Husbands on Mother's Day?

[avengerspoilerer]

I'm kind of surprised by the attitude of fathers who say their wives aren't their mothers and thus don't deserve anything from them. Not even a token acknowledgement or appreciation for being the mother of their kids?????

No we are saying we don’t need some recognized day of the year to celebrate the other of our children. We don’t buy into commercialized holidays like MD or FD or even VD.

We show our appreciation year round in our ways making memories and not buying more stuff.

 

[Hikergirl]

Even though I'm not the father of her kids, my wife is still a mother. So I still wish her a Happy Mother's Day and often get her a card, mostly a funny one if I can find something appropriate; if not, a general card suitable for any mother.

I'm kind of surprised by the attitude of fathers who say their wives aren't their mothers and thus don't deserve anything from them. Not even a token acknowledgement or appreciation for being the mother of their kids?????

I am surprised too. I see Mother's Day as a way to stop and just take one day to acknowledge all the "Mothers" in your life, whether it is your own, your grandmother or the mother of your children.
Its seems strange to me to see "well she's not my mother, so nothing". But hey if it works for your family then that is great for you, but it wouldn't work in mine.

 

[luvsJack]

I am surprised too. I see Mother's Day as a way to stop and just take one day to acknowledge all the "Mothers" in your life, whether it is your own, your grandmother or the mother of your children.
Its seems strange to me to see "well she's not my mother, so nothing". But hey if it works for your family then that is great for you, but it wouldn't work in mine.

Same here.

I don’t expect gifts or flowers necessarily. But a nice dinner with the kids at my choice of restaurants is nice. Or dh cooking hamburgers on the grill.

Dh and I share a birthday so Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are the only days that are our’s alone. And we like them!

 

[Wendy31]

I agree.

The casual disregard of "she's not my mother so whatever" seems a bit disrespectful & unkind to me.

I can understand if you just don't celebrate any of the "Hallmark" holidays at all.

However, if you DO acknowledge your own mother (w/ cards, flowers, gifts, etc.) on Mother's Day & you have kids & do nothing for your wife because "she's not my mom," then I think that's sad.

And the same would go for a wife who acknowledged her dad on Father's Day but did nothing for her husband.

Again, there should be a special significance & esteem for the one w/ whom you share a life & kids.

 

[avengerspoilerer]

The kid got up and made a huge breakfast in bed for her mom. I spent 30 minutes cleaning it up while the kid got her laundry started.

She made a card.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Notice the spelling of Mother's day. It is singular possessive and deliberately so. The person most responsible for starting up Mother's day in the United States spelled it that way for each to honor their own mother. So those that say she's not my mother are technically correct.

Although men, if you try to "educate" your wife to that fact. Note that it certainly didn't go over so well with my mother when my father tried it.

As for me, I know better then to pull that one. Sometimes being right isn't the best thing to be. Back to Anna Jarvis. She ended up hating the day she was responsible for in the U.S. She hated that it became just another excuse to sell flowers and cards. And despite being a community and womens health advocate, she despised the day being used to promote it. She also despised the selling of carnations as a fund raiser. She ended up organizing boycotts of the very day she brought about. By the way her own mother was dead. So presumably, even if you're mother is dead you're supposed to honor her this day.

 

[bethbuchall]

We don't really celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day here. The youngest is in college, so none of the kids are around today, but even when they were little, it wasn't anything above good wishes and school crafts. My husband always does the dishes and cleans the kitchen after dinner, and I'd take that year-round over any token on a single day.

I sent my mom a card and will call her today (though I call every Sunday anyway) because she enjoys signs of appreciation but doesn't require a big gift. My husband will call his mom tonight, but she has never care about Mother's Day.

 

[kimblebee]

This sentiment from men pisses me off. It is disrespectful and lazy. You are the mother of his children and you deserve recognition.

This sentiment from women pisses me off. It’s demanding and indulgent. My husband is not the father of my child and she recognizes me every day.

 

[Searc]

This sentiment from women pisses me off. It’s demanding and indulgent. My husband is not the father of my child and she recognizes me every day.

You aren't the mother of his children, so he has no need to recognize you in that way.

 

[kimblebee]

You aren't the mother of his children, so he has no need to recognize you in that way.

I know?

Even if we did have children together I would call him lazy and disrespectful if he didn’t shower me with attention today. He does it every day.

 

[Klayfish]

Wait. When is Mothers Day? Please tell me it isn't today.




Yes...I'm just kidding. I may be a moron, but I'm not THAT dumb. DW is the glue that binds this family. She is not only our kids inspiration, but mine. I haven't always been the best father and husband, but I now make it a point to know how much she is appreciated not only today, but everyday.

 

[BLAZEY]

My sister's MIL is British, but lives here in Canada, where many of British decent also celebrate Mothering Sunday in March. BIL (DSis's Hubby ) does both, one in March and one in May.

