how do you interact with strangers that ask for money

[Arielle22]

Don't try to make it seem like I am putting "these people" down, because I'm not. I have a big heart, also. (And I've been encountering some of "these people", ie the groups of people that beg at stops on my commute, for many years myself; decades, actually. One of them was in the news here in Boston recently, you can read it for yourself, will post news articles at end.) I'm just saying that some of "these people" can be dangerous. Years ago they might have been institutionalized, but most funds are gone for that sort of thing, so now they are out among us. I don't think it's unreasonable to warn people they should stay safe.

Homeless Man Arrested After 2 Park Rangers Stabbed

Man Who Allegedly Attacked Boston Park Rangers Had Bizarre, Violent History

Pea, I work in downtown Boston a few blocks from the common. This incident scared me. Over the past few years I have seen more and more homeless on the street corners. I treat them the same way I treat all other people, give them a smile but don't interact unless needed.

Prior to meeting my DH, his father was homeless due to alcohol abuse. So I do look at the homeless as people. However I don't think giving them money that may be used on drugs or alcohol is a good thing. If a person wants to help, buy them a meal or a bus ticket (common thing to ask for at South Station).

Here in Boston no homeless is turned away from shelter on cold nights. Yet there is one man who comes onto the train while it is in the station claiming to have been turned away and only given a blanket while it is freezing outside. He wants money to take a train to another shelter. I know this is a scam and most other commuters do as well.

 

[lisaviolet]

Don't try to make it seem like I am putting "these people" down, because I'm not. I have a big heart, also. (And I've been encountering some of "these people", ie the groups of people that beg at stops on my commute, for many years myself; decades, actually. One of them was in the news here in Boston recently, you can read it for yourself, will post news articles at end.) I'm just saying that some of "these people" can be dangerous. Years ago they might have been institutionalized, but most funds are gone for that sort of thing, so now they are out among us. I don't think it's unreasonable to warn people they should stay safe.

Homeless Man Arrested After 2 Park Rangers Stabbed

Man Who Allegedly Attacked Boston Park Rangers Had Bizarre, Violent History

First, it never even occurred to me that you didn't have a big heart from your words. And I don't even care about my heart, honestly. So for that I am sorry.

It's not even about that for me.

And I'm sorry that my* these people*, highlighting that, came off so harsh, really. It is just an issue for me, Pea-n-Me. I really have a huge issue with us and them mentality with many issues in the world, this one being one of them. And it is MY issue, I apologize that you felt I was judging you so much. I can be judgmental, so who knows.

Of course some people can be dangerous. I agree. I spent many years working in one of the toughest schools in Toronto right out of university - meaning I was young. I don't know if that early experience impacted my thoughts on this or not, . Or living downtown and walking the streets at all hours. Who knows.

But I do think it's unreasonable to say *stay safe* with listening, respecting, and answering people. To me, it's a barrier statement. To be clear, I am only talking about answering a person who asks me a question, respectfully (and here it is respectfully for the most part). And we both have years of daily being asked for money - but here I am making my choice and I've never had an experience that has brought fear, even with the times where I got negative back. Once again, I get positivity back 90% of the time, over decades and I simply can't ignore that fact. It's valid.

I am not remotely naive. I just choose something different.

Once again, I'm sorry my strong convictions on this issue and my words, made you feel so judged.

________________________________________________________

I haven't read your links. I will.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

Years ago there was a young man who appeared one day at the interstate exit I took for work. He had a sign that said "homeless," but he looked pretty clean and happy, like a college aged kid with no money. As months passed, he would appear sporadically and just looked worse and worse, sadder and sadder. I don't know if it was mental illness, drug use, the difficulties of living on the streets. So sad to see. As he got scarier looking, fewer people would roll down their windows to give him money. He just disappeared after awhile. I still wonder what happened to him.

 

[rszdtrvl]

I typically say "No, thank you".

In our small city (ranked #12 for crime in the state) we have such an issue with panhandlers that the city installed signs that reads things like "Keep the Change. Money given to Panhandlers goes mostly towards drugs and alcohol. Give to a local charity" or something like that. They are installed at the corners that the panhandlers typically hang out at.

Around here they hang out at Walmart, since the homeless shelter (located right across from a fast food restaurant) is only a block away.

