Good age of Autistic Child for Disney Trip

[mlwear]

Thought a new thread should be started for this one. Another thread veered off topic.
Thumpersfriend brought up an issue of taking an autistic child to Disney and what would be an appropriate age.
I replied that we waited until our son is 7 years old. This summer will be his first Disney trip.
We put off a Disney vacation as we thought it would be too much for him. Unfamiliar place, excessive stimuli, etc. Now that he is a bit older he has learned how to cope with some of his issues and, as parents, we have learned MUCH about how to help him.
Our 7 yo is developmentally delayed and developmentally is very much like a 4 year old.
I don't want to suggest that 7 years old is the age that everyone should use to determine when a trip to Disney is appropriate. Just happens to be what we think (we'll find out in August--I'll post and let you know). All kids will autism are different. It is a spectrum disorder, so some are more severely affected than others. Also, not all autistic children have the same characteristics. Some may hate to be touched, while others crave it. Some may not be able to tolerate loud noises, while others it does not bother.
It is completely a judgement call...one based on what the child can handle. You may also be able to tailor the trip to meet her needs.
I think one of the hardest things for me as a parent and I still can't get it through my head is that what I think will make my DS happy because it makes other kids happy is not always the case. I think sometimes I am a bit selfish in that I want to see that happiness so much that I push it. When go ahead with what I have planned, I am disappointed. I fear that about this trip to Disney. My best example of this is Christmas. I want DS to LOVE it. I want him to enjoy the decorations and music. I want to see his face light up on Christmas morning when he sees a surprise gift. I realize now that all that is about ME not him. Christmas is one of the worst times of the year for him. The different surroundings, noises, smells are unpleasant. He likes sameness. MY son (remember all kids are different) doesn't care about gifts. He will want one thing and once he gets that, he leaves and goes to his room. I always feel sad. His older brother is tearing through his gifts with ooh's and aah's and here sits a pile of unwrapped presents. I have to remember he wants to go to his room because he is overloaded and needs an escape. Off track a little (a lot) about Disney, but it is the best way I can explain that her enjoyment may be different than yours or your expectation.
I am sure with time, you will learn a lot about what your grandchild likes and disliikes. Then, you can decide when and if a Disney trip is appropriate.
I know this has been a downer post, but it is just reality. It is hard to hear this stuff when you first get a diagnosis. I'm sorry if I what I wrote is upsetting. With time and support, you will understand.
Sorry for so long. Mainly wanted to clarify the 7 year old thing. I'd love to hear of others who have taken an autistic child to Disney.

 

[Brightsy]

My youngest DS is 3 1/2 yrs. We took him to WDW for the first time just before his 3rd birthday and have been back 5 times since then. Some trips are tougher than others.
Like you said, Autism is a spectrum disorder and the kids (and adults with it as well) are all like little rainbow snowflakes. No two are the same but they're all pretty spectacular. My son loves going to WDW.
This weekend when we went we discovered that Vinny really seems to understand what's going on. We had the suitcase downstairs and were getting ready to load the van and go. I put Vinny's shoes on him and went to help his older brother with his shoes. I suddenly hear "Go! Go!" And return to the living room to see Vinny trying to drag the suitcase to the front door. My DH was laughing his head off. I asked Vinny where he thought we were going and he looked at me and said "Di'ney!" Usually Vinny gives us a hard time getting into the van. He'll run around and wiggle and try to make us not be able to strap him in, but not Friday, oh no... this time he went straight to his seat, plopped his butt in it, put his arms through the straps and bounced imaptiently until he got clicked in. Then he grabbed his stuffed Mickey and said "GO!"
That's when my older son said to me "Mommy, I think Vinny wants to go to Disney, too!"
Anyways, we've had our rough moments at WDW, too... meltdowns and bad stims and such. But more often than not my son thrives there. It seems like he always picks something positive up and it's really made a difference in our lives I think.

Sara

 

[thumpersfriend]

MlWear , thank you for starting this thread! I have been talking about taking my someday grandchild to WDW for about 8 years now. Well, 2 years ago I got my first and only granddaughter. She is autistic. When I mention WDW to her parents they just kind of look at each other with a sad look, I know what they are thinking. This is so positive for me because I want this so much. But as I said before ,I question how this will happen when we can't even get her to hold her hand. It is good to hear other talk about meltdowns without getting upset. So I guess each child is different. We would have to fly also so this will be a big ordeal for us. Lucky for this board. I have already copied information about flying with an autistic child and I know I will copy this one too. God Bless you all.

