In-laws coming to visit, give me strength!

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I'll repeat the suggestion I made after Christmas - you should make yourself a set of Dysfunctional Family Bingo cards. In each of the 25 squares list something you think they're going to do that annoys you. See who gets Bingo! first.

My DH did this at Christmas and it totally changed the dynamic - instead of dreading certain comments or remarks we started looking forward to hearing them so we could mark off another square!

Good luck with the visit! And thank you for reminding me how thankful I am that we live near enough that my ILs don't ever stay overnight at our house!

Brilliant!

 

[ksjayhawks]

Honestly, I would go about with my regular plans for the days that they are at your house. If you have plans to go out to dinner, go out and invite them along. If you are going to a movie, same thing. If the kids have activities planned, do not make them stay home. I would not change my life for them or plan special things to do either as that doesn't seem to be what they want to do. If you would like to play a board game, ask them to join but don't be disappointed if they don't.

I would make sure the guest room is comfy and clean, have food in the house for snacks, provide the meals. You cannot make them behave differently than they are and you will only stress yourself out trying to do so.

I would also talk with your dd13 about what she should expect--reminding her of the visit at thanksgiving. Prepare her so that she isn't expecting things will be different since the gparents are at her house without the babysat kids around.

I would also make sure that dh was going to be around to "spend" time with his parents.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I get that - I honestly do. My inlaws are more involved in my kids lives than my parents. It does bother me at times - but that's how it is. I know they love me - and my children - but that's how they are wired. Growing up they worked a lot to provide for us, rarely went out, didn't have may friends - were never touchy feely. I didnt bring friends around much because of it. I often wonder, being adopted, if I would have turned out that way. My brother is adopted as well and we are (he passed recently) very touchy, talkative, and outgoing. The family and married life I live is a 180 from how I was raised. My younger sister still lives at home at 35 and is the same as they are. So I think circumstance (my parents had immigrant parents and a rough time growing up) and personality both play a big role of how you are.
Like I said - it does sometimes bug me and my feelings are hurt - but they are who they are and they are not going to change. I continue to invite them to do things and once in a great while they do. I really appreciate when they do because I know its out of their comfort zone.

You seem like a very loving daughter. Your family is lucky to have you.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I'll repeat the suggestion I made after Christmas - you should make yourself a set of Dysfunctional Family Bingo cards. In each of the 25 squares list something you think they're going to do that annoys you. See who gets Bingo! first.

My DH did this at Christmas and it totally changed the dynamic - instead of dreading certain comments or remarks we started looking forward to hearing them so we could mark off another square!

Good luck with the visit! And thank you for reminding me how thankful I am that we live near enough that my ILs don't ever stay overnight at our house!

Snorted Diet Coke up my nose on that one! Thanks I needed that.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

Honestly, I would go about with my regular plans for the days that they are at your house. If you have plans to go out to dinner, go out and invite them along. If you are going to a movie, same thing. If the kids have activities planned, do not make them stay home. I would not change my life for them or plan special things to do either as that doesn't seem to be what they want to do. If you would like to play a board game, ask them to join but don't be disappointed if they don't.

I would make sure the guest room is comfy and clean, have food in the house for snacks, provide the meals. You cannot make them behave differently than they are and you will only stress yourself out trying to do so.

I would also talk with your dd13 about what she should expect--reminding her of the visit at thanksgiving. Prepare her so that she isn't expecting things will be different since the gparents are at her house without the babysat kids around.

I would also make sure that dh was going to be around to "spend" time with his parents.

This is pretty much the plan. We are giving them our bedroom because the others are all upstairs. DFIL broke his hip and can't handle stairs. I plan to be gracious. I just want to complain about it behind their backs!

 

[POOHsie]

My mom, 81, doesn't watch TV during the day. But on the weekdays after dinner she'll watch Fox News. Usually she DVRs it when she has company, but last time I was there (6 hr drive) she sat and watched. I quietly went in another room and read a book. Finally she noticed I wasn't in the room and I told her why. She didn't seem to comprehend my objections. I told her we didn't need to get into a discussion about it, she just needed to understand that I wouldn't be around when that channel was on. It was her choice, me or that channel.

 

[Squidgyness]

You should invite me round, ill spark up a debate on pretty much anything and get em occupied for a good few hours! I'm pretty sure they'd be so appalled at me and my beliefs they'd forget all about you and your family. Hey, distraction is a viable tactic for dreaded visits in my house

 

[Laura66]

I'm sorry I seemed judgemental - it's good to get things off your chest. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband! How he puts up with me I'll never know!

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I'm sorry I seemed judgemental - it's good to get things off your chest. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband! How he puts up with me I'll never know!

I didn't think you seemed judgmental. Part of the reason people post to this board is to hear different points of view. I wasn't even looking for real advice, I was just venting something that I can't say to anyone else. You seem like a real kindhearted person and that's a good thing.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

My mom, 81, doesn't watch TV during the day. But on the weekdays after dinner she'll watch Fox News. Usually she DVRs it when she has company, but last time I was there (6 hr drive) she sat and watched. I quietly went in another room and read a book. Finally she noticed I wasn't in the room and I told her why. She didn't seem to comprehend my objections. I told her we didn't need to get into a discussion about it, she just needed to understand that I wouldn't be around when that channel was on. It was her choice, me or that channel.

This reminds me of one time the kids and I drove 10 hours to visit my parents. We arrived and my mom told me that we would all need to be quiet because Doughton Abbey (sp?) was coming on. They have a DVR. Yep, bit my tongue and went to bed.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

You should invite me round, ill spark up a debate on pretty much anything and get em occupied for a good few hours! I'm pretty sure they'd be so appalled at me and my beliefs they'd forget all about you and your family. Hey, distraction is a viable tactic for dreaded visits in my house

that's actually a pretty hilarious alternative, will consider!

 

[hellow]

I'll repeat the suggestion I made after Christmas - you should make yourself a set of Dysfunctional Family Bingo cards. In each of the 25 squares list something you think they're going to do that annoys you. See who gets Bingo! first.

My DH did this at Christmas and it totally changed the dynamic - instead of dreading certain comments or remarks we started looking forward to hearing them so we could mark off another square!

Good luck with the visit! And thank you for reminding me how thankful I am that we live near enough that my ILs don't ever stay overnight at our house!

I remember this, and am actually going to use this idea next month!

 

[hellow]

Just make sure your husband doesn't do what mine did when the in-laws would come for a visit. It never failed, they would show up, and he suddenly had to mow the lawn or tinker with something in the garage and left ME to entertain them! We laugh about it now, but it sure was aggravating then.

 

[DMickey28]

I feel your pain. My inlaws are insanely annoying. They want the entire family to live on Walton Mountain, in a farmhouse, and say "goodnight Johnboy" every night My husband and I have a strict deal that for our marriage to stay happy and strong, he will never, ever take a job within a 5 hour driving distance of them.

Good luck!

I would also love this and my parents are like this!!

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

my sympathies!

My in-laws are good people...but they drive me crazy sometimes.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

Just make sure your husband doesn't do what mine did when the in-laws would come for a visit. It never failed, they would show up, and he suddenly had to mow the lawn or tinker with something in the garage and left ME to entertain them! We laugh about it now, but it sure was aggravating then.

Maybe I could go mow the lawn and tinker in the garage.