Disney after loss

[Lesverts]

I recently lost my Mom and she had been a big part of my Disney trips. Her health was at a point where her doctors were utterly in shock that she handled Disney and did it without a scooter. There is a trip planned for November that is to include wider family and my Mom. And I am not sure how I will handle being there knowing she should have been and being there at Christmas.

Add in the new party at DHS, our favourite park with our favourite Christmas stuff.

Anyone have any experience going back after, not just at Disney but any important place? I know Kathy talked on the podcast about her loss and Disney and I am hopeful that my experience will be a time of remembering her and the good times we spent with the mouse.

 

[Jane VanTassel]

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. But this topic hits very close to home. We lost my father in Oct 21, one of the first things my mother wanted to do after Dad passed, was to go back to Disneyland for a week. We all helped care for Dad, and non-more than Mom. She wanted to go somewhere that made her so happy, and Disneyland it was. February 2022 was the most special trip with my Mom and my daughter. I say go, and have fun, laugh, cry and make new memories.

 

[cluce]

Back in 2021, I planned a trip to take my fiance and my kids for their first time. My dad was a Disney fanatic and we went together (the first disney trip that I can remember) when I was 12. He passed away on September 5th and we left for Disney on September 9th. My Aunts all reminded me that my dad would have wanted me to go and enjoy the trip with my littles and that he would be so mad at me if I cancelled or postponed. It was a great trip and kept my mind off the heaviness that was waiting for me at home (there were other things happening as well in regards to my own health and my living situation). However, there were definitely some heavy moments and times where I cried uncontrollably but it was worth it in the end to get my mind off of things and see the excitement and enjoyment in my kids. I know my dad was happy that I went...

One of the hard parts was finding my "Leave a Legacy" outside of EPCOT. I sat there for about 15 minutes and sobbed while my fiance took my kids and puddle jumped so that they didnt have to see me upset.

Go and make new memories, feel all the feels, and have fun. I am so sorry for your loss

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Without going into all the details when my mom passed I had two other bad things happen in my life, bad things often come in threes I guess. My mom passed her love of Disney to me. Anyway, my husband and I had a trip to WDW planned for the summer. My mom died in February and my other bad stuff happened near that time frame too and I was really depressed and didn't know how to get out of the funk. One night in late March my husband suggested I take a solo trip to WDW over Easter, he thought it might cheer me up. I was on the fence about it because I didn't want to face memories of WDW without my mom alone and Easter was coming up in a month. Well, the next day I booked the trip and being at WDW was the best thing that happened. It made me feel like myself again (and I loved the opportunity to experience on my own). I guess my point is if it is a place you loved with your loved one and it made you all happy then chances are it will still make you happy.

 

[fla4fun]

Disney has always been our recovery space after a loss. We went after my grandmother passed, after my mom passed, and after my dad passed. The memories of past trips were bittersweet on those first trips, but positive all the same. Plus, Disney is so good at pulling on the heartstrings that no one gives you a second glance if you shed some tears.

Go. Remember the good times your mom had at Disney. Keep the trip low-key and don’t stress over the details. It may be hard at first, but you won’t regret being somewhere your mom held so dear.

 

[Karin1984]

I went to Disney 4 months after my father passed away. It wasn't an important place to him, but it is to me. I thought it would do me good, that it would be a nice distraction. It wasn't. My head wasn't in it. And after a breakdown I decided to go home a day early. It didn't help that this was a solo trip. If I had had someone to talk to, it might have been easier.

The thing is, you do not know how you feel until you are there. I would say go, but keep in mind it is okay to feel sad at Disney, it is okay to cry, to take extra breaks or even to stay a day in bed if that's what you need.

Talk about it in advance with your loved ones that this trip might be difficult. And maybe there are already places or moments where you know it might be difficult because of the memories.

But it can also be that your main feeling is being grateful, grateful for all the memories you have made with your mother and how long she had been able to enjoy Disney.

