First Holiday without a parent

[imabrat]

Hi guys! Don't know if some of you remember me, I was a teen poster a few years ago. I'm just looking for some advice or personal experiences to help me cope.

I lost my dad on October 5th from lung cancer, he was 50 years old. I had found out in August that my own cancer had relapsed after nearly 5 years, and I started chemo again on October 8th. I'm only 19 and I had to drop out of college and everything, so it's certainly been a difficult time for my family.

This is our first "major" holiday without my dad. Thanksgiving, we were completely surrounded by friends so it was easy to get through. My dad was so into the Christmas spirit, and it's just really strange. I haven't had much time to grieve because we've all been busy with my relapse, but now it's all starting to sink in.

How did you deal with your first important holiday without your mom and/or dad?

 

[Robbi]

My parents are both still living so I haven't had to deal with that loss but my younger brother died and I can tell you it was hard. Maybe sit with your family and talk about your dad-tell funny stories, share.
I'm praying that your cancer is cured.

 

[ilovedisney1]

Yes I remember you. I also haven't loss either of my parents, but back about 11 years ago my mom came down with breast cancer so I know somewhat what you are going through. If you ever want to talk I'm here, feel free to private message me.

 

[shortbun]

I'm sorry, it's a really air sucking feeling, I know. We celebrate both our parents during the holidays. I put out my Mom's favorite decorations, we cook our Dad's favorite foods. We talk about them, celebrate them and we continue to grieve too. You will find your way to the other side of this; expect to feel sadness; search for some peace. Hugs to you, remember to take deep, slow breaths, stay hydrated and eat healthfully. In other words, take care of yourself. XO

 

[wilma-bride]

I haven't lost a parent either so I can't begin to imagine what you are going through and how hard it must be. I hope you and your family are able to take some comfort and support from each other and have a happy holiday anyway.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[DisneyLvr55]

My mother passed of complications with breast cancer this October as well, on the 23rd. I don't know how this Christmas will be, other than me trying frantically (like I do every single day) to make sure that my father is occupied, and not alone. I think doing that keeps me going. I've asked him about 100 times to sell both of our homes, and move in together. He still hasn't gone food shopping for himself, and I bring pretty much all his meals over to him every day (though he does buy bagels). Hes only 63, but my mother did everything for him. Sorry I'm rambling about myself here....

I'm so sorry for your loss, and your situation as well. I wish I had "the answer" to get you through, but just isn't one. Just take every day as it comes, and enjoy what you have with the people you still have around you. My thoughts are with you.

 

[LJC1861]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. It hurts, it's hard and frankly it sucks. I lost my mom in June 2011. Last Christmas was incredibly difficult for our family. We still kept Christmas as each individual family ( I am 50, and the oldest of 6 so there are lots of kids, teens, young adults, etc in our extended family) celebrates, collectively we were all missing Mom/Grandma.

My advice.....it is perfectly okay to let your sadness show. Do things for Christmas that carry on traditions that your Dad started. Talk about him, tell "Dad at Christmas" stories, etc.

It does get easier, but know that you will miss your Dad every day. He is still here with you in many ways. He lives on in your heart, and if you listen closely he is probably whispering things in your ear. I can still hear Mom's voice and still feel her presence.

Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Linda

 

[pigletgirl]

Awww Sonya... (I think that is your name, if I can remember!)

Many prayers for you and your family this Christmas! I haven't been in your shoes, but I'm sure it's incredibly difficult. Lean on your family, and I know your dad would want you to celebrate in style!

 

[DebbieB]

Sorry for your loss. My dad died 19 years ago and my mom 7 years ago. After my mom died, I tried to keep family traditions alive, like dinners at Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter. Even though they were gone, they rest of us gathered as usual.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I am so sorry for the things you recently have gone through. Losing a parent is not easy and the first holidays are tough. There is an empty feeling, but it is important to remember how your dad would want you to celebrate the holiday. Try to remember all the good times with him and do try to have an enjoyable holiday with the rest of your family. It is not easy, but it does get better.

 

[poohfriend77]

My MIL died on the Monday after Thanksgiving, 8 years ago. That first Christmas was TOUGH! She was a Christmas FREAK (in a good way ). She always decorated every inch of her house, went way overboard on presents for everyone, played Christmas music constantly, etc. So not only was it our first holiday without her, but it was HER holiday, you know?

