Ever Been Kind of Insulted By a Christmas Gift?

[diznymom]

One year for Christmas, my MIL gave me a robe. It was her favorite color and a style I didn't care for. I smiled and thanked her. When we got home, I was showing it to DH and he let me know that it would not fit me. I told him I would just exchange it........except........there were not tags. She had given me something out of her mom's closet.. I was so mad about it. I immediately took it to a neighbor and asked that she give it to some little "grandma" in the nursing home.

 

[sam_gordon]

Is the gift you received out of the blue just thinking about you gift? Or was it like a birthday gift where you and the other person normally exchange gifts for birthdays and you didn't get them a birthday gift? Is this a Christmas gift where you normally don't exchange with the other person? Is this a situation where the gift is more one where a materialistic gift is not needed to reciprocate? I think people can be very creative in showing appreciation for something without it always needing to be some physical thing labeled a gift just to be able to say you gave a gift back for receiving a gift.

It's not a particular gift. It could be "out of the blue", it could be a birthday gift (then I'd feel guilty until it's time for their birthday and I get them something), it could be Christmas, Anniversary, whatever. If someone gives me a gift (of whatever kind), I would feel guilty if I don't get them a comparable gift (out of the blue, birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, whatever).

 

[disykat]

In the words of Sheldon Cooper. "You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation!" Search Sheldon's gift theory if on youtube if you want to see the video.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

In the words of Sheldon Cooper. "You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation!" Search Sheldon's gift theory if on youtube if you want to see the video.

I’ve been thinking of that episode the entire time I’ve read this thread!

 

[ford91exploder]

A lot of us consider time spent with people we love (friends and family) to be a gift by itself

precisely my point - the biggest loss this year has not being able to see my family as many of the older generation don’t do cellphones, Esp as some of then are on the phone system which was the last one in the country to retire crank phone system in the 1980’s. Whats kind of ironic about that is the same area was the location for the FIRST commercial satellite earth station.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

It's not a particular gift. It could be "out of the blue", it could be a birthday gift (then I'd feel guilty until it's time for their birthday and I get them something), it could be Christmas, Anniversary, whatever. If someone gives me a gift (of whatever kind), I would feel guilty if I don't get them a comparable gift (out of the blue, birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, whatever).

Oh well I just wouldn't feel guilty about that. Maybe you just pick up lunch the next time you're out with the person if it's out of the blue or offer to help them move or pick up something for them if they need it. If it's a birthday gift I wouldn't feel guilty that their birthday wasn't immediately so I could reciprocate, their birthday is whenever their birthday is Not every physical gift given needs to be seen as a physical gift given back is what I think about. I really think most people are fine with acknowledgement. But if that acknowledgment to you is only a physical gift back well that's just the way you see it can't argue with that

 

[goofyernmost]

Many of us do NOT WANT gifts, but get them randomly at times because there are other people who enjoy the whole gift thing. I'd love nothing better than to "Cancel the whole Christmas foolishness" of giving/receiving gifts! I posted this very dilemma a few days ago and was reassured by many here that I did not need to run out and get return gifts because I received unexpected gifts on my doorstep. Now I find out I'm a cheap, uncaring, taker. How do I "not accept" something that shows up at my doorstep?

I'm talking about immediate family. You are very blessed that random people show up at your door baring gifts. But, I still cannot imagine having someone give me a gift without my making an effort to give back. Like I said, I dislike the entire concept of spending money you don't have, on things that will never be used, for people you don't really care about all that much. I wish we could just drop the whole thing and just say Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday or whatever is celebrated. Gifts are a completely unnecessary addition to the holiday. But having worked retail for a few years I understand that most stores run in the red most of the year and rely heavily on this season to make a profit for the year.

 

[sailorstitch]

Well, my aunt strikes again. My mom got the gift this time.

Last weekend we met up with my aunt and uncle so they could give us our gifts from everybody. My mom got the bath set this year. She opened it this evening to discover that the seal was broken on both the body wash and the lotion. And the jar of body scrub was empty. She got a used bath set!

 

[Disneylover99]

Well, my aunt strikes again. My mom got the gift this time.

Last weekend we met up with my aunt and uncle so they could give us our gifts from everybody. My mom got the bath set this year. She opened it this evening to discover that the seal was broken on both the body wash and the lotion. And the jar of body scrub was empty. She got a used bath set!

