Adult Children Behaving Badly!!

[corgi_monster]

Rotten people make for excellent people watching

 

[2shortpeopleruleme]

My parents took DH and I in 2004. My sister and DN (2) also went. They paid for it all, and wouldn't take a dime for it. We treated for Cindy's for dinner, but that was after flat out telling them we were doing it. This year we are going again. This time it is my family, mom, dad and DN (now 8). My sister isn't able to go. We split just about everything. We paid for the hoppers. We even split DN. My parents are paying for room and tickets. We are paying for all of the fun extra stuff- her trip to BBB stuff like this. I could never imagine acting like this to my parents. I wish we could pay for it all for them...

 

[FigNewton]

Geez. I have to fight just to pay for dinner when my parents come in town. It's almost a competition between me and my dad on who grabs the check. Most of the time i lose and he's claimed the check well before it comes before I even know what's going on. He is the master.

Thankfully when we take them to Disney it will be on our DVC points so he won't be able to say anything about that. But I guarentee he's gonna try to repay in other ways and I'll be powerless to stop him as exemplified above.

 

[NJRRK]

We took my parents (in their 80s) in 2008, we paid for the room, tickets and dining plan, my mother INSISTED on paying for all the tips, plus she (or my dad) got suckered into buying at least one thing for each of my kids, but we would NEVER have asked her to pay for anythng she didn't want to.

 

[LILOLO]

I'm 27, and you better believe if I said anything even similar to what these people had said you'd see me running for my life soon after.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

just several more examples of spoiled adult children that were most likely spoiled and over indulged throughout their childhood. I am terrified for our future. Truly. If children are not taught EARLY that their parents are not slot machines that pay off with every whine and tantrum, they will become the horrifying spoiled adults you encountered. If I invited my mother on a trip to Disney you can bet she would be treated as an honored GUEST. She did her work. She paid for our lives and did without so we wouldn't have to when we were little. It is now our turn to give back.

Spoiling your kids is NOT loving them. It's not helping them. It's handicapping them.

I totally agree! The future can look grim if we focus on such things.
I work with both youth and adults and I see all kinds of things...
If you think this generation is bad, just wait and see what this next generation comes up with.
But the parents are teaching them these things...

Many parents today feel they MUST provide their children with certain things: cell phones, personal tvs, computers and internet in their bedrooms, cars, etc.
This leads to the entitlement- any time a person's choices generate a bill (cell phone, car insurance, etc) they should have a job to pay for it.

(Yes I am hopelessly old-school! )

Parents do their children a great disservice by teaching them that someone else will pay their way.
Does anyone under age 16 really need a cell phone? Much less a 7 year old child?
Not only that, with all these electronic media devices, the youth of today are constantly entertained.
Heaven forbid they should be bored... some of the most creative fun things I did as a kid grew out of free time when Mom made us go outside to play ("no TV- it's a nice day!")

When we get ready to go to Camp with 180 youth, one of the important rules is "No Cell phones allowed".
Cell phones get in the way of learning and new experiences like canoeing, fishing, challenge course, robotics, dance, art, swimming, and making new friends, etc.
You would not believe it, but we have had parents who pack the kid's cell phone for him/her, knowing it is against the rules. (Way to teach your kid that the rules don't apply to them or you! )

That being said, I work with a lot of really wonderful teen youth who are responsible, spend many hours of their free time in training to work with younger youth, do not bring their cell phones to camp, follow the rules and are great role models, teachers, and leaders.
They give of their time (about 100 hours a year) so that younger children can have a wonderful week at 4-H Camp.
Ask any one of them why they do it and they will tell you: "For the Kids!"
But part of the reason that they are so successful there is that they know the rules and what will happen if they break them and they are held accountable.

So there is hope for the future , but I can only imagine how the children of the ungrateful people the OP overheard will treat their parents when they have grown up!

