keep the value the same.

If I find one DD a gift she wanted 1/2 off, then I certainly don't limit that price to the other kids, otherwise what they're getting really isn't the same value.

I do the best I can to keep it relatively equal.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

At first, my reply was going to be yes, but then upon thinking about it, I don't think that I do. I keep things equitable, but the cost can differ. For example, I have 3 kids. One Christmas, I got my DS Bon Jovi concert tickets. He was 14yo. My DD got Taylor Swift tickets, she was 12yo. My youngest DS got opening day tickets at Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play the Yankees, he was 10 yo. As you can see, they did not cost the same, but they each got an event to go to.

At Christmas, they get the same number of presents. I grew up with 11 siblings, and I paid attention to that stuff. So I made sure my kids never had to feel like one got more than the other.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

The only thing I'm sure to keep even is the same number of wrapped gifts at Christmas, even if that means wrapping up a couple things together. The amount spent per kid tends to be in the same ballpark (within $25 usually), but that's really just coincidental. For birthdays, I never pay attention or remember how much I spend on one kid/number of presents vs the other, and their bdays are far enough apart for them not to notice. I dont set aside a budget for bdays like I do for Christmas, so some years more gets spent than others. For random spending, if it's a need like shoes/clothes, only the kid that needs it gets it. If it's a want, I'll usually try to find something for each kid, but one may end up with a $3 ball and the other a $20 game, depending on what they want or I think they'd like. With a boy and a girl 5 years apart, it would be crazy to try to make everything completely even.

 

[prprincess]

I do try my best to spend the same for Christmas and Birthdays. Other than that, it usually evens out. But with some things it's hard. For example, my youngest often ends up with my oldest's hand me down clothes, so I tend not to buy him too many new items of clothing.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, this has been discusses at great lenghts, over and over, here on the DIS!!!!

I am one who thinks that similar occasions, such as Christmas, Birthday, Graduations, etc... seem to be fairly even.
But, I would not be knocking myself out to make sure that every penny matched!!!!!!

Different kids also have their own individual needs and considerations.
Life isn't always EQUAL!!!!!
Different things, different situations, at different times.

I just think that parents, grandparents, etc... OVERALL, should try to at least project the appearance of 'fairness'.

We hear all the time about the one 'favorite'.... or 'golden child'... and the one who never seems to get fair consideration.
And, with me, that would just NOT be happening.

 

[Wishing on a star]

princess, I understand some level of hand-me downs... but seriously, clothing and style (as well as 'fit') can be totally individual.
Just because DS #1 loved Star Wars T-shirts, does not mean that DS #2 should have to wear older worn Star Wars T-shirts.
You might want to re-think the numbers of new and personally chosen items of clothing for DS #2.

Think of it this way... If DS #1 had been DD, then would DS be expected to wear any of her hand-me downs.

 

[Clio]

I try to be close to the same but it doesn't have to be exactly the same amount. I'd drive myself crazy if I did that.

 

[jrmasm]

I buy what I want to get them and don’t worry about if one gets more or less. And if either child ever questioned me, those would be the last presents they ever got from me.

 

[E&Cmom]

No. It just depends what they like and what their interest are at the time.

 

[powellrj]

Since I started giving cash I do. It makes my life so much easier.

 

[mekay1012]

I don’t spend the same amount dollar wise, but I make sure they get the same number of gifts for Christmas, birthdays, etc. There is 8 years difference in my girls so smaller, cheaper things make my 4 year old happy while my 12 year old wants more expensive stuff. For example, at Christmas, my oldest got a pair of Ugg boots. My youngest got rain boots. They both loved what they got and my 4 year old didn’t care that her sister’s cost a whole lot more.

 

[mummabear]

My mom was really concerned about it when I was younger, though, to the point that she would often hand one of my sister and I an envelope at Christmas with a random amount of money in it (76 cents, for example) because she couldn't get the amount she spent exactly even. I always thought that was weird.

I think you can be so shaped by your own childhood that as a parent you want to make sure that you don’t do something you thought was unfair. Sounds like your mom had good intentions but overcompensated.

Yes, we try to treat our kids the same for birthdays & Christmas. Both my mother & my mother-in-law were the same w/ us & our siblings growing up & are now like that w/ their grandkids, so we come by it honestly.

However, we don't spend the exact same dollar amount down to the penny - but we do try to spend in the same ballpark & make sure the gifts are the same in value.

At Christmas, they each get one "big" or "wow!" gift from "Santa" & then have the same amount of presents to open from us & the same amount of other things from "Santa" - however, we have an 18 year old daughter, a 16 year old son, & a 8 year old son; the gifts are not going to be the same & the dollar amounts aren't going to be the same. For example, this past Christmas, our DD wanted decorative pillows for her bedroom - she got the pillows, older DS got a bed lounger pillow, & younger DS got stuffed animals (he LOVES stuffed animals!). I do try to get some gifts alike - they may each get a new pair of shoes or a new board game or movie or some similar item at Christmas. And I often end up spending more than I had originally intended trying to get their gifts equal in number & value. LOL!

I've tried to have the same sort of birthday parties for them as they've grown up as well. We do themed birthday parties through age 9, do some kind of "experience" for the 10th birthday, & then have a 13th birthday party & a 16th birthday party. (For the 11th, 12th, 14th, 15th, 17th & after birthdays, we just have dinner & cake & presents w/ our immediate family & sometimes the grandparents.)

For other holidays like Valentine's Day & Easter, they get the same number of things & similar things as well.

Birthdays, Christmas, & other holidays aside, at other times of the year, if I buy for one child at one particular time for some reason, I don't always buy for the other 2 children at the same time - it just varies depending on each child's particular needs at different times. But, over the course of their lives, it all equals out. Overall, I don't think we've ended up spending more on one child & less on another.

In relation to dating & jobs, I think it's going to vary a little w/ each child & his/her personality & maturity/readiness. We don't have any hard & fast rules, but, single-dating doesn't start until around age 15 or 16. Older DD & DS didn't get any form of social media until they each turned 13. I can't remember how old they were when they got their first phone.

This is basically us.
Things like an allowance are the same $ at the same age. Birthday and Christmas presents are as close to the same as possible while getting them the stuff they want.