Dads in the Ladies' Room?

[maxiesmom]

Have to make those tough calls sometimes. The dad probably didn’t not want to take his daughter into the men’s room where men are using urinals.

He couldn't put his hand over her eyes and walk her into a stall?

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It depends, if he identifies as a woman, he should use the ladies room, if he identifies male, then the men’s room. The adult should be in the proper gender restroom, the kids should use the restroom their parents use until old enough to go on their own.

Many people disagree with your first sentence (I’m not one of them) and I’m sure arguments could be made against your second.

 

[bcla]

As a society, why are we so worried about anyone briefly seeing something? I started a topic on gender neutral restrooms last year, and the discussion was interesting.

I found an article on the place in question that piqued my interest enough to discuss it. They just took both men’s/women’s rooms and slapped on signs. Kept the urinals in one room and the stalls were standard ones with maybe 1/4” cracks.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/enterta...he-plumbing-isn-t-gender-neutral-11197657.php
First, the most important thing: bathrooms. Leaving the Palace of Fine Arts, after last week’s “Joyous Persistence” event, I ran into a friend — a perfect gentleman — looking upset. There were mostly women at the event. The women’s room sign had been left as is, but “Gender Neutral” had been stuck on the former men’s room sign.

Needing a bathroom break during the proceedings, my pal had stepped into the former men’s room, not even looking at the sign. No one else was there, and when he spotted the row of urinals, he used one. And while he was doing that, a woman came in and gave him hell. “Don’t you know,” she said, “that no one uses the urinals in a gender-neutral bathroom?” He was both embarrassed and indignant; how should he have known?

The very next day, R.H., who’d gone to the de Young to see the Summer of Love show, wrote that he’d used the first-floor men’s room, which — along with the adjacent ladies’ room — had been declared gender-neutral, too. It’s R.H.’s belief, he says, “that a restroom with a wall of urinals being only used by men is not gender neutral. Particularly for children. ... When you walk into a restroom to see several men either using the urinals ... that is not a gender-neutral restroom.”

https://deyoung.famsf.org/deyoung/visiting/accessibility
Both museums have Accessible Bathrooms, Gender Neutral Bathrooms, and Nursing / Changing Rooms available.​

 

[Hopscotch]

Men’s rooms can be gross. I hated when my Dh had my DD out and took her into the men’s room. I did not want her sitting on that seat. However, my DH would never go into a women’s room, just wouldn’t feel right to him.

I feel like since there are stalls, I could care less if a Dad is in the Ladies room with his DD.

I also have boys and always brought them into the Ladies room or the family bathroom. It was tough when my older DS was around 8 and wouldn’t go with me anymore. Especially at places like highway rest areas it really kind of freaked me out.

 

[bcla]

I don't think I said they were having a naked dance party in there, but almost every men's room I have ever walked into had the urinals positioned so that you would get a nice side view of of the action as soon as you came through the door. Admittedly, I haven't been in many men's rooms though... Anyway, I wasn't saying my way was the only right way, just saying I would prefer that my young daughter not spend time in the men's room. Kids are curious, maybe yours are more obedient than mine but if I told my daughter not to look at something or tried to prevent her from seeing it she would do everything in her power to look at that thing

Several public restrooms in my area have gone completely gender neutral. The article I referenced included some unwritten rule” cited by someone that once a room goes gender neutral, men aren’t allowed to use the urinals. That doesn’t sound particularly reasonable to me.

I’ve also dealt with long lines where women have just come in to the men’s room anyways. What happens seems to vary. I remember once a woman asked for a guy to stand guard so that no men entered while she was there. I don’t know if that’s particularly fair. More often they just come either joking about it, or having a semi-serious “what are you going to do about it?” attitude.

I’ve certainly seen men take their daughters in the men’s room. Some of the swimming pools I’ve visited have notices to the effect that at 5 years of age the sex appropriate facilities must be used.

 

[DisneyOma]

Couldn't you say the same thing going the other way?