People like to use the "I just need $3 so I can pick up a prescription for my son/daughter" excuse in the Walmart parking lot. I would be more than happy to come with you to purchase a prescription. They always have a reason why they can't get it just now though.

Sorry.

 

[lisaviolet]

Homeless Man Arrested After 2 Park Rangers Stabbed

Man Who Allegedly Attacked Boston Park Rangers Had Bizarre, Violent History

Okay, I've read them. So horrific for those rangers. Did the older officer recover from his wounds Pea-n-Me? Forty six years is a long time for that job.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

But reading that incident does not affect my choices/thoughts at all. We of course have mentally ill people with violent tendencies around us, those who you can clearly see and those who come in a different package and no one knows. It's life. I know I'm a person who has always felt when it's my time, it's my time. Not stupid or naive, but that thought has always guided me, my choices.

 

[Minnesota!]

If someone asks, and I have it in my pocket, I will hand it over. They obviously need it more than I do...no matter what they do with it.

More often than not, though, I have no cash. I tell them I am sorry, but I don't carry cash

 

[design_mom]

I don't anymore. I rarely gave money, but I used to give food if I had any. But two incidents stopped me from doing that. Both happened in college.

I used to get a packed lunch from the dining hall and then ride the bus to my job downtown. The bus used to stop at the VA office/Department of Mental Health (their offices were next to each other). There was a guy who rode the same bus who was definitely "weird" but seemed harmless enough. He made a comment once about being jealous of my lunch, so I would routinely give him part of my lunch. (It came with two sandwiches and I'd give him one, plus my chips or my apple or something.) He seemed genuinely appreciative...until he tried to follow me off the bus and wouldn't leave me alone when I told him to. Then he didn't seem as harmless anymore.

The other time was also in college. A guy with a sob story about being hungry asked me for money while I was on my way to a fast food restaurant. I told him I didn't have any, but as I was standing in line, I started feeling bad. So I ordered him the exact same thing that I ordered myself, and gave it to him on my way out. He got aggressive, accusing me of being a liar for telling him that I had no money... then berating that I'd bought him the cheap stuff (which is what I bought myself, too.). He followed me for half a block.

Now I don't do it for personal safety reasons. But I do feel badly when I hear stories like Krand12 posted... people who really need and want the food. (My mother's church does "sandwiches for the homeless" and I will contribute or help assemble the sandwiches, but I do not help deliver.)

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Pea, I work in downtown Boston a few blocks from the common. This incident scared me.

I remember you work in Boston. It scared me, too. And made me incredibly sad for the rangers.

Prior to meeting my DH, his father was homeless due to alcohol abuse. So I do look at the homeless as people. However I don't think giving them money that may be used on drugs or alcohol is a good thing. If a person wants to help, buy them a meal or a bus ticket (common thing to ask for at South Station).

I understand. I grew up with the notion of "There but by the grace of God, go I". My initial interest in coilege was Psych; I worked in a psych facility. When I decided to become a nurse, my initial interest was Psych Nursing. In fact, I'd tried to get a job at the homeless shelter I had clinical at, but as a student already working two jobs they couldn't hire me because they wanted people there regularly for the benefit of the guests; they felt it was like a "home" environment and thought it only fair to have people working there they came to know like family, etc. Understandable. We've all known or read about people who experienced financial difficulties and wound up living in their cars, etc. (In fact, my father had befriended such a man but wound up withdrawing his help after several years because it became clear all he really wanted to do was drink and actually preferred living in a homeless colony to the apartment my father had helped him find and settle into, etc.)

Here in Boston no homeless is turned away from shelter on cold nights. Yet there is one man who comes onto the train while it is in the station claiming to have been turned away and only given a blanket while it is freezing outside. He wants money to take a train to another shelter. I know this is a scam and most other commuters do as well.

Yes. I know they go out looking for the homeless who won't go into shelters on the harshest nights so they can give them hot food, warm clothing, blankets, etc. I didn't mention it in my first post here, but one of the reasons I don't give money is because I know here in Boston there are a lot of food options for those who need it.

