I need help coping with my miscarriage- last update 5/21

[need_a_Disney_fix]

Little Blue, I have been thinking of you all afternoon and please know that there is great power in a prayer and a hug. PLEASE keep the faith.

My mom passed almost one month ago and I know the pain of a huge loss. It hurts so much but because of my faith in God, I am sure that we will meet again for eternity.

 

[EltonJohn]

I would appreciate the website, just type thissite@ dot com.. I tried PMing you and you don't have that option open. I've appreciated the sites mentioned and have been surfing them this evening. I did see the book title mentioned throughout my searches this evening, she must be good.

ChristianForums.com It's like the largest Christian forum on the net. Beware though that it is a very large website, but it recently got an overhaul hopefully making it easier to navigate the site. It has women's ministry, women's discussion, prayer ministry, etc., etc., etc.

 

[LittleBlue22]

Little Blue, I have been thinking of you all afternoon and please know that there is great power in a prayer and a hug. PLEASE keep the faith.

My mom passed almost one month ago and I know the pain of a huge loss. It hurts so much but because of my faith in God, I am sure that we will meet again for eternity.

Thank you, thank you. I don't think I'm praying right or at all right now for myself (I start, but I have unfinished prayers), so, thoughts and prayers are deeply appreciated. I'm trying to read/find scripture, but I'm still in denial (not needing God). I've been a believer since '97 so you'd think by now I'd know what to do.

My ds said, we don't know if it was a brother or sister, and dh said, well you'll get to find out when you get to heaven.

EltonJohn, thanks for posting the site.

Thought I'd research stages of grieving... I'm all over the place.

Again, thank you all for your honesty and posts. You all are wonderful.

 

[sunlver]

I am so sorry. I have 3 kids, but had 4 miscarriages in a row before my 3rd was born. It was such a dark time in my life. It feels like you are always alone when going through this, there are so many questions. It helps to talk to people about it, to share your feelings.

I went to a miscarriage support group which helped me A LOT...there is a great website called
www.silentgrief.com
There are wonderful ladies on there to help you through this, and to tell you , you are not alone.

 

[disneynut14]

I am so sorry. I myself have had 5 miscarriages. 3 before my first DD was born and 2 right after, before my DS was born. I know how you are feeling. I too went to a very dark place, especially before I had my daughter and didn't know if I would ever have children. I felt very lonely and spent alot of time journaling. This really helped me get all my feelings out. I also spent time online mostly reading what others posted. I found great joy in my DD when I had my other 2 MC and kept counting my blessings. I know, that there are 5 little guardian angels keeping an eye on us.

I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but time will help. Send a PM if you want someone to talk to.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

so very sorry...

 

[LittleBlue22]

Update 5/19: I go for my pre op appt. tomorrow mid morning. I'm starting to get knots in my stomache. My dh will be going with me for support and he'll be able to retain the information better than I. The nurse mentioned drawing blood and I'd be given information for the procedure scheduled for Wed. (5/21). My heart is beating faster as I type. What should I expect during the pre op visit? I hate surprises. I feel like I'm starting another phase of an emotional roller coaster.

posted update in OP and leaving this post to bump thread, seeking information.

I also want to thank those who left a post regarding their personal stories.

Thank you all.

 

[HelenePA]

I had my pre op right before I went in... basically all I had done was a blood draw to check some lab numbers (as for what they checked I have no clue). Nothing else. I'm so sorry again.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I had my pre op right before I went in... basically all I had done was a blood draw to check some lab numbers (as for what they checked I have no clue). Nothing else. I'm so sorry again.

That's what I was thinking, what is there to check?

I've been combing the internet, the sites mentioned here, I found some poems, and have been listening to hymns online. Those have been sustaining me since I last posted. Thank you all again.

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

I want you to know that I continue to think of you and wish I could give you a hug in person.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I want you to know that I continue to think of you and wish I could give you a hug in person.

thank you b/c I am getting scared to death. I feel like a kid going to a place I don't want to kicking and screaming. I know I won't be hopping, skipping, or jumping to the appt.


What about the procedure itself? How long will it take? I need make transportation arrangements for my kids. Any thoughts?

 

[CrazedDisFan]

They will check you HCG levels, blood counts and type your blood. The procedure you are having is very common, but as with all surgical procedures there is a risk so typing your blood and checking counts are vital.

