Fear of flying

[cruisin5]

I fly a few times a year, but very am extremely anxious about it. EVERY little bump or noise makes me jump, grab the armrest, or the arm of my family member. Last flight was bumpy; they never turned off the no seat belt sign, I actually cried I was so scared. And this was after taking half of .25 of prescribed anxiety meds which I take when I fly. I watch Netflix on my phone to pass the time, usually 2.5-3 hours.

My BFFs husband purchased a ticket for me to visit them for BFFs 50th birthday party next weekend. I am looking forward to seeing everyone but the thought of flying alone makes me want to throw up.

I have to change planes at EWR on the way and IAD on the way home two days later. Renting a car so I need to stay sober.

Two of the flights are small ERJ planes ... I get a window and an aisle seat!

I know logically and statistically I'm safer in the air but that doesn't help. My fear started after 9/11.

Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!

 

[jec6613]

For me at least, knowledge = power to overcome it. I went and actually learned the information on what happens when things go wrong, and how frequent they really are. Here's some things that can help you relax hopefully a bit:

1) Almost all incidents happen on takeoff and landing. Once you're above 10,000 feet, the number of incidents (of all causes) is, while not zero, darn close to it. And incidents include, well, anything that causes a deviation from the normal flight plan, including medical emergencies and so on. I've had one where a burned out light bulb on the instrument panel caused us to abort a takeoff roll.

2) There have been no crashes of a passenger aircraft flown by a US carrier in 10 years. And it's not a statistical anomaly, there's a distinct drop off of going from one every year or two to zero after a 2009 crash. After that, it was mandated that US passenger aircrews receive much more rest, and in the event something does occur are much better trained and rested to be able to handle the situation that downs other airliners around the world, but not on US carriers.

 

[pixiedustedme]

Kudos to you for facing your fears and flying, anyway! That's very brave. I recommend working with a therapist who is experienced in treating phobias. Therapy might help make the flights comfortable for you. It can be done.

 

[beccasmom]

One of the gals I work with was recently able to overcome her fear of flying by working with a therapist. She does have medication available as a backup, but hasn’t had to use it yet. So far she’s taken 2 flights of about 2 hours each with no problems. She felt she needed to work on her issue because of a recent promotion that would entail travel that isn’t always within reasonable driving distance. She is hopeful that her progress will continue and she can plan personal travel - perhaps a trip to the west coast to visit family - sometime soon. Good luck!

 

[goofy4tink]

I used to hate flying..did it only because driving wasn't an option. Now I fly often, and it no longer bothers me...unless there's a lot of turbulence. My dd hated it as well when she was younger. But she now flies solo all the time (she's 25). This is what I told her...watch the flight attendants. If they are going about their business as usual, there are no issues. One dd knew we were going to crash, she just knew it....I told her they seldom walked around serving drinks if a crash was imminent!!!! Try to remember that planes are build for turbulence. In fact, pilots actually welcome a bit of turbulence because it makes the flight less boring for them. Otherwise it's like driving a bus.
The other thing to keep in mind is how many people are making a living on planes. They wouldn't do that if they were concerned. Take deep relaxing breaths. Try to busy yourself with a book or your ipad...whatever you choose to bring. Leave yourself plenty of time at the airport...nothing worse than being stresses worrying about getting to the gate in time!!! Try to find maps of the other airports and gate areas you are using. Being a bit familiar with them will help your stress level.
Yes, flying can be stressful. But, try to look forward to the fun you're going to have once you get to your destination. You've got this!!!!! Let us know how it goes.

 

[sponica]

My husband realized his fear of flying was exacerbated in coach. He ALWAYS upgrades to first class if he can. Granted he flies for work and has status so he's usually automatically upgraded.

 

[cruisin5]

I used to hate flying..did it only because driving wasn't an option. Now I fly often, and it no longer bothers me...unless there's a lot of turbulence. My dd hated it as well when she was younger. But she now flies solo all the time (she's 25). This is what I told her...watch the flight attendants. If they are going about their business as usual, there are no issues. One dd knew we were going to crash, she just knew it....I told her they seldom walked around serving drinks if a crash was imminent!!!! Try to remember that planes are build for turbulence. In fact, pilots actually welcome a bit of turbulence because it makes the flight less boring for them. Otherwise it's like driving a bus.
The other thing to keep in mind is how many people are making a living on planes. They wouldn't do that if they were concerned. Take deep relaxing breaths. Try to busy yourself with a book or your ipad...whatever you choose to bring. Leave yourself plenty of time at the airport...nothing worse than being stresses worrying about getting to the gate in time!!! Try to find maps of the other airports and gate areas you are using. Being a bit familiar with them will help your stress level.
Yes, flying can be stressful. But, try to look forward to the fun you're going to have once you get to your destination. You've got this!!!!! Let us know how it goes.

Thank you for the suggestion to look at gates and maps. I now know what to do during my transfer at EWR. (Thanks to those on these boards!)

 

[AngiTN]

I think the suggestions of a therapist are great. Professional ideas for how to cope will be very valuable. Best of luck to you. My grandmother never could master her fears. She took a bus every time she had to travel anywhere, even across the country.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

.........
2) There have been no crashes of a passenger aircraft flown by a US carrier in 10 years. And it's not a statistical anomaly, there's a distinct drop off of going from one every year or two to zero after a 2009 crash. After that, it was mandated that US passenger aircrews receive much more rest, and in the event something does occur are much better trained and rested to be able to handle the situation that downs other airliners around the world, but not on US carriers.

They may not have been crashes, but there have been passenger fatalities, ie Southwest Flight 1380.

 

[jec6613]

They may not have been crashes, but there have been passenger fatalities, ie Southwest Flight 1380.

