Christmas vent, please help!

[Swirly girls]

Ok, am I the only one that gets annoyed with family at Christmas?
We have the holidays at our house.... DH's sisters and their families arrive the day before Christmas Eve, and stay until Xmas morning ( leave by noon Xmas day) then my side of the family comes Xmas day ( in the afternoon) just for the day.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but there are so many things that bug me.
No one brings anything for food or snacks ( except my mom) we supply all meals, beverages, and snacks for in laws while they are staying.
We have snowmobiles, and the kids ( nieces and nephew) of course all want to ride them. So, we have that expense as well ( this year it was over $100 for gas) to basically entertain their kids while they sit inside and take pictures thru the windows. While my hubby & my kids are outside, watching, helping, and driving their kids around.
In laws do not help clean up ( wash dishes, load dishwasher)
Every year something of mine either gets broken or scratched due to someone placing a camera or something on furniture.
I have nieces and nephews that do not have any manners at all, and will eat, and eat, and eat until food is totally gone, and then ask for more. Or fill up their glasses with punch, leave it sit and then come back to warm punch -/ so they dump and repeat. Adults say nothing to their kids either.
One more complaint, we have a few one uppers in our family. That is so annoying! It doesn't matter what we have, they have it too, are going to have it, have something better.
Oh my gosh I hope I'm not only one feeling this way!

 

[Debbie7452]

Try drinking more. It works for me!

 

[msdaisy]

Try drinking more. It works for me!

LOL! My parents just shared that they are on pins and needles at my house because they are afraid my brother's kids are going to mess something up - they are "Rambunctious." I spend several days cooking and cleaning and buying all of the food as well. My comment to them was if everyone is uncomfortable then we should just all stay at our own houses next Christmas. We will see how that pans out. I do love the holidays, and I enjoy decorating and baking. However, it is difficult to have company who doesn't respect your home the way that you do.

 

[Allison]

Why not take turns hosting?

 

[msdaisy]

Why not take turns hosting?

That would be nice. In my case, we got into a habit of it always being at my house because it is big enough for everyone, and it is half way between my parents and brother's home. Plus, I have pushed for it because it seemed easier to not have to move presents back and forth. Now I'm thinking it may be easier to load and unload my SUV and let someone else do the prep work. I will offer to help cook and clean, though. I do know how it is to cook for and clean up after a dozen people.

 

[englishteacha]

This is one of many reasons why we spend Christmas as our little family of 3.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

Try drinking more. It works for me!

Me too!

I used to have a similar issue as the OP, I had to throw 2 holiday events since my sister and brother do not speak and will not attend an event the other is at. So it was always Christmas eve at my house for my brothers family and Christmas day for my sisters family. World war thee occurred one year when my sister threw a fit because I asked everyone to take off their snow covered shoes at the front door and save my new cream carpet. She thought I was unbelievably cheap and rude- rum punch helped me through that one for sure! I moved to another country and problem solved - stress reduced holidays 2 years running now.

 

[cseca]

Me too!

... World war thee occurred one year when my sister threw a fit because I asked everyone to take off their snow covered shoes at the front door and save my new cream carpet. ....

I have a sign in front of my door asking everyone who's coming in to take off their shoes...
If they don't want to, then they can put shoe booties on which I have right by the front door.
But if their shoes are snowy and yucky, they better be taking them off or they'll be cleaning the floor for me....

 

[eliza61]

Ok, am I the only one that gets annoyed with family at Christmas?
We have the holidays at our house.... DH's sisters and their families arrive the day before Christmas Eve, and stay until Xmas morning ( leave by noon Xmas day) then my side of the family comes Xmas day ( in the afternoon) just for the day.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but there are so many things that bug me.
No one brings anything for food or snacks ( except my mom) we supply all meals, beverages, and snacks for in laws while they are staying.
We have snowmobiles, and the kids ( nieces and nephew) of course all want to ride them. So, we have that expense as well ( this year it was over $100 for gas) to basically entertain their kids while they sit inside and take pictures thru the windows. While my hubby & my kids are outside, watching, helping, and driving their kids around.
In laws do not help clean up ( wash dishes, load dishwasher)
Every year something of mine either gets broken or scratched due to someone placing a camera or something on furniture.
I have nieces and nephews that do not have any manners at all, and will eat, and eat, and eat until food is totally gone, and then ask for more. Or fill up their glasses with punch, leave it sit and then come back to warm punch -/ so they dump and repeat. Adults say nothing to their kids either.
One more complaint, we have a few one uppers in our family. That is so annoying! It doesn't matter what we have, they have it too, are going to have it, have something better.
Oh my gosh I hope I'm not only one feeling this way!

