Advice: cost of baby

[sarah4770]

I agree about the in home day care. I am not even going to get into the situation I encountered with the first in home provider I tried out. The second lady I took my son too was, I think, an overall good person and she had a thriving little business with a lot of recommendations and was very active in her church. I lucked out with her. In general, I would advise against in home childcare.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I hear this as 'dude needs to get it in gear.'

Not sure what this means, but part of the reason DH doesn't have a full time job right now is because we are currently going through immigration to get his green card. He does have temporary work authorization, but lots of employers don't seem interested until he gets the green card because it is a more permanent, stable situation.

 

[crisi]

Don't worry about it. Some people don't catch everything, others don't know what it means. Obviously, he can't work until he gets his green card (and you're right, few will touch him with a temporary work authorization - at least not in a professional developer role.)

 

[Sagginit]

If it makes you feel any better I am in the opposite boat. We both agreed before we even got married I would be a SAHM and we are currently settling into married life, but need to start tackling how we will budget it so we can practice living off one income for a while. I haven't really told anyone, including close friends, because people are so judgemental. I had a friend who I thought had become a SAHM and I asked her for any advice she could give. Turns out she was working from home and her child was in daycare. Her response was I would be bored out of my mind if I stayed at home all day and could never mentally handle not having a job... well didn't I feel stupid asking her for advice. Living right outside of NYC me going back to work is going to cost so much with daycare and such that it makes more sense for me to stay at home.

How you plan this whole thing really depends on a lot and I think you sound like you are making a good decision based on what works for you. We are also in the greencard boat, so I do need to work until we get his greencard. Once my husband has it he too will suddenly become a lot more attractive to employers (even though he has been here for 12 years and has a master degree and a visa) so its tough as we don't know exactly how much or how little we will be living on which means we need to plan low. From now until June I will have had four friends give birth to babies, so reading this thread I am thinking I may need to call dibs on their used stuff though to get a head start on saving lol.

One thing no one mentioned yet is what it takes to be pregnant. I was pregnant earlier this year and it ended in a miscarriage. Because it wasn't going well the doctor had me in twice a week for blood work and I had 3 actual appointments in just a month. To get in during office hours I had to take time off from work, I was really exhausted too, so since I am hourly I took the option not to make up the hours. I had terrible heartburn and morning sickness so I immediately had trouble sleeping as I was waking up in pain almost every night. I quickly realized being pregnant is no joke. I also have had a few coworkers have babies in the last two years and one trend is they all planned on working up until 2-4 weeks before the due date and using all paid time off once the baby was born. Some were put on bed rest or out of work as early as 6 months in. It sounds like you have fantastic benefits but I would also check up on what happens in these scenarios.

 

[fbb]

Not sure what this means, but part of the reason DH doesn't have a full time job right now is because we are currently going through immigration to get his green card. He does have temporary work authorization, but lots of employers don't seem interested until he gets the green card because it is a more permanent, stable situation.

I understood your comment to mean that he is struggling with self esteem.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I understood your comment to mean that he is struggling with self esteem.

I don't think he is struggling. I worry that he might struggle if he is not allowed to do the things that would help build that self esteem, such as doing meaningful work outside the home. I know that I derive a lot from my job and it helps me to be a better person all around.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

If it makes you feel any better I am in the opposite boat. We both agreed before we even got married I would be a SAHM and we are currently settling into married life, but need to start tackling how we will budget it so we can practice living off one income for a while. I haven't really told anyone, including close friends, because people are so judgemental. I had a friend who I thought had become a SAHM and I asked her for any advice she could give. Turns out she was working from home and her child was in daycare. Her response was I would be bored out of my mind if I stayed at home all day and could never mentally handle not having a job... well didn't I feel stupid asking her for advice. Living right outside of NYC me going back to work is going to cost so much with daycare and such that it makes more sense for me to stay at home.

How you plan this whole thing really depends on a lot and I think you sound like you are making a good decision based on what works for you. We are also in the greencard boat, so I do need to work until we get his greencard. Once my husband has it he too will suddenly become a lot more attractive to employers (even though he has been here for 12 years and has a master degree and a visa) so its tough as we don't know exactly how much or how little we will be living on which means we need to plan low. From now until June I will have had four friends give birth to babies, so reading this thread I am thinking I may need to call dibs on their used stuff though to get a head start on saving lol.