Take care.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Growing up my grandparents and aunt went to Disney with us every year. Our last trip all together was 2015, then health issues and deaths occurred, and since then it’s been just my fam and my parents. I think about my grandparents and aunt EVERY time we’re at Disney. Every time we eat at Scifi or 50s, I’ll remember meals together there. In line for MMRR we always discuss how they would’ve been so upset to lose the great movie ride. We have a pic of us all together in front of the birthday cake castle for the 25th anniversary and we recreated it in front of the castle for the 50th, and that really got to me. It’s bittersweet. But they’re still a part of our trips. And it’s so amazing to have all those memories.

 

[Wayland10]

Disney was my dad’s last vacation before he passed away unexpectedly in his 60s. It was the first time my kids went, and I’m so incredibly glad we got to be there with him. After he died I took a small inheritance from him and bought into DVC. He loved vacationing with his family, and I’ve made that a legacy from him. It’s a gift he gave my family, and we’ll use it to build new memories for the next 20+ years. Your love of Disney - or travel, or having fun with family and making memories- is a gift from your mom- now pass it on to someone else. Hugs.

 

[Disneydawg74]

My Mom died on a Christmas Day. For many years afterwards, we would go to WDW on Christmas Day to remember her. So sorry for your loss. I hope you will find what works for you.

 

[Lesverts]

Thank you for the stories.

We went to Disneyland in September staying at the Disneyland Hotel and Disney World together staying at Pop Century in November. She was incredibly excited to ride the Skyliner. We had a trip booked for the post-Thanksgiving time in 2020, but obviously 'it' happened. Both trips were incredible in their own ways. At Disneyland the 'seasonal vegetable' at every restaurant we went to was some type of summer squash. She hated that. I hate a lot of squash that week. Our second day in Disneyland Park was probably my best day in Disney ever. We did the Fantasyland and that side of the park that day. So many rides in such a short time.

Disney World, she went on a fair number of the rollercoasters, something she had never done before. Storybook Dining, she finally got to met Chip and Dale. It was an amazing time. Slowly going around the World Showcase so she could have frequent breaks. I ended up doing everything at WSC that day, some of it I hadn't done since my first visit in 2015.

 

[goofyernmost]

Maybe this will help. I will be 75 years old next month. For forty years I ate and slept WDW. The reason I put my age in is because over the last 8 years I have had more health issues then I did all the previous years. I've had everything from Cancer to kidney stones, to pacemaker need to sepsis to a recent spine fusion in my neck which raised all kinds of problems with my balance and walking. I have had to finally realize that I have no idea how long I have left to live. Sounds pretty stark but believe me most people may deny but 75 is freaking old and something will get me eventually. I know not what or when but there is no way out alive.

Now I said all that to say this. My biggest fear and reason for concern is that one of my daughters is very emotional and according to her husband might even become incapacitated when my time comes. I know that sounds weird but I don't want her to have that happen. I'm glad she loves me and will be sad when I am gone, however, in spite of the joke there is only one thing in life that is certain and that is death. I'd want her to feel sadness just like I had when my parents passed, but I want her to move on as quickly as possible and enjoy her life. I have lived mine and I strongly want her to accept that it happens and continue forward. I miss my parents and I know she will miss hers, her mother has already passed about 7 years ago. I've seen others that are inconsolable and I don't want that kind of pain to envelope her. I want her to be happy about the years we have had together and I don't want all those memories to trigger sadness. If going to Disney or anyplace that would make her happy, I would be able to leave and not have any regrets. Sorry, I don't know how to word this to be less gloomy because the only indicator that I have now is just my age.

I am still in pretty good health, nothing lethal at the moment, but that probably isn't going to last. I sometimes wonder if others that are older have these thoughts and concerns like this or if I am just a freak for not wanting her to be any degree of devastated. I've never heard it discussed anyplace. I guess it is something that we just don't ever talk about.

 

[ned911]

I lost my wife suddenly in October, she was a HUGE WDW fan.

She was Hawaiian and in March I took my first trip back to Hawaii to stay with her twin sister and family. It went much better than I expected and am heading back on Thursday. I am also heading to Disney Land for a quick 4th of July trip (1.5 days). This is mainly to see Roger's the Musical as she loved watching that over and over on D+. Will see how this trip goes, we only went to DL once.

 

[Inked Chick]

I recently lost my Mom and she had been a big part of my Disney trips. Her health was at a point where her doctors were utterly in shock that she handled Disney and did it without a scooter. There is a trip planned for November that is to include wider family and my Mom. And I am not sure how I will handle being there knowing she should have been and being there at Christmas.