 

[PattnFmly]

I also work in Boston, and come & go from North Station daily. I do not carry cash at all, as I use a TPass and don't carry my purse to work for safety reasons. (Both walking as well as work theft.) So I can honestly say to the panhandlers that I have no cash. But I wouldn't give it to them if I had it anyways, I have always said no. That being said, our church does drives for the homeless, drives for the women's shelter, as well as meals for the local soup kitchen. I give generously to those. Just feel it's a better way to go.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

First, it never even occurred to me that you didn't have a big heart from your words. And I don't even care about my heart, honestly. So for that I am sorry.

It's not even about that for me.

And I'm sorry that my* these people*, highlighting that, came off so harsh, really. It is just an issue for me, Pea-n-Me. I really have a huge issue with us and them mentality with many issues in the world, this one being one of them. And it is MY issue, I apologize that you felt I was judging you so much. I can be judgmental, so who knows.

Of course some people can be dangerous. I agree. I spent many years working in one of the toughest schools in Toronto right out of university - meaning I was young. I don't know if that early experience impacted my thoughts on this or not, . Or living downtown and walking the streets at all hours. Who knows.

But I do think it's unreasonable to say *stay safe* with talking, listening, respecting (please my choice of words is only meant I what I feel, not as judgmental as it appears) and answering people. To me, it's a barrier statement. To be clear, I am only talking about answering a person who asks me a question, respectfully (and here it is respectfully for the most part). And we both have years of daily being asked for money - but here I am making my choice and I've never had an experience that has brought fear, even with the times where I got negative back. Once again, I get positivity back 90% of the time, over decades and I simply can't ignore that fact. It's valid.

I don't know what to say, maybe like many threads lately it's two very different countries.

Or maybe not, as many here just ignore.

I am not remotely naive. I just choose something different.

Once again, I'm sorry my strong convictions on this issue and my words, made you feel so judged.

________________________________________________________

I haven't read your links. I will.

Okay, I've read them. So horrific for those rangers.

But reading that does not affect my choices/thoughts at all. We of course have mentally ill people with violent tendencies around us, those who you can clearly see and those who come in a different package and no one knows. It's life. I know I'm a person who has always felt when it's my time, it's my time. Not stupid or naive, but that thought has always guided me, my choices.

No problem. How you approach it is your choice, of course.

 

[nikkistevej]

I do not give to them, I know way too many people(family and friends) that do this to get money for drugs and alcohol. The exit ramp where I get off to go to work every morning has the same "high" girl everyday with the same sign, but I also see her(and her junkie boyfriend) going up the hill behing my parking lot and getting drugs(and I know they do because I was parking and could hear them talking about it) Around where I work it's a bad drug area(and I know this, I grew up right there in the city- where they all go) I never carry cash anyway. If they come up to me and ask, they won't get it, and they had better not come up on me from behind at the grocery store and scare like the one girl did last week, cause she almost got punched in her face, she scared the crap out of me!!!!!

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I almost never carry cash on me, so it's not something I could do. That said, even if I could, I usually won't. I have seen to many scams around our city to be able to differentiate the two (those scamming and those truly in need). And too many times I offered food only to be told they didn't want it.

However, a few Christmases ago, I was out grocery shopping and a young homeless man approached us and asked if I had money to wash his blanket. Somebody else had peed on it. He even said if it made me feel better, I could go put the money directly in the machine (laundromat was in the same shopping center). I gave him more than he asked for and when he noticed, he pointed it out. I told him to please make sure to dry his blanket as well and get something to eat. It was going to get below freezing that night. This isn't meant as pat myself on the back, but it was definitely an eye opener we were out shopping for food for our Christmas dinner. And he is absolutely in the way in which he approached us. I don't know what he did the money, but I'd like to believe it's exactly what he asked. And if not, that is the spirit in which it was given.

 

[Krand12]

Now I don't do it for personal safety reasons. But I do feel badly when I hear stories like Krand12 posted... people who really need and want the food. (My mother's church does "sandwiches for the homeless" and I will contribute or help assemble the sandwiches, but I do not help deliver.)