LOL hugs your way but I'm going to place a bit of blame on you.

1). We all know the price of food and hosting before going into it. Foks, we gotta start speaking up. If feeding and hosting 15 people is going to hurt, It's time to speak up.

2). I have a standard saying to my guest. " I do not believe in discipling other peoples children but I DO believe in discipling out of control guest". If you donot take hold of your kids, don't get an attitude when I do because believe me, I ain't about to let your park apes tear up my house. I only had to do this one year. the first time I ripped into my nephew for playing football inside my house, they got the message.

3) time for New rule. NO snowmobiling without parental guidance. If you are too lazy to watch your kid OUTSIDE then sorry snowmobiles stay inside.


I love my family but being a guest does not give someone carte blanche to rip, run and ruin my holiday with their bad manners. Now generally I don't ask people to chip in. If I invite some one over whether family and friends I definitely foot the food and drink bill. but I am not a maid, nor a babysitter and this is my holiday also.

lay some ground rules for 2013. They will either get it or stay home. whichever they pick, you're holiday will be a lot nicer.

Good luck

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

LOL hugs your way but I'm going to place a bit of blame on you.

1). We all know the price of food and hosting before going into it. Foks, we gotta start speaking up. If feeding and hosting 15 people is going to hurt, It's time to speak up.

2). I have a standard saying to my guest. " I do not believe in discipling other peoples children but I DO believe in discipling out of control guest". If you donot take hold of your kids, don't get an attitude when I do because believe me, I ain't about to let your park apes tear up my house. I only had to do this one year. the first time I ripped into my nephew for playing football inside my house, they got the message.

3) time for New rule. NO snowmobiling without parental guidance. If you are too lazy to watch your kid OUTSIDE then sorry snowmobiles stay inside.


I love my family but being a guest does not give someone carte blanche to rip, run and ruin my holiday with their bad manners. Now generally I don't ask people to chip in. If I invite some one over whether family and friends I definitely foot the food and drink bill. but I am not a maid, nor a babysitter and this is my holiday also.

lay some ground rules for 2013. They will either get it or stay home. whichever they pick, you're holiday will be a lot nicer.

Good luck

I tend to agree here, speak up! When you talk to people about coming over add "by the way, it would be a big help if you could pick up some soda (juice, plates, cups, whatever) to bring with you." If the expense of running the snowmobiles is too much don't do it. Say "this year we've decided it would be nice to watch some Christmas movies or play board games so everyone could be together.".

 

[Canooknic]

Been there, survived that!!

Firstly for food - the conversation/text/email reads "for Christmas this year we are purchasing the turkey/ham/whatever. Mom is bringing vegetables. I need XX to pick up xxx, XX to bring two desserts, XX to bring 3 cases of pop" etc etc

With the skidoos I'm pretty sure they could 'unfortunately not be working' this year. The kids can still play outside in the snow, but you don't need to be there to supervise.

A comment of "I have a terrible headache can someone unload the dishwasher for me?" (and then nip off for a 15 minute lay down) should work wonders

My family now know every year who brings what food, who helps with lunch, the men always clear up after, grandparents make Boxing Day breakfast, young kids bring dishes from the table to the kitchen to be washed etc etc.

Hope everything works out for you, you should be able to relax during the holidays xxx

 

[angwill]

Try drinking more. It works for me!

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

Ok, am I the only one that gets annoyed with family at Christmas?
We have the holidays at our house.... DH's sisters and their families arrive the day before Christmas Eve, and stay until Xmas morning ( leave by noon Xmas day) then my side of the family comes Xmas day ( in the afternoon) just for the day.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but there are so many things that bug me.
No one brings anything for food or snacks ( except my mom) we supply all meals, beverages, and snacks for in laws while they are staying.
We have snowmobiles, and the kids ( nieces and nephew) of course all want to ride them. So, we have that expense as well ( this year it was over $100 for gas) to basically entertain their kids while they sit inside and take pictures thru the windows. While my hubby & my kids are outside, watching, helping, and driving their kids around.
In laws do not help clean up ( wash dishes, load dishwasher)
Every year something of mine either gets broken or scratched due to someone placing a camera or something on furniture.
I have nieces and nephews that do not have any manners at all, and will eat, and eat, and eat until food is totally gone, and then ask for more. Or fill up their glasses with punch, leave it sit and then come back to warm punch -/ so they dump and repeat. Adults say nothing to their kids either.
One more complaint, we have a few one uppers in our family. That is so annoying! It doesn't matter what we have, they have it too, are going to have it, have something better.
Oh my gosh I hope I'm not only one feeling this way!