I, too, had a miscarriage. I coped by allowing myself to grieve and talking about it to my husband. I was in my second trimester and it was all very traumatic for me. I insisted on having the procedure the next day as continuing on for any further time would have made it much more difficult for me. Time will help, but so will finding a friend to talk to.

I wish you peace with what has happened.

 

[Nikel1979]

That's what I was thinking, what is there to check?

When I had my miscarriage, I had to go back in and have my blood drawn weekly. They were checking my hcg levels and making sure they were dropping appropriately. I had a natural m/c though (that sounds weird, not sure what else to call it though, what I mean is they just let my body do it's thing w/o intervention), but I imagine they're checking your hormone levels.

 

[LittleBlue22]

When I had my miscarriage, I had to go back in and have my blood drawn weekly. They were checking my hcg levels and making sure they were dropping appropriately. I had a natural m/c though (that sounds weird, not sure what else to call it though, what I mean is they just let my body do it's thing w/o intervention), but I imagine they're checking your hormone levels.

I keep hoping I'd have a natural miscarriage so I don't have to be purposely dialated etc. I keep checking for spotting, but alas there's none.

 

[ZachnElli]

They will check your hcg levels, natural miscarriage or d&c (or d&e). I've had 7 losses, so I've had more than one of each, well only one d&e. Yea me. I could never start healing emotionally until after the miscarriage was over and the bleeding had completely stopped. Until then, I always felt like I was trapped in time with the world speeding by. Littleblue, I'm so sorry for your loss. Take gentle care of yourself.

 

[Laren]

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.

I myself have lost two babies to miscarriage and those experiences changed me forever. The second one, for which I had to have a procedure done, especially changed me.

The best advice I can give, years and years down the road from where you are tonight, is don't let others tell you how you 'should' feel. People will say, well, to put it honestly, a lot of stupid things because they don't know what to say. But what is worse many may say anything at all, and will try to brush over the loss as if the baby wasn't real. Don't let them do that to you. You have every right to grieve, and you are no less a mother to this baby than you are to any of your other children.

Because I didn't mourn properly at the time my miscarriages happened- I shut it all up inside, I had to deal with it later. However you have to deal with it, (in my case, it was learning to live with it, it has never been something I was able to 'get over') do give yourself the time to do so, if you don't the sorrow will be waiting for you at a later date. Do not hesitate to seek counseling from a doctor, therapist, hospital chaplain, or other minister, or anyone else you feel will be a safe source of comfort to you.

There is only one book I have ever found that was helpful to me- it was called Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart and it helped because it had so much from different women who all handled the loss in different ways. All the rest of the books I have read in the past sixteen years (and yes it's been that long since my first miscarriage- but I still think about it) have seemed insulting to me, personally.

Some people grieve more, some less, nothing is 'right' or 'wrong'. Mostly, please just be kind to yourself, and surround yourself with as much support as you can. I have visited some different forums for support on this in the past- but not for a long time. Each one has a personality- like any other internet forum, but if you browse around you will likely find one where you can find the support that you need.

My thoughts are with you and your family tonight. I'm so very sorry.

Laren

 

[java]

thank you b/c I am getting scared to death. I feel like a kid going to a place I don't want to kicking and screaming. I know I won't be hopping, skipping, or jumping to the appt.


What about the procedure itself? How long will it take? I need make transportation arrangements for my kids. Any thoughts?

My D&C took about 6 hours!! Not the surgery but the waiting around for the OR. I was not a priority and I was a mess. So miserable and cried for all 6 hours. The procedure itself was about an hour of me being under- 30 of that was in recovery I believe. I felt terrible immediately after and just wanted to sleep. The next day I felt much better physically. Good luck to you.

Here is a little strange coincidence story. Exactly one year later to the day of my D&C I was checking into the hospital to give birth to my daughter. When my dh went to admit me they said "oh we already have your information for today- the D&C " Then they realized that was a year earlier. I felt like my angel was with me that day.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Oh T I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I had a miscarrage between child two and three. I'm sending you a PM.

 

[Pinkprincessmom]

Just a note to let you know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Susan

 

[DMickey28]

Blue - You and your angel, Heaven, will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Your family will also be in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with the previous poster. Allow yourself to grieve, however long or short you may need. It's ok.