One thing no one mentioned yet is what it takes to be pregnant. I was pregnant earlier this year and it ended in a miscarriage. Because it wasn't going well the doctor had me in twice a week for blood work and I had 3 actual appointments in just a month. To get in during office hours I had to take time off from work, I was really exhausted too, so since I am hourly I took the option not to make up the hours. I had terrible heartburn and morning sickness so I immediately had trouble sleeping as I was waking up in pain almost every night. I quickly realized being pregnant is no joke. I also have had a few coworkers have babies in the last two years and one trend is they all planned on working up until 2-4 weeks before the due date and using all paid time off once the baby was born. Some were put on bed rest or out of work as early as 6 months in. It sounds like you have fantastic benefits but I would also check up on what happens in these scenarios.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know that there are extremes on both sides. I think each couple needs to do what makes the most sense for them. In your case, being a SAHM seems to be better for you and so getting the support for that path is just as important, in my mind, as me getting the support I need to continue working full time once I get back from maternity leave.

I sort of understand the struggles you mention, though I have not had a miscarriage. I am sorry that happened to you. Nothing ever goes just as we plan, but I appreciate all of the advice that I am getting here.

 

[hpfan100]

It's great that you are planning ahead. Babies can be costly. Our biggest expense with the baby boy is medical. It cost about 5000 for labor delivery and prenatal care. Also we now have to pay insurance premiums for baby so that's an added expense.

I bought very few maternity clothes. I bought one pair of Jean capris on clearance at kohls and a few tops from goodwill. I bought dresses in the maxi style up a size or two for work. I also got a belly band so I could wear my regular pants longer. Other clothing expenses were nursing camis and sleep bras. I still haven't found a true nursing bra yet.

I started lurking through the baby aisles in stores after I got pregnant. We found a car seat, pack n okay and clothes on clearance at target. A stroller and seat combo at Burlington. And baby clothes and linens at goodwill.

I registered for bottles, bath toys, towels, lotions, car seat, bouncer etc. we got everything from showers and family. It's amazing how many people supported us during this process.

 

[Monykalyn]

Mine are both driving, but our biggest unplanned expense was two - my daughter is not quite 13 months younger than my son. We intended to, just not two that close together.

Daycare was way more expensive even seventeen years ago than I could have imagined. Also, my daughter rejected the breast at six months, so even though I got off cheap on formula for a bit, it didn't last.

As the mother of teens, I'll also say they don't really get cheaper. Daycare expenses become college expenses. Diapers become fees for dance. Formula becomes enough food to feed the Pittsburgh Steelers. You get to pay a ton in car insurance and suddenly going to Disney involves four adult tickets. You discover that your public school is lousy and now have private school tuition. Budget over the long haul because they stay expensive over the long haul. You keep thinking "hey, just a little longer and I won't have the expense of formula" - then another expense hits. (The formula+diapers+infant daycare stage was more expensive than anything except college)

To make it cheaper, borrow or accept handme downs. I'd rather have taken a borrowed crib and started a 529 with the crib money in retrospect. The swing was a wonder - it was borrowed from my cousin who was between kids - which was good because it was a wonder for about three months, then its usefulness was done.

A gazillion times like this!! Getting one ready for college now. I did a happy dance when I made last daycare payment (and it HAS helped to basically NOT have the equivalent of a car payment each month) but other things crop up. We put $ into 529 plan from birth so that helps too- as has having grandparents contribute vs buying "stuff" as they got older

Children do best when they have parents who are happy. If a SAHP isn't happy as a SAHP, it is detrimental to the children.

THIS-its far more important to have happy loving involved parents-regardless if they have jobs outside the home or not.

If neither of you are willing to sacrifice anything in your careers, a baby may not be the best plan for you. Babies are highly unpredictable and you may think you have everything planned out, until baby comes and it all flies out the window.

JUDGE much?? Perhaps you should tell that to my straight A well adjusted kids-who are quite involved in the community as well as they know the world doesn't revolve entirely around them. Yeah my oldest DEFINITELY suffered-got accepted into one of the top engineering schools in the country with a scholarship. Gosh having her in daycare sure hurt her!!

As far as child care- 1st kid in great centers. Absolutely loved them. Sure it was a strain for the first few years BUT me taking off would have only saved ~$200/month-AND I wouldn't be in the position I am in now (Able to work part time at a much much higher salary-I basically make in 3 days what most co workers make in 5). I, too, worked hard and paid for my education & I don't live in la la land believing a strong partner will always be there to take care of me 2nd kid-had friend/neighbor watch her (1st was in K)-was the best for that situation. we moved when she was 2 and she went to a commercial center, as did my 3rd (was working partime by then). Daycare for 2 kids is outrageous-so much so that when the 2nd kid was old enough we started her at a private school early (due to her birthday in october she would have had to wait another year before starting public school) as it was cheaper to pay tuition LOL (oh and that really really hurt her too-involved in multiple clubs, National Junior Honor society, student council and straight A's. Gosh she is damaged from day care).

