Have you ever had a friendship end? If so, post.

[Luv0fDisney]

Hello... I'm curious whether or not people had a really good friend leave them... like end their friendship, pretty much over something stupid.

I have. Many many times. Unfortunately. My last one in 2016 when my BFF from Texas decided to easily walk away from our friendship when she didn't get her way. I took it hard because I thought of her like a sister. It also made me think about how people can easily walk away from something or someone because I have trouble walking away from most things.

Long story short: she had a trip planned to come visit me up here by NYC. I had a lot of plans for her trip, exciting ones. Then a week prior to her trip she announces that her reason to coming to Visit me...or at least take advantage of my hospitality and good nature was to visit her other pen pal who lives 1.5 hours from me, in a not so nice neighbor hood. I have anxiety and know that this town she wanted to visit was bad, so we said no because we were going to be responsible for her safety.

So she cancelled her flight 3 days prior to coming...never heard from her again. The only one who took it hard was me. How can she easily walk away? We were messaging each other daily and facetiming every other day. This effected me greatly because it was the last time I looked forward to something. That people just take away everything from me. Looking forward to her visit for 3-4 months, then 3 days prior, she's not coming.

I just wanted to scream. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I don't have any friends...because of her. I don't trust my own judgement/instincts. I trusted myself to trust her. Therefore, my sense of self-trust goes out the window too.

Post your friendship breakups below.

 

[Shanti]

I just wanted to scream. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I don't have any friends...because of her. I don't trust my own judgement/instincts. I trusted myself to trust her. Therefore, my sense of self-trust goes out the window too.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but have to ask, how could you not have friends because of her? The only person who determines how many friends you make is you. The last two paragraphs of your post indicate that you gave this friend far too much power over your life, so it might be for the best that you both move on.

Do you have any family or a significant other to talk to and work through this with? If not, you might want to talk with a therapist to work on your emotional equilibrium and ability to trust, which has been impacted by this. A therapist could help you learn to build more and stronger friendships, as well.

And in answer to your question, yes, I have actually had several friendships end. I just moved on after they ended, with no hard feelings.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I'm sorry. It's really hard to lose friends, it just sucks. I lost most of my best friends from high school when I got married at age 19. they all wanted to party and have fun and I wanted to have babies--aside from our shared past we didnt have anything in common anymore. Then I lost some of the new friends that I had made as an adult when my husband and i separated. Some of them sided with their husbands (who took my ex-husband's side in the divorce), and I think others were just uncomfortable with my new single status, maybe they didn't feel like they could relate? Then others have moved away, and though we say we'll keep in touch, the friendship slowly dies.

It's so hard to make new friends as an adult, but don't lose hope. You can find interesting people to hand out with and develop friendships with, if you just try.

 

[luvsJack]

Apparently one recently. She used to be my supervisor but we worked together for 13 years. I was a student worker in her office while in school, after graduation I was offered a position in another part of the college and a few years later transferred to a position in the office she supervised.

We went to lunch together, watched each other kids grow up and were both pretty close to the other’s kids. We worked well together.

FF to a year ago. Her contract wasn’t renewed. After she left, we stayed in contact, went to lunch, etc. and then it just stopped. She broke a lunch date and haven’t talked to her since. I texted her but get short answers that tells me she doesn’t want to talk.

She was very hurt when she wasn’t renewed and I think she thought they would do the same to me this year. They didn’t and I think it hurt her more. Hopefully given some time she will get over it.

 

[dish rag]

Hello... I'm curious whether or not people had a really good friend leave them... like end their friendship, pretty much over something stupid.

I have. Many many times. Unfortunately. My last one in 2016 when my BFF from Texas decided to easily walk away from our friendship when she didn't get her way. I took it hard because I thought of her like a sister. It also made me think about how people can easily walk away from something or someone because I have trouble walking away from most things.

Long story short: she had a trip planned to come visit me up here by NYC. I had a lot of plans for her trip, exciting ones. Then a week prior to her trip she announces that her reason to coming to Visit me...or at least take advantage of my hospitality and good nature was to visit her other pen pal who lives 1.5 hours from me, in a not so nice neighbor hood. I have anxiety and know that this town she wanted to visit was bad, so we said no because we were going to be responsible for her safety.

So she cancelled her flight 3 days prior to coming...never heard from her again. The only one who took it hard was me. How can she easily walk away? We were messaging each other daily and facetiming every other day. This effected me greatly because it was the last time I looked forward to something. That people just take away everything from me. Looking forward to her visit for 3-4 months, then 3 days prior, she's not coming.

I just wanted to scream. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I don't have any friends...because of her. I don't trust my own judgement/instincts. I trusted myself to trust her. Therefore, my sense of self-trust goes out the window too.

Post your friendship breakups below.

Kindly and respectfully, you need to discuss this with a professional that can help you come to grips with this. There is more to this.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Was she an adult during this conversation?

As much as it sucks to thinks someone is taking advantage of your hospitality you can’t really tell an adult they can’t go where they want to.