Add in the new party at DHS, our favourite park with our favourite Christmas stuff.

Anyone have any experience going back after, not just at Disney but any important place? I know Kathy talked on the podcast about her loss and Disney and I am hopeful that my experience will be a time of remembering her and the good times we spent with the mouse.

Sorry about the loss of your mom

The first time we went back to Disneyland since our oldest son died years ago was hard. We had to children under 5. The memories of our oldest son having so much fun was good. We shared those memories with our younger children and helped them make memories of their big brother.

Enjoy the trip in memory of your mom

 

[Fitzwoman27]

Sorry for your loss. Moms will always look after us. We had always gone on Disney vacations and my mom always tagged along. After ’finding’ Disney for myself I went back with her & my nephew in 1979. when I became a single mom ,my mom went with me Every time that I went, which was usually every 6 months. Then when I married my husband ,we would get her to come with the excuse that she needed to watch whoever was in a carriage. She once put a chair against the door at port orleans, like someone was going to break in. my father never took her on vacation so this was a real vacation for her. When she died in December of 1996 , it was a terrible Christmas. So next Christmas 1997 I was spending it in Disney. with three kids , santa came to our Disney hotel. We bought into DvC that year. I always feel like I am bringing her to Disney angel on my shoulder. Prayers & hugs to you and your family

 

[Inked Chick]

Sorry for your loss. Moms will always look after us. We had always gone on Disney vacations and my mom always tagged along. After ’finding’ Disney for myself I went back with her & my nephew in 1979. when I became a single mom ,my mom went with me Every time that I went, which was usually every 6 months. Then when I married my husband ,we would get her to come with the excuse that she needed to watch whoever was in a carriage. She once put a chair against the door at port orleans, like someone was going to break in. my father never took her on vacation so this was a real vacation for her. When she died in December of 1996 , it was a terrible Christmas. So next Christmas 1997 I was spending it in Disney. with three kids , santa came to our Disney hotel. We bought into DvC that year. I always feel like I am bringing her to Disney angel on my shoulder. Prayers & hugs to you and your family

I love your story

 

[Fitzwoman27]

Maybe this will help. I will be 75 years old next month. For forty years I ate and slept WDW. The reason I put my age in is because over the last 8 years I have had more health issues then I did all the previous years. I've had everything from Cancer to kidney stones, to pacemaker need to sepsis to a recent spine fusion in my neck which raised all kinds of problems with my balance and walking. I have had to finally realize that I have no idea how long I have left to live. Sounds pretty stark but believe me most people may deny but 75 is freaking old and something will get me eventually. I know not what or when but there is no way out alive.

Now I said all that to say this. My biggest fear and reason for concern is that one of my daughters is very emotional and according to her husband might even become incapacitated when my time comes. I know that sounds weird but I don't want her to have that happen. I'm glad she loves me and will be sad when I am gone, however, in spite of the joke there is only one thing in life that is certain and that is death. I'd want her to feel sadness just like I had when my parents passed, but I want her to move on as quickly as possible and enjoy her life. I have lived mine and I strongly want her to accept that it happens and continue forward. I miss my parents and I know she will miss hers, her mother has already passed about 7 years ago. I've seen others that are inconsolable and I don't want that kind of pain to envelope her. I want her to be happy about the years we have had together and I don't want all those memories to trigger sadness. If going to Disney or anyplace that would make her happy, I would be able to leave and not have any regrets. Sorry, I don't know how to word this to be less gloomy because the only indicator that I have now is just my age.

I am still in pretty good health, nothing lethal at the moment, but that probably isn't going to last. I sometimes wonder if others that are older have these thought and concerns like this or if I am just a freak for not wanting her to be any degree of devastated. I've never heard it discussed anyplace. I guess it is something that we just don't ever talk about.