I actually find it is nicer to be around more as they get older-especially tween/teen years-and studies are bearing this out as well.

Our family is MUCH happier having 2 working parents (DH does have a flexible schedule most days) and NOT have the financial strain of early days.

Look for child care that are accredited by The National Association for the Education of Young Children
http://www.naeyc.org/DAP

Welcome to the process and here is hoping things do go smoothly for you. For every "not as planned story" (and good to have that in mind) there are 100's of "Everything is fine" stories

 

[scrapquitler]

I thought this might be a great place to ask, so here goes. DH and I are currently trying to conceive and I want to start thinking about what types of expenses we might have during pregnancy and in the first 1-2 years once a baby arrives. Here is our situation:

I currently have great insurance that will cover all of my pregnancy related expenses and the delivery without any OOP costs. It will also cover all child wellness visits and immunizations without OOP costs. I already get prenatal vitamins 100% covered through insurance. I will probably also be able to get a breast pump through insurance too (though not accessories). I have also set aside $500 into my FSA for additional expenses (which could cover breast pump accessories) for 2016. This FSA can be increased in 2017 if necessary.

I work full time and am the primary wage earner for my family, though I am hoping DH will find a full time job soon and then it will be more closely split. I should get at least 6-8 weeks of 100% paid leave, but it might go all the way up to 12 weeks at 100%. Or I might be able to start back to work on a part time basis after the 6-8 weeks. I am doing more research into this with HR to fully understand the University's policy. I then plan to go back to work full time, so child care will be a big consideration. I can start a dependent care FSA to set aside money tax free, which should help. How did you choose child care for a young infant?

My parents will most likely purchase nursery furniture (crib, changing table, dresser, etc.) as a gift, since they have gifted this to all of my cousins for their first child. I anticipate getting some additional items for a baby shower, but I definitely am not counting on such things. What do you think is important to register for or plan to purchase? I am happy to purchase some items second hand like clothes and toys, but probably would like a new car seat and stroller.

Best places to buy maternity clothes, both new or used?

What else do I need to be thinking about? What have you found to be a must have, even if it was a splurge? What could you have done without or regret purchasing? Any advice is really appreciated!

You definitely need a car seat, and probably a stroller. The fact is, beyond something to wear, a car seat, and a place to sleep, most everything else is OPTIONAL. You can get by quite easily with just purchasing the bare minimum, and for almost all of the stuff, used is just fine (the exceptions: car seat and breast pump), and almost all the optional things can wait.

Honestly, during the baby years, the biggest hit to our budget was health insurance. Our insurance for a 'couple' was about half the price of our 'family' plan. That's obviously going to vary depending on what your employer offers (or in our case, what your self employment can provide), but it's something to definitely consider.

 

[NewRVLady]

OP have you checked your UNIVERSITY for child care? I remember my Uni (in our town) has a FABULOUS childare for University staff!
THIS, will be your BIGGEST expense, and seriously would want my husband working before I started a family( just incase you have to take more time off). Otherwise 3 months is ideal before Childcare
(However I agree-as soon as you are pregnant scope out childcare-most have limited baby spots)

 

[NewRVLady]

DH is a ruby on rails developer with a few years experience. Where we live, he could easily get a job that starts at $60k, if not more. And if he works at the same University as me, the insurance is excellent (he is currently on mine) and he would get another 10% retirement match for saving 5%. He could even get highly reduced tuition towards a master's degree. I know that if someone said I had to quit my job and stay at home, I would be very resentful. I have worked hard for my education and building up my career. I am going to be promoted to deputy director of my office soon. I want DH to do what is going to make him happy as well and if being a SAHD is not what he wants, then we will work things out.

Also, the university has emergency childcare for when a child gets sick and can't be taken to regular child care. I get 13 sicks days per year and another 24 vacation days, plus holidays. I also have an amazing boss that lets me work from home 2-3 days per week now. I am an attorney and have a lot of latitude in how I do my job, so as long as I get things done by deadlines, my boss is pretty cool with how and when it happens. I know that there will be struggles at times, but I am an optimistic person and I am sure things will work out.

