Flying Anexities

[VandVsmama]

If alcohol or pills are not an option or not your thing, here are a few other ideas which might take the edge off of one's anxiety on a flight:

1. practice some self-hypnosis/deep relaxation techniques for a few weeks ahead of time.
2. find some music which you feel is really REALLY relaxing and listen to it the whole flight.
3. if you are a religious person and follow a particular religious faith, pray. And by pray, I mean...have a conversation in your head with your God/deity and tell him/her what's on your mind, why you're worried/anxious. Do this preferably w/the relaxing music playing on your headphones.
4. as a follow on to #3, read your favorite religious text...with the relaxing music playing.
5. if you don't follow a particular religious practice, read a good book that you know will get your mind off of the anxiety.
6. put a little bit of lavender oil under your nose and breathe deeply while listening to the relaxing music. They do this in fancy day spas all the time and it's great.
7. there are some MP3's you can purchase online which are tuned to relaxation-type brain waves and those can be very helpful for getting oneself into a state of deep relaxation.

 

[ronandannette]

Being told your anxiety is irrational isn't helpful (all of us who suffer from anxiety know our anxieties are irrational).

I'm guessing your worry about dying in flight is more about leaving your children without parents. An understandable worry in general, even though as we all know the statistical likelihood of dying in a plane crash are so miniscule. There isn't much anyone can TELL you that will help you get over the anxiety. But there are things you can do.

1. Xanax. Talk to your doctor about writing you a script for a few pills, enough to get through the flights. Be sure to ask for one or two pills for you to take as a trial before the trip so you know how the pills will affect you. Some people feel sleepy when they take them (particularly at the higher dose).

2. Be prepared with things to keep you occupied on the flight. Books, music games etc.

3. I tend to keep an eye on the flight crew. If THEY look unconcerned, then I try to be unconcerned, especially in turbulence.

4. Book the seat that will make you most comfortable. I like to sit on the aisle, as close to an exit as possible. I don't like to feel trapped.

i agree with the above, and also i want you to realize that those of us with anxieties related to an upcoming event, the lead-up time to the event (flying) is far worse than going thru the actual event itself. I've proven that to be true so many times in my life. you'll be fine, and you'll probably be wanting to take more trips without kids in the future

Not trying to dismiss anybody's feelings; I guess I really don't understand anxiety. I am a very rational person and rely on objective truth to overcome any contrary emotions I may experience. Does it help to be reassured (repeatedly) that what you fear will likely never happen? That's what a number of other posters seem to have done and although the bottom line is the same, perhaps that's a more gracious way to communicate?

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I know it might be hard to be alone on a flight with your fear of flying but you and your wife could travel separately.

As much as your odds of being in one plane crash are astronomical, the odds of two are near nothing.

I do know parents who do this. So it's not completely out of left field.

 

[aprilchem]

Being told your anxiety is irrational isn't helpful (all of us who suffer from anxiety know our anxieties are irrational).

I'm guessing your worry about dying in flight is more about leaving your children without parents. An understandable worry in general, even though as we all know the statistical likelihood of dying in a plane crash are so miniscule. There isn't much anyone can TELL you that will help you get over the anxiety. But there are things you can do.

1. Xanax. Talk to your doctor about writing you a script for a few pills, enough to get through the flights. Be sure to ask for one or two pills for you to take as a trial before the trip so you know how the pills will affect you. Some people feel sleepy when they take them (particularly at the higher dose).

2. Be prepared with things to keep you occupied on the flight. Books, music games etc.

3. I tend to keep an eye on the flight crew. If THEY look unconcerned, then I try to be unconcerned, especially in turbulence.

4. Book the seat that will make you most comfortable. I like to sit on the aisle, as close to an exit as possible. I don't like to feel trapped.

I think this is a really helpful post! I feel the same way about flying, even though I know it's irrational. I do all of the above, except instead of Xanax I try to have one beer before I get on the plane. I rarely drink, so one beer is enough to relax me (without being drunk) and make me worry less.

 

[Alice Sr.]

If alcohol or pills are not an option or not your thing, here are a few other ideas which might take the edge off of one's anxiety on a flight:

1. practice some self-hypnosis/deep relaxation techniques for a few weeks ahead of time.
2. find some music which you feel is really REALLY relaxing and listen to it the whole flight.
3. if you are a religious person and follow a particular religious faith, pray. And by pray, I mean...have a conversation in your head with your God/deity and tell him/her what's on your mind, why you're worried/anxious. Do this preferably w/the relaxing music playing on your headphones.
4. as a follow on to #3, read your favorite religious text...with the relaxing music playing.
5. if you don't follow a particular religious practice, read a good book that you know will get your mind off of the anxiety.
6. put a little bit of lavender oil under your nose and breathe deeply while listening to the relaxing music. They do this in fancy day spas all the time and it's great.
7. there are some MP3's you can purchase online which are tuned to relaxation-type brain waves and those can be very helpful for getting oneself into a state of deep relaxation.