 

[AJKMOM]

to thumpersfriend:

2 is a tough age to go to WDW even without the autism. We took our not-yet diagnosed 2 year old with 4 year old & 6 year old. We did NOT go for the kids, we went because we love Disney. Autistic son was better than 4 year old! We took a 3 year break, and when they were 5-7-9, the only problem we had was Autistic son was upset when I left with other 2 to go to TL, and he forgot once they got to MK.
It has gotten better ever since, and we just got back from our 9th trip. We see some improvement in DS with every trip!

You could try a "hand-holder" on a 2 year old who won't hold hands. Make sure you put a name tag on child's back, so they can't take it off. Be prepared, I say this because over the course of 9 trips ,we lost a kid or two on 5 trips. don't forget to research the Guest Assistance Passes. Try to go when the crowds are at a minimum. You will get lots of answers here, too. Good luck.

 

[thumpersfriend]

Thanks again. What is a hand holder?

 

[tinkerbelle22]

I have an eight year old autistic son and a thirteen year old daughter. We've been when he was three, five and eight. Each age has it's own challenges - right now, for instance, it's simply his size - a meltdown/tantrum in the middle of Fantasyland by a 90lb boy (yes, he's big) can be quite difficult - when he was three or even five we could just scoop him up and remove him - plus somehow it appeared more age appropriate to others. But on the other hand, now his comprehension has improved enought where I felt that I could explain and reason things to him a bit more effectively which made things easier. But the main thing is is that I don't regret taking him at any of those ages - we've made memories that he will be able to pull from for quite some time. He absolutely loves Pooh and friends and just his experiences down there (we made sure he saw and hugged them everyday - all caught on tape) with them made him so happy - and of course are such special memories for us. To see him interact with these characters so lovingly was something that could only have happened at Disneyworld. Cast members try to be so helpful - especially if you're not pushy and expect a whole lot.

I read stories on these boards and ALLEARSNet about kids who have made great strides each time they come to Disney and I believe that can really happen there.
But don't go expecting miracles - go for yourselves and having a good time.

Airlines have been helpful when I make reservations - I always ask for bulk head seating when available because My son can be disruptive. They've always been very nice

And every hotel is every helpful trying to accomodate requests. We usually ask for something with the most square footage.

Anyway, you'll never know unless you try. Clearly we would feel worse if we thought we couln't go

 

[thumpersfriend]

Things are sounding more optimistic all the time. Okay, now do any of you have a preference for the hotel you would like to stay at for your childs benefit? What would be the ultimate hotel for your child? Still don't know what a hand holder is.

 

[AJKMOM]

Handholder: a cord that looks like a coiled telephone cord, between 2 velcro bands. One goes around child, one goes around adult. Some think it reminds them of a leash, I called it a God-send with a 2 year old. You are connected to child withour holding hands.

Since my "baby" is now 16, I don't know if they make them anymore, but you could try the local Toys-R-Us, or Babies-R-Us.

 

[tinkerbelle22]

I think we like Poly best, where you can take the monorail to 2 of the four theme parks - sometimes you need to make a quick getaway. Plus, Poly has some nice big rooms. And two pools - one quiet, one "themed" so you can match your child's moods. Good restaurants and shops, very kid friendly.
Re: the hand holder: our son (even recently at age 8) enjoyed the option of a stroller - sometimes he wanted to escape from the stimulation and be in his own world in a stroller - also it was a nice break for us, being able to cover a lot of ground at OUR pace sometimes.

 

[thumpersfriend]

My DD (28 years old) and I just stayed at the Poly April 21-25 and we loved it. We usually have stayed at the FW cabins and we were on a mission to see what we liked best. Well, I too thought the POly would be great. Just FW cabins you can cook. But we were really at the park alot so only did breakfast. I was hoping some one would say the Poly. Anyone else like something better though?

 

[Nik's Mom]

My 6 year old ds is high functioning autistic and has been to wdw 3 times. His first trip was at 20 months, 2nd trip at 4 years and last trip was just a few weeks ago. The key is to take the trip slow and have breaks during the day.
I totally agree that each child is different. The parent needs to look at their child and make the decision that is best for them.

I feel your pain about coming to grips with autism. It's always difficult to come to terms with it.

 

[mellbe113]

Thumpersfriend,

Our 8 year old dd is also autistic and has been twice to WDW and we are planning our third trip this August. First trip at 6. We always stay at the Poly and love it. Go early to the parks, back to the hotel for lunch and a swim, down time in the room till dinner and then if we feel like it, back to the parks for the evening. She can also play on the beach, feed the ducks and watch the fireworks from our balcony. If things get to be too much, room service!

Like one of the other posters said, each year has gotten better. Disney is truely a magic place for these kids if you go down there with realistic expectations. You really can not see it all, but what you do see your child will remember for ever.

