Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

[NYCgrrl]

With all due respect money concern is not age dependent. When I met my in-laws nearly 12 years ago they were in their low-to mid 50s and experiencing such financial issues that they cashed in my husband's life insurance policy that had been existing at that point for over 18 years (I was honestly disappointed that happened). Today they are not in that same financial situation....but they could easily be given how they spend their money these days.

My mom is over 60 and will likely be dead (and I sorta joke but sorta am not) by the time she pays off her mortgage since she's refi so many times.

Money is not easily replaceable; it can take a long time and be of a huge burden depending on the situation.

One's financial situation simply knows no age or life stage--it can always change and as my parents always taught me money doesn't grow on trees

Much truth in your post regarding age and finances.

 

[Kitty 34]

Disney was a BIG trip for us as a family, once a year. It was usually booked months in advanced. Our kids didn't earn the WDW trip just like they didn't earn Christmas and the gifts and festivities involved with that holiday. Now yes, I promised a McDonald trip once to my then 6 and 4 year old if they behaved themselves while I stopped at the bank first. I must have been having issues with backseat yelling, fighting, bickering, whatever. McDonald's was a BIG and very rare treat for them. Well guess what, they did all their backseat shenanigans and so after the bank I just drove the 15 miles drive quietly home....no McDonald's for them. They figured that consequence out very quickly. But WDW, once a year was our big family vacation not a consequence.

 

[TLSnell1981]

No, IMO cancelling a trip because your kids are not listening to you is overkill. The punishment DOES NOT fit the crime.

Exactly!

 

[LSUmiss]

Just call the Pai Mei laptop destruction service. He'll come over, put his four fingers on the laptop, and punch right through it from three inches. And if your kids smart back, they'll lose an eyeball. Pai Mei don't play.

What the parents would like to think they're teaching their kids when they break stuff.
Do your chores, do your schoolwork, etc.
What breaking stuff really teaches their kids.
It's ok to smash stuff when you're pissed off.

How can a parent expect a kid to learn self control when the parent can't even control his or her own self to the point where they're breaking stuff?


But the person she quoted did in fact make it a choice between breaking stuff and seriously harming the child. Further, they said that if breaking stuff keeps them from breaking the kid's head (in reality it does not necessarily serve that purpose) go for it. Neither are acceptable behavior.

That was the exact image I had lol!

 

[pfp258]

How about taking away their phones etc.

 

[tcufrog]

I knew my post would be divisive. I guess I should mention that we had tried a myriad of things before I very calmly smashed the laptop with a hammer. My son had just gotten kicked out of the school he attended despite all of our efforts and his psychologist was reaching the point of exhausting everything he knew to try to get through to our son. We were reaching to point where we were asking ourselves if we needed to try inpatient help. Nothing worked, including everything recommended by experts. Before I did it, I consulted with his psychologist and he told me he normally wouldn't recommend it but given the situation we were in, maybe it would be the wakeup call our son needed. It was and I have no regrets. He finally realized that he had pushed us beyond our limits and he started to shape up. It hasn't been a completely smooth road and there have been setbacks but things are much better than they were then.

As for physical and emotional abuse, despite being repeatedly pushed farther than any parent should be by their child, I and my Dh worked really hard not to cross those lines and didn't. The worst part was how badly the situation was affecting DS8. We had to send him to therapy as well for a while because of the trauma his brother was putting him through. Now when they fight it's normal sibling arguments.

 

[disykat]

I actually don't think most people were talking about Disney. Most comments seem to be about trips in general.

Then pretend my post said "trips" not "Disney." Location of the trip isn't what my post is about. I don't believe most people enjoy taking off on a vacation when everyone is not getting along and cooperating. Since it wasn't set in stone by reservations etc., it was cancelled.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Then pretend my post said "trips" not "Disney." Location of the trip isn't what my post is about. I don't believe most people enjoy taking off on a vacation when everyone is not getting along and cooperating. Since it wasn't set in stone by reservations etc., it was cancelled.