Excellent, I follow all of the above (except #6) including a glass of wine and whatever my Dr. prescribes. I will try #6 tomorrow too.

 

[Jennasis]

Not trying to dismiss anybody's feelings; I guess I really don't understand anxiety. I am a very rational person and rely on objective truth to overcome any contrary emotions I may experience. Does it help to be reassured (repeatedly) that what you fear will likely never happen? That's what a number of other posters seem to have done and although the bottom line is the same, perhaps that's a more gracious way to communicate?

Generally speaking, no...repeated reassurance that flying is safe or whatever the cause of anxiety is isn't likely to happen doesn't help (because we already know it). It's hard for those without anxiety to understand those who have it. What has worked are coping techniques as many have outlined. And for me, the more I fly successfully, the less the anxiety has gotten.

 

[prprincess]

I get you OP, 100%! Before I had children, I had NO qualms about flying. I was one of those people who would hop in a plane at a moment's notice and not bat an eye. Was never scared at all! Then I had my boys, and I don't know what happened. With them, I'm okay. But the first time hubby and I had to travel without them I was a hot mess! It may sound a little morbid, but one of the things that helped me was to make sure that hubby and I had our wills arranged. That way, I was comforted that if something did happen to us, they would be taken care of per our wishes.

After that I just worked on the anxiety myself--check out fearofflyingschool.com and fearofflying.com. Some items you have to pay for, but I was find with just reading and viewing the free content. Or just even Google flying anxiety. It also helps that my husband has a friend who is a pilot, so talking to him about flying calmed my fears. I also make sure that I have plenty to keep me busy on the flight--books, magazines, music, movies, etc. And I kinda psyche myself out by imagining that I'm not on a plane, but just in a room on land. But like most of the above posters say, it is the safest mode of travel!

 

[VandVsmama]

Here's a good one to try out for relaxation -->

 

[VandVsmama]

I have a very dear friend who had lots of problems with very debilitating anxiety, so I understand how hard it is, OP. Hang in there!

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Not trying to dismiss anybody's feelings; I guess I really don't understand anxiety. I am a very rational person and rely on objective truth to overcome any contrary emotions I may experience. Does it help to be reassured (repeatedly) that what you fear will likely never happen? That's what a number of other posters seem to have done and although the bottom line is the same, perhaps that's a more gracious way to communicate?

I am also a very rational person. Most issues for me simply cause me to get more information. I find out that I have a chronic illness, I do a bunch of reading. When I was told my mom was dying, I started thinking about what needed done. I'm not the type to freak out. I just go about taking care of business.

But, put me on a plane without my family. Especially when my son was young, and I would freak out. And I mean freak out. My blood pressure goes up, I start shaking and sweating. My doctor gave me Valium. I took a pill about a week before, so I would know what it did. Then I took one about 30 minutes before the flight. Worked like a charm.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have an irrational fear of flying, that gets worse when my kids are flying, too. If I'm going down in a plane, I'd rather the kids not be in the plane.

 

[Marchand63]

I know it might be hard to be alone on a flight with your fear of flying but you and your wife could travel separately.

As much as your odds of being in one plane crash are astronomical, the odds of two are near nothing.

I do know parents who do this. So it's not completely out of left field.

My parents did this when I was young. They only started flying together when I was in my teens. I never knew my DM had this fear until I was an adult. I am so glad she never passed this on to me, and thus onto my DS, and now DGDs.

 

[mj70148]

Not trying to dismiss anybody's feelings; I guess I really don't understand anxiety. I am a very rational person and rely on objective truth to overcome any contrary emotions I may experience. Does it help to be reassured (repeatedly) that what you fear will likely never happen? That's what a number of other posters seem to have done and although the bottom line is the same, perhaps that's a more gracious way to communicate?

I'm a super pragmatic and rational person myself, but I also have panic anxiety, generalized anxiety, and OCD. It took a long time to accept that I had anxiety, because "I'm so rational, I know the facts, I know there's nothing to be afraid of/be anxious about.....so WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?" - but thats exactly what anxiety is. It's so hard to accept your brain is making you FEEL a certain way but at the same time KNOWING the contrary is what's actually true. I'm so glad you don't know anxiety like some of us do! DH has actually needed my counselor to explain my anxiety to him in a way so he could understand, because he couldn't figure out why "stating the facts" and simply reminding me of why I shouldn't be anxious wasn't working! :haha:

 

[bcla]

I shouldn't have said dying while flying with my children doesn't make me nervous because it does. Flying without them and possibly dying and leaving them parentless frightens me to no end, even thought we have set up how that scenario is to be played out in the event the wife and I pass.

