The Day After.
So yes, I've started the post countdown as a PP mentioned. Yesterday, he was...
It's just over 36 hrs since DH took his last breath. It seems like a minute ago and at the same time days. Last evening, my children, parents, brother and I went to his final viewing. At least that was what I thought then
We cried a bunch, then we slowly started drawing and writing on his casket. I drew a giant heart and wrote always in it. DD wrote Pad Thai, since that was their favourite meal together. DS wrote Buddy - we actually all call each other that, not just he and I. Well other than DD - we call her Pie. Sweet Pea, became Sweetie Pea - Sweetie Peetie - Sweetie Peetie Pie which has now been shortened to Pie. Anyway, we were all kind of stuck after that for a bit. My parents then wrote that he belonged to them, always. That would have meant so much to him; because of the issues with his family he always said he felt like he belonged more to mine than his own. He never said that directly to them, but my Mom wrote it on his casket. My brother drew a stock chart - DH was involved with the financial markets. I drew a guitar, he used to play. Then we added a cross, some butterflies, DD wrote a giant WE LOVE YOU on the side and drew a heart with everyone's names including the dogs. A Soprano's quote - it was his favourite show ever. "If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them." A tic tac toe with the first X and O drawn - we always did that on restaurant paper table coverings. It became a happy family moment and I'm so glad the funeral home offered the markers.
Today we are going to the golf club to see about a room for his Celebration of Life. We need a dance floor. I can't remember if I mentioned but DS is a competitive Latin dancer. He has made a huge leap in the last six months to the top level of competition and found an amazing partner in December. Their first competition together was the weekend of March 1-4 and DH was planning on coming. Had his ticket and was so excited since he hadn't seen him compete since he was partnering with his sister over a year ago. As it happened, he was not well enough to attend. His pain was ongoing by then and nausea had started. This was a little over week and a half before he went to the hospital. He was so upset to miss it. So, DS and his partner are planning on dancing some of their competition routines to some of DH's favourite songs. Probably a little strange to have dancing at a remembrance, but he wants to dance for his dad.
I also had a call from MIL this morning. She asked about arrangements. So I told her we'd had our viewing last evening and he was to be cremated Saturday. I then offered her a viewing as well. I truly feel DH suggested it because I had no plans to speak to her again after the scene at the hospice and the reaction when I called to tell her he had passed, but in the middle of the conversation I just felt compelled to offer it. She is coming this afternoon. He didn't want any witnesses to his end suffering nor his demise but I don't believe he'd care now and if it gives her closure so be it. The pettiness in me, however has arranged one final visit, closed casket after she leaves because I want to be the last person to spend time with him before cremation. DD has asked to be there too - her motivation was blatantly stated and reflected my hidden one. If she writes anything on his casket that is upsetting or would have been about her guilt rather than honouring him, DD wants to "fix it" before his cremation. So that's what we're doing later this evening. Final visit. DS said he didn't need to be there for that. He's said his goodbye and trusts us to correct anything that needs it. I have offered her a small portion of his ashes if she'd like to make a jewellery remembrance also or add to her husband's mini urn that she keeps. I was clear to the funeral home that this was not a halving, just a small portion for her needs and they will accommodate that. Yep, I acknowledge that may all be petty, but best I can do. There were a lot of pretty unkind things she did and said about DH and about me over the years. I can only get so far past it.