Good luck,

Julie

 

[LisaBi]

Thanks for your post Brightsy. That reminded me of after our first trip when DS (who has Down's) was 6. He had no clue what we were doing. He loved being in Disney, but didn't have any comprehension of it outside of the current moment. He also didn't talk very much, and never more than one word at a time. Well, after we got home, every time I picked up the car keys he would ask "Go Di'neywold 'gain?". He GOT IT. And he was using THREE words! Needless to say, my heart couldn't deny that. We went back the next summer (then not again until last year).

LisaB

 

[thumpersfriend]

I continue to say thanks to all of you. I hope that I can say that Disney was magical for my DGD. Just have to wait 2 years maybe but the planning will be great. If you all who stayed at the Poly, did you miss not having a kitchen and how did you handle meals? Did you stay concierge? Would that be better? I would have to reserve 3 rooms, very pricey anyway. Think that would be worth an extra at least $2,000? Or did you go to Captain Cooks alot?

 

[Nik's Mom]

We've stayed at WL, Poly and AKL. The lack of kitchen didn't bother us. We used the mini fridge to store milk, juice and grapes, and kept his favorite snacks handy at all times. The key for us was having great transportation. You can't beat the Poly for that, having the monorail access. WL boat transportation was great for our ds. He loved the boat. And AKL was perfect because ds loves animals, and the bus transportation was outstanding, so we never even used our car rental.
Yes, the rooms at the deluxe resorts are expensive, but sometimes you can get a good deal. Just keep your eyes open for discounts (visit the resort/discount-code board). At a minimum, there are always AAA discounts available if you are a member.

 

[Brightsy]

Thanks for your post Brightsy. That reminded me of after our first trip when DS (who has Down's) was 6. He had no clue what we were doing. He loved being in Disney, but didn't have any comprehension of it outside of the current moment. He also didn't talk very much, and never more than one word at a time. Well, after we got home, every time I picked up the car keys he would ask "Go Di'neywold 'gain?". He GOT IT. And he was using THREE words! Needless to say, my heart couldn't deny that. We went back the next summer (then not again until last year).

LisaB

That's a great one! I never really realize how much my DS is absorbing until we get home. All I know now is that Disney is magical!

Sara

 

[mellbe113]

We stayed concierge at the poly both times and will as well in August. Having the lounge and all it offers available was a god send. We don't do sit down meals except for the character breakfast, and do make good use of Captain Cooks. We brought our dd's favorite snacks and things and stored them in the in room fridge. Concierge is expensive, but we have found that this is the best way to go for us. Again, hope this helps.

Julie

 

[thumpersfriend]

I can see that planning is put into high gear with an autistic child but it is not impossible. This is the best thing for me to hear, thank you all. I am pretty sure the Poly is the way to go, still not sure about concierge. The towncar took my DD and me to the supermarket and we got alot of stuff. Hopefully with 3 or 4 rooms, we can pack the things she likes at that time with the refrigerators.. Right now she will only eat yogurt, cheezy hot dogs and mandarin oranges, and Ritz crackers. She won't touch anything like spaghetti, texture issue. All seems so foreign to me but I think by the time we take her we will have a better idea of what she can handle. Concierge would be ideal though, I agree. We went in Captain Cooks and thought it looked pretty nice.

 

[connie254]

I've taken my son about every year and half since he was six-now fourteen.
He loved to watch TV-so every year I got the free Disney travel tape, long before I planned to go with him. He watched it nonstop it seems. I mainly got them because they were free and I knew I would go eventually. I bought the Official and Unofficial guidebooks for three years nonstop and read them cover to cover. Since he was using pictures and the TEACCH method, I cut up the older official books for their pictures, taped them on index cards and used the unofficial guidebook travel iternairy(SP) to put them in order. I asked everyone that I knew what to expect down there. He did very well-it was all the preparation, I'm sure. Everyone reacts differently, no matter if they have autism or not. He did well with most characters, but absolutely could not tolerate face characters--except Mary Poppins. He never watched the movie so I don't know why, but I have this great picture of him(the non smiling kid) with a HUGE smile standing in front of MP. I didn't go ballistic with planning the parades and stuff-I tried to stay at the edge of seating so we could leave if he had a meltdown.

Really just plan,plan,plan. Prepare him at his level. Expect their own best behavior for the situation at hand. Know what everyone's limits are. And most people are great down there if a meltdown occurs/something goes wrong. You have to remember this is the place where deathly sick kids want to go for vacation and all disabilities are tolerated. Go at the pace that you want. We stopped for popcorn whenever he needed a break from the hassle.