Why don't you speak up? Instead of venting here, tell them the free vacation is over!!

They are taking advantage of you, and you let them. It won't stop, until you stop it yourself.

 

[momof3ds]

As others suggested, speak up.

Send an email as others specified asking people for specific items.

In the email, you can also state that you would be glad for the kids to use the snow mobiles but parents need to help supervise. I probably wouldn't ask for gas money or I would place a limit. You can state that gas is expensive and your limit is $50 so they are welcome to contribute or not but once the gas is gone, there won't be anymore.


As far as kids dumping out warm drinks. When you see it, stop them and teach them about ice cubes.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree that it is time to speak up but do it ahead of time and in a kind way. I would send out a cute and creative card or letter around Thanksgiving "inviting" them for Christmas. If you choose to shorten the visit, state the new times here. Try to make it seem exciting that you are doing something different. Perhaps an international meal and a taco bar and ask them to bring items for it or a breakfast buffet and ask them to bring everything they would need to make pancakes etc, or for every person to bring their favorite drink.

Create a neat and funny "family rules' poster and be sure to share it with them emphasizing that your family follows the same rule. All shoes get put in the snowmans tummy, and turn a huge tote into a snowman where everyone puts the shoes. Purchase some type of cups with lids in them and put everyone's names on them and make this their only cup and stress it is up to them to rinse and refill. Keep the size for the kids small to reduce waste. Get the idea.

As for the snow mobiles, I would insist that a parent be outside in order for their child to ride but not stop them. If this is something that the kids rarely do, it is a huge treat and a memory makers. Cut back on the amount you spend on gifts if you really can not afford an extra 100.00.

We are the hosters in our family and I like it that way but I have learned not to be taken advantage of!

 

[brertoad]

I think most of us are frustrated by Christmas. I have a total love/hate relationship with the holiday. I love Christmas, I hate all the family drama. Situations like the one you have are hard to deal with. If you do plan to continue hosting, you have to figure out how to mitigate your losses, and restrict how they abuse you and your hospitality for next year. I agree with the shoes off policy, but when family has come over to our house they all don't respect it. I wouldn't let any of them ride snowmobiles, maybe I'm just a jerk I suppose, but that is really a big luxury for them to expect of you, it's one thing for food and drink, but who ever said that unlimited snowmobile rides was part of anyone's Christmas party.

If it's not fun anymore, why do it? There are a lot of good suggestions above on how to handle the food/drink situation - pot luck would help. I don't think it's right that your husband and kids have to help them ride snowmobiles, and be put out. You guys deserve to have a nice holiday, sounds like a lot of work. Best of luck, hope next year will turn out better for you.

I've been trying to deal with our family Christmas problems for years, the closest solution I can figure is to just leave town.

 

[Shellydm]

Hello,
I think your house sounds like a great place to spend the holidays. I bet your family really looks forward to staying at your house. Honestly, it sounds like they have no idea that everything you provide for them each year is really a hassle to you or gets on your nerves. (not in a mean way)

I agree they "should" realize this, but they probably don't. I bet they would feel really bad if they knew this was how you really felt, and would happily pitch in if you asked in a nice way like people in other posts suggested.

If I invited people over to decorate cookies and they all came over and we decorated cookies together then they left and I was frustrated that I always have to buy all the cookies and decorations, it wouldn't be very fair to them. I'm sure the guests would feel really bad if they knew I viewed them as ungrateful guests. It probably never dawned on them to bring something if I asked them over for a cookie party. Especially if its an annual thing and I always provided everything. Now in a perfect world I would love if they would think to offer to bring something, but I wouldn't expect it unless I asked nicely.

Honestly if I didn't have the funds to pay for the cookies I should have said something like, "lets do cookies at my house. Would you mind bringing some icing?" Etc and ask someone else for some sprinkles and so on. But to not say anything and the unsuspecting guests come and have a great time at the things you offer them, then leave and then talk about what they didn't do makes me feel sad for them.

No offense to you, I so get where you are coming from and it's so kind to let them come to your house and provide everything. They are probably creating lovely memories at your house, not realizing they are the guests from heck.

I always love to read pet peeves posts just to see if I do anything that is a pet peeve and don't realize it, so I can learn from it. So I cringed when I read your post because I felt bad for the guests who really had no idea that when you bring out the snowmobiles that its a sore spot with gas and them not going outside. They probably viewed it as a magical experience with their kids having a great time with your husband and family outside.

