Happily married but living apart

[Hillbeans]

Do you know any couples who are happily married but live apart? It could be temporary or permanent.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I've known two such couples. They had jobs in different cities. One couple retired and moved in together. a few years later they were both killed in a car accident on their way to a doctor's appointment.

It's not a lifestyle I would welcome but both couples made it work for themselves.

 

[tcufrog]

I know a couple who did that until retirement when they moved to Colorado to be near their grandkids.

 

[gharter]

Sadly, I do, but I'll never understand why. 1 worked in a different city, 1 didn't work at all.
I t seemed to work for them, but I'll never understand (not that I need to)

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I guess it can happen, people have to do what works for them.

I like having a break every now and then (like if he has to go away on a trip), but I could not imagine living apart.

 

[neverlandsky]

Living apart permanently? No.

Living apart temporarily? Yes. Medical faculties or work is involved.

Sleeping apart? Lots of yeses.

 

[Caseheidi]

Does it count if the couples are Military and one is gone on deployment for extended times? I know several who fit that category. Otherwise, I have only know couples who do it temporarily as they are making a move, and one follows the other after the school year is over for the kids.

 

[HerRoyalHighness]

I knew a couple that divorced but still dated. She couldn't deal with his "collections". Was out of hand. He was very very thrifty in everything else. But they got along, even took the occasional vacation.

 

[WDWEPCOT]

I know one who did it - his job moved out of state and she didn’t want to move because of kids and grandkids - he flew in Friday night and flew out Sunday every week for years - fyi Along with a few of his coworkers who did the same thing - he was not real far from retirement - sad to say he died in his new work state - the wife had never worked and now she had to fly her deceased husband home and start taking care of everything and working - she had to give up her house - she regretted not moving and spending that time with her husband
You just never know what is going to happen in life

 

[Colleen27]

I've known quite a few couples who have done it temporarily, for work or family reasons, but none that chose to do so permanently. I think strong relationships can withstand a lot, and I totally understand why Mom might stay behind with the kids if Dad's job relocates him halfway through the kids' high school years (that's happened to two friends of mine) or if one parent is military and deployed or if someone needs to spent a period of time taking care of an ill parent in a distant city or whatever.

One of DD's friends has parents who work on different sides of the border - we live in a border town, Canada is about 10 minutes away - and for most of their marriage they've made that work. His mom is a teacher here, his dad is a scientist there, and they just go back and forth. They did live together, until covid, but for the last two years they each lived where they work. I think the whole family was together all of twice in the whole time the border was closed, because although the mom and son have dual citizenship and can go back and forth, the quarantines were time/cost prohibitive. But since neither was willing/able to quit work to stay on the other side, and since the mother also does some caregiving for her own mother on weekends (also on this side of the border), it really was their only choice.

 

[Sinder]

Just military familes

 

[mrodgers]

I knew a couple that divorced but still dated. She couldn't deal with his "collections". Was out of hand. He was very very thrifty in everything else. But they got along, even took the occasional vacation.

NYC with the kids. Myrtle Beach with our youngest. She just bought hockey tickets for my birthday, 2 tickets and we have 2 kids. Nope, kids aren't going. She was going to surprise me with 3 days at Ocean City (probably with the youngest) but then blew up her car. She suggested as the oldest is practically on her own and doesn't go anywhere with us as a family, the youngest will be heading away for school in September, we should plan a week at the beach without any kids.

She's a different person than when we got divorced, and I as well. We get along great. She still seems to be out for self destruction of her life financially which is mainly why we split, but we do enjoy each other's company. We just can't live under the same roof nor the same finances.

 

[GreatLakes]

The only couples I know that were happy but lived apart, like some of you, are those in temporary situations. Many military while one or the other was deployed, a few job relocations where the other spouse stayed behind to finish up the school year and get the house ready to sell, one that took a 6 month work contract out of state so knew it was temporary (that couple had no kids which likely helped), and one that moved to help a dying parent for a few months because they worked from home anyway.

I guess in some edge cases I could see it working but the vast majority of the people living apart are probably lying about their level of happiness.

 

[AndreaDM]

My BFF has been living apart from her husband for about a year now and will for a least a few more months. (kids are grown) He took a job with a temp assignment in Florida (she's still here in Ohio), and then this summer when his temp assignment is over and he gets permanently placed, they will move to that location together. They did sell their house and she got an apartment here and he has one there, they fly to see each other at least once a month, both live near airports so it works.

 

[lovin'fl]

In 2014 my DH took a job 6 hours away from where we were living. Our 3 kids were in HS. They, and myself, voted no to him taking that job. He did it anyway (posted a thread about it on here way back when). And bought a condo near the new job. He drove down at 4am one day and stayed like 3 nights and then drove home at 4am. Did that for 3 years until last kids graduated HS and then we moved down there in full. It was a nightmare time. Almost broke us and still rears it's head upon occasion. I had to basically single parent for 3 years when they were in HS- taking AP classes, working part time jobs, playing HS sports as well as 2 were on a travel team. Had to maintain household alone most of the week (he would be exhausted when he returned so no real help to me). And let's just say some words were said as I'd be shoveling snow all by myself or raking leaves (I'd be cussing him up a storm under my breath). Had to do all the running to events and DR appts and this and that...college tours and travel team weekends away not to mention any family gatherings. Our finances crushed paying 2 household fees (mortgages and utilities) and gas money for his drive every week. Plus ran the cars into the ground pretty quickly. Anywho...I don't recommend when kids are involved BUT if no kids....

Now we are empty nest and have a small vacay place in FL. I dream of living apart now, for part of the time anyway. We have been down at FL place for a few 4-6 week stays and I contemplated (seriously) staying snd letting DH go back home. But we rent it out when not using and it always rents plus we ALWAYS have some family gathering to attend or help out our aged parents or 20 something DDs with some thing or another. But would be so sweet to be alone for a bit of time.

 

[sarahann77]

My husband and I have been. Prior to marriage we both had houses and pets. We had assumed I'd move in to his prior to marriage but family situations rather stopped that. Animal law limits stopped him from being able to move into my house. He has his childhood home that he and his family need to be comfortable letting go once it's time. It's just not now. Once I'm able to sell my house I'll be considering buying new so it's our home total but pets and another family situation may limit. We don't have kids and married late so biological children were unlikely. We have our weekly night and do things together as they come up, along with going on vacations together.

I've also known a few where they worked in different states.

 

[Darcy03231]

I know a couple that did it for years. She worked in Washington DC as a really highly paid executive. He was a teacher in PA and they had a family farm. She worked 4 days a week in DC and stayed there in a very tiny apartment (basically a place to sleep) and would be home in PA from Thursday night after work until Monday morning. They've both been retired for a number of years now and live together in PA on the family farm.

 

[fivikse]

I knew a couple that did for a long time (I lost touch so not sure if it ever changed). They were both older and owned their own homes when they met. They both liked their space and wanted to keep their own homes. They spent most nights together, but each kept their own home. I didn't know them well enough to pry, but both seemed happy with the situation.

 

[TippyThomas]

I haven't met or married my future wife but we are currently very happy living apart.

 

[RangerPooh]

We have a lot of military friends who have lived apart due to deployment or duty station assignment. For some the new location was not worth uprooting their family. The prospect of transitioning to less than desirable schools or community was not worth the relocation for two years.

DH and I are exploring this as his job location may change. If it does the family will remains put and he'll be the one traveling to us every other weekend. While it would suck, uprooting the entire family, getting connected with new activities for each child, and my having to find a new job is not ideal.