 

[elaine amj]

We don't really do presents here. My mom likes presents though so we will buy her flowers. I'm too cheap to let DH spend money on flowers for me haha.

Generally Mother's Day is the day I get to decide what to do. DH typically does more than the kids. I never really heard the thought that "I'm not his mother" before and it's always been a thing in our family for DH's to acknowledge and appreciate us as the mother of their children.

Today, I prepped lunch and helped prep dinner. But that is more because I wanted my special lunch done a certain way. My kids did the washing up for both meals. We had a nice time together and they all tried to please me all day. We didn't get too gushy this holiday (some years we do) although my DS16 made the effort to tell me a special thank you for all I do before he went to bed. It was unexpected, so all the more touching

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I make my wife breakfast. I make sure the children have bought her presents (although they have gotten pretty on the ball with that now that they are 19 and 22) and offer suggestions if they want them. I cook dinner. I tend to do laundry and stuff, although this year I spend most of the afternoon with my parents doing chores around their house.

 

[smiths02]

I don't thin there is any obligation. But, I kind of think, as long as a wife/mother is raising and caring for the guys younger or teen children, maybe he should want to find a way to show some love and appreciation!!!

Always gotta just love ( ironic tone implied here) the scenario where the wife/mother spends Mother's Day with him, a gown man, showing appreciation to his mother.

This sentiment from men pisses me off. It is disrespectful and lazy. You are the mother of his children and you deserve recognition.

Studies show that women still do 65% of the childcare work. So if you are a man and have children in the house, your wife might not be your mother, but chances are, she's doing most of the parenting of your children.
There is also the aspect that if the children are young, they will need help expressing their gratitude.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I get my wife a card and a present, and I take her out to lunch. And any household chores are off limits for her--I've do mine and what's usually hers.

Come to think of it, I probably let the kids off the hook.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my thoughts on it. No, I'm not my husband's mother. However, in our house, I'm the one who makes sure everyone else's special days are recognized. Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, I'm responsible for all of those. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that he make sure I at least get told "Happy Mother's Day" by the kids. I don't care about presents or flowers or expensive cards, just the recognition is enough.

This year DH and younger DS had no idea it was Mother's Day until we got to church. Older DS didn't go with us, he never figured it out. It's not like it isn't in May every year.

 

[quandrea]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my thoughts on it. No, I'm not my husband's mother. However, in our house, I'm the one who makes sure everyone else's special days are recognized. Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, I'm responsible for all of those. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that he make sure I at least get told "Happy Mother's Day" by the kids. I don't care about presents or flowers or expensive cards, just the recognition is enough.

This year DH and younger DS had no idea it was Mother's Day until we got to church. Older DS didn't go with us, he never figured it out. It's not like it isn't in May every year.

That’s terrible. I’d be hopping mad and they’d know it. No way I’d let that pass.

 

[SaintsManiac]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my thoughts on it. No, I'm not my husband's mother. However, in our house, I'm the one who makes sure everyone else's special days are recognized. Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, I'm responsible for all of those. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that he make sure I at least get told "Happy Mother's Day" by the kids. I don't care about presents or flowers or expensive cards, just the recognition is enough.

This year DH and younger DS had no idea it was Mother's Day until we got to church. Older DS didn't go with us, he never figured it out. It's not like it isn't in May every year.

Exactly this. My husband and daughter know that I am running most of the show year round, including planning EVERY SINGLE aspect of our vacations.

They like to do something for Mother's Day.

 

[Klayfish]

Studies show that women still do 65% of the childcare work. So if you are a man and have children in the house, your wife might not be your mother, but chances are, she's doing most of the parenting of your children.

And 100% of the survey participants were women.

At the end of the day, a husband and wife should be a team. It really doesn't matter, IMO, if the wife does 73.27% of the childcare work (however that's actually defined) and the husband does 64.92% of the housework, vice versa or invert to the square root of the hypotenuse. They are both responsible for the raising of the kids and should work together to get it done. It's not always 50/50 and everyones' contributions should be appreciated. And no, I'm not on a high horse, that's something I work hard to remind myself of all the time as I don't always do a good job.

Part of someone's feelings on this will also depend on your view of the importance of the "holiday" of Mothers Day. As I mentioned, I make am making it a point to be sure DW knows how much she is appreciated as a mother and wife, so there doesn't need to be an artificially made up day for it. Yes, of course we will and do acknowledge Mothers' Day, but it shouldn't be much different than any other day.

I know Fathers' Day is in June, but without looking it up I don't know specifically which Sunday. Personally, I honestly don't care. I'll be travelling for sure, as that's my schedule every Sunday in June. If it comes and goes without so much as a mention, it really won't bother me one bit.