Is this a general concern, or just amplified when youre traveling by air?

 

[bcla]

I'm a super pragmatic and rational person myself, but I also have panic anxiety, generalized anxiety, and OCD. It took a long time to accept that I had anxiety, because "I'm so rational, I know the facts, I know there's nothing to be afraid of/be anxious about.....so WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?" - but thats exactly what anxiety is. It's so hard to accept your brain is making you FEEL a certain way but at the same time KNOWING the contrary is what's actually true. I'm so glad you don't know anxiety like some of us do! DH has actually needed my counselor to explain my anxiety to him in a way so he could understand, because he couldn't figure out why "stating the facts" and simply reminding me of why I shouldn't be anxious wasn't working! :haha:

I wouldn't say there's nothing to be afraid of. Caution and self preservation tends to keep people alive. Anxiety is when it interferes with normal activities. I have a fear of embarrassment in public speaking situations. Embarrassment can be real, but being able to shrug it off is what makes it tolerable vs having anxiety.

There was a line in Jurassic World.

The key to a happy life is to accept you are never in control.

 

[derekleigh]

Thank you all for your suggestions. The thing is: I KNOW flying is the safest way to travel and the odds are better that I will win the lottery than something happening on an airplane. I have made arrangement that in the event something happens to both my wife and I a few people have control over our finances and a plan has been made to whom will take care of the kids.

I don't know, I guess talking about it just helps re-enforce the facts about how safe flying is. I talk with my wife about everything but I don't want to talk to her about this in case I put fear into her and possibly taint the trip.

 

[bcla]

Thank you all for your suggestions. The thing is: I KNOW flying is the safest way to travel and the odds are better that I will win the lottery than something happening on an airplane. I have made arrangement that in the event something happens to both my wife and I a few people have control over our finances and a plan has been made to whom will take care of the kids.

I don't know, I guess talking about it just helps re-enforce the facts about how safe flying is. I talk with my wife about everything but I don't want to talk to her about this in case I put fear into her and possibly taint the trip.

The problem is that when something bad does happen, news coverage goes over it endlessly. However, the odds of winning a lotto jackpot are generally worse.

 

[gwynne]

Thank you all for your suggestions. The thing is: I KNOW flying is the safest way to travel and the odds are better that I will win the lottery than something happening on an airplane. I have made arrangement that in the event something happens to both my wife and I a few people have control over our finances and a plan has been made to whom will take care of the kids.

I don't know, I guess talking about it just helps re-enforce the facts about how safe flying is. I talk with my wife about everything but I don't want to talk to her about this in case I put fear into her and possibly taint the trip.

A basic plan for minor children is pretty normal, whether you travel or not. Once it's done, I think most parents put it aside and get busy with life.
Vegas is lots of fun, I hope you both have a great time.

 

[js]

I am an extremely paranoid flyer and get myself into a crying frenzy and although I know it is irrational, it doesn't help.
My doctor prescribed xanex but it doesn't help too much. I know it is not recommended, but I have also found a drink or two
with the xanex does help me somewhat. Three drinks is too much and feel too drugged but the combination of that with 1-2 helps slightly.

I have a flight in December with my family and yes, I already dread the flight and worried the morning after Christmas the pilot will be
very sleeping, hung over, etc. I worry about crashing, terror, etc. But, like you, I will be flying just my dh and myself in July and
do think about the fact if we crash my kids, although older at 22 and 18, will be without two parents at the same time.

I use to work for someone that traveled all over the world as well as within the United States. His wife usually tagged along when she could and
he always had me book separate flights for them. It took one time of them having an awful flight that when he came back to the office
that week, he told me from that point forward they should always be booked on different flights.

Someone on the dis once mentioned to google fear of flying captain Stacey chance. I haven't done it yet but I took a screen shot of that post and plan on either buying the book or reading what is said but haven't seen it or used it so not sure.

I wear sound proof headphones and download movies to my Kindle. I cannot wait for the tv in flight to be ready to work, I need the noise
of the TV (not the plane) before takeoff and sometimes the TVs don't even work. I take the meds, have a drink or two and hope for the
best but I still cry and the last flight I took I had my travel blanket over my head so take my advise with a grain of salt LOL

 

[bcla]

I have a flight in December with my family and yes, I already dread the flight and worried the morning after Christmas the pilot will be
very sleeping, hung over, etc. I worry about crashing, terror, etc. But, like you, I will be flying just my dh and myself in July and
do think about the fact if we crash my kids, although older at 22 and 18, will be without two parents at the same time.

Seems like an abundance of caution, but it's their right. I remember when Japan sent their top sumo wrestlers to the US for an event. They flew on two different chartered planes to two different airports with the rationale that if something catastrophic were to happen, they didn't want them all on the same plane. It might have also been a weight issue. They also used stairs and only allowed them on/off two at a time.