Dating Red Flags?

[Lord Manhammer]

My future Rottweiler will be named Ms. Pepper, PhD. Nickname Dr. Pepper.

The fact that you bestowed a doctoral degree upon your future dog makes me like you more. Na zdrowie my friend.

The one who offered me drugs. Hard No.

Wanna go out? Here's some black tar heroin? Was his name Ross Ulbricht?

He was very good to my mother who lived with us for 25 years!

My MIL lived with us and moved with us to MA until she passed in 2017. My wife once confided in me that when I was cool with her mom moving with us, she fell in love with me all over again. I still hold onto that.

We never had passports early on, and still don’t.

I apologise if I sounded elitist. That wasn't the intent. I am biracial and was raised by mostly people who are not from the US. Travel was a big part of my upbringing so it was important to me in a partner because it's something that I've kept up.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My MIL lived with us and moved with us to MA until she passed in 2017. My wife once confided in me that when I was cool with her mom moving with us, she fell in love with me all over again. I still hold onto that.

I know that feeling.

I apologise if I sounded elitist. That wasn't the intent. I am biracial and was raised by mostly people who are not from the US. Travel was a big part of my upbringing so it was important to me in a partner because it's something that I've kept up.

That’s cool. I know many people like yourself.

 

[Moliphino]

I get what you're saying, especially since you're a dual citizen. I have known a lot of people who have never traveled internationally who are fond of saying..."why would I bother visiting (blank) when there are so many great things I haven't seen here in the US". And anyone like that....wouldn't be for me. I find that a lot of those people are intimidated by international travel, and I was always interested in someone who is a bit more adventurous. Not that you really need to be all that adventurous anymore to travel internationally in most places around the globe.

My dad was like that for ages, "see America first". Since 2017, my sisters and I have gotten him to Paris, Munich, Rome, and Costa Rica (a few times) and he's enjoyed all of them. It can take a bit of coercion (I think at this point a lot of it is just old age curmudgeon-ness), but he always likes it once he's there.

 

[dvcgirl67]

My dad was like that for ages, "see America first". Since 2017, my sisters and I have gotten him to Paris, Munich, Rome, and Costa Rica (a few times) and he's enjoyed all of them. It can take a bit of coercion (I think at this point a lot of it is just old age curmudgeon-ness), but he always likes it once he's there.

Agree...my father was the same to a degree. He really didn't see all that much of America either though...just whatever was between our house in NJ and his favorite place....the Florida Keys.

He was in the Navy and so he did see some of the world...primarily the Caribbean and the Med. So, he always had the attitude of "been there done that". My mother always had an interest to travel, but had a fear of flying which she overcame at age 70. DH and I took her and my aunt (her sister) on a great trip to Italy, and later took my mother to France (Paris and Normandy). We'd been several times before to both places. We took my mother all over Normandy with guides to show her all of the places her father (my grandfather) fought in WWII, so that was very meaningful.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

“Moderate” for their political affiliation, instead of liberal or conservative outright. That, in itself, was a little turn off for DD. She’d rather someone just be honest, as she found out in talking more that there were usually definite preferences.

Moderate is in opposition to extreme views and it's part of its definition. It is an apt affiliation.

Is your daughter wanting someone to say "moderate democrat" or "moderate republican"?

For most younger people I know enough are a mixture of both political parties such that I could never discount them because of a label. Some things fall on one side other things on another side. And having a political preferences doesn't tell you if what someone believes in is a deal breaker, red flag or green flag, it takes getting to know someone for how they stand on the actual issues to know that sort of stuff.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There are SO many reasons a person may not have a passport and traveled. It doesn't mean that if you got together with the person they would refuse to travel.

Also getting a passport, especially for older generations, can be much harder than one thinks. Paperwork, proving marriage or other name change, etc are paperwork nightmares for some. It's also an expense too including getting the paperwork you need never mind that actual passport cost.

And your age at a given time accounts for something too. When I was 15 and doing a cruise I could use just my birth certificate and a government issued ID (the rules have changed since then unless it's a closed loop cruise). It didn't make any sense to get a passport at that age for the 6 months that I was 15 because it was twice as long validity once you turn 16 (5 years vs 10 years) and the expense was around the same too. I didn't get a passport til nearly 25 when we went on our honeymoon and yet somehow my husband (then boyfriend) and I did traveling in *gasp* the U.S.!

I think travel itself is a broad category. I know couples who really don't travel and neither is all that into it. I know couples where one loves to travel and is fine doing it solo (or does more group friend trips). I think it could be an issue if one part of the couple really wants to travel with the other part who doesn't. A passport isn't your issue there.