 

[Luv0fDisney]

I'm sorry this happened to you, but have to ask, how could you not have friends because of her? The only person who determines how many friends you make is you. The last two paragraphs of your post indicate that you gave this friend far too much power over your life, so it might be for the best that you both move on.

Do you have any family or a significant other to talk to and work through this with? If not, you might want to talk with a therapist to work on your emotional equilibrium and ability to trust, which has been impacted by this. A therapist could help you learn to build more and stronger friendships, as well.

And in answer to your question, yes, I have actually had several friendships end. I just moved on after they ended, with no hard feelings.

I know. It just that I don't understand how it was easy for her to make decisions. its because I have trouble w/ trusting people altogether. I mean I told her stuff I wouldn't normally tell and i'm a bit of a social anxieter. I don't even know if that's a word. but I can't think long term any more. I know I have to move on but i'm just curious why I can't keep a friendship. and if I can't keep a friendship then marriage and dating are out of the question. I think too much …

We were (and are) adults, but I still have emotions of responsibility and if anything happened to her while she was here, I would take it really hard and self responsible.

 

[disneychrista]

My 2 best friends in 8th grade all of a sudden stopped talking to me once we were in High School. Never did find out why.

 

[jevs]

People evolve and so do friendships, it is perfectly normal. To answer your question, yes loads of times and mainly because we were moving in different directions. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bust up and lost friends.

It hasn’t stopped me from putting myself out there again and it shouldn’t stop you.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I have many acquaintances but very few friends.
Losing who I consider a friend in whatever manner (mostly through death but sometimes via disagreement) can be difficult to process mentally.
Losing an acquaintances is just something that happens.

Maybe she regarded you as an acquaintance, OP, and you misinterpreted the true nature of the relationship.
Don't focus so much on how you viewed the relationship in the past but forge ahead on how you'll form a truer friendship in years to come.
Soft hugs and much wisdom.

 

[BrianL]

I've never really lost one over something specific, but I have had some just kind of drift away to the point that we just don't hang out or see each other at all. I mean, I wouldn't say they're not still friends, but they're not really in my life.

 

[superme80]

I have. My best friend from high school stopped speaking to me when she wanted to party and I wanted a more low key lifestyle. We speak now, but our friendship is not the same. Another friend stopped speaking to me when I left the church we were attending. I have ended a friendship when a friend changed too much. She went from a positive fun person to a depressed pessimist. She did not want help for her depression She just wanted to be miserable and take every 'down with her. I hung on for a few years longer, but in the end it wasn't healthy for either of us.

 

[VandVsmama]

Yep, I have. A couple. Looking back, the friendships ended because the friend's idea of what the friendship was based on was different than what I thought it was based on. In one instance, I stopped speaking to a good friend because she was a drug & alcohol addict, was going to work teaching children while high & drunk, had gotten into a DUI, had lied to me multiple times, etc., etc. Her story did not end well.

With another friend, we were like peas & carrots when our kids were younger but then gradually something started to change. She became mean, passive-aggressive, spiteful. She'd say biting hurtful things to her teenage daughter (who's a wonderful kid). We switched our kids to a different school in a different district and my friend took it like a personal affront against her, even though none of our kids had ever attended the same school together. She was really mean about it and said stuff like, "Oh trust me. You're going to hate it there. I give it a year or 2 then you'll be back saying that I was right. You'll see." Then she stopped speaking to me. Every once in awhile, I miss what our friendship used to be. But I don't miss what a totally heinous witch she had become.

There was another friendship that ended back when I was in college.

 

[OhhBother]

I'm going through this now. My best friend, who happens to be a guy, recently went through some upheaval around his career. He leaned on me through the process (I'm 15 years older and his "mentor." It's almost a maternal relationship). Anyway, all is fine with my best friend - he's come through the career crisis, and he and I are as close as ever. But his wife, who I have considered a friend, now wants nothing to do with me. She has a problem with the relationship her husband and I have. I reached out as recently as this weekend and tried to make peace, but she basically told me no. It's very sad for me, but I don't know what to do but respect her feelings. It's just tough, because the four of us (me and my DH and the two of them) spent a lot of time together - even went to Disney together a couple of times. I just wish I could make it better.

 

[GreatLakes]

Hello... I'm curious whether or not people had a really good friend leave them... like end their friendship, pretty much over something stupid.

I have. Many many times. Unfortunately. My last one in 2016 when my BFF from Texas decided to easily walk away from our friendship when she didn't get her way. I took it hard because I thought of her like a sister. It also made me think about how people can easily walk away from something or someone because I have trouble walking away from most things.

Long story short: she had a trip planned to come visit me up here by NYC. I had a lot of plans for her trip, exciting ones. Then a week prior to her trip she announces that her reason to coming to Visit me...or at least take advantage of my hospitality and good nature was to visit her other pen pal who lives 1.5 hours from me, in a not so nice neighbor hood. I have anxiety and know that this town she wanted to visit was bad, so we said no because we were going to be responsible for her safety.

