Christmas Exchange- am I being silly?

[beaucoup]

Another thread that makes me so happy we no longer exchange gifts with anyone. Merry Christmas to me! awwwwww.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

I guess, I just wish more effort was put into my present, that's all. If he would have went out and got me $25 worth of gifts, but each gift had a designated reason and purpose to it, I would be over the moon. Two years ago, he got my mom a sweatshirt that was not on her list, but he saw it and "thought of her." To me, that is just the best kind of gift.

He got you something that was ON YOUR LIST and you are complaining about the lack of effort? If someone gives me a list with specific items, then I will get them what's on it. That's kind of the point of gift lists.

If I ever got wind of someone complaining I didn't spend enough, especially when they got something they asked for, that would be the last thing they got.

Good lord, whatever happened to gratitude?

 

[Bonnie40]

To lighten things up here's my bad gift exchange gift turned good story
We do an adult grab bag type gift exchange. You know everyone brings a gift up to a certain price point, you draw numbers then pick a gift etc. again this was for the adults (anyone over 18 in our family ) I end up with a set of two nerf guns. No nothing got mixed up, my 23 yr old brother put 2 nerf guns in the gift exchange. I figured I would give them to the kids or save them for last minute birthday parties or something. Well the DH and I have ended up having multiple nerf gun fights this week when the kids weren't home. It's been really a silly fun thing and has had us rolling on the floor laughing!! I have found nerf darts in the weirdest places and it makes me laugh every time. So what I thought was really lame turned into a fun game for DH and I. I'm thinking these will not be for kid use and only for DH and I lol

What a fantastic story!

 

[Bonnie40]

He got you something that was ON YOUR LIST and you are complaining about the lack of effort? If someone gives me a list with specific items, then I will get them what's on it. That's kind of the point of gift lists.

If I ever got wind of someone complaining I didn't spend enough, especially when they got something they asked for, that would be the last thing they got.

Good lord, whatever happened to gratitude?

I have to agree....it would be different if the gift you received was worth far less than $50....but it wasn't......

 

[fortwildernessishome]

To me an exchange with a $50 limit means a person shouldn't spend more than $50, not that they have to spend $50. (which IMO seems like an awfully high $ amount when considering not everyone has the same type of budget). Sorry OP, I vote for silly and unreasonable, you got a gift that was on your list. Being upset because you could have gotten more, well I cant say what I think that really is without racking up some points

I always felt when I heard a dollor amount (like a 50.00 limit) that you spend right around that dollor amount. I never have thought of it as, dont spend over 50.00, because that is the "limit" but that you dont have to spend 50.00. I guess if people really thought like that you could spend 5.00 and that would be fine as long as you didnt go over the set limit, but anything under the limit would be fine.......I have never thought of it that way.

50.00 seems high to me too. However, I think that if you think 50.00 is to high and people are expecting a gift of around 50.00, then it is only fair to either speak up and say it is too much or drop out of the exchange. Years ago, my husbands family did a 50.00 exchange with all of the siblings and their spouses. We had no interest in spending 100.00 between the two of us (each person was to draw a name) buying gifts. What we did was to put our name in as a couple and we drew one name. Who ever got our names still just spent the 50.00 on a gift for us. We were the only ones that did that and it was always a little akward, but we didnt care, we were not going to spend 100.00 for two people.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

Both greedy and unreasonable.

 

[beaucoup]

To lighten things up here's my bad gift exchange gift turned good story
We do an adult grab bag type gift exchange. You know everyone brings a gift up to a certain price point, you draw numbers then pick a gift etc. again this was for the adults (anyone over 18 in our family ) I end up with a set of two nerf guns. No nothing got mixed up, my 23 yr old brother put 2 nerf guns in the gift exchange. I figured I would give them to the kids or save them for last minute birthday parties or something. Well the DH and I have ended up having multiple nerf gun fights this week when the kids weren't home. It's been really a silly fun thing and has had us rolling on the floor laughing!! I have found nerf darts in the weirdest places and it makes me laugh every time. So what I thought was really lame turned into a fun game for DH and I. I'm thinking these will not be for kid use and only for DH and I lol

I sent my very serious husband several LARGE water guns when he was deployed in Afghanistan last year.

 

[Allison]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Not everyone shops the way you do. You got something you specifically asked for and you are upset about it. It sounds greedy to me. You wanted him to go shopping for a deal so you could get more.

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

I guess, I just wish more effort was put into my present, that's all. If he would have went out and got me $25 worth of gifts, but each gift had a designated reason and purpose to it, I would be over the moon. Two years ago, he got my mom a sweatshirt that was not on her list, but he saw it and "thought of her." To me, that is just the best kind of gift.



I am grateful for the present, I really am, but I still wonder if he spent less or just didn't start shopping till the day before. I am an awful person.

I think you have unrealistic expectations for a family gift exchange.

