"At least I don't need a scooter!"

[Simba's Mom]

So Mom called me this morning, having recently returned from WDW. Although she's almost 80, she was so proud that "At least I don't need a scooter!" Somehow that rubbed me the wrong way, so I tried to explain "So what if you had? It doesn't matter." But she went on to talk about how wonderful it was that she could walk and besides, she'd rather crawl than use a scooter or wheelchair, she told me.
Here's the rub-currently she lives a couple thousand miles away, but is already planning a Christmas visit. According to my doctor, I have severe back problems and may be in a wheelchair myself in 6 months. In our family, we don't discuss medical issues, so she doesn't know this. So my question is-how do I handle this visit if I am in a wheelchair or even using a cane (another aid she's put down anyone using)? She's staying in a hotel, and right now I'm so mad that I'm not sure I want her to see me if that's her attitude about it. How would you handle this?
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[Mrsjvb]

she is not you. what works for her, what she refuses to do is NOT what works best for you.

if you need one, use it. if she has a problem ..then it is HERS to deal with. not yours. you don't have to make excuses for your issues nor should you feel obligated to accommodate her narrow POV.

if she starts making snide comments then politely tell her that you hope the hotel Pool is very nice as she will obviously spending all her time there and not with you....

 

[peemagg]

I think I would have had to answer her "Well that is GREAT for you, but some of us aren't that lucky" and then ended the phone call. This would leave her wondering what did that mean and she might get the hint.

 

[brat]

gentle Simba's Mom

I have been in a simular situation but with other family members. I have been in a wheelchair for about 20 years now.

What some of my family members did NOT understand was how freeing the chair is.....they were still stuck in wanting to tough it out.

My own Mom who has watched me go from walking and living with pain, to useing a manual wheelchair part-time, to full-time, to full-time power chair, still bucked at useing a cane then at useing a rollator then at useing a scooter/ecv. It also took her longer to learn to drive a scooter than my kids.

For both my Mom and other family members of the same age it was not the acceptance issue or stubbornness that I dealt with in myself, but issues with not using something like that unless their life depended on it.Mom and I talked about were this comes from and we now know it is leftovers from watching her brother deal with polio as a kid.She will always want to tough it out but she will accept the help of a scooter now when I tell her we want to enjoy her rather than watch her struggle.I just have to remind her how much she wanted to do things for me vs me doing them.