About 15 years ago, I worked at a church in downtown Seattle that had a large outreach program for the homeless. They had soup, sandwich and a movie one Saturday a month. And there was a wonderful man who came in to assemble sack lunches for the homeless in the area. I can't remember everything in the bag, but I remember there was at least a sandwich, piece of fruit, pudding cup or chips and a bottle of water. They were allowed to come get a bag once a week on Monday, Wednesday or Friday. I was the office administrator and was the person who handed out the lunch bags. I was in my early 20's and I guess it was just something different for me, but I was scared the first few times, even though I didn't really have anything to be afraid of since the office was well protected. They would use the intercom system to ask if they could come upstairs and then I would meet them at a "bank teller" type window that was glass with a small area in the counter where I could put the bagged lunch through for them. I got used to it fairly quickly and got used to seeing some of the regular faces. They were grateful, for the most part, and there was never any incident.

When I had to move 6 months later, I let some of the regulars know that I wouldn't be there any longer and wished them well. Some of them said they were sad to see me go, but I mostly remember that one woman cried and said she would really miss me because I had been the nicest office worker they'd had there. That completely shocked me! I just treated them like humans, gave them a genuine smile when I saw them, and spoke to them with respect. Some had had bad breaks in life, some had illnesses, and yes, some just weren't motivated to do anything in life, but they were all people. I'm not saying that there aren't some homeless people that would do things like in the Boston stories, but for that job, "interacting" with the homeless is one of my favorite memories. And definitely the most rewarding when I look back on everything. I feel very blessed to have been able to help in some way.

I can't remember what my point was when I started to type this, but it's typed, so I'm posting it. Maybe some day my memory will catch up to me. I guess just a fond memory that I wanted to share. Thanks for reading!

 

[aprilgail2]

NY-- there are homeless everywhere, I couldn't give to them all even if I wanted to. We take the same train home from acting school on Sundays and there is the same homeless guy there every time, he loves Auntie Annes pretzels so its our "thing" now to buy him a pretzel and lemonade each Sunday.
I have loaned money to people who have not asked for it- one time the lady in front of me at the pharmacy was trying to pay for her insulin, syringes and strips with a 100 dollar bill. Well they did the color test on it and it showed that it might not be real so they wouldn't take it, she had no more money and this was a Saturday night, so I just said I would pay for it- it wasn't a fortune, it was like 70.00 and she wanted to give me her info- I just handed her mine and said if you want to pay me back here is my info. She called on Monday and asked if I could pick it up cause she didn't drive. When I pulled into the apartment complex there was like 10 people gathered outside with her because she wanted to show them the "nice lady"- I felt like an animal in a cage at the zoo LOL....

 

[Sabeking]

I see a guy on the same corner in the town next door when I go to the doctor there. I always pack a lunch knowing he may be there when I see my doctor. Typically though I don't give money.

Years ago I was in NYC and a homeless guy asked me for money. I told him that I had no cash but had an untouched sandwhich from Carnegie Deli he could have. He said "no thanks, their meat is kind of dry!"

 

[bcla]

I've worked in some places where the neighborhood can be odd. I work in Silicon Valley now, and outside of some downtown areas, there are very few panhandlers who feel like begging where there's little foot traffic.

One downtown where I used to work, the regular beggars tended to be reasonably clean even though they looked like they've been through Hell and back. One was exceedingly polite and well spoken - always talked about maybe giving a little donation "after you've taken care of your own business". One I actually gave a buck to when I was feeling pretty good, which was rare. The oddest was "Spare a penny? Have a nice day."

I've only seen a panhandler get arrested once. She was blocking the sidewalk and was getting really aggressive towards people who walked away without looking at her. I've even seen one who walked into a restaurant and begged, and berated me when I wouldn't give him anything.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I don't engage them and keep on walking.

 

[LJSquishy]

I very rarely carry any cash on me, but even if I did, I wouldn't give it to anyone.

Here in Spokane, WA there are plenty of charities, food banks, utility service discounts/they pay your bill (SNAP), medical, shelters, etc so if someone really wants help, they have lots of options. There are SO MANY government programs and charities.

I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone who begs on a corner, but I feel like no one wants to have to work for money anymore. People should just donate to them rather than them actually earning it.

I, too, have seen folks begging on the corner and then driving off in their car when they're finished. I refuse to support begging.

 

[Laura66]

I don't engage them and keep on walking.

Same here!

 

[jdb in AZ]

I don't carry more than a $ or two, so I just ignore them.

a friend saw a panhandler near a freeway exit and offered to take him home with him, for a shower, lunch, and doing odd jobs to earn some $$. The panhandler said he could make more $$ where he was.