how do you interact with strangers that ask for money

[bigbabyblues]

I have never been asked for money by a stranger.

 

[ez]

If I have money on me I will give it to them. there are homeless people near my office, they live under the overpass of the interstate. I will especially give it in the winter. We have "code blue" nights but the shelters fill up and there isn't room for everyone. Several of them hang around the coffee shop where I infrequently stop and if they are there when I am I will but them coffee and a snack.

I don't know their story, it isn't any of my business. they could be spending the money on alcohol or drugs, but they could also be using it to feed themselves and if they are I want to help.

I am not well to do but I do have more than they do so I can share my wealth.

I agree that I will give money if I have it as long as I dont feel like Im being harassed. I will rarely give it out in traffic because to me that seems dangerous. A couple months ago I did give 5 bucks to an old guy who was on a median with a sign and I was waiting for the left turn arrow. I know that intersection well and knew I had time to go into my purse, but otherwise dont attempt to do it in traffic.

 

[Krand12]

When we were in Vegas about 10 years ago, I was only able to eat half my burger. I always cut my burgers in half before I eat them, so the other half was untouched and I wasn't going to take it with me. I have a horrible habit of leaving left-overs all over Vegas - at slot machines, at ATMs, etc - simply because I keep forgetting that I have them (I even leave them on the table in the restaurant and have had many poor waiters run after us to make sure we don't leave without the leftovers). So, I wasn't going to take the rest of the burger because I'd probably lose it before we got back to the hotel, but our waiter insisted. So, as we were walking across one of the overpass bridges from the MGM to the New York, New York, a homeless guy asked for money. My husband stated that sorry, we don't give money. The guy said "If you have leftovers, I'll take those." Absolutely! We were happy to give him the leftovers! And that's what we do when we're on vacation now.

There was one time in Astoria when I overheard a conversation between two homeless guys walking past us in the opposite direction. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but I heard one say "Well, I wanted to offer some to you since you were nice enough to give me a bite of your sandwich last week." Oh, my heart broke, but I didn't have any cash and by the time I asked my husband if he had any, he checked, and he didn't, the guys had gone around a corner and disappeared. That's a moment when I really wished I carried cash.

 

[bcla]

I've made the mistake of giving someone some money. Probably shouldn't have. She was claiming that she needed enough to ride the bus home. I actually offered to buy a ticket and transport her to the station, but she declined. It's kind of turned me off all that.

This morning during my train commute there was a woman who was standing around the parking lot of the station. It looked like she was trying to flag down drivers with her sob story. I basically just drove past. Part of it was that I needed to get to work, and the other was that I feel I've been burned before.

I have given a quarter to someone claiming that her cell phone battery ran out and she needed to use a pay phone. However, that didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth since who really asks for a quarter these days. I've also encountered someone claiming that she needed to sort out her credit card situation to ride the train and that her phone had been stolen. I trusted her, and let her use my phone. I checked the call log, and all I saw was a call to a toll-free number, so in that case I didn't feel swindled.

 

[lakelandgal70]

I always give if I have it. If they choose to spend it on drugs or alcohol, that's their choice. As long as I'm doing what I think is right, that's all that matters.

This! I do the same thing.

 

[SAMCRO]

I always offer to buy whatever they are asking for. I've only had someone actually let me buy them some food. Mośt just get mad that I won't hand over cash.

 

[JoeA]

We are starting to see more and more people beg at the intersections. There was this one lady I would see on the same corner - sign that read, "single mom, homeless and need money for food". I generally don't give money but I did give her $5. A few weeks later I was pulling up to the same intersection and I saw a brand new Jeep Wrangler pull up and she got into the car and they drove away! Not sure if it was her husband or boyfriend that came to pick her up from "work".

Most suck being homeless and nowhere to park that sweet ride!

We are also seeing more and more 20-something males coming to Colorado because they can beg all day and get high w/o the law busting them. Will they ever get a dime from me? Don't count on it!

 

[Pamlur]

My granddaughter and I had just given our takeout order and I had paid with cash; while we were waiting, a young man came over and asked me for money (I forget the reason he gave). I told him I was sorry, but I had just spent all my cash. As he moved away, my granddaughter gave me "a look" because she knew I had money in my purse. I was explaining the way the scams work when a lady came over to me and said "you did NOT give him money, did you?" I told her no, and that I had been explaining to my granddaughter. She gave some further instruction and wisdom, and I was thankful because my granddaughter could learn that I really wasn't standing there lying.