 

[fairestoneofall]

we have been with my in-laws twice and my family twice. every time, we pay for ourselves. they do occasionally treat for something (a snack, a souvenir, etc.), but it is neither expected nor requested. and we do try to treat them a little too.

on our last trip with the in-laws, we were using the 2009 military offer. we split a cabin and added the dining plan. we bought our tickets at SOG. my in-laws split the cost of cabin/DDP down the middle with us, essentially paying the DDP for one of our kids. we very much appreciated that they did this, but it was not something we expected them to do.

i cannot imagine expecting my parents or in-laws to PAY for me. i am an adult and i pay my own way on these trips.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

In my profession and employment I work with a lot of multi-generational wealth, and many exceptionally wealthy families (net worths in excess of $50MM, a few over $1B), and it never ceases to amaze me how many parents continue to support their fully grown children, sometimes to the level of hundreds of thousands of dollars per year, and how the children (who are in their 30s, 40s or even 50s) expect and fully rely on that financial support. While I've never heard an adult child make statements like those, I have heard them demand that their parents A) cancel a 50th anniversary trip around the world in order to pay for their grandchildren's private educations because "I just assumed you'd be taking care of it", B) pay for their lakehouse/cabin/cottage because "well, I can't afford it", C) buy them a $100,000 car because "the neighbor just bought one." And these are some of the more basic ones!

It is tragic and disgusting, and has also set up many looming train wrecks wherein the parents will not be able to continue their financial support in perpetuity and the "children" have no idea that they're going to be cut off.

 

[unknownname]

wow! :/ That's horrible.

 

[minniesmama]

Ugh, this rubs such a raw nerve for me. My parents died when I was a teen, so I have been supporting myself on my own for quite a long time. Now in my 30's I have so many friends who are married with kids and are STILL relying on their parents to pay for their lifestyles. They live in gorgeous homes that their parents bought for them, have their student loans paid for, get their vacations paid for, I even have one friend whose parents pay the weekly grocery bill . Now these people earn plenty of money to live a reasonable lifestyle on their own dime. WHY do they insist on mooching off of their parents. And then to not be appropriately grateful for it? They seem to not even REALIZE that their parents are doing anything special. It's just what they expect. Totally burns me up. If you have parents who you are able to travel with and spend time with, enjoy them and be happy to have them. Don't use them as your personal ATM.

 

[Mickeyorbust]

To the OP, lol, you must have seen my DBIL. I do agree with what some of the PP's have said, it's not necessarily how they were raised. My DH is one of three boys and none of them were raised that way. Some how DBIL turned into this greedy "everybody owes it to me to pay my way" monster.

 

[MartDM]

That really bums me out. I want nothing more than to convince my Mom to come with us.

We put together a whole plan - top of the line everything from airfare to a Villa to all her meals & tickets, along with some quality spa time to try to say "thanks" for all she's done for us and all the great trips she put together for my family when we were young. Unfortunately, even though she is a very spry 82 years old (still works & walks all her neighbors dogs!), she does have a bad back and doesn't think she can do it. I think she's worried she'd be holding us back but I can't convince her we are happy to go at her pace!

Reading sh*tty stuff like that makes me want to track down & smack those ingrates! They should be appreciating the time with their parent and doing whatever they can to show them a good time; instead they are petulant brats.

 

[jddismummy2]

These people should be ashamed! My mother was a single mom. She was killed in a car accident when she was 40 and I was 20. I would do anything just to have her back for 1 more day. They should be grateful not selfish.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

You know... this thread just confirms for me that I'm doing the right thing by making DD earn spending money. There are times when it would be easier for me to give in and buy her things that she wants and asks for. Instead, I've told her she has to earn the money by doing extra chores. It's a drag when she whines and pouts about it, but I hope and pray she doesn't end up like some of the adult children mentioned in this thread.

On the plus side, I haven't had to dust in ages. That alone is worth listening to the momentary whining about how I'm not being fair since I won't buy her this or that.

 

[PoohNFriends]

Speachless, but I'll try to put my thoughts in a few sentences. I find it sad that I'm not completely suprised people would act this way. And not that I believe hitting will solve a problem, but my first thought was that these adult children need a good smacking. But since smacking is not the best solution we need more bystanders to put these adult children in their place. They may only be embarrased for a short time but at least they would get a sense of how it feels to be berated in public. This type of situation reminds me of the 20/20 show, I think called "What Would you DO?" or something similar. The show sets up different senarios in public places to see if others around would step in or ignore the situation. Not encouraging anyone to get themselves in a big confrontation, but a little comment to these ride people may make them think a moment before opening their big mouths.
Alright, I feel a little better, thanks for letting me vent!