People make too many comments about a passport as if it's inherently bad to not have one. We have such vasts and varying parts of the U.S. from topography, climate and culture as well as history. Exploring here should never ever be seen as too limiting, that's actually disrespectful the treasures and peoples you can find here.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was always interested in someone who is a bit more adventurous.

IDK being on top of the Continental Divide sounds pretty adventurous to me, going to a theme park surrounded by tens of thousands of people sounds pretty adventurous to me (a little bit of humor there), going to the National Parks (I hope to do that personally in the next year or so myself), etc. I think adventure is how you make of it. I am a history lover so going to historic places, cemeteries, as well as natural wonders, etc excites me. Passion and excitement brings adventures. I enjoy being with a partner who doesn't limit what we find fun together. In a few weeks we'll be in a cabin on a mountain just exploring what that area has to offer. Every vacation to us is an adventure filled with new stuff to explore, new things to learn

***there's also Hawaii and Alaska that people forget about, plus Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, etc where a passport is not required (and Hawaii and Alaska IS part of the U.S.)

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Moderate is in opposition to extreme views and it's part of its definition. It is an apt affiliation.

Is your daughter wanting someone to say "moderate democrat" or "moderate republican"?

For most younger people I know enough are a mixture of both political parties such that I could never discount them because of a label. Some things fall on one side other things on another side. And having a political preferences doesn't tell you if what someone believes in is a deal breaker, red flag or green flag, it takes getting to know someone for how they stand on the actual issues to know that sort of stuff.

Yes, as a moderate myself, I get it.

But no, to the bolded (that is not a pull down option anyway). She’d prefer that they’re just honest about their (optionally listed) political affiliation in their profiles, feeling that people are just saying “Moderate” so they don’t miss out on Likes (or whatever they call them, to get to know someone more), because in getting to know people better, either in chat or on dates, she’s learned they actually do have [right or left] preferences/political affiliations.

I think this puts it in clearer light (if you can say that ) and better highlights some of the thoughts and feelings of today’s young people (just one quick example I found):

https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/w2ipi5

 

[gmi3804]

DH and I have been together for 32 years, so I haven't dated since then, and politics wasn't a huge issue for me. But now one of my first questions would be, "Do you think the 2020 election was stolen?"

 

[BrianL]

Yes, as a moderate myself, I get it.

But no, to the bolded (that is not a pull down option anyway). She’d prefer that they’re just honest about their (optionally listed) political affiliation in their profiles, feeling that people are just saying “Moderate” so they don’t miss out on left swipes (or whatever they call them, to get to know someone more), because in getting to know people better, either in chat or on dates, she’s learned they actually do have [right or left] preferences/political affiliations.

I think this puts it in clearer light (if you can say that ) and better highlights some of the thoughts and feelings of today’s young people:

https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/w2ipi5

But suppose someone actually IS a true moderate? Then they get left out. I guess that's typical, there seems to be no room for moderate beliefs in society any more in general.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

But suppose someone actually IS a true moderate? Then they get left out. I guess that's typical, there seems to be no room for moderate beliefs in society any more in general.

Actually, I think there are probably more moderates than we realize. (JMO)

But sure, if someone’s a true moderate, then that’s appropriate to use. That will eventually come out in getting to know someone better. But if it’s being used disingenuously just for Likes, that will eventually come out, too.

My DD is just looking for honesty about it.

 

[BrianL]

Actually, I think there are probably more moderates than we realize. (JMO)

But sure, if someone’s a true moderate, than that’s appropriate to use. That will eventually come out in getting to know someone better. But if it’s being used disingenuously just for Likes, that will eventually come out, too.

My DD is just looking for honesty about it.

Oh, I think most people are in fact mostly moderate about most things - it's just the we get drowned out by the exttremes with their loud voices and powerful platforms.

 

[mousefan73]

This thread is making me grateful I no longer have the need to be in the dating scene. It's been decades... I worry about my kids though. It's just not the same.

I get having a list and some app check that and finds matches but by doing there is the loss learning how to deal with the element of surprise or the ability to learn to comprimise on certain issues or being open with people even if it's a risk. I think many people are not relationship viable simply as they dont have these traits as they took the easy way out in dating. It is now just based on who catches the eye and is "fun" at the start as there half the process of discovery is taken over by some app? There is a difference is having an app filter a person vs. one sitting across a table and asking "so who did you vote for?" and dealing on the spot with that answer.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This thread is making me grateful I no longer have the need to be in the dating scene. It's been decades... I worry about my kids though. It's just not the same.

