Ever Been Kind of Insulted By a Christmas Gift?

[mom2rtk]

When I was about 20, I took a class with one SIL to make baskets. I made a basket and filled it with homemade jam and bread and gave it to a different SIL, not for any particular reason, it wasn’t Christmas or birthday, it was just because I was into that kind of thing at the time. Well, fast forward a few years, and she gifts me, for Christmas, the very basket that I had made and given to her! I think she had put something in it, maybe bath products or something. I didn’t care what was in it because the only thing I could see was that she had regifted what I had made for her and she clearly didn’t even remember that I was the one who had made it!

I didn’t say anything, just thanked her for the gift. But look at how many years later I still remember it.

yes, I was insulted at the time. It really highlights how little she regards me. Nothing in that relationship has improved unfortunately. She and my brother deserve each other.

Maybe the basket was sort of a box to hold what she intended to give you. Maybe she thought you would appreciate having your handiwork back? I mean she did apparently enjoy it for a few years.

 

[Disneylover99]

Maybe the basket was sort of a box to hold what she intended to give you. Maybe she thought you would appreciate having your handiwork back? I mean she did apparently enjoy it for a few years.

I was thinking the same thing.
Gift bags, baskets, boxes, (even homemade) just don't mean much to some people. It's probably nothing personal.

 

[ramee]

I was thinking the same thing.
Gift bags, baskets, boxes, (even homemade) just don't mean much to some people. It's probably nothing personal.

lol. “Hmm. What could I put this gift in for my sil? There’s a basket at the back of my closet. Why does this remind me of her? It’s perfect. She’ll love it!”

PP, regift it back to her. Keep it going.

 

[design_mom]

Not me, but my sister's in-law's do that sometimes.

My sister's teen daughter is very into sustainability, etc. She asked for lots of eco-friendly things this year, including a kit of reusable silverware that you put in your purse so you don't have to use the plasticware at fast-food places (or the school cafeteria.) She even included a link to a set she liked on Amazon on her Christmas List and it was inexpensive (~$10).

Apparently, her paternal grandparents claimed the silverware kit from her list (so no one else bought it). However, when she opened up their gift, they had boxed up a bunch of plasticware that they have collected from their carryout orders. The grandparents said "Haha! You can reuse it, so it's reusable silverware!" I asked my sister if it was a gag gift, thinking that maybe at the bottom of the box was the set she'd really wanted. Nope -- just the plasticware. Instead of getting what she wanted, my niece got to be the butt of her grandparents' "joke" instead. (She got other gifts from her grandparents, but apparently they claimed several things from her list, but didn't get any of those -- and nobody else bought them either because we all thought her grandparents were giving them.)

I do not know the in-law grandparents PARTICULARLY well, but from what I understand this is not especially unusual. They think they are being funny but they're really just being mean. My sister hates to go out to dinner with them because they like to "joke" with the wait staff in ways that my sister thinks are embarrassing/inappropriate. At my sister's wedding, her MIL-to-be said "Oh, I love these bridesmaid dresses. They look great on the skinny girls. Too bad for you, Kim." (I'm Kim. I was the oldest/heaviest of the bridesmaids, but was probably a size 8 among a group of size 2s. I'd only met the future-MIL a handful of times at that point. We were not close enough to joke about weight, but then she laughed like she had made a great joke.

 

[ronandannette]

I was thinking the same thing.
Gift bags, baskets, boxes, (even homemade) just don't mean much to some people. It's probably nothing personal.

That's totally me - I could see inadvertently doing something similar. I would feel terrible if I found out the other person had been hurt by my accidental thoughtlessness. Hopefully, if the original maker/giver had emphasized to me that it was special to them at the time, I would somehow remember but I wouldn't bet money on it.

 

[1GoldenSun]

Wow. I thought some gifts I've received in the past were kind of bad but after reading some if these mine seem downright thoughtful.