Well apologies your post did literally say:

I think it's really weird that so many people think that the parents were punishing themselves by not going to Disney

As far as going on vacation in the grand scheme what the OP's situation with what chores weren't done and the reaction would have probably been smoothed over fairly quickly with consequences known and the vacation/trip moved on. A momentary crankiness wouldn't have been enough for us growing up to cancel a vacation but again as I said in my earlier comment vacation was treated differently for us and as I suspect for at least some others too.

 

[3smithboys]

When I read this, I see your trip to Disney as almost like what I would consider an outing or a quick overnight with my kids. When they were younger, we used to go to Hershey Park or Knobels for the day or overnight. If my kids acted up, that might be something I might consider canceling. I am more in the camp of taking away electronics...

We are going on a cruise next week that has been planned for 18 months... no way would I be canceling that! A Disney trip for us would also require planning, tickets, reservations, etc so no way would I be canceling that either.

 

[Nancyg56]

No. I would never use a vacation as a punishment.

 

[mumto3girls]

When I read this, I see your trip to Disney as almost like what I would consider an outing or a quick overnight with my kids. When they were younger, we used to go to Hershey Park or Knobels for the day or overnight. If my kids acted up, that might be something I might consider canceling. I am more in the camp of taking away electronics...

We are going on a cruise next week that has been planned for 18 months... no way would I be canceling that! A Disney trip for us would also require planning, tickets, reservations, etc so no way would I be canceling that either.

Yes. This is what I got out of the OP’s post as well—this was a last minute getaway and they do it several times a year. For us, Disney would never be that as we are simply too far away—Disney is a trip that is every 2-4 years and planned out well in advance. I would never cancel a Disney trip for typical kid behavioral issues. I would alter or change a last minute getaway for behavioral issues though especially if it wasn’t one that I was heavily invested in or looking forward to myself (not saying the OP wasn’t looking forward to this trip, but that would make a difference to me).

I also get that some kids need a bigger wake up call than others. I have three daughters, all about 3 years apart. The oldest and youngest tend to be much stronger willed and sometimes defiant and stubborn. My middle one is easy going, compliant and definitely easier to parent. When she gets an attitude a simple reminder of our expectations usually gets her back on track. With the other two a simple reminder generally creates an argument about why they are right and I am wrong and often times worse behavior. I often find myself taking away phones, grounding them etc. My youngest often tells me that middle DD is my favorite. That is not at all true, but she is easier to parent.

 

[fractalpotato]

Additional option: Ignore the improper behavior and hopes it goes away left at where ever it is you vacation.

Everyone has their own house rules and they should be abided by, plain and simple. Should you think it's rude for someone to disagree with you and point out where and how you were rude maybe try the same type of conversation out on your parents or better yet boss.

I get that you are of an age where worrying about finances is a regular occurrence; that's commendable to a certain degree. BTDT and was in that age group when I cancelled a vacation for one of my children. Still I knew I had a job to do and like all responsibilities it wasn't always be fun. It's not about you anymore. It's about the entire family, now and in the future.

No one advocated personal violence whether physical or mental anywhere in this thread that and in my mind the suggestion is over thinking.

Excuse me? Where do you get off being so condescending? I worry about money because I was raised to be responsible and not hose it away in a, frankly pathetic, power struggle with a child. It's not a phase of an age group to be responsible, it's just being responsible. It's about me, and my family, and providing for ourselves responsibly. Eating a bunch of cancellation fees and wasting money is not a responsible action. All you're doing is spending money to make the kid resent you. Power-tripping is fairly well proven to be extraordinarily ineffective.

Also, I was quoting you making the distinction between damaging the object or the child.

Astoundingly, you got one thing correct, ignoring your ridiculous commentary is an option though.

 

[PrincessBelle39]

No because they are kids for such a short time. Before we know it our kids will be grown and out on their own and the opportunity to do these small trips will be non existent. There behaviour would have to be really awful (criminal or really destructive) to stop us making the most of spending time as a family.

 

[wilbret]

Folks. We live just a few hours from Disney. A trip isn’t always a pre-planned thing. Sometimes we are spontaneous, and the kids know it. Last year, we had the chance to go to Jekyll Island to close out the summer, but had to pack and go quickly. They did their chores and we left.