 

[eh24fan]

I have only given money once because generally, I just won't do it, even if I have cash. However, this time was different. My husband, kids and I were in Baltimore for a WWE RAW event, it was FREEZING and we had to stop for gas on our way out of the city. Now, we normally do not have cash, but we did this night and my husband had just come back from paying inside. A girl in scrubs was sitting in her car, at the pump, crying. She got out, came over and asked if we could spare some cash b/c she needed gas to get home and she just realized her wallet wasn't in her purse and she must have left it at home earlier or even in her locker at work, she is a nurse at the hospital (cant remember which). I said sorry, we don't have much cash and we need it. She was very sweet, said thanks anyway, got in her car, grabbed her phone and I could see her crying still. I asked my husband for a $10 or $20, whatever he had left. He asked why, I told him and he said, she must be legit if you are willing to give her something. I knocked on her window, she rolled it down and I handed it to her, saying I never ever have cash, but I do tonight and I think you need this more than I do tonight. She was so grateful...ridiculously grateful. LOL She ran in, paid for her gas and came out to pump it, thanking us over and over.

 

[luvsJack]

I will give a few dollars unless giving it seems to be more determinant to them than not giving it.

Had a guy that kept coming up to us at a baseball field and asking for money. He would cry and go on and on about his situation. He was a serious drug addict. I knew that giving him money could possible kill him. I just couldn't do it. I did bring him food sometimes.

Another guy that used to hang out by Walmart, I always bought him a ff meal. Others I hand a couple dollars to. I give it to them to eat, if they do something else with it, that's on them; my heart was in the right place.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Beat 'em to the punch. As they approach, say, "Excuse me, could you spare some change? Really? Why not?". Then follow them until they start to run!

 

[lisaviolet]

I don't look them in the eyes, and I certainly don't respond to them in conversation.

My DH will usually either give them canned goods that he keeps in his car or will go to a drive-thru to pick up food. Not surprisingly, they don't want the canned goods - they want the cash (I suppose to buy alcohol or cigs with).

Interesting. I actually make a point to always look those asking in the eye and respond after listening.

It happens most days here, often multiple times.

I usually respond with "No sir, I don't. Have a good day." (or miss ). Many years ago I used to offer to go into a fast food establishment or convenience store, if I had the time or money, to buy whatever they wanted to eat but not lately. I don't know why my choice has changed but it has.

Not getting money is disappointing I'm sure when you need it for whatever, including drugs/alcohol etc but right or wrong it's really important to me/almost more important that I don't act like they are invisible people.

The absolute majority of the time I get positive thoughts back. Sometimes - but few and far between, I get expletives/words under the breath. But I still do it.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

One of my clinical rotations in college was in a homeless shelter. It was quite an eye opener. Before guests could stay they were checked for contraband: alcohol, drugs, weapons. Many were turned away for contraband. A significant number of people had serious mental disorders and history of incarceration, violence, drug abuse, etc. They had to be very strict there because it was basically a very dangerous place to be, and in fact serious fights and injuries were not unheard of. So that has influenced how I approach being approached by homeless people and others asking for money.

Most people approach my car at red lights with a cup looking for money. I generally make eye contact, smile and shake my head No. They usually smile back with a knowing wave or say something like God Bless. If someone looks particularly scary, I won't make eye contact. Generally most cars around me do the same. (Regular commuters or residents.) I would be happy to give them some food or hot coffee if that's what I thought they wanted, but I feel they are more looking for money for drugs and alcohol. In fact, there have been times I've reached in my lunchbag to hand out some food and they've basically said thanks but no thanks.

There was a man at a (regular) supermarket in the city one day who seemed different. He had a sign and it really did seem to me he was looking for help, and was genuinely hungry, etc. So after I shopped I handed out a couple of bags of food as I passed him at the light. As I gave him the bags, he goes, "Lunch?" and I said, "Yes. Enjoy" and he thanked me. I never saw him again. I once was approached by a woman at a gas station and gave her $5 or $10, but almost immediately I felt I was scammed.

