Do better waitress/hostess, do better

[aprilgail]

DH and I bought our first home when we were 26. We moved in and had a succession of solicitors at the door. My husband opened the door to one, who said, "Hi, is your mom home?" He's not short (5'10") and at the time, didn't look like a teenager. Some people are just oblivious.

If you're wondering, DH said, "How would I know?" and shut the door.

LOL- my daughter and her boyfriend (now husband) bought their house when she was 22- she is now 23 and recently had called a plumber to do some work on their house- she answered the door and got "hi is your mom "Julie" home" - she said "I am "Julie" and my husband and I own this house" he was like "oh my gosh I am so sorry" - she just laughed and said come on in LOL.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

As the mother to a 25 year old young man that looks like a kid just starting puberty and is also 4'11" but is legal to drink... we simply cut the disaster off before it even happens.

If you know this is an issue find a way to be proactive about it instead of waiting for it to happen or putting the responsibility onto somebody else. I am not saying that in a negative but WE can try and have some control over the inevitable KWIM? We simply start off by acknowledging the obvious etc..... "We know he looks young but he is 25, here is his ID, he would like to order a drink." We flew home on a recent vacation and I pulled the flight attendant off to the side to let him know "the child" in seat A was an actual 25 year old adult and the man sitting next to him in seat B was our 19 year old underage son who would totally take advantage and try ordering a drink since we were 4 rows behind them. Please don't serve the wrong kid...

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Yeah. Do better hostess. Don't just hand out a kiddie menu. Offer a booster seat.

 

[anniemae]

My niece is very short and looks much younger than she is too. She hates it when we go out to eat together and the hostess says, "any kids menu's?" I try to tell her that the hostess is in a tough spot too as it is not clear whether we would need a kids menu or not and a simple "nope" then move on is not a big deal.

 

[JLTraveling]

It's almost a right of passage in my family. I was on a cruise with my parents, and the servers were passing around free drinks at sailaway. I went to get one, and the server said, "Somebody will be around with your drinks in a few minutes" (the non-alcoholic ones). I was 25 and divorced.

My cousin had it the hardest though. She's not quite 5 feet tall and still looks like she's 13 now at 23. When she was in her mid-teens, she and I and our other cousin used to spend a lot of time together. The other cousin (5 years younger) has always been tall and solid (not fat at all, just a solid muscular build). Invariably, when we'd go to a restaurant, they would give the smaller but older cousin the kids menu and crayons, and the younger but bigger cousin an adult menu. They both got so upset every time.

 

[focusondisney]

Our daughter is 5'1" and never really wore makeup unless it was a special event. She also passed as a "child" much longer than she should have. I think the last time we were asked about a child menu was when she was 22-ish (my sister told her to ask for the drink menu to see their response...) We would just tell them she needed an adult menu and move on with our night.

She's 26 now, a bit curvier, and while she may still look young, she doesn't get confused for a child anymore.
She's currently in her 4th year of grad school and did a short gig teaching college chemistry this summer. She went out of her way to dress more professionally than normal, wear makeup, and wore heeled boots to add some height. She wanted to make sure she stood out from the students she was teaching. Your daughter may want to consider doing the same if this really bothers her.

I agree with this. Looking & acting a bit more adult will likely stop some of the misunderstanding. I inherited great genes & people never believe my age. I was 21 when I graduated nursing school. I’m also 5’2. I worked on a cardiac floor with a lot of older male patients. So many times I’d have a patient ask me to send the nurse in, after I spent hours doing treatments, assessments & teaching. I’d just laugh & tell them I was the only nurse they were getting. Of course, they always thought I looked too young to be a nurse. We just went for our flu vaccines the other day. The clerk checked us in, then the pharmacist came out with the shots a few minutes later. I’m definitely older than 65. The first thing the pharmacist did was question my age, because she had the higher dose vaccine given only to people over 65. Once she saw me, she thought there was definitely a mistake & I couldn’t possibly be over 65. I’ve never let something like looking young upset me. Of course, I’m also horrible at judging people’s age. So maybe that’s why I won’t hold it against anyone who can’t tell mine. I will say, the older I get, the younger young adults look to me. I can understand an older host or server thinking someone is younger than their real age.

 

[Skywalker3]

My poor daughter wants to be tall so badly, It looks like she is going to top out at 4'11. We try to tell her that she will one day appreciate her youthful appearance but that message is not landing right now.

