Do housewives ever retire?

[luvnwdwgal]

My husband who retired in May after working 40+ years at the same job mentioned to me today that I’m retired now too. What? I’m still doing the same crap I’ve been doing for decades. Cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking practically every night, cleaning the kitchen, washing all the dishes by hand, errands, paying the bills. Not to mention babysitting grandchildren 50 hours a week up until they were finally all in school full time 3 years ago. I still watch them 2-3 days a week in the summer. Plus I worked full time myself for several years. I told him I don’t get to retire until I’m dead.

 

[RamblingMad]

He needs to hire a maid and chef, so that you can "retire."

 

[NAB]

Nope, I know what you mean. Husband retired 2 years ago and has really interrupted the flow of my routines too.

 

[chipndale16]

Housewives absolutely do not “retire”. I’m certain that when my husband retires, it will result in much more work for me. I love him to death, but I swear that a tornado follows him wherever he goes!

 

[Nora03]

DH and I retired from our office jobs twenty years ago. But there is still the daily upkeep of the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. We’re a team and split the chores, including cooking and cleaning. He does the heavy stuff like floors, windows, lawn work, snow clearing. We’ve never looked after the grandkids full time, but have helped out occasionally, and had fun sleepovers.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

DH and I retired from our office jobs twenty years ago. But there is still the daily upkeep of the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. We’re a team and split the chores, including cooking and cleaning. He does the heavy stuff like floors, windows, lawn work, snow clearing. We’ve never looked after the grandkids full time, but have helped out occasionally, and had fun sleepovers.

You are very fortunate. I’m not holding my breath that that’s going to happen for me though.

 

[OneOftheB's]

I feel your pain- I’m a sahm and don’t get vacations, weekends or holidays unless I leave DH and the kids at home for a girls trip

 

[Southernmiss]

If he's not helping with your list of household chores, it's long past time he did.

Don't be a doormat. Put your foot down and stop doing all that your doing. And get him to help.

Start the day with today we are going to xyz. And say which part can you do.

In our home, dh shares in what I do and I assist with what he does.

We'd never have it any other way.

 

[Travel60]

DH retired about 6 months after I did.

For 25 years, I got kids up, dressed, fed, taken to daycare/school/sports/teen jobs. I also kept them clothed, the house stocked with school supplies and food. Put meals on the table, bought all the Christmas and birthday gifts, handled the social calendar. Oh, and I worked, too, in a professional position.

Since DH retired he has set out to "improve my processes". All of them. He thinks I should be grateful.

Of course, he doesn't sort laundry at all, thinks straightening up is cleaning, gets every pot in the kitchen dirrty to cook a meal that only he will eat and constantly tells me how i "should" do things.

This is why I travel

 

[Colleen27]

I expect that DH will help more around the house in retirement than he does with a schedule that keeps him out of the house 60+ hours per week, so I guess that'll be my "retirement" from the housewife/at-home mom part of my role. Unless I use the lighter load to pick up more paying work, in which case I guess he could start calling himself a househusband.

 

[prairie_girl]

Do nothing around the house for a few days and see if he still thinks you’re retired.

 

[starry_solo]

Some do, some don't...

 

[John VN]

DW told me in 2000 to cool my jets and QUIT so I did and worked out of house while she continued to work retail. All household choirs were immediately taken over by me other than the finances. Before 2000 while we SHARED DOING CHOIRS I was actually doing the majority of them.

DW retired 7 years ago and almost immediately became a Girl Scout Leader and now has 2 Troops 40 girls. She has 30+ active years and I had to join to assist so I have 7 YEARS.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Do nothing around the house for a few days and see if he still thinks you’re retired.

Believe me, I have thought about that.

 

[easyas123]

I’m not holding my breath that that’s going to happen for me though.

Don't be a doormat

Don't martyr yourself! You don't have to babysit your grandkids all the time unless you WANT to. You can make things happen for you if you decide you want to....but you have to take control of yourself and your needs. Speak up, your marriage should be a partnership, if it isn't than it's 50% your fault for not insisting on it, and for allowing things to unfold without standing up for what you need/want/don't want.
No dog is ever to old to learn new tricks, even you!

And remember, "No." is a complete sentence, as is "No, I am sorry I'm unable to fill-in-the -blank.".

No one else around you will change if you don't change yourself and your expectations first.

 

[kymom99]

My mom was a stay at home mom. Once dad retired and things got easier financially (kids all moved out, some property sold, etc) they started going out to eat more, less people to cook for, etc. Mom still worked to keep things nice, but they definitely slowed down and did things they enjoyed. Oh, and dad helped with dishes and such. As they got older, we helped them with things around the house, so it came full circle. They are both gone now so I can’t ask if she ever felt retired.

 

[mrodgers]

If the husband just sits around or leaves to do retired things with his retired buddies, well, I'm not going to express any opinion there...

But something my ex didn't understand when we were married and I "didn't ever do anything around the house." She now sees that the roof doesn't replace itself. The bathroom and kitchen doesn't remodel itself. The cars don't get fixed themselves. The kids jungle gym things out in the yard didn't build themselves. The yard where the 22 foot pool went didn't dig itself flat.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Yeah...I'll echo what others have said....he needs to help out around the house so that you can both feel "retired".

 

[kymom99]

If the husband just sits around or leaves to do retired things with his retired buddies, well, I'm not going to express any opinion there...

But something my ex didn't understand when we were married and I "didn't ever do anything around the house." She now sees that the roof doesn't replace itself. The bathroom and kitchen doesn't remodel itself. The cars don't get fixed themselves. The kids jungle gym things out in the yard didn't build themselves. The yard where the 22 foot pool went didn't dig itself flat.

I give my husband credit for keeping the yard nice, unclogging the drain when my hair plugs it up, etc. That stuff never stops either. My dad did all that too. Plus he kept a big garden and a couple heads of cattle.

 

[YachtClubWoman]

Sounds like you created the problem
Grandparents should not be daycare - adult children need to find suitable childcare and not assume you will do it
Hire a housecleaner makes life so much better