Did your Middle or HS kid ever move or change schools ?

[DLgal]

When I was a teen, my family moved across the country after my sophomore year. Academically, it was a net positive for me because I moved to a MUCH easier/less competitive school that I was able to maintain a 4.5GPA at, got into my first choice university, etc.

Mentally, and socially, it was devastating. For all of us. My younger sister was going into 8ty grade. My mom suffered a massive depression, and we all basically spiraled out of control. It all came to a head for me sophomore year of college and it changed the trajectory of my entire adult life, in a negative way.

I would advise against it IF kids have a solid friend network of good kids AND have a hard time making friends. I left the group of friends I'd had since first grade and I was very much a shy introvert. I ended up making friends but they were superficial. I am not in contact with any of them anymore.

If the kids are up for moving and the idea excites them, go for it. You have to really know your kids though.

We moved when our own kids were entering 4th and 6th grades and the change was jarring for the older one to the point where he ended up being diagnosed with clinical anxiety and put on medication to control it. He doesn't do well with change. We didn’t have a choice, but since then we HAVE had a choice and we have stayed put because moving again would have been devastating. We have chosen to separate our family over the last 3 years rather than move our kids again. The only moves in our future will be to new homes in the same general area.

 

[DisneyOma]

I am learning this and it is so disappointing to hear. The fresh start at a new school didn't work out for you making new friends? In this case, at private school in 9th grade a lot of people are new. I'm hoping that will work in my kid's favor.

I had just made a great group of friends in middle school - had my classes lined up in the new high school, and was really looking forward to that next year. My mother told me we were moving right at the end of the school year, handed me one box to fit my things into, and that was it. Between the loss of my friends, the loss of my personal belongings, and the lack of any input into the move, I was a very angry teenager. Basically, it turned me away from my parents so that I didn't care for them at all, and I even decided for a bit to flunk classes because I was so angry at them. I am an only child, was shy at that time, awkward, with bright red hair, and this was in the late 70's. I've never been to a class reunion, and only know one person from my graduating class. But I have reconnected with those dear friends from my middle school (FB is great for that!) and I'm planning on attending a reunion there. Moving might be harder for an only child, although technology makes it easier to stay connected if that's allowed.

 

[mefordis]

I had just made a great group of friends in middle school - had my classes lined up in the new high school, and was really looking forward to that next year. My mother told me we were moving right at the end of the school year, handed me one box to fit my things into, and that was it. Between the loss of my friends, the loss of my personal belongings, and the lack of any input into the move, I was a very angry teenager. Basically, it turned me away from my parents so that I didn't care for them at all, and I even decided for a bit to flunk classes because I was so angry at them. I am an only child, was shy at that time, awkward, with bright red hair, and this was in the late 70's. I've never been to a class reunion, and only know one person from my graduating class. But I have reconnected with those dear friends from my middle school (FB is great for that!) and I'm planning on attending a reunion there. Moving might be harder for an only child, although technology makes it easier to stay connected if that's allowed.

I'd never move if my kid had a great social support system at school and a lot of friends.

 

[fly girl]

I'd never move if my kid had a great social support system at school and a lot of friends.

I wish you all the best in finding the right school for her.

 

[Lumpy1106]

I see no problem with a move when you are changing schools anyway - middle school to high school for example. I would also be less concerned if your child is heavily involved in sports or extra-curriculars, band, choir or drama etc. That way they are entering with a built-in social group.

My experience; we started DS in a private high school frosh year, thinking it would be a better learning environment for him (he was graduating from a small private middle school). It was good and bad, but what really made us reconsider was the private school did not have a lacrosse team and it really affected him to not have that outlet. We moved him back to the public school and he immediately fit right in. We still kinda feel that one year in private school was good though because he appreciated the public school just that much more.

FWIW - our tentative plan is to move out of the area and semi-retire when DD9 graduates from middle school (also a small-ish private school). We've got another 6 years before that happens though.

 

[sam_gordon]

I would also be less concerned if your child is heavily involved in sports or extra-curriculars, band, choir or drama etc. That way they are entering with a built-in social group.

One potential issue with that (and you won't know until too late) is your athlete (actor/tubist/singer/etc) could be a "star" at the current school but not make the team (band, theater, choir) at the new. If you're going from a large school to a small, probably not an issue. Small to a large, could be.

I do think extra curriculars (especially those that start a week or two before school) do help build a social group that helps ease the transition.

 

[RangerPooh]

We moved across the country when our oldest with in mid 5th grade. She then changed districts for 6th grade. It was hard for the first year. We have had conversations about moving (jobs) and have decided that she would finish high school where she's at. Our 10th grader is open to relocating if needed, but her opinion changes.

Our best friends are military, and they have moved twice in the last three year, with their oldest being a high school junior. Adjustment sucks.

 

[mynewgroove]

I moved a lot as a kid and it was so hard. As soon as I made friends, we moved again. it made my childhood a little turbulent - just consider the feelings of your kids and how you can help them transition and validate how hard it is for them!

 

[JenBush]

Where I grew up it was common to have new kids start at the public school in high school. I had many friends who went to private christian/catholic k-8 schools then went to the public high school. They all seemed to adjust well. It helps though that they had been preparing to go to a new school with new people for high school essentially their entire lives.