OP and others on this thread who interact with some of these people, especially if you are pulling out your wallet while you're on foot, and people are coming over to your car, I fear for your safety. Please reconsider, and find other ways to help!

 

[kuhltiffany]

I was commuting to downtown Toronto for school a while ago, the university building I attended had a park beside it where several homeless people spent time. I was a student who didn't have a lot of money but sometimes gave out granola bars or whatever extras I had with me. One day I found $5 on the subway, so gave it to one of the homeless guys in the park. His eyes went wide and he smiled, saying "I'm gonna get me a woman!". I guess I made his day

I have 2 BIL with schizophrenia, one is often the skinny guy asking for change…so I try to be kind, even if I don't give them money.

 

[chainkid]

I am a very generous person by nature but I never give money to strangers hanging in the street or accosting me as i try to go in a store.

 

[Happy Snowman]

A few months ago I was meeting Dh for dinner. He got held up at work and asked me to order for him. He was not going to be able to make dinner so I just took his food to go. As I was leaving there was a man with a sign saying he would "work for food" so I gave him the to-go box. It was a steak, baked potatoes and vegetables. He gave me a sneer and stuffed the box in his bag. Um, ok. I won't give cash and now, I probably won't give food. It was especially bad since he was sitting outside of a strip mall that had at least 3 stores with "help wanted" signs up....

 

[lisaviolet]

OP and others on this thread who interact with some of these people, especially if you are pulling out your wallet while you're on foot, and people are coming over to your car, I fear for your safety. Please reconsider, and find other ways to help!

Please don't fear for mine.

It's daily. For years on end. I guess decades now. Never even felt a sense of fear.

*These people* are people.

And besides who knows where my life would have went.

 

[ez]

Thanks to everyone for your comments Im so glad I started this thread, its been really helpful. I think mostly to say, be careful and also if you decide not to give you arent being selfish, uncaring or a bad person, a lot of times it does boil down to personal safety, and yes, there are other ways to give and organizations to give to.

I was just thinking of a funny story, I was in NYC several years ago visiting my son and we were on the subway. Well some man came on and had some loud spiel, yelling, asking people for money. At first he scared the dickens out of me but I could see everyone was just reading or doing whatever and my son was just like, oh this happens all the time. So there was an elderly lady next to me and her comment was "Get a job. I'm 85 years old, I work. I make crepes!!" So now thats a standing joke between my son and I that comes up at times where we just say, "I work, I make crepes!!". Sometimes its the little things that crack me up

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Please don't fear for mine.

It's daily. For years on end. I guess decades now. Never even felt a sense of fear.

*These people* are people.

And besides who knows where my life would have went.

Don't try to make it seem like I am putting "these people" down, because I'm not. I have a big heart, also. (And I've been encountering some of "these people", ie the groups of people that beg at stops on my commute, for many years myself; decades, actually. One of them was in the news here in Boston recently, you can read it for yourself, will post news articles at end.) I'm just saying that some of "these people" can be dangerous. Years ago they might have been institutionalized, but most funds are gone for that sort of thing, so now they are out among us. I don't think it's unreasonable to warn people they should stay safe.

Homeless Man Arrested After 2 Park Rangers Stabbed

Man Who Allegedly Attacked Boston Park Rangers Had Bizarre, Violent History

 

[olwyngdh]

I always give to buskers if I have cash--I figure if they are working for a living, just doing it differently than most. Sometimes it is only the change dug out of my pocket, but if I have cash, I give it.

I rarely give to the people in the medians--it is dangerous and I don't want to encourage people to be there.

I have hired people with will work for food signs to do things for me when my husband has been away.

Back when I lived in Pittsburgh and rode the bus and the T to work, I saw a guy on the street every day. I dropped some change in his cup occasionally if I had it, but never gave it any thought until the day I saw his daughter trying to get him in her car--he was a Sr with dementia and embarrassed her by sneaking out and begging. After that, I just bought him a cup of coffee when I got mine in the mornings if he was around, and he was just as grateful for that as he was money.

Basically, I think I trust my gut, and if I have some cash, I will give it--whatever they spend it on is their business, not mine, my business is to have a charitable heart.