Have you ever worked retail during the holiday season? If so you'd know the truth -- the biggest shopping day of the year is the Saturday before Christmas bec most people DO wait to the last minute and rush out to buy something and they're not too particular about that something. When you're shopping in a mad house in a rush, you're not putting a lot, if any, thought into it. And that's what most people do -- they don't put a lot of thought into gifts. Most (not all, but most) people's goal is at best, to get what the person said they wanted with the least amount of effort and at least, to get ANYTHING so they can check an obligation off their list.

If I were you, I'd be happy he got what I wanted and stop fretting about how much thought went into it and expecting him to shop around for the best price so he can get you even more stuff you wanted.

Or I can regale you with a list of the stuff my MIL used to get me...

 

[Mkrop]

Silly and unreasonable. Some people are bargain shoppers, and use coupons others dont. I am somewhere in the middle.

DH on the other hand cant be bothered unless I put the coupon or ad in his hands.

Most shopping is done by me with sales and coupons. Then DH heads out the weekend before Christmas. I give him whatever is left on the list. But he will ALWYS overspend. He sees what he thinks would be a good gift in Store A, he is going to buy it. He is not heading over to Store B bc it is 20 % off. It is just not who he is.

 

[Hrhpd]

Our family did a Secret Santa gift exchange this year. The limit was $50.

I would first and foremost say, I love giving gifts. The most exciting part of Christmas to me is giving gifts. I also am not super greedy about receiving gifts. It is the thought that counts. For example, in the work gift exchange this year, I was given a USED kitchen gadget. New, it was worth our designated amount, but it was used. I like the gadget, and plan to keep it, but the idea that my co-worker put no thought into my gift and gave me something that was sitting around her kitchen bothers me.

Back to the family gift exchange. They had a Christmas list for me. For my Aunt, I bought a kitchen device worth $50, but I got it at a discounted price, so I bought a couple of little extra things too. I felt that was the right thing to do. Yes, I could have just bought the one thing, and it would have fulfilled the $50 expectation, but for me, it just means more to go above and beyond that.

When it came to my present, I received only one gift, which was fine. It was a Dvd. Full price, it is worth about $50, but it is never the full price. On Black Friday, it was $9.99. You can get it on Amazon for $30 regularly, sometimes less. At Best Buy, right now, it is $15. I feel a little jipped. I feel as if my cousin would have planned, he would have been able to get the DVD for much less than the $50, plus some other things on my list. Or, maybe he did not do the shopping until last minute and just walked into a store and bought it at full price. I am not saying he didn't spend the full $50.....he very well may have. I guess I am just hurt, because like I said, it's the thought that counts, and had it been me, I would have gotten the Dvd at the lowest price possible so that I could get other things for my recipient. Either he spent less than $50 or he just didn't even try to get the most out of his $50 that he could have.

Am I being silly or unreasonable?

Yes you are definitely being silly and unreasonable.

Not everybody has the time nor inclination to go bargain shopping for the cheapest price. If the DVD is typically $50.00 retail, then your cousin fulfilled the Secret Santa limit. To expect somebody to "shop" for the best price so that you can get more is most definitely silly and unreasonable.

 

[Hrhpd]

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

I guess, I just wish more effort was put into my present, that's all. If he would have went out and got me $25 worth of gifts, but each gift had a designated reason and purpose to it, I would be over the moon. Two years ago, he got my mom a sweatshirt that was not on her list, but he saw it and "thought of her." To me, that is just the best kind of gift.



The thing is, his parents are just like you and me when it comes to shopping. They go through ads on a weekly basis, if not more often. They scour the internet for deals. Everyone else in my family and everyone else in their family got lots of gifts during the exchange because everyone really tried. Everyone maximized their budget, and in some cases, probably exceeded their budget by a smidgen. (I went $3 over)

I am grateful for the present, I really am, but I still wonder if he spent less or just didn't start shopping till the day before. I am an awful person.

It gets even worse the more you post.

Now there is a stipulation of when the giver has to buy? So what if he shopped 20 minutes before the gift giving. He had a list of what you wanted. He got you something on YOUR list. Can't see what the problem is. Well, I can, but will refrain from mentioning my suspicions.

 

[Hrhpd]

He got you something that was ON YOUR LIST and you are complaining about the lack of effort? If someone gives me a list with specific items, then I will get them what's on it. That's kind of the point of gift lists.

If I ever got wind of someone complaining I didn't spend enough, especially when they got something they asked for, that would be the last thing they got.

Good lord, whatever happened to gratitude?

 

[SAT]

Gift giving is not a quid pro quo exercise. Gifts should never be expected. When a gift is received they should be accepted in the spirit they where intended.

 

[JessB320]

I sent my very serious husband several LARGE water guns when he was deployed in Afghanistan last year.

That's awesome!!

 

[MadameMedusa]

One way to guarantee dysfunction in your relationships is to have unspoken expectations and then to be upset when others don't guess them and act accordingly.

