We eloped with an Escape wedding at Disney (and flew from Germany to do it), but then had a big shebang with all our friends and family later (also at Disney).
All our family and friends knew we were going to get married. I was in Iraq and he was supposed to overlap with me in Iraq, so we were going to just do the legal thing and have the big wedding on his R&R trip a year later. In the end, I came home a few months early, so we were both in Germany for a couple months. We needed to take a trip to the states to see family (me, since I had just come from Iraq and him because he was going), but he said he still wanted to be married before he left.
We thought about just doing the JP thing while visiting family, but I thought that would be weird to have the "legal" wedding with family around only to invite them to the big wedding later. Plus, it didn't sound nearly as fun.
So, we didn't tell anyone I was home from Iraq, except my BFF and her DH and baby daughter. We made all the plans in one week (hotel at WDW, dress, groom outfit, cake and flower choices, minister and song choices, hiring Patricia LeJeune) and flew to Orlando. We got married at Sunset Pointe (in front of the Poly) with just those 2 1/2 guests. It was amazing, simple, easy and SOO much fun.
Then we flew to see family. My being there was a surprise, but so was us being married. No one could be mad for long, because we had a photo album with great pics already, plus we were still having the big to-do later on.
In retrospect, I loved the way we did it. I loved our grand affair with all our friends, but it really helped that we were already married. I saw it as more of a celebration with family and friend, so it was a days-long party. But, I love our simple elopement just as much, if not more. We were not stressed or having to deal with anyone else's opinions or wishes.
I think you have a great idea of letting your family throw a bbq when you get back. Then you end up with the best parts of both!
If you're further curious, the link to my TR is the first on the left in my signature.