Sounds like you should have a meeting and stop the gift giving in your family.
I’m telling you it’s the best thing we ever did. It makes the holidays so much more enjoyable. No more pressure. No more disappointment. Do it!

 

[sailorstitch]

Sounds like you should have a meeting and stop the gift giving in your family.
I’m telling you it’s the best thing we ever did. It makes the holidays so much more enjoyable. No more pressure. No more disappointment. Do it!

My cousin tried that. It didn't go over well....

 

[Pumbaa_]

My brother and his wife
opened the wrapping to find a Lenox Winnie the Pooh ornament box
so excited
inside socks and a stars and moon mug

I don’t drink hot beverages ever and I never wear socks. This was the worst. I mean they have never given me a good gift. But this one was just cruel. Oh and sil loves stars and moon crap.

 

[stsomewhere]

Sounds like you should have a meeting and stop the gift giving in your family.
I’m telling you it’s the best thing we ever did. It makes the holidays so much more enjoyable. No more pressure. No more disappointment. Do it!

We did this in 2019. It did not go over well with some of my family( middle sister and mom). my younger sister was all for it and let me take the heat.

 

[Pumbaa_]

One more
we exchange w a family friend. We buy their 3 adult children gifts, 2 grandkids and the parents. i really enjoy shopping, exp for the kids and grandkids. I try to find something that they will love. in return, the parents give us a couples gift. Last year was a shop vac. This year an odd assortment of wood crafts. All for my husband. I have come to expect nothing sadly.

 

[Disneylover99]

We did this in 2019. It did not go over well with some of my family( middle sister and mom). my younger sister was all for it and let me take the heat.

That's too bad. Everybody does need to be in agreement.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My cousin tried that. It didn't go over well....

If appeasing everyone every time ends up in these stories I think y'all just need to be able to put the foot down and say no more even if it doesn't go over well. There's times for just going with the flow but if all it's doing is causing all this drama maybe it's time for a change to go against the flow..maybe the new norm will pick up in terms of not doing gift exchanges as people get used to it. It seems like in your family from multiple family members, based on your stories, gifts are used to exert power and control over someone else to an unhealthy degree. Time to stop that

 

[nicolita3]

We did this in 2019. It did not go over well with some of my family( middle sister and mom). my younger sister was all for it and let me take the heat.

We have done this in my family, those who were not in agreement, we told them that we were not giving gifts and they were still welcome to give but do not expect to receive.

 

[stsomewhere]

We have done this in my family, those who were not in agreement, we told them that we were not giving gifts and they were still welcome to give but do not expect to receive.

I stuck to my decision not to give gifts. My middle sister said that she was going to still give gives to my kids 21yrs and 18 She was going to keep giving them until they had a family of their own. My younger sister gave my kids and my middle sister's kids(20yr and 18 yrs old ) $5 scratch off lottery ticket. But,she told them that was the last year they were getting anything. We did not get together in 2020 for covid. We use to have a large amount to buy for ( around 50 people ) it was ridiculous. grandparents, parents, aunt and uncle, siblings, cousins, cousins kids, spouses, nieces and nephews god children etc. Slowly stopped each tier.

 

[jump00]

I am so amazed by all these stories. I can’t keep quiet anymore. No judgement......but if someone repeatedly gave me a gift or any of my family members a gift that was “mean spirited” ie. “used“ or given to hurt the feelings of someone...I would say something. The gift giving would stop and all gifts would be returned.
If the intent is to be mean.........that person (or persons) will know! And in the future no gifts will ever change hands. I am so sorry for everyone who’ve had to deal with “these people” in their lives.

Jump

 

[elgerber]

Morehead State University's mascot is an Eagle, not a Dragon.

DD is an alum (campus is about an hour from us).

ETA: I see UM-Moorhead is the Dragons.

This is funny, my dd is class of 2018 from Moorhead. We have lot's of dragon stuff around here.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

We have done this in my family, those who were not in agreement, we told them that we were not giving gifts and they were still welcome to give but do not expect to receive.

We did the same!

I am always amazed when I read comments like, "we want to stop exchanging gifts but sister/mom/cousins etc. don't want to or gave push back!! Who cares!!! They can do whatever they want! You are just letting them know that you are no longer going to participate!

I know when we told husbands siblings that we werent going to participate anymore, the three of them continued to exchange for 2-3 more years, then they stopped as well.