We had an almost 2-year-old, and I was pregnant, so it should have been filled with so much joy. Obviously, we wanted to still make it special for our DD and DH's sister's kids. Still, there were moments of sadness. I worried about saying the wrong thing and making DH and SIL feel worse, but I do think it helps to talk about the good times. Now, we talk about her a lot, as we put up one of her decorations or tell my DD about how we couldn't even get to the tree because her granny bought so many presents for her first Christmas.

Hugs to your family during this difficult time. Best wishes on your recovery!!!

 

[Minnesota!]

Not going to lie - that first Christmas after my dad died was BRUTAL! He died November 10. I was 21. Thanksgiving, as you said, we were surrounded by people. And, comfortably numb with Cognac Christmas...ugh...Christmas. Dad always was in his chair, drinking coffee, enjoying the gift opening. There was no coffee that day. The gaping hole was very raw. In the 6 weeks between his death and Christmas, I had done quite a bit of stress eating and so all the clothes my mom had bought me for Christmas...did not fit. I remember sitting in the chair just bawling. It was rough.

Don't try and force yourself to "get through it"...it is ok to be miserable and sad and angry. It's healing, actually. To feel like the world is ending, but then you wake up the next day and realize you made it another step in your new normal.

I am sorry for all the sadness in your life this year. I wish you health and happiness in 2013.

 

[abdmom]

Thirteen years ago, my Dad died on December 22. We had the funeral December 24. It really didn't feel much like Christmas that year - or the year after. Seven years ago, my children's father (my dh) died on December 10. The funeral was December 18. Frankly, no Christmas has ever been quite the same. They got a little better after my df died - but not so much after my dh died. We've lost other relatives along the way that we used to celebrate Christmas with too.

It's very tough when people who you associate with Christmas are no longer with us. My best advice is to surround yourself with your loved ones who are with you - don't take anyone for granted.

 

[aaarcher86]

The first holiday without my dad was terrible. In all honesty, it still is... and this will be the 7th Christmas without him.

There's really no great method in dealing with it. You're going to be sad. You're going to cry. You're going to think about the memories.

Try and make the best of it, and enjoy the bits and pieces where you can. Christmas happens every year - don't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do over the holidays with your loss. I know it sometimes feels wrong not to be happy, and cheerful, and thankful during Christmas.

 

[mrssmith06]

I haven't lost a parent yet but I know it will be hard on you. This will be my first Christmas without my Aunt who I was very close too. I took some Christmas decor to her grave the other day. She loved this time of year so much.
Every "first" holiday without our loved ones is a struggle to get through. All we can do is include them with our memories, with things they loved... and try our best to have a good time with the ones that are still with us.
And I pray that your health is improving and you pull through your battle. Big HUGS to you!!! Merry Christmas.

 

[Planogirl]

I still feel sad around this time and it has been many years since I lost my Dad. You just have to do your best. By that I mean that if you feel like crying, do so. Don't feel like you're somehow failing because you don't feel that good about the holidays all the time.

I agree that it's good to talk about him. Talk about past holidays and other fun events. Share and laugh and be there for each other.

Mostly take care of yourself.

 

[RobertLC]

I'm sorry for your loss.


My mom died 2 days before Thanksgiving this year, on November 20.

There wasn't a traditional Thanksgiving as we were making preparations.

Christmas is going to be tough. Can't get into the Christmas mood, so I know what you're going through.

I feel that I still have to be tough and go through it for the kids.

153 days until our WDW trip. I don't obsess about Disney or WDW like I do a month ago, don't even visit this forum like I did a month ago.

 

[minniecarousel]

Oh, Dear, I'm sorry what you're going through. As everyone has said, it'll be tough.

We lost my Mom on Holy Thursday almost 3 years ago. We still got together on Easter, like we had planned. We're all old, with kids & some with grandkids. One of Mom's fears was that we'd stop getting together for Holidays. So we still get together on holidays and several times a year as a large extended family. She would be proud.

Honor your Dad with something traditional and do just something a little different, for a new tradition.

I'll keep you in my prayers that your treatment works. Hang in there.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I remember you as well. I followed you on Caring Bridge. My father died 10-4-08. Even though I am much older than you I was devastated. I walked around in shock for months. I couldn't turn to my family, I had no one. I never thought I would feel normal again. Things have a way of looking different as time goes on. Give yourself some time. I am praying for you. We didn't decorate or celebrate anything the first year.