I always feel uneasy for this reason when invited to someone's house hoping I'm not stepping on toes, or doing anything wrong that they are secretly thinking. My sister has her house perfect, and will wipe down the walls while you are sitting there talking or mop under the table if you drop a crumb before you can bend over and pick it up. I am sooo self conscious over there. I can only imagine what she says when I leave. I once heard her talking about how mad she was that so and so walked into her living room and messed up her sweeper marks. I would have never realized that I couldn't walk in the living room and cringed to think how many times I may have walked in there not knowing I would be the talk of the house after I left.

I would much rather know what I'm doing wrong, than to have everything seem to go well but after I left know that everyone was feeling I was an awful guest.

Your house seems great and I think they all make magical memories there every year. Please perhaps follow the other great advice on here about how to nicely approach them bringing things. For the kids if you first smile and show them the punch bowl and explain there is plenty for all but to please take a small amount at a time and then go back for more. Then you can gently remind them again if they leave big cups sitting around. They will get the hang of it.

I'm sure many happy memories are made at your house at Christmas! That is a gift that is priceless!

 

[Evans Family]

If you are just venting I feel your pain. There are a lot of good suggestions already posted.

Why don't you take a break next year. Just tell them you need a year off. Suggest a restaurant to meet at for Christmas eve dinner. Maybe if you do this someone else will step up and host.

Then the Xmas after next if you want to host again do things differently, ask for folks to bring some food and pitch in $15 per kid for gas or tell them the snow mobiles are broken.

It is not your family but your husbands. It's hard not to feel taken advantage of.

Also, use paper products for less mess.

 

[Swirly girls]

Try drinking more. It works for me!

Love this.... I do have wine, maybe I need to drink a bit more though

 

[Swirly girls]

Hello,
I think your house sounds like a great place to spend the holidays. I bet your family really looks forward to staying at your house. Honestly, it sounds like they have no idea that everything you provide for them each year is really a hassle to you or gets on your nerves. (not in a mean way)

I agree they "should" realize this, but they probably don't. I bet they would feel really bad if they knew this was how you really felt, and would happily pitch in if you asked in a nice way like people in other posts suggested.

If I invited people over to decorate cookies and they all came over and we decorated cookies together then they left and I was frustrated that I always have to buy all the cookies and decorations, it wouldn't be very fair to them. I'm sure the guests would feel really bad if they knew I viewed them as ungrateful guests. It probably never dawned on them to bring something if I asked them over for a cookie party. Especially if its an annual thing and I always provided everything. Now in a perfect world I would love if they would think to offer to bring something, but I wouldn't expect it unless I asked nicely.

Honestly if I didn't have the funds to pay for the cookies I should have said something like, "lets do cookies at my house. Would you mind bringing some icing?" Etc and ask someone else for some sprinkles and so on. But to not say anything and the unsuspecting guests come and have a great time at the things you offer them, then leave and then talk about what they didn't do makes me feel sad for them.

No offense to you, I so get where you are coming from and it's so kind to let them come to your house and provide everything. They are probably creating lovely memories at your house, not realizing they are the guests from heck.

I always love to read pet peeves posts just to see if I do anything that is a pet peeve and don't realize it, so I can learn from it. So I cringed when I read your post because I felt bad for the guests who really had no idea that when you bring out the snowmobiles that its a sore spot with gas and them not going outside. They probably viewed it as a magical experience with their kids having a great time with your husband and family outside.

I always feel uneasy for this reason when invited to someone's house hoping I'm not stepping on toes, or doing anything wrong that they are secretly thinking. My sister has her house perfect, and will wipe down the walls while you are sitting there talking or mop under the table if you drop a crumb before you can bend over and pick it up. I am sooo self conscious over there. I can only imagine what she says when I leave. I once heard her talking about how mad she was that so and so walked into her living room and messed up her sweeper marks. I would have never realized that I couldn't walk in the living room and cringed to think how many times I may have walked in there not knowing I would be the talk of the house after I left.

I would much rather know what I'm doing wrong, than to have everything seem to go well but after I left know that everyone was feeling I was an awful guest.

Your house seems great and I think they all make magical memories there every year. Please perhaps follow the other great advice on here about how to nicely approach them bringing things. For the kids if you first smile and show them the punch bowl and explain there is plenty for all but to please take a small amount at a time and then go back for more. Then you can gently remind them again if they leave big cups sitting around. They will get the hang of it.

I'm sure many happy memories are made at your house at Christmas! That is a gift that is priceless!

Thanks for your ideas. Unfortunately, both sides of our families are well aware if what they are doing, and not doing. Because my DH has a good paying job, they tend to think they don't have to bring anything. We know we're taken advantage of most if the time with them.