 

[hegsag]

Our family did a Secret Santa gift exchange this year. The limit was $50.

I would first and foremost say, I love giving gifts. The most exciting part of Christmas to me is giving gifts. I also am not super greedy about receiving gifts. It is the thought that counts. For example, in the work gift exchange this year, I was given a USED kitchen gadget. New, it was worth our designated amount, but it was used. I like the gadget, and plan to keep it, but the idea that my co-worker put no thought into my gift and gave me something that was sitting around her kitchen bothers me.

Back to the family gift exchange. They had a Christmas list for me. For my Aunt, I bought a kitchen device worth $50, but I got it at a discounted price, so I bought a couple of little extra things too. I felt that was the right thing to do. Yes, I could have just bought the one thing, and it would have fulfilled the $50 expectation, but for me, it just means more to go above and beyond that.

When it came to my present, I received only one gift, which was fine. It was a Dvd. Full price, it is worth about $50, but it is never the full price. On Black Friday, it was $9.99. You can get it on Amazon for $30 regularly, sometimes less. At Best Buy, right now, it is $15. I feel a little jipped. I feel as if my cousin would have planned, he would have been able to get the DVD for much less than the $50, plus some other things on my list. Or, maybe he did not do the shopping until last minute and just walked into a store and bought it at full price. I am not saying he didn't spend the full $50.....he very well may have. I guess I am just hurt, because like I said, it's the thought that counts, and had it been me, I would have gotten the Dvd at the lowest price possible so that I could get other things for my recipient. Either he spent less than $50 or he just didn't even try to get the most out of his $50 that he could have.

Am I being silly or unreasonable?

You are totally being unreasonable!

 

[Fly4free]

To lighten things up here's my bad gift exchange gift turned good story
We do an adult grab bag type gift exchange. You know everyone brings a gift up to a certain price point, you draw numbers then pick a gift etc. again this was for the adults (anyone over 18 in our family ) I end up with a set of two nerf guns. No nothing got mixed up, my 23 yr old brother put 2 nerf guns in the gift exchange. I figured I would give them to the kids or save them for last minute birthday parties or something. Well the DH and I have ended up having multiple nerf gun fights this week when the kids weren't home. It's been really a silly fun thing and has had us rolling on the floor laughing!! I have found nerf darts in the weirdest places and it makes me laugh every time. So what I thought was really lame turned into a fun game for DH and I. I'm thinking these will not be for kid use and only for DH and I lol

I love this! I may give this as a gift to a friend of mine. She and & bf would probably have a blast!

 

[foreUT]

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

I am grateful for the present, I really am, but I still wonder if he spent less or just didn't start shopping till the day before. I am an awful person.

I completely understand why people are so depressed and suicides increase over the holidays. Like it or not, we all have expectations that are often not met. Humans do that. Do I think you are "awful"? No. I think we are too often, though, expecting others to mirror ourselves, and this is the road to disappointment.

My story: I buy "stuff" for my adult (one is almost 40) three nephews and one spouse and worry about it for weeks (this year gifts included everything from a PB Christmas pillow I know will have a special meaning for the couple to their favorite specialty beer my dd buys out of state and lugs home for me to give.) My sis buys my two 20+ yo's gift cards. Does it bother me that I shop and she doesn't (she has a very demanding job and I understand)? No, but my husband gripes about it, as if HE was the one shopping. So, I totally agree with the previous "men from Mars" when it comes to shopping. Please just mark it up as a "shake your head" moment, because lots of men don't know how to shop and be thankful your cousin isn't handling your finances, because he probably DID pay the $50.

 

[Hrhpd]

I don't mean to seem ungrateful.

I guess, I just wish more effort was put into my present, that's all. If he would have went out and got me $25 worth of gifts, but each gift had a designated reason and purpose to it, I would be over the moon. Two years ago, he got my mom a sweatshirt that was not on her list, but he saw it and "thought of her." To me, that is just the best kind of gift.



The thing is, his parents are just like you and me when it comes to shopping. They go through ads on a weekly basis, if not more often. They scour the internet for deals. Everyone else in my family and everyone else in their family got lots of gifts during the exchange because everyone really tried. Everyone maximized their budget, and in some cases, probably exceeded their budget by a smidgen. (I went $3 over)

I am grateful for the present, I really am, but I still wonder if he spent less or just didn't start shopping till the day before. I am an awful person.

After reading some of your other posts, I wanted to add an addendum to my previous posts.

While your disappointment in your cousin's gifts may be silly, unreasonable and even a bit greedy, no way does this equal an awful person. We all have our moments.

Acting on disappointment, such as if one had poured sugar down his gas tank because one felt slighted, that would make that person an awful person. Just feeling disappointed does not make one an awful person.

Since you have difficulty finding satisfaction in many areas in your life (boyfriends, gifts, yourself) perhaps a bit of counseling may help?