 

[1GoldenSun]

I think context and individual personality really matter. Sometimes you know the person probably meant well and sometimes you just know that they didn't.

 

[TLSnell1981]

No. A gift is gift no matter what. It would be worse if I received nothing at all. Maybe it’s because I had a mother who never liked any gift...even if she asked for it specifically.

 

[Donald13]

Years ago, my mother-in-law gave me a bunch of blank greeting cards for Christmas. They were birthday, thank you, get well soon, thinking of you, etc. cards. When I opened it, she said, "I noticed you don't seem to have time to buy cards, so I made it easy for you." We lived in the same city and we saw her every few weeks. It didn't occur to me to send her random greeting cards. She said her other daughter-in-law sent cards often. They lived in another state so it made more sense. Also, I'm just not a huge card person. It's not my thing. Plus the cards she gave me weren't the kind I would choose to send. They were more her style. After Christmas she frequently asked if I was using the cards, because she hadn't received one yet. Ugh.

Id send her one every single day of the week for a month straight. Thank you for the thank you cards. Then ask where your “your welcome” cards are. Fight petty with petty.

 

[tvguy]

Not insulted, but taken aback might be a better way to describe it, and it was the box, not the gift.
The very first gift my future wife received from her future mother in law was in a box my mom brought home from work. My mom was an RN and worked as an operating room nurse.
My (now) wife opened the package and looked at the label......which said............"Mammary Implant Size XXXXX". That was 39 years ago, and mom passed away 7 years ago, but ever since then my wife and her best friend take turns each Christmas exchanging a gift in that box. Each year they consult with each other to make sure they remember who has the box that year. It is a Christmas tradition. But I'm sure my wife might for a moment wondered if my mom thought she wasn't very well endowed!
My mom retired in 1985, and when she passed away in 2013 and we cleaned out her house we found another mammary implant box (filled with extra kitchen counter tiles) and dozens of surgical sponges... which my mom called "blood soppers" that we kept. They are basically just cloth towels, but once they opened the sterile package, they had to be tossed out if not used. They make great towels to wash the cars with. And they have a little strip on them so that if one accidentally gets left in a patient, the strip shows up on xrays.

 

[Princess Mulan]

Something similar happened to me at an office secret santa a few years ago. We were supposed to spend at least 10 to a max of 25. I put together this really cool R&R gift basket packed with wonderful goodies for the person whose name I drew. Spent a lot of time thinking about the items and packaging it in an enticing way. Spent right up to the 25.

What did I get from the person who drew my name? Some cheap $1 tiny tea candle- think it might even have been lit once or twice, as the end was burned. No nice wrapping or anything...Guarantee it was something they had lying around the house. Was so insulted, as I actually did a lot for this person at work throughout the year...took on some of their extra work when they were overloaded...got them info or help when others wouldn't bother. It was a real slap in the face that they cared so little. If you're not even going to put in the minimal effort, please don't participate and ruin it for others.

It wasn't about the cost...they could have made something for free or offered a "gift certificate" for their help/services on something. It was clearly the complete absence of thought or personal caring that stung.

This reminds me of our circle of friends who have a gift exchange party each Christmas. The limit is $25, and everyone shops all year and “competes” to give the most fabulous gift to be found for $25.

At the last exchange (2019, of course!), I opened a gift to find... well, a piece of trash. The giver laughed and laughed and said that she had decided to make hers a gag gift. So while everyone else was oohing and ahhing over the thoughtful, tasteful gifts they had received, I forced a smile at the “joke” and tried not to resent that I had spent $25 on my gift!

 

[Pooh2]

No. A gift is gift no matter what. It would be worse if I received nothing at all. Maybe it’s because I had a mother who never liked any gift...even if she asked for it specifically.

Are you my sister??!
I fall for this every year, get exactly what she asks for and she still complains!
Happened last week...
I vow to only get gift cards to her favorite take-out place from now on.
Even if she complains, I know she will use it!

 

[Disneylover99]

That's totally me - I could see inadvertently doing something similar.