I know the feeling, but I am younger , 65. I lost weight and began a walking program two years ago and one of the main reason is I want to take my grandsons to Disney and not having to be pushed around In a wheelchair. Also be around when my daughter finally has kids. I brought my five year old niece last year to Disney and her family for her first time to celebrate the life of her grandfather and my brother in law. First time that I was able to walk disney in ten years because of arthitis and knee problems ( got a replacement.) it was a celebration because it was a trip that we planned in 2020 that he was suppose to go on , but he died in November 2021of complications waiting for kidney replacement.
I am a Disney lover. I don’t want to ever get to the age of not being able to go but we need to keep on making memories with our families. I hope they will keep the tradition going and love for Disney. Daughters are special and if your daughter is like mine super sensitive. But I remember knowing for the first time why people throw themselves on love ones‘ graves when my mother died. mother and daughter relationships are volatile and deep. Keep making memories and for our love ones there will never be enough time. We can only do the best that we can.

 

[RedK]

@goofyernmost, that's beautiful. Your love and care for your family comes pouring through that post. You might think about printing it off and either sharing it with your daughter now, or giving it to her husband and asking him to share it with her whenever you pass. Her knowing how much you want her to keep living and enjoying life might give her "permission" and encouragement in a difficult time.

For my story - a few years ago, my mother was murdered. About 6 months later, I went to WDW. It was not a good trip. At the time I blamed it on the pandemic, the cost cutting, little food available onsight, people being difficult. Looking back, at least some of it was me. I was still heavy with grief and rage and bewilderment. I had a lot of underlying anxiety that made rides more scary and less fun. I had difficulty sleeping, and even the exhaustion of walking at the parks all day didn't help. To this day, I'm not sure how much of a disappointing trip was the troubles of a pandemic WDW and how much was me. I went into the trip expecting it to be an escape from my normal life, where I could pour myself into having fun. If I could re-do it, I'd have very different expectations. I'd let myself feel however I needed to feel each day. I'd be ok saying "today is a hard day, I think I'll just relax at the pool." I'd also be ok saying "I'm goin to stay up till midnight and see every fireworks and have that second drink." Instead I tried to do what I usually did at WDW, and between the pandemic and my loss, it just didn't work. So my advice is, give yourself flexibility. Know that you don't really know how you will feel, and let yourself adapt to the day.

Good luck, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[Fitzwoman27]

@goofyernmost, that's beautiful. Your love and care for your family comes pouring through that post. You might think about printing it off and either sharing it with your daughter now, or giving it to her husband and asking him to share it with her whenever you pass. Her knowing how much you want her to keep living and enjoying life might give her "permission" and encouragement in a difficult time.

For my story - a few years ago, my mother was murdered. About 6 months later, I went to WDW. It was not a good trip. At the time I blamed it on the pandemic, the cost cutting, little food available onsight, people being difficult. Looking back, at least some of it was me. I was still heavy with grief and rage and bewilderment. I had a lot of underlying anxiety that made rides more scary and less fun. I had difficulty sleeping, and even the exhaustion of walking at the parks all day didn't help. To this day, I'm not sure how much of a disappointing trip was the troubles of a pandemic WDW and how much was me. I went into the trip expecting it to be an escape from my normal life, where I could pour myself into having fun. If I could re-do it, I'd have very different expectations. I'd let myself feel however I needed to feel each day. I'd be ok saying "today is a hard day, I think I'll just relax at the pool." I'd also be ok saying "I'm goin to stay up till midnight and see every fireworks and have that second drink." Instead I tried to do what I usually did at WDW, and between the pandemic and my loss, it just didn't work. So my advice is, give yourself flexibility. Know that you don't really know how you will feel, and let yourself adapt to the day.

Good luck, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your tragic loss.

 

[jtopp]

Condolences on your loss. Although you will be saddened by her absence, you know she will be with you in spirit. I hope your trip is a healing experience, and that all of your memories of being there with her are positive

 

[astromickey]

First off, so sorry for your loss...

My dad passed when I was 19, in March. March is also my mom and sister's birthday months. We decided to go to WDW in March the following year - which was a difficult decision. It was a painful reminder of losing my dad, but we also wanted to celebrate my mom and sister.

We're so glad we did. Disney was the perfect place for us to have child-like joy again, it was the first time I saw my mom really smile since my dad's passing. We had such a memorable time, that my mom bought into DVC for the first time.

If you do decide to go, use it as an opportunity to remember the good times with your mom and create new happy memories in her honor.