Who cares if a male see a ******? Why do we make it such a horrible thing to just see one? Half of our species have one, and to see a bit of one through a crack in the door frame shouldn't be the traumatic event we try to turn it in to, should it?

Except the assault and exploitation associated with sex is primarily men on women, so there's an issue there that would have to be addressed - but I agree, parts is parts, and if a person isn't going in there to photograph/exploit/assault and happens to see a body part, bit whoop. But I see that many people do not have the same feelings about it I do. I'd be fine with one big, long bathroom with stalls with doors. No need for urinals (just lift the seat, or wipe up after) so no need to worry about accidental exposure. We have a gender neutral two stall bathroom at our school. It works just fine.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I’ve also dealt with long lines where women have just come in to the men’s room anyways. What happens seems to vary. I remember once a woman asked for a guy to stand guard so that no men entered while she was there. I don’t know if that’s particularly fair. More often they just come either joking about it, or having a semi-serious “what are you going to do about it?” attitude.

I've used the men's room at concerts. Haven't been to a concert in many years, but when I was younger I had no problem strolling into the men's room with a girlfriend and taking turns using one of the stalls--drinking makes me brave. Never had anything bad happen, the men just seemed to laugh it off. Clearly, if it takes half an hour to get through the line at the ladies room then the concert venues need to build more women's restrooms.

Men’s rooms can be gross. I hated when my Dh had my DD out and took her into the men’s room. I did not want her sitting on that seat. However, my DH would never go into a women’s room, just wouldn’t feel right to him.

I feel like since there are stalls, I could care less if a Dad is in the Ladies room with his DD.

I also have boys and always brought them into the Ladies room or the family bathroom. It was tough when my older DS was around 8 and wouldn’t go with me anymore. Especially at places like highway rest areas it really kind of freaked me out.

I was *that* mom who would shut down the men's room for my son. If we were at Target and he had to go and wouldn't go into the ladies room with me, I would shout in to the men's room to see if there was anyone in there. Then I would stand in the doorway until he was done. I guess I'm probably lucky that no men ever confronted me about it. A couple of times I even put up the wet floor sign if it was nearby and told any men that walked up that the restroom was closed. I'm not bragging, I'm actually kind of ashamed by my behavior as a young mother, but I sympathize with the dads that brought their daughters into the ladies room.

 

[luvsJack]

Personally, I would think to myself “how great that this dad is being a great daddy to his daughter in a world where too many dads aren’t around”. And then move on. (Usually because as a 54 year old woman, I don’t have much time to ponder on my way to the stall).

Honestly, maybe the little girl doesn’t want to go in the men’s room and feels uncomfortable in there. Perhaps her dad was thinking of her feelings.

It really is not that big of a deal.

 

[Maleficent Faery]

He couldn't put his hand over her eyes and walk her into a stall?

He could. But I could understand his not wanting to take her in there. He should have probably waited for the family restroom. Perhaps he had an emergency. If it were I and she were older than 4 I would have encouraged her to use the ladies room and I would stand right at the doorway.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I would prefer the man take the kids to the ladies' room. DD does not know what males look like under their clothing, and I prefer to keep it that way a bit longer. Women's rooms are private, with doors on every stall. It would not bother me to see a man in there. If it were a locker room with open showers or something I might feel differently.

 

[AppleDumpling]

It’s an interesting issue, and I find myself agreeing with some of both sides while reading this thread.

I think what makes it tough is that everyone has a different comfort zone with what is and isn’t acceptable. Some just want and expect a certain level of privacy when dealing with private bodily functions to avoid embarrassment. And keep in mind that women and girls may have other hygiene issues to deal with in a public restroom. I’ll be blunt-- imagine how a 10-yr-old girl on her period would feel if she’s in a stall changing a maxipad and hears a man walk in.

Single-use/family bathrooms are really the best answer. Gender-neutral bathrooms could work too but would take some getting used to here in the US, and would probably need some modifications to make stalls more private.