Friday night, we went to Outback for DS's birthday dinner. As we were called up fr our table, but not yet near the hostess stand, the hostess loudly asked us if we needed a children's menu. DD wasn't happy about that but shook it off.

Then Saturday night, we went out to dinner again (I know, we really should cook at home more). The hostess handed our waitress the menus and the waitress escorted us to our table and when we sat down, she handed us two menus and a folded up paper kids menu with games, coloring and two crayons. DS wanted to crawl under the table.

DD will be 19 in a few weeks.

I did not say anything because DD is very shy and would have been upset if I had made a comment to the waitress but, boy, did I want to.

My question for you is: what age ranges do you think that restaurant staff should assume that the family wants a kids menu and at what point should they ask the preference. Or should they ask at all and wait for the parents to ask?

We're in the same boat around here. DD is 19, and about 4'10" (maybe), I'm 4'11, and my son, 16, is about 5'3", but doctors say he's quit growing.
It was a hard adjustment to accepting it sometimes. Other kids were pretty snide and sometimes just mean. She does know that she can't change it, and has accepting it. She's in college now. I'm not sure where my DS is on accepting it all. He's still in high school.. My older son is about 5'4", in his 30s, and sometimes it still bugs him. Actually every once in a while, it still gets to me, but not often. I know I can't do anything to change it at all, it just is what it is. People do have to work through accpepting their image, and who they are, what they can't change, etc. but it is rough during those teen years. I personally think it's harder for boys, but I dont' know. My DH is about 5'5, and he didn't love being the shortest everywhere he went.
I hope your DD will let comments/actions like that just roll off, not even give it a thought, or be bothered. It's great to be petite and powerful ( I have a keychain from the 80s with that motto.) Funny, I know tons of people my age all freaked out over wrinkles, extra flab, wearing glasses, none of that stuff bothers me at all.

 

[Allison]

It is a no win situation for people in the service industry as evidenced by this post.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

It is a no win situation for people in the service industry as evidenced by this post.

But people can make it less awkward and be happy that wait staff are following company training by having a fun attitude. I was at the bar at Hard Rock Cafe in New York for my 30th birthday and was asked for ID. Its a great ice breaker with wait staff and bar tenders. The hospitality industry is a thank less job, so anything that can make their shift a bit easier and fun and not as stressful is a win in my book

 

[Mysterian]

Yes! Let us let loose the dogs of WAR upon these industry servants!

I'm an adult- maybe I wanted crayons and a coloring mat to go with my food. Do better, waitress and/or waiter! DO BETTER.

 

[PezRuth]

Yes! Let us let loose the dogs of WAR upon these industry servants!

I'm an adult- maybe I wanted crayons and a coloring mat to go with my food. Do better, waitress and/or waiter! DO BETTER.

Exactly.I would like to be giving the coloring stuff.

 

[Trinity88]

This thread has been enlightening for me. My kids are crazy tall. My 12 year old DD is 5'8" and even when we ask for a kids menu, I sometimes have to provide ID (assuming the kids menu goes to age 12). My 17 year old DD is 6' and doesn't get carded anywhere (legal drinking age is 19 here). She can drink to her hearts content most of the time at restaurants (bars/liquor stores are a bit more diligent with asking for IDs). She had a part time job at McDs and would get pick up lines from 30 year olds all the time.

I am sorry that anyone feels self conscious of their height. I do agree that servers should ask, but no one should be offended by the ask. Keep in mind it's probably teens/young people working these jobs and they're just doing their best.

 

[china mom]

This thread has been enlightening for me. My kids are crazy tall. My 12 year old DD is 5'8" and even when we ask for a kids menu, I sometimes have to provide ID (assuming the kids menu goes to age 12). My 17 year old DD is 6' and doesn't get carded anywhere (legal drinking age is 19 here). She can drink to her hearts content most of the time at restaurants (bars/liquor stores are a bit more diligent with asking for IDs). She had a part time job at McDs and would get pick up lines from 30 year olds all the time.

I am sorry that anyone feels self conscious of their height. I do agree that servers should ask, but no one should be offended by the ask. Keep in mind it's probably teens/young people working these jobs and they're just doing their best.