So she cancelled her flight 3 days prior to coming...never heard from her again. The only one who took it hard was me. How can she easily walk away? We were messaging each other daily and facetiming every other day. This effected me greatly because it was the last time I looked forward to something. That people just take away everything from me. Looking forward to her visit for 3-4 months, then 3 days prior, she's not coming.

I just wanted to scream. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I don't have any friends...because of her. I don't trust my own judgement/instincts. I trusted myself to trust her. Therefore, my sense of self-trust goes out the window too.

Post your friendship breakups below.

The two bolded statements above along with what you posted on the "What is something you have never done" thread make me think your problem isn't really this one person. If you have lost friends "many times" you need to look in the mirror since you are the common denominator. The second bolded sentence also isn't true, not really. If you let this one event keep you from having friends it isn't "because of her". You are projecting.

It sounds like you might need some professional help.

As for the thread question, I've grown away from friends I was once close with for one reason or another but never over some dramatic event. We might have gone different ways in life or just hit life milestones at different times that made it hard to really stay as connected as we were but that happens over a lifetime. I also have friends I've been close with for over twenty years or very close friends that started off as acquaintances.

I'm going to predict this thread is full of people that blame an end to a friendship on the other person with no mention of what was their part in the friendship ending. It is rarely 100% on any one person.

 

[robinb]

Yes, I lost someone I considered a very good friend of over 20 years. His girlfriend (now wife) isolated him from most of his friends and family.

OP: I'm sorry that your friend cancelled her trip at the last minute. I understand that it upset you, but she is not the one standing in the way of new friendships.

 

[DisneyWorldMimi]

I lost a good friend a few years ago. We separated on not go great terms and haven't seen each other anywhere until recently. Actually she didn't see me, but her husband did and politely, but discreetly waved. She was doing something with their shopping cart as they were leaving Wal-Mart and my DD & I were walking in. I smiled & gave him a little head nod of acknowledgment. He was always pleasant even after our friendship died. He told my DD that he missed seeing her when he saw her at her previous job. She was polite and told him that he was the only one. With so many places we could run into each other, I am surprised that we haven't seen each other before, but glad too.

Found out that she has been nominated as a "Woman of Distinction" through the local Girl Scout Council. Boy if they only knew the true side of this woman. Granted she has done some good things, but she usually does it to bring attention to herself.

I'll be watching for notification of who the winner is.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I've had many friendships fizzle out over time as interests change, it one if us moved, etc. Never a big "break up" that I can recall.

Hello... I'm curious whether or not people had a really good friend leave them... like end their friendship, pretty much over something stupid.

I have. Many many times. Unfortunately. My last one in 2016 when my BFF from Texas decided to easily walk away from our friendship when she didn't get her way. I took it hard because I thought of her like a sister. It also made me think about how people can easily walk away from something or someone because I have trouble walking away from most things.

Long story short: she had a trip planned to come visit me up here by NYC. I had a lot of plans for her trip, exciting ones. Then a week prior to her trip she announces that her reason to coming to Visit me...or at least take advantage of my hospitality and good nature was to visit her other pen pal who lives 1.5 hours from me, in a not so nice neighbor hood. I have anxiety and know that this town she wanted to visit was bad, so we said no because we were going to be responsible for her safety.

So she cancelled her flight 3 days prior to coming...never heard from her again. The only one who took it hard was me. How can she easily walk away? We were messaging each other daily and facetiming every other day. This effected me greatly because it was the last time I looked forward to something. That people just take away everything from me. Looking forward to her visit for 3-4 months, then 3 days prior, she's not coming.

I just wanted to scream. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I don't have any friends...because of her. I don't trust my own judgement/instincts. I trusted myself to trust her. Therefore, my sense of self-trust goes out the window too.

Post your friendship breakups below.

I'm confused. Who are the "we" who said no to your friend also visiting her other friend while in the area? On another recent thread you said you've never dated do presumably it's not your husband.

Was your former friend wanting to go visit this person every day instead if spend time with you? Or did she want to take one day of a longer trip to do so? The former I can see as taking advantage of hospitality, but the latter is very normal.

I will say that I would consider cancelling a trip and/or ending a friendship with someone who was controlling to the point of believing they had a right to tell me where I can and cannot go as if they are a parent. You would not have been responsible for her safety in this case, and I cannot see why you think you would be since she's an adult.


I'm sorry you've lost a friend and feel you cannot trust others . I agree with PPs that you would probably really benefit from therapy of some sort. You deserve to live a life not controlled by anxiety and fear.

 

[powellrj]

I have had lots fizzle out over the years, but the one that hurts the most is my friend who died. There are so many times I want to pick up the phone. I miss her friendship so much. I don’t know why, but I just never thought about my friends dying.

 

[Disney Doll]

Many have fizzled out through time as we have moved into different phases in our lives.

Some have remained but the friendship has changed as life changes.