Incidentally, many residence halls at universities have gender-neutral bathrooms, including showers. I personally wouldn’t like it, but know many students of both genders who don’t mind.

 

[Kitty 34]

My personal opinion.......whatever the gender of the parent is the bathroom they use for their very young children. BUT, hey my oldest DS is having a daughter mid November and right now has a 16 month old son so I might get back with you with a change of answer in 2-3 years. But truly I can't imagine my 38 yr old, 6 ft son going into the ladies' room with both his young children.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

Havnt read this whole thread, maybe it’s been mentioned but in my experience my daughter(6) will not go into the men’s room. She knows she’s a girl and will have a complete breakdown fit, right their. I have went into the woman’s before simply because another mom said “it’s clear go ahead” she then stood at the door to warn others who were just as understanding because I could hear them. They would even talk to my daughter in an attempt to tell her it’s ok to go potty by herself.

 

[tzolkin]

So you combat that with a young female potentially seeing the private parts of adult males as they walk by urinals.

I’m sure I have a much more lax attitude toward nudity, but I really don’t see the big deal with a small child (they’re usually under 4 when they would need assistance to the restroom) seeing “private parts” in a non-sexual context.

I have only once seen a man in the women’s bathroom and it was a dad at Disney checking in on his girls. The women were pretty shocked when he entered and a CM who saw him enter ran right behind him yelling, “Sir, you can’t be in here”

 

[RedAngie]

I've used the men's room at concerts. Haven't been to a concert in many years, but when I was younger I had no problem strolling into the men's room with a girlfriend and taking turns using one of the stalls--drinking makes me brave. Never had anything bad happen, the men just seemed to laugh it off. Clearly, if it takes half an hour to get through the line at the ladies room then the concert venues need to build more women's restrooms.

.

I went into the men's room a few times at concerts too when I was younger. Didn't bother me and none of the guys seemed to be bothered either.

Some large venues can change the some of the rest room designations depending on the crowd expected. Say, for a Barry Manilow concert vs. a monster truck show.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Who cares? There are doors on the stalls. And nobody is looking through the gaps except misbehaving kids, certainly not a dad trying to get his kids done and out of there. People are so paranoid these days.

 

[Poohforyou]

The only reason I'd see is if the stall in the men's room was unusable. Otherwise, he should have taken his kids in the men's room or waited for the family bathroom.

I would not have been happy to encounter that.

My husband took my daughter into the men's room plenty of times. He'd carry her and tell her to close her eyes until they got in the stall.

 

[bcla]

I went into the men's room a few times at concerts too when I was younger. Didn't bother me and none of the guys seemed to be bothered either.

Some large venues can change the some of the rest room designations depending on the crowd expected. Say, for a Barry Manilow concert vs. a monster truck show.

The last time I saw that was for the Ed Sheeran concert at AT&T Park in San Francisco. Even as a baseball stadium it’s equally divided between men’s and women’s rooms. At baseball games where it’s maybe a 4:1 male/female ratio the lines are equally long. At a concert where it’s maybe 1:1 there’s no line for the men’s room. Probably the biggest disparity I’ve seen was for Disney on Ice.

Outdoor events where port-a-potties are used changes that dynamic, although I’ve heard of some who refuse to used them and will seek indoor facilities.

 

[lifesavacation]

Who cares? There are doors on the stalls. And nobody is looking through the gaps except misbehaving kids, certainly not a dad trying to get his kids done and out of there. People are so paranoid these days.

Agree. I would only see a dad who was concerned with his daughter's comfort level rather than some male predator looking through the cracks of the stalls. I don't see how you can even get there, but there's obviously women who would rather the young girls go use the men's room.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have a pretty simple and set opinion on this.
A grown adult should not be in the other genders restroom.
The very young children are just that, too young to even know, think, or care.
If a child is old enough, then they should also be old enough to go into to restroom for their own gender.

No way should an adult man (who is presenting as a male) be in the ladies room.
And, in the same way, no way should an adult woman be walking into the men's room.