They know the drill. If we had plane tickets and reservations, yes, the situation would likely be different. We don’t fly to Orlando, and we had no reservations.

They did in fact catch up on chores and went above and beyond. We even were in a parade on Saturday with Cub Scouts, and helped a friend move. So, we booked a trip at 3pm on Saturday and are down here until Tuesday. The kids know they lost 2 days because expectations weren’t met. Hopefully they learn a lesson. Maybe not, but we will see. Plus, when we get home, there won’t be laundry on their floors, shoes piled up in the mud room, cups on the counter, device cords left out, etc etc

It’s a great world we live in, isn’t it?

 

[wilbret]

Mods, can we lock or delete this thread before it gets any more contentious?

 

[mousefan73]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

I had to laugh as my son ALWAYS has to poop when I ask him to do something.

 

[mousefan73]

Our kids are great kids, seriously. They are kind to others, great in school, and generally just great kids. Except... they stink at picking up after themselves, and they really bicker with each other more and more over time. We are constantly having to stay on top of them for leaving things out. Shoes, dishes, cups, toys, trash, whatever. It's amazing. You can't believe how often these kids develop the need to POOP as soon we ask them to do their chores.

We were booking a last minute last weekend before school trip for today thru Tuesday, and asked them to do their chores and help straighten up. Well, one thing led to another,and instead of Disney, we will be organizing the garage and cleaning the house. I'm not going to let them win this dang battle. It's frustrating, because I personally wanted to make this trip. I have traveled this entire month and just wanted time away. Oh well.

Anyone here ever canceled their plans to prove point?

I Hope you realize how lucky you are if the only problem you have with your kids is them not doing chores. If dirty clothes, dishes, track not being taken out etc.. are your only concerns then you have it good. I hope for your sake you dont have to deal with any other real issues.

 

[mousefan73]

Well you are obviously spoiling them by taking them to Disney World too often.

I didnt read OP other posts, but it seems that kids are "spoiled" not in the negative way, but for them it's become no big deal it seems going to WDW may be like me telling my kids we are going to 6 flags for the 10th time this year. .. My kids are the masters of pooping before having ot lift a finger, but I can definately say if I announced this morning the house has to be spotlless before we leave for a surprise trip to WDW, my kids would have had the vacuum out before I'd even finish the sentence.

 

[amberpi]

I didnt read OP other posts, but it seems that kids are "spoiled" not in the negative way, but for them it's become no big deal it seems going to WDW may be like me telling my kids we are going to 6 flags for the 10th time this year. .. My kids are the masters of pooping before having ot lift a finger, but I can definately say if I announced this morning the house has to be spotlless before we leave for a surprise trip to WDW, my kids would have had the vacuum out before I'd even finish the sentence.

I thought the same thing from ops post. We often surprise the kids with a tiny one or 2 night getaway. We’ll pick them up and say if you guys are very good tonight we’ll do x, y, z for the next couple of days. Once we didn’t because of back talk issues. We didn’t have reservations (I was literally going to make the reservations on the way down to get a good last minute hotel deal and for these exact situations) and it was only 2 hours away, so no big deal. It was more important to teach about respect than this trip we could take any time. Then to not punish the boy (it was the girl with the super sassy mouth) he got a day with a daddy date and then a me and him date. I really don’t think that’s too harsh. I wouldn’t however take away a trip with flights and all and doesn’t sound like that’s the situation with the op.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I wouldn’t however take away a trip with flights and all and doesn’t sound like that’s the situation with the op.

I'm using your post as an example so don't think I'm picking on you It's been said a few times throughout the thread.

This line of thinking is interesting to me because it ignores the original premise (in your case teaching about respect, in other people's cases standing their ground and a few other reasons) in favor of looking at it from reasons outside of those things.

So with flights and days off work and reservations the lesson being taught....goes out the window because the trip would still go on? Mostly asking as a rhetorical question so don't feel like you have to defend your choices just musing aloud I do think part of it is how people define their trips though for sure.

Now some posters have said to the heck with it the other things don't matter they'll cancel anyways so I'm not speaking towards that.