I actually got my son a state issued identification card when he was nine so that I had something to show when we were challenged over things like paying less at a buffet or movie theater. He he ended topping out at only about 6'4 but he grew early and he was towering over kids his age all through childhood.

I was one of those kids who looked old for my age and often got hit on by grown men too.

 

[Lisa_lvspplmvr]

My friend is 4’11” . She had her first child at 25 . The nurse wanted her to get her mother in the hospital room to go over baby care . She asked why . The nurse said because you are a minor . Told her she’s 25 and married thank you very much ! She’s lucky though because she’s 51 now and looks 30 !

 

[OKW8297]

I come away from this thread just thankful I don’t work in a restaurant. They can’t win.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

I come away from this thread just thankful I don’t work in a restaurant. They can’t win.

yep, one of my first jobs was a busser. On a Sunday afternoon, they opened the adjoining nightclub as an overflow due to the huge amount of families who came for the Sunday lunch special. The kids would go wild on the dance floor. I remember clearing a table and having a full tray of dirty dishes and this kid just ran past me under the tray and the whole thing tipped. I managed to keep hold of the tray but with all the wobbles, left over food went all down my shirt and pants. When I went back to the kitchen I had to talk to my manager about going home early as there was no way I could finish the shift in that state.

 

[china mom]

Just to clarify for everyone who expressed sympathy for the waitress' "no win" situation... I wanted to pointedly ask for an adult menu but let it go and just sahred my menu. I did onot let the mistake influence her tip and had perfectly pleasant interactions through the meal. As a mother, my mama bear side hated that my daughter was made to feel bad (albeit inadvertently) and I came here to vent. No waitresses were harmed in the making of this post.

But, I am still curious as to my original question... what ages does everyone think is appropriate for the folded, crayon included, paper kids menu to be given? I am not talking about who should be allowed to order off the kids section of the menu, rather when is a child to mature for the crayons.

Maybe it is because my kids outgrew the crayon menu early but I consider them appropriate for five or six year old and younger. And then, maybe ask which menu if the child is between 6 and maybe 10. I can't image too many tweens being thrilled with the crayon menu.

Opinions?.

 

[Disneylover99]

Just to clarify for everyone who expressed sympathy for the waitress' "no win" situation... I wanted to pointedly ask for an adult menu but let it go and just sahred my menu. I did onot let the mistake influence her tip and had perfectly pleasant interactions through the meal. As a mother, my mama bear side hated that my daughter was made to feel bad (albeit inadvertently) and I came here to vent. No waitresses were harmed in the making of this post.

But, I am still curious as to my original question... what ages does everyone think is appropriate for the folded, crayon included, paper kids menu to be given? I am not talking about who should be allowed to order off the kids section of the menu, rather when is a child to mature for the crayons.

Maybe it is because my kids outgrew the crayon menu early but I consider them appropriate for five or six year old and younger. And then, maybe ask which menu if the child is between 6 and maybe 10. I can't image too many tweens being thrilled with the crayon menu.

Opinions?.

I really don’t think there’s a set age. I have a 16 year old who loves to doodle. She’s always thrilled to get some crayons and a kids menu when we go out for dinner. Lol.

She would never ask for it, but if it’s already on the table, or it’s offered, she’ll happily accept.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

Maybe it is because my kids outgrew the crayon menu early but I consider them appropriate for five or six year old and younger. And then, maybe ask which menu if the child is between 6 and maybe 10. I can't image too many tweens being thrilled with the crayon menu.

Opinions?.

I would never assume a person is too old for the crayon menu. Adult coloring books are a big market, you need to be a bit more open to things. I would say there is no specific cut off age, Also having worked in the hospitality industry, its a monotonous job, and servers go into auto mode and just pick up multiple menus, the childs menu and adult menu . Its easier and more time efficient to have a menu refused, then to have to make a second journey to get it.

 

[china mom]

I would never assume a person is too old for the crayon menu. Adult coloring books are a big market, you need to be a bit more open to things. I would say there is no specific cut off age, Also having worked in the hospitality industry, its a monotonous job, and servers go into auto mode and just pick up multiple menus, the childs menu and adult menu . Its easier and more time efficient to have a menu refused, then to have to make a second journey to get it.

But, if we had asked for an adult menu for my adult, she would have had to make a second trip anyway She brought us two adult menus and a child's menu and DD and I had to share.