 

[ML_LovesDisney]

We just returned from an amazing trip to WDW!! Each time we are in WDW we notice more and more multigenerational family groups. However, this time some of the adult children were behaving badly!

Let me offer some examples of what we heard from several different groups.

"Mom, when I invited you on the trip I EXPECTED you to pay for this trip and to me that means ALL of this trip. I want the D&B purse and you WILL pay for it." from a 40ish female to her 60ish mother

"I don't care what you budgeted for, you should have planned on paying for ALL of our meals. Not doing so is just plain RUDE." 30ish female with DH and 3DD to an elderly couple while having dinner at Kona.

"I know you are tired and hot, but we want to stay in the park so I guess you are just out of luck. Deal with it." 30ish female to 60ish woman in a wheelchair.

These are just a few of the too numerous to count tantrums that we heard last week. I understand that we are in a difficult ecconomy now... but do adult children really expect their parents to just hand out the cash to them like they are still 8 years old??? IMHO I cannot imagine inviting my parents to vacation with our family AND expect them to pay for all of the trip.

Has anyone else noticed this trend? Has this become an acceptable way for families to take vacations that they could not otherwise afford? Am I way off base here?

Let me know what you think.

I am currently reading a book called "The Narcissism Epidemic" Living in the Age of Entitlement. It describes exactly what you are saying and how people in our country are growing up and thinking so they are soooo entitled to everything. It's really disturbing! People are unbelievable.....

 

[FigmentChick]

Wow. Just....wow.

We took my MIL last September and paid for EVERYTHING. We invited her...never would I expect her to pay for anything (although, I will admit, we had free dining). But we even paid for some of her souveniers (sp?). I could not imagine acting like that at all to any "elder". You know what, though? Karma is a ***** and it will come back to haunt them.

 

[Lizzybee]

You know... this thread just confirms for me that I'm doing the right thing by making DD earn spending money. There are times when it would be easier for me to give in and buy her things that she wants and asks for. Instead, I've told her she has to earn the money by doing extra chores. It's a drag when she whines and pouts about it, but I hope and pray she doesn't end up like some of the adult children mentioned in this thread.

On the plus side, I haven't had to dust in ages. That alone is worth listening to the momentary whining about how I'm not being fair since I won't buy her this or that.

Yup! I think you are definitely doing the right thing. My parents have always been very generous with me, even as an adult. BUT, I NEVER expect it or take it for granted I am a divorced/single mom of 2 and my parents took us to WDW twice, the first trip we were all clueless, but by the 2nd trip I had found the lovely DISboards and so to thank them for paying for our trip, I booked a Wishes Cruise for all of us. That year we spent Easter on a boat watching fireworks together and it was lovely. My dad passed away this March and I cherish that memory. Even when we go out to eat with my mom, I know she won't want me to pay the bill, but no matter when, where, what, I always ALWAYS offer. I have taught my kids the same way, have money with you when you go with friends and intend to pay with it, if they say no, graciously accept their offer.
Everyone has their less than perfect moments, especially when they are hot tired crabby after a long day at the resorts, but the OP's examples can't be explained away with having a bad day. The sense of entitlement that some people have just sickens me. Even my kids, who are 16 and 12, don't DEMAND things from me. First of all, they learned very early that if they demand things from me I'm saying no, even if I would have said yes had they asked me nicely. We had that down by the time they were each 4 or 5 years old. Secondly, I tell them, we just cannot afford everything they want. They know that I do my best for them and give to them before myself, and they appreciate that, just as I appreciated it from my parents.

 

[TwiddleDeeTwiddleDum]

I am currently reading a book called "The Narcissism Epidemic" Living in the Age of Entitlement. It describes exactly what you are saying and how people in our country are growing up and thinking so they are soooo entitled to everything. It's really disturbing! People are unbelievable.....

You see this daily in the news - lots of examples of grown ups looking for entitlements. Generations of people expecting the government to take care of all their needs.

 

[homeschoolmomof4]

I am currently reading a book called "The Narcissism Epidemic" Living in the Age of Entitlement. It describes exactly what you are saying and how people in our country are growing up and thinking so they are soooo entitled to everything. It's really disturbing! People are unbelievable.....

Ooh! That sounds like a good read. Just requested it from the library. Thanks for sharing the title!