Me too.

I would feel terrible if I found out the other person had been hurt by my accidental thoughtlessness.

I would never give a gift to purposely hurt someone, so I really don't think I'd feel terrible at all if word got back to me that I offended someone with a regifted homemade basket.

Hopefully, if the original maker/giver had emphasized to me that it was special to them at the time, I would somehow remember but I wouldn't bet money on it.

Yes. Same.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Are you my sister??!
I fall for this every year, get exactly what she asks for and she still complains!
Happened last week...
I vow to only get gift cards to her favorite take-out place from now on.
Even if she complains, I know she will use it!

I finally started buying non returnable items only. If she didn’t want it? She was welcome to put it on eBay. I got tired of returning her gifts.

 

[NFLDERS]

During my team's secret santa gift-giving everyone opened gift bags with all sorts of goodies inside, I opened mine to find a small, cheap tea light holder and unscented tea light and that was it. I felt really insulted as we draw names out of a hat so the gifts were personal rather than just random. I have the tag, and I'm still trying to figure out who's writing it is.

I'm guessing that you will probably LET IT GO!

 

[clh2]

My parents got one of my sisters a bathroom scale. No, she did not ask for it. Yes, she is heavier.

My mom has always thought highly of skinny people. it is like skinnier people are smarter, more interesting.

This was one of the ruder things my mom has down...EXCEPT the year that my mom, sister and I were doing Christmas dishes. The grandkids were all upstairs, all son-in-laws and my other sister had gone to check into the hotel. My mom asks the “heavier” sister if she is happy with her weight.

 

[Pink Partridge]

No. A gift is gift no matter what. It would be worse if I received nothing at all. Maybe it’s because I had a mother who never liked any gift...even if she asked for it specifically.

While I would normally agree with you on this, if someone passive aggressively gifted me thank you notes and get well cards? All while saying "I noticed you don't seem to have time to buy cards, so I made it easy for you."

I would be a bit miffed.

That's not a gift. That's a backhanded insult.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My parents got one of my sisters a bathroom scale. No, she did not ask for it. Yes, she is heavier.

My mom has always thought highly of skinny people. it is like skinnier people are smarter, more interesting.

This was one of the ruder things my mom has down...EXCEPT the year that my mom, sister and I were doing Christmas dishes. The grandkids were all upstairs, all son-in-laws and my other sister had gone to check into the hotel. My mom asks the “heavier” sister if she is happy with her weight.

Wow. That is sad and mean.

I would open the scale and say "No thank you" and hand it back. And hopefully everyone would clap.

 

[NFLDERS]

This isn't about Christmas, but here it is:
My sisterinlaw visited from another state a while ago. She brought my husband really nice gifts of puzzles and clothing. She gave me a pack of Mr. Clean's super erasers!!! I am Not a dirty housekeeper, and don't know why she gave it to me. I'm still hurt over it. I keep thinking that on our next visit to her house, I would bring some super cleaner for her, but I just can't make myself be that rude. what do you think?

Don't lower yourself to her level. LET IT GO GIRL!

 

[NFLDERS]

Generally, I buy my own gifts for DH to give me. I don't mind, as I get what I want and maybe splurge a little on myself. One year, he smiled at me and asked, "so what did I get you?" I was feeling a little miffed, as I had told him what it was, but he wasn't listening and actually I had wrapped it as well. I told him he'd have to wait until Xmas morning to find out.

Then there was the year that I'd been having trouble with my stove and had complained now and then. For Xmas, I got a letter page with a note on it "Good for one new stove - Merry Christmas". I never did get that new stove and while I don't bring it up much, I'll never forget feeling let down about it. I would have rather gotten nothing than essentially and I.O.U. for an essential household appliance.

Like I said, I generally get my own gifts. Now you know why it works out better for both of us that way.

'Generally' my own gift (in my young married years) would = My heart's desire, and I doubt my Dh would have made that misstep again!