I get having a list and some app check that and finds matches but by doing there is the loss learning how to deal with the element of surprise or the ability to learn to comprimise on certain issues or being open with people even if it's a risk. I think many people are not relationship viable simply as they dont have these traits as they took the easy way out in dating. It is now just based on who catches the eye and is "fun" at the start as there half the process of discovery is taken over by some app? There is a difference is having an app filter a person vs. one sitting across a table and asking "so who did you vote for?" and dealing on the spot with that answer.

I think Apps are a sort of-familiar way [online] for [mostly] younger generations to develop an introduction, that’s all. There still, at some point, has to be in person interactions and conversations, and that’s where it gets interesting.

 

[tvguy]

Moderate is in opposition to extreme views and it's part of its definition. It is an apt affiliation.

Is your daughter wanting someone to say "moderate democrat" or "moderate republican"?

For most younger people I know enough are a mixture of both political parties such that I could never discount them because of a label. Some things fall on one side other things on another side. And having a political preferences doesn't tell you if what someone believes in is a deal breaker, red flag or green flag, it takes getting to know someone for how they stand on the actual issues to know that sort of stuff.

The political "label" that describes a person is not a reason not to date someone IMHO. Political views matter at the ballot box, not in a relationship.

 

[Smugpugmug]

The political "label" that describes a person is not a reason not to date someone IMHO. Political views matter at the ballot box, not in a relationship.

Disagree 100%. I would not want to date someone who has fundamentally different beliefs than me when it comes to political issues. Not agreeing on every issue is totally fine but on certain topics, it matters a lot.

 

[BrianL]

The political "label" that describes a person is not a reason not to date someone IMHO. Political views matter at the ballot box, not in a relationship.

I think that it's not an issue with normal people who have opinions one way or the other, but these days people are so invested into their side to the point that all others are the enemy, and I can see that causing conflict in a relationship.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Also getting a passport, especially for older generations, can be much harder than one thinks. Paperwork, proving marriage or other name change, etc are paperwork nightmares for some. It's also an expense too including getting the paperwork you need never mind that actual passport cost.

And your age at a given time accounts for something too. When I was 15 and doing a cruise I could use just my birth certificate and a government issued ID (the rules have changed since then unless it's a closed loop cruise). It didn't make any sense to get a passport at that age for the 6 months that I was 15 because it was twice as long validity once you turn 16 (5 years vs 10 years) and the expense was around the same too. I didn't get a passport til nearly 25 when we went on our honeymoon and yet somehow my husband (then boyfriend) and I did traveling in *gasp* the U.S.!

I think travel itself is a broad category. I know couples who really don't travel and neither is all that into it. I know couples where one loves to travel and is fine doing it solo (or does more group friend trips). I think it could be an issue if one part of the couple really wants to travel with the other part who doesn't. A passport isn't your issue there.

People make too many comments about a passport as if it's inherently bad to not have one. We have such vasts and varying parts of the U.S. from topography, climate and culture as well as history. Exploring here should never ever be seen as too limiting, that's actually disrespectful the treasures and peoples you can find here.

Yes, I think the passport issue is the thing that surprised me most about this thread, lol. Who knew! (j/k)

My father was a WWII veteran and served in Africa. I know from his memoirs that the boat ride over was sort of traumatic for many of those young men. He enjoyed US travel, as did my mother when she was younger. As she got older she had no desire to travel. We took her on her first WDW trip when she was age 92, and second when she was 93. It was a lot of work (wheelchair, walker, sunscreen, hat, potential for middle of the night falls, help bathing, etc.) but she really enjoyed herself, which made us all happy. She surprised me a few times with tears - once when she got off Soarin’, she was so moved by the experience; and once on Small World, as she really loved dolls [family couldn’t afford them growing up] and said that was “how she imagined Heaven”. Character interactions, too, were priceless. Experiences can certainly be profound, even when close to home. Enjoy your trip to the mountains!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The political "label" that describes a person is not a reason not to date someone IMHO. Political views matter at the ballot box, not in a relationship.

They are important to people today, though. That’s what people are saying.

In our day, not so much (what many have also said here).

 

[HokieRaven5]

They are important to people today, though. That’s what people are saying.

In our day, not so much (what many have also said here).

It’s much more public and present since the 24 hour networks have been pushing their opinions to fill time and then social media added fuel to the fire.