Other than the usual heart attacks/strokes/other medical reasons, 1380 is the only fatality in that time.

 

[ScoutsMom21]

I hate flying too. But I do it both for work and vacations. A therapist to learn coping techniques is a good idea. Other than that, here's some of the things I recommend and frequently do for myself:

1. Make a playlist of relaxing music. Start listening to it around the house (especially when you are curled up and relaxing) a week or 2 out from your trip so that you begin to associate the music with feeling relaxed. Have that playlist downloaded on your phone and get yourself a good pair of noise cancelling earbuds so you can listen to it on the plane.

2. Get to the airport a bit early. When I have to rush through the airport to get to the gate on time, my anxiety builds and I end up carrying that feeling onto the plane with me. If you get there early, you have time to wander through a few shops, have a nice snack or light meal before boarding. Basically, slow down and take it at a leisurely pace - getting used to the environment of the airport (the sounds, the planes, etc) so that you're relaxed as possible before boarding.

3. Invest in guilty pleasure reads. People magazine. Us Weekly. A trashy romance novel. We all have our guilty pleasures. Download a movie or show or bring a fun read on the plane. Something good and distracting.

4. If drinkings not a problem for you, honestly, many airports have halfway decent wine bars and pubs nowadays. I'm not talking about getting trashed but, pamper yourself! Order up a really nice glass of wine, or a fancy cocktail. Maybe a nice cheese platter or appetizer to go with it. Something special that makes you feel like you're really indulging yourself before boarding your flight. Avoid caffeine and too much sugar!

5. Bring a comfortable cardigan on board. Something that you consider comforting and cozy to curl up in during your flight.

 

[GingerPilot]

Ok, so hear me out on this absolutely crazy idea. If it's in the budget, go take one flying lesson. Get in a little airplane so you can see (a very small part) of what those professional pilots are doing. Having the opportunity to sit up front and see what's going on and how "normal" it is even in a little airplane may change your perspective and give you some insight. Plus it will add logic to "why is this big metal tube airborne?". I known it's a crazy idea but it does help a lot of people. Just make sure you do it on a calm, cool morning.. not a hot bumpy, windy afternoon.

 

[SL6827]

I never flew until I just had to. And that was two flights to the Grand Cayman in 2018. I am hoping that we can fly on our next Disney trip. My husband does not like to fly, but has to at times due to his job. But as of now, me and my youngest child will hop aboard a plane to go to Disney at the drop of a hat.

 

[kaitlin-n-mom]

I am a very nervous flyer and usually depend on a couple of adult beverages to relax before a flight. If you have Netflix, check out the documentary "City in the Sky". There are 3 episodes that give you a little insight into what is going on behind the scenes from take off to landing. This helped me to understand the complexities of air travel better.

I'm flying alone to MCO in 22 days and I flew to Kansas City last fall. I found it a little liberating to conquer my fears.

 

[Gman76]

Though many (including me) try to put logic into the discussion about flying fear - it usually does not help. So, best of luck to you.

I did notice you mentioned the 9/11 event. Just had to point out something that most folks do not realize. At that time, it was standard POLICY to let hijackers to what they wanted. Remember all those planes hijacked to Cuba for years? Policy has changed. The cockpit is locked and fortified. Even someone with a weapon can not get in there.

We are currently flying 87,000 flights per day in this country which comes to 570 Million flights since 9/11. Sorry.... just spit out facts and logic.

Still - best of luck.

 

[Brett Wyman]

My husband realized his fear of flying was exacerbated in coach. He ALWAYS upgrades to first class if he can. Granted he flies for work and has status so he's usually automatically upgraded.

Is his fear related to bad food and poor service?

I had an irrational fear of flying for so long. I still have a very healthy fear. But for reasons I can't explain the irrational fear just left one day. I'm still super edgy in turbulence though. If the plane stays smooth then I'm fine the entire time.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I don't really have a fear of flying but I do get restless legs.
I take an anti anxiety med to help me feel like I can relax and not need to move my legs.
It works like a charm and I'm usually half a sleep on take off lol.
It does not make me feel groggy so getting of the plane and functioning is not an issue.
Look around you. Do others look scared when there's a bump? If not then you know you're just overthinking it.
I'd suggest asking your dr about a higher dose if you're taking something and still jumping at any noise or bump.

 

[goofy4tink]

I don't really have a fear of flying but I do get restless legs.
I take an anti anxiety med to help me feel like I can relax and not need to move my legs.
It works like a charm and I'm usually half a sleep on take off lol.
It does not make me feel groggy so getting of the plane and functioning is not an issue.
Look around you. Do others look scared when there's a bump? If not then you know you're just overthinking it.
I'd suggest asking your dr about a higher dose if you're taking something and still jumping at any noise or bump.

Interesting...I get restless legs a lot when flying!

 

[sponica]

Is his fear related to bad food and poor service?

I had an irrational fear of flying for so long. I still have a very healthy fear. But for reasons I can't explain the irrational fear just left one day. I'm still super edgy in turbulence though. If the plane stays smooth then I'm fine the entire time.

He has more space in first class and doesn't feel like a sardine. He got used to flying first class and then had to do a coach flight and he felt more trapped....he's still bonkers anxious about flying but the claustrophobia on top of the flying isn't as bad in first class? The free drinks probably help too.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Interesting...I get restless legs a lot when flying!

I find that the reason it works for my restless legs is because it allows my body to relax enough that my legs aren't as restless and I try to sleep on planes to avoid feeling restless and it allows me to more easily fall asleep without feeling tired after I land.
I did find that it does not help if there's a child crying for the entire flight and you're in the very middle of a plane that sits 3, 5, 3 across.
I could not fall asleep for more than 2 minutes at a time before the kid would scream again.