Huge thumbs up!! This job really sounds ideal for a working mom!
My DIL negotiated Fridays off ( but work on computer in AM) when her son was born. Her boss was VERY understanding and most sick baby days were handled between the 2 of them (both could do work at home on their computers if necessary)

don't let people here bully you into MAKING your DH be a SAHD ( really??? how can someone who doesn't KNOW him say this!) or tell you one parent HAS to be at home ( sorry, that doesn't work for everyone) or you SHOULD use Cloth diapers( my Mom tried to guilt me into that 30 years ago-haha-No Way Jose!!!!!)

 

[aprilchem]

Oh my goodness! I just read most of this thread. Welcome to the mommy wars - where everyone thinks *their* way of doing things is right and everyone else is absolutely wrong. You will be judged no matter what you choose, so my advice is choose the path that works for you and ignore those people who judge you. They won't end up being your friends or having an influence on your life, so it doesn't matter.

My choice was to be a full-time working mom of three children (who are currently 6, 8, and 10). They started full-time daycare when they were 1 year old and all of them are happy, healthy, well-adjusted children who have no behavior issues and are excelling in school. DH and I are both scientists and did a lot of plowing through in the scientific literature prior to having children, and to my knowledge there is no peer-reviewed, legitimate science out there that says either way (SAHM or WOHM) is better than the other. There are a lot of blogs, web posts, etc. that say one way or the other is better, but that's all personal opinion. For us the deciding factor was money - well, realistically, the ability to give our family better financial security and experiences that we could not have given them had we chosen for one of us not to work. It has worked out well for us.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

OP have you checked your UNIVERSITY for child care? I remember my Uni (in our town) has a FABULOUS childare for University staff!
THIS, will be your BIGGEST expense, and seriously would want my husband working before I started a family( just incase you have to take more time off). Otherwise 3 months is ideal before Childcare
(However I agree-as soon as you are pregnant scope out childcare-most have limited baby spots)

The University's child care options are actually more expensive than the JCC. My professor friend that had a baby about 2 years ago said that getting a spot at the University centers are also really hard. But it is definitely something that I will consider when I am ready to start looking. Once I actually get pregnant I plan for DH and I to start touring several centers, really thinking about how each of them compare. I am initially leaning towards the JCC because of the good things that I have heard about the program, but I am very open to options.

I agree about my husband working. I am concerned that I might have to take off more time than initially planned if there are any complications or if I have to take to bed rest early. I would like to have 3 full months off before returning to work. Besides our vacation at the end of this month, I plan to save as many vacation days as possible. I get 2 days per month, so if I got pregnant in the next few months, I could probably have 6 weeks of vacation time available (I already have almost 2 weeks saved). This would allow me to extend the 6-8 weeks of paid sick leave that I would be eligible for into a 3 month maternity leave. Though I might consider working half days from home 2-3 days per week after 2 months to help me ease back into a work schedule. This would allow me to extend my leave a little longer, maybe to 4 months before I would have to put the baby into child care full time. We will see how everything works out.

 

[KristinU]

I plan for DH and I to start touring several centers, really thinking about how each of them compare.

Here's something I did...I happened to find myself with some extra time on a day off one afternoon when we were about to start looking. So I just called the first center on my list and told them that I'd like to swing in for a tour in a few minutes and could I do that. "Absolutely! Come on over, we'd love to meet you" Since they were so welcoming at the drop of a hat and didn't need any prep time to clean or do anything different, I decided that that would be my M.O. when visiting other places. If they couldn't let me in at any random time I figured they had something to hide. I only had one place not accommodate me, and I never did tour that place.

 

[crisi]

Here's something I did...I happened to find myself with some extra time on a day off one afternoon when we were about to start looking. So I just called the first center on my list and told them that I'd like to swing in for a tour in a few minutes and could I do that. "Absolutely! Come on over, we'd love to meet you" Since they were so welcoming at the drop of a hat and didn't need any prep time to clean or do anything different, I decided that that would be my M.O. when visiting other places. If they couldn't let me in at any random time I figured they had something to hide. I only had one place not accommodate me, and I never did tour that place.

Yep.

At one center I dropped in, was able to get through the door, and walked into an unattended baby room - then I found someone. Needless to say, that was not the center chosen.

Not only should the door be locked, and everyone, including parents, trained not to let people not known to you through, the rooms should always have someone present. And frankly, someone should be near the front door if at all possible to make sure that if someone unknown does tailgate through, they can be greeted.

One of the advantages of the center is that they are usually staffed enough that if one of the staff needs to run to the bathroom, there aren't toddlers running amok without supervision. When you are home with a little one, you take her into the bathroom, pee with the door open, or plop them in the pack and play for a minute